Master of the Universe
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2002
- Messages
- 396
- Reaction score
- 12
Even though things didn't work as planned with my initial foray into Tantra, I was still intrigued. So as I was searching on the Internet, I found that there was a 3 day workshop not too far from where I lived.
And so I decided to enroll. Little did I know what was to be in store for me...
Originally posted 5/4/03
I've been reading about Tantra for the past couple of months, and finally attended my first workshop. It was scheduled to be Friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday morning (though I had other plans for Sunday morning and could only participate the first two days).
FRIDAY
At about 6:30 in the evening, I arrived at a very large house in the Hollywood hills. It was owned by an up-and-coming actor, who was also participating in the workshop. I don't know if he's made it in the big time yet, but that house probably cost him a small fortune.
Anyway, pretty soon other people arrive. I would say there were somewhere between 20-30 people. Most of them were couples; there were only three single guys (including me) and two single girls (excluding the instructor). At 25, I was the youngest person attending the workshop. I would guess most people were in their 30s - 50s.
By 7:30 everyone had arrived. Most people seemed to know each other. I guess there's a Tantra community, and many of those living the Tantra lifestyle are familiar with each other. Everyone was pretty friendly, and I introduced myself to pretty much everyone, though I had one hell of a time trying to remember everyone's name.
Pretty soon we had started. We all sat around in a circle in the living room; some on the floor and some on the sofas. The instructor introduced herself, and talked a little bit about Tantra and the workshop.
After a little bit, she had us do the first exercise. We basically stood in a circle, with the men on the outside, and the women on the inside, each person with a partner of the opposite sex. I don't remember what the name of the exercise was, but basically it had to do with eye contact while putting ourselves in a sexual state. Of course that's not how she described it, but that's what it boiled down to.
We were to maintain eye contact with our partner for a few minutes, while softening our eyes. Afterwards we moved around in a circular fashion with different partners, each time adding something else to the exercise. First it was non sexual kino, followed by more intimate (yet still non sexual) kino, special breathing, and more and more additions.
At one point the instructor told us to ask our partner for something that we want, within reason that our partner would oblige. I thought about what I wanted, and it was to tongue down my partner. But I felt that that might be going too far (quick note: in Tantra, one of the fundamentals is that you should ask for what you want, without being attached to it... doesn't sound too different from some seduction styles).
So instead I asked her for a massage, which she provided. But looking at another couple, I see that they were kissing heavily. I guess the guy had the guts to ask for what he wanted. Okay, I figured (correctly) that they had already known each other, but I was still very disappointed in myself that I allowed myself to settle for less than I wanted without even giving it a fair shot. At that point I reflected on something which happened a couple of days before - I was at a coffee shop when I started talking to a cute chick. After a bit I found out that she was married and I told her point blank that we should have an affair. And with this chick here I couldn't ask for something as simple as a kiss.
Anyway, after the exercise, we all got seated in the circle again. This time we were all to introduce ourselves; we were to tell each other where we were in our Tantra training, what we expected to get out of the workshop, and what our ties and boundaries were.
Pretty much everyone there had been involved in Tantra for some years. Most people had come with their partner, and for some their boundaries was nothing sexual with another person, while others had the boundary of everything goes on a case-by-case basis as long as their primary partner was involved.
As I'm listening to all this, I start thinking to myself that maybe I'm in a little over my head (what an understatement!).
Soon it was my turn. I had decided that my purpose for this weekend was to be more comfortable in my sexuality. I can already approach anyone, and can usually carry a conversation and create some attraction with most girls. But when it comes to f-closing, well, I'm slightly less than worthless.
So I had decided that I would be a student and learn. As part of that, I would put away all PU techniques and methods. It didn't matter whether I came across as Alpha or Beta, or even Omega for that matter. There's a time to "fake it 'till you make it," but there's also a time too admit to your lack of experience, and just learn.
And so when it came to my turn, I decided to share with the group that I am a virgin, and that my intent for the workshop was to become more comfortable in my sexuality. In retrospect, this was the smartest move I had made all weekend. Instead of trying to behave as someone who knew what he was doing, I got to be the naive but very curious boy who wanted to learn everything. It was the perfect frame.
There was an incredible freedom in basically laying everything down and barring my soul. In a way, it was almost like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulder.
In most of my encounters with girls, I come across as too smooth, and so they tend to expect me to carry the entire seduction, much more so than they do of other guys. That's fine, because I am accustomed to leading. I lead at home, I lead at work, and I usually lead when I hang around with my friends. Heck, I can't even remember the last time I asked a girl where she wanted to go on a date, or even telling her where we were going until we got there. But this time around I got to be a follower, and I found that to be very rewarding in it's own way.
The best part (as I got to find out later on), is that this gave many of the girls the permission to take the lead, and become the pursuer.
Anyway, the instructor asked me how I feel being at the workshop. I told her and the group that part of me feels scared ****less, and the other is in pure exhilaration. And that while I've never jumped out of an airplane before, I would tend to imagine that must be how it feels.
After I got done talking, another guy starting talking. The first thing that came out of his mouth was that he was a virgin until he was 28. He looked really puzzled, and said that he had no idea why he said that, other than that it felt like the right thing to share.
I didn't say anything, but it was pretty obvious to me. It is amazing how when you are willing to put yourself on the line, and become vulnerable, how others feel free to do the same. It's almost like you give them permission to be who they truly are, without having to worry what others think of them.
After a couple of hours we were done, and everyone started preparing their bedding. Basically everyone had brought a sleeping bag or air mattress, or some other bedding, and we just picked a place and slept.
This is when things got a little interesting...
As I'm walking around, I see a couple and the guy says...
Him: So, you're the virgin.
Me: Yup.
Her (guy's gf): So why are you a virgin... are you saving yourself for someone special?
Me: I used to think that, but I've met a couple of special girls and I didn't have sex with them, so I think that I'm just scared.
Her: Well, you can get that taken care of tonight.
Me: Um... what do you mean?
Her: I'll sleep with you, if you want.
Me: Um... uh... well, I wouldn't want your partner to feel uncomfortable.
Her: Oh no, he won't mind (looking at him)
Him: Not at all. I might even join in. If you want, I can even get another couple or two to join us.
Me: Wow, well that would be one hell of a way to lose my virginity.
Him: {laughing} Yeah, it would. Arms flying everywhere... bodies all over each other.
Her: So how about it?
Me: Uh... um... uh... yeah, why not.
Her: Okay, let me take a shower first.
The whole time I was having this conversation, I was saying over and over a mantra that I must have repeated a thousand times that weekend - "What the fvck am I doing here?"
For the next twenty minutes or so, I was in a state of alternating excitement, fright, and doubt. I was wondering what the hell I was doing attending this workshop.
It was almost a pleasant surprise when a little while the chick comes over to me and asks me if we can do it tomorrow instead. She said that they had driven a long way, and she was going to rest tonight so that she could be more energized and make it special for me tomorrow.
In all honesty, I think I could have turned it around pretty easily with a few techniques. But I was just relieved, and told her that's fine, and we should do whatever makes her comfortable.
She starts kissing me and we make out very lightly for a bit before she leaves.
And so I decided to enroll. Little did I know what was to be in store for me...
Originally posted 5/4/03
I've been reading about Tantra for the past couple of months, and finally attended my first workshop. It was scheduled to be Friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday morning (though I had other plans for Sunday morning and could only participate the first two days).
FRIDAY
At about 6:30 in the evening, I arrived at a very large house in the Hollywood hills. It was owned by an up-and-coming actor, who was also participating in the workshop. I don't know if he's made it in the big time yet, but that house probably cost him a small fortune.
Anyway, pretty soon other people arrive. I would say there were somewhere between 20-30 people. Most of them were couples; there were only three single guys (including me) and two single girls (excluding the instructor). At 25, I was the youngest person attending the workshop. I would guess most people were in their 30s - 50s.
By 7:30 everyone had arrived. Most people seemed to know each other. I guess there's a Tantra community, and many of those living the Tantra lifestyle are familiar with each other. Everyone was pretty friendly, and I introduced myself to pretty much everyone, though I had one hell of a time trying to remember everyone's name.
Pretty soon we had started. We all sat around in a circle in the living room; some on the floor and some on the sofas. The instructor introduced herself, and talked a little bit about Tantra and the workshop.
After a little bit, she had us do the first exercise. We basically stood in a circle, with the men on the outside, and the women on the inside, each person with a partner of the opposite sex. I don't remember what the name of the exercise was, but basically it had to do with eye contact while putting ourselves in a sexual state. Of course that's not how she described it, but that's what it boiled down to.
We were to maintain eye contact with our partner for a few minutes, while softening our eyes. Afterwards we moved around in a circular fashion with different partners, each time adding something else to the exercise. First it was non sexual kino, followed by more intimate (yet still non sexual) kino, special breathing, and more and more additions.
At one point the instructor told us to ask our partner for something that we want, within reason that our partner would oblige. I thought about what I wanted, and it was to tongue down my partner. But I felt that that might be going too far (quick note: in Tantra, one of the fundamentals is that you should ask for what you want, without being attached to it... doesn't sound too different from some seduction styles).
So instead I asked her for a massage, which she provided. But looking at another couple, I see that they were kissing heavily. I guess the guy had the guts to ask for what he wanted. Okay, I figured (correctly) that they had already known each other, but I was still very disappointed in myself that I allowed myself to settle for less than I wanted without even giving it a fair shot. At that point I reflected on something which happened a couple of days before - I was at a coffee shop when I started talking to a cute chick. After a bit I found out that she was married and I told her point blank that we should have an affair. And with this chick here I couldn't ask for something as simple as a kiss.
Anyway, after the exercise, we all got seated in the circle again. This time we were all to introduce ourselves; we were to tell each other where we were in our Tantra training, what we expected to get out of the workshop, and what our ties and boundaries were.
Pretty much everyone there had been involved in Tantra for some years. Most people had come with their partner, and for some their boundaries was nothing sexual with another person, while others had the boundary of everything goes on a case-by-case basis as long as their primary partner was involved.
As I'm listening to all this, I start thinking to myself that maybe I'm in a little over my head (what an understatement!).
Soon it was my turn. I had decided that my purpose for this weekend was to be more comfortable in my sexuality. I can already approach anyone, and can usually carry a conversation and create some attraction with most girls. But when it comes to f-closing, well, I'm slightly less than worthless.
So I had decided that I would be a student and learn. As part of that, I would put away all PU techniques and methods. It didn't matter whether I came across as Alpha or Beta, or even Omega for that matter. There's a time to "fake it 'till you make it," but there's also a time too admit to your lack of experience, and just learn.
And so when it came to my turn, I decided to share with the group that I am a virgin, and that my intent for the workshop was to become more comfortable in my sexuality. In retrospect, this was the smartest move I had made all weekend. Instead of trying to behave as someone who knew what he was doing, I got to be the naive but very curious boy who wanted to learn everything. It was the perfect frame.
There was an incredible freedom in basically laying everything down and barring my soul. In a way, it was almost like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulder.
In most of my encounters with girls, I come across as too smooth, and so they tend to expect me to carry the entire seduction, much more so than they do of other guys. That's fine, because I am accustomed to leading. I lead at home, I lead at work, and I usually lead when I hang around with my friends. Heck, I can't even remember the last time I asked a girl where she wanted to go on a date, or even telling her where we were going until we got there. But this time around I got to be a follower, and I found that to be very rewarding in it's own way.
The best part (as I got to find out later on), is that this gave many of the girls the permission to take the lead, and become the pursuer.
Anyway, the instructor asked me how I feel being at the workshop. I told her and the group that part of me feels scared ****less, and the other is in pure exhilaration. And that while I've never jumped out of an airplane before, I would tend to imagine that must be how it feels.
After I got done talking, another guy starting talking. The first thing that came out of his mouth was that he was a virgin until he was 28. He looked really puzzled, and said that he had no idea why he said that, other than that it felt like the right thing to share.
I didn't say anything, but it was pretty obvious to me. It is amazing how when you are willing to put yourself on the line, and become vulnerable, how others feel free to do the same. It's almost like you give them permission to be who they truly are, without having to worry what others think of them.
After a couple of hours we were done, and everyone started preparing their bedding. Basically everyone had brought a sleeping bag or air mattress, or some other bedding, and we just picked a place and slept.
This is when things got a little interesting...
As I'm walking around, I see a couple and the guy says...
Him: So, you're the virgin.
Me: Yup.
Her (guy's gf): So why are you a virgin... are you saving yourself for someone special?
Me: I used to think that, but I've met a couple of special girls and I didn't have sex with them, so I think that I'm just scared.
Her: Well, you can get that taken care of tonight.
Me: Um... what do you mean?
Her: I'll sleep with you, if you want.
Me: Um... uh... well, I wouldn't want your partner to feel uncomfortable.
Her: Oh no, he won't mind (looking at him)
Him: Not at all. I might even join in. If you want, I can even get another couple or two to join us.
Me: Wow, well that would be one hell of a way to lose my virginity.
Him: {laughing} Yeah, it would. Arms flying everywhere... bodies all over each other.
Her: So how about it?
Me: Uh... um... uh... yeah, why not.
Her: Okay, let me take a shower first.
The whole time I was having this conversation, I was saying over and over a mantra that I must have repeated a thousand times that weekend - "What the fvck am I doing here?"
For the next twenty minutes or so, I was in a state of alternating excitement, fright, and doubt. I was wondering what the hell I was doing attending this workshop.
It was almost a pleasant surprise when a little while the chick comes over to me and asks me if we can do it tomorrow instead. She said that they had driven a long way, and she was going to rest tonight so that she could be more energized and make it special for me tomorrow.
In all honesty, I think I could have turned it around pretty easily with a few techniques. But I was just relieved, and told her that's fine, and we should do whatever makes her comfortable.
She starts kissing me and we make out very lightly for a bit before she leaves.
