The Ultimate Secret to Attracting Her To You

[Robert Jordon]

Have you ever wondered why the more you want someone or something, the more that person or thing seems to avoid you? Well, this post may be the answer you've been searching for.

Desire often creates paradoxical effects: The more you want something, the more you chase after it, the more it eludes you. The more interest you show, the more you repel the object of your desire. This is because your interest is too strong - it makes people awkward, even fearful. Uncontrollable desire makes you seem weak, unworthy, pathetic.

You need to turn your back on what you want, show your contempt and disdain. This is the kind of powerful response that will drive your targets crazy. They will respond with a desire of their own, which is simply to have an effect on you - perhaps to possess you.

If choosing to ignore enhances your power, it follows that the opposite approach - commitment and engagement - often weakens you.

Your best approach in attracting the girl you desire is to show her what you have to offer first (For example, show her your a fun guy to be with, honest, intelligent, confident etc) In other words show her some attention at first. Then withdraw this attention from her, so as to confuse her. Ingnoring her will make you appear more worthy, more powerful. The reason for giving her that initial attention is so that she is aware of what she is missing out on.Of what she has lost. If you start off right away by ignoring her, it will have very little effect on her because she won't be aware of what she has lost. It's true what they say: "You don't know what you have until you have it no longer".


Rob,





------------------
The Difference Between Winning and Losing, Is Knowing...

 

[Cecil]

Great post! I think this one should be a hall of famer!

-Cecil

 

[Pook]

EXACTLY!

Most guys can only think about getting laid when talking to a girl. Girls sense the hidden agenda.

The only difference between our interactions with girls and guys is that desire isn't on our mind when interacting with guys. Treat women like men. LOOK AT THEIR EYES. Go in without desire. THIS CONFUSES THEM. "Why isn't he attracted to me?"

Demonstrate excellence to prove your sexual worthiness. Then RETREAT. Don't hang around, let her CHASE you. Let her CATCH you. Women want what they can't have. Everyone will stick with something they had to work for.

This is why I think hitting on girls ultimately fails. Be the cool charming guy and let the girls seduce you!

Everything is in how you think.

------------------
Pook
"As you think, you shall become."
"Men will be nice when nice guys get laid."

 

[The Cynical Man]

Oh so true - in fact, that's the root of it all.

Unfortunately, being the caveman that I am - I still find it to be unbelievably f'd up. It makes no LOGICAL sense. Most guys think, "Hey - I want this, so I'm gonna do everything within my power to get it."
But that is exactly the mistake...

But then again, we're dealing with women here, so.....

 

[ChrisFl]

> Demonstrate excellence

What exactly do you mean by this? I think of excellence as making some kind of accomplishment. Are you using some other meaning of the word?

I understand that if you come on too strong or seem desperate or needy, that won't help you. But I'm having trouble understanding this (& explaining why that is, too).

So here's an example: many years ago I dated this woman for a couple months, & everything was great: we went out about twice a week, different things all the time, some of which she suggested, & many of which were inexpensive (i.e., not the classic case of her stringing me along to get me to spend a bunch of $$ on her). I realized I was being myself & didn't feel like I was on an interview or audition, as I often had on a date. Except there was one big mistake on my part, which I didn't realize until discussing this with friends much later. I never made a physical move on her, not because I didn't want to, but because I was having such a good time that I didn't want to scare her off. I guess I didn't think she could actually like me "that way". You can probably guess the outcome- she probably assumed I wasn't interested in her sexually, or wasn't man enough to express that, or the like, & it ended up with her turning down a date because she was going on a weekend trip with some other guy. Ouch!

Anyways, following the ideas of this thread, I clearly came off as disinterested. It sounds like I was practicing this strategy without being aware of it. So what went wrong?

 

[Boy83]

yep, that was the tip I've been waiting for, for a long time! thankyou... I hope I'm not getting into too much detail, but about when should I start to ignore the woman? after one talk, one day, one week, two weeks? I know it really depends...

 

[JasonR]

OH god thank you for that one, that is the answer i have been trying to find for so damn long, thank you so much, im already acting on what u said!!


------------------
Whatever....

 

[BigBadJon]

Too often we try to analyze "when to ignore her" concentating too much on making this a strategically planned out game.

Try looking at it from a different angle. Make yourself genuinely busy, preferrably with several women (or work, hobbies, whatever). This eliminates the need to constantly analyze when you need to make a move or back off, because life will keep you at enough of a distance from her. In addition, nothing will seem calculated or planned. If you must act occupied and somewhat disinterested, it's just another strike against you.

 

[Robert Jordon]

Directed At Boy83:

It does depend on the situation. But your best bet would be to show her what you have to offer. And as soon as you feel she is clear on what that is,however long it might take you too acomplish this, back off and act busy, as if you have many demands on your time and company.

Remember: People Perceive things too be more valuable when they are rare. So concentrate on making yourself "rare" and hard too come by. When you do spend time with her, or see her. Make it count! But make it brief at first. And always be the first one to end the phone conversations and dates(if any).

Hope that helps,
Rob

 

[ChrisFl]

Won't this just look to the woman like a lack of interest on your part?

 

[sql]

Originally posted by ChrisFl:
>
Anyways, following the ideas of this thread, I clearly came off as disinterested. It sounds like I was practicing this strategy without being aware of it. So what went wrong?

you need to establish yourself as a sexual person. if you don not do this, you will fall into the let's just be friends scenario. while you had a great time with her, you didnt make any moves on her, and at most may have come across as disinterested in her romantically. depending on what kind of relationship you want with this girl, you need to establish your your sexual nature within a certain amount of time - after which she wont pay attention to your advances since you will already be deemed androginous or sexually incapable (no offense). LTRs tend to fare better when you take your time unraveling your sexual nature, while proceeding too fast will doom relationships to a short lived lifespan. you should proceed with caution as not to scare them off, but you should definately NOT deny your sexual attraction. ignoring her reminds her that you are a rare commodity, one that she stand to benefit from associating with - thats your currency and your advantage.

my 2 cents....

------------------
"if it were the though that counted, every woman would be pregnant."

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

Well,Good post here.I heard that this method works very well for many people but I did use this method before but failed.

Maybe I didn't employ it correctly and I need some help from you guys.Drawing our attention away from a girl is necessary but I feel that there must be a way for us to check whether she is feeling ignored at the times we ignored her.IF she feels nothing when we ignore her,then I think we have not done it correctly by giving them the equal amount of attention and stop giving them later.

Well,I will tell you my story in order to make it clear.
I met X through my friends and I used my DJ skills to practice what I've learnt.I talked to X and we enjoyed talking because during that time,I was giving away lots of attention.But later after a few weeks I met X again,I tried to draw away the attention that I gave X before and I notice that it didn't work well.

She doesn't feel anything at all such as the feeling ignore emotions.Maybe it's because I didn't employ other techniques at the same time and whatever it is,I just don't know.!

So how are you going to explain for this case??


-----------------------------------
My techniques and skills are learnt through the difficult way.I used TMC(Tin Moon Chan) to succeed with women.If i can do it,why not you.Trust your inner voice and have faith in yourself and success will shower you like rain.!

 

[raven_82]

Paradoxal effects of human thinking, great post.

 

[ihatelife]

wow thats wierd cuz i have tried that and everyone hates me.
is it true if you hate yourself you cannot be loved?
cuz i sure do. i do nothing right. i need help
evangelionfan@hotmail.com
and i dont need a mentor. i just needed to seek help.......

 

[aurora]

Excellent post. You must, however, show early on that you have a sexual interest in her before withdrawing, otherwise she will think you are gay. This doesn't mean that you have to grope her on the first or second date. Just compliemt her looks and kino as well as kissing on the lips.

 

[Hawkeye]

great post. I did the same, but not to lure them in, but rather , just cause i was sick of her using me for boosting her own ego.
And then suddenly, she was so eager to talk to me, and try and get me to talk.
It truely works.... just dont be excessive with the power, the more you use it, chances are people will consider you a lost cause and walk away.

 

[~UnDisputed~]

uhh huhh...

when u enter a convo with a woman u have to know what your intentions are... most guyz think with thier c*ck and end up getting shrugged off. play it normal... talk with confidence like u have no intentions of getting into her bra...

excellent post rob

------------------
~rEpResEnt ThaT~

 

[MrBruce]

Rob,

Good post, I follow the same "law of power". Unless your real last name is Greene, I'll have to give credit where it's due.

This came from Robert Greene's book - "The 48 Laws of Power". Specifically, Law #36 - "Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge".

 

[SeldomSeen]

Thats interesting Robert...I just read that in a book called the 48 Laws of Power. There's some great advice in that book.


LAW 36
DISDAIN THINGS YOU CANNOT HAVE: IGNORING THEM IS THE BEST REVENGE
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

 

[007]

Damn, this book is really getting around. How many people on this board have a copy of "the 48 laws of power"? Personally I think it's a very powerful tool in almost any area in life. Including relationships.

007