The ugly truth of a BPD.

[Killakittie]

Killakittie- sorry for your story, but thank you for sharing. I've never been in any thing that bad, but I did have a 5yr relationship with a girl that had some Borderline characteristics that caused some issues.
Did you ever consider professional help?

I've been speaking with one for the last 8 months.

This probably the longest post I have read since joining the forum, after reading the complete story I hate to say this but you have some serious problems yourself.

Your absolutely right i do have a serious problem. I allowed myself to get caught in the middle of all this and even worse i actually wanted to be with her, at one point i wanted this for myself, and i felt trapped in some sort of confusing mental fog. I can not describe it any other way. At no other point in my life have i had anything remotely resembling a problem like this. I've never had a problem with getting and LETTTING go of women good and bad looking.

Right now my prime question is how.... How was i able to rationalize this abusive crazy behaviour, it frightens me, and frankly it could happen to any one of you IF you don't know what to look out for. I was ignorant that's a given but there is more to it then that. I was NOT ignorant to all the red flags and signs yet i couldn't let go and walk, and when i did she chased relentlessly and made it incredibally difficult to break away.

Sorry dude, but this post has less to do with a "BPD" and more about the complete lack of self respect you have for yourself. You let a girl cheat and punch you in the face multiple times?

I know calling any psycho chick a BPD on here is the "thing to do", as well as there being many keyboard psychologists here, but your post completely takes away from the main problem and that's yourself.

Your also right about the complete lack of self respect but ask yourself, do you think i consciously chose to regulate my worth to a status of nothing, below human, and basically trash? Never in my life have i been influenced in such a way as what has happened to me in this relationship. Once i realized the seriousness it was too late i was consumed by what can only be described as an evil sadistic leech who wanted nothing more then to play with me like a toy and ruin me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Let me say this..I am suffering and reeling from the after effects of this whole ordeal and it is not from what she did against me, it is from the knowleage that i allowed this to happen to me, and that my friend is the harshest truth to stomach.

And if you think i am improperly labeling her a bpd maybe i should share another snip of info, i've left alot of other occurances out because theres just not enough room. But here's one more.

It was about 1am and me and her were upstairs in my bedroom sleeping when i woke up thristy. I got out of bed without waking her and walked downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water. After finishing the glass of water i decided to walk into the adjacent restroom to take a leak. As i was doing my business i noticed i had a new voicemail on my phone so i put it on speaker and listened to it, finished, and put my phone in my pocket and opened the bathroom door.
She was standing in the middle of the living room silently, the whites of her eyes glaring at me. I looked down and noticed she had a knife in her hand, the tv had been turned on, but the volume was on mute, and it was casting a shadow over her. She had gotten out of bed and moved silently down stairs through the house to where i was in a manner of seconds without me knowing. We stood there for a few seconds saying nothing when i asked her what she was doing, i was frightened. She murmered something to the affect of "were you talking to your ex gf?" followed by " Because if you were i.." She stops herself mid sentence, drops the knife on the living room floor and silently im talking like ghost like ascends the stairs back up to the room leaving me there freaked the fvck out.

This is not a made up story it is the truth..It was my exsistence for almost two years and i would say i do have a problem by placing myself in this situation but there's no doubt she's operating on another level herself.

I deserve the criticism and welcome it but if you think shes not bpd then by all means explain what you think it is.

 

[xstang77]

I've been speaking with one for the last 8 months.



Your absolutely right i do have a serious problem. I allowed myself to get caught in the middle of all this and even worse i actually wanted to be with her, at one point i wanted this for myself, and i felt trapped in some sort of confusing mental fog. I can not describe it any other way. At no other point in my life have i had anything remotely resembling a problem like this. I've never had a problem with getting and LETTTING go of women good and bad looking.

Right now my prime question is how.... How was i able to rationalize this abusive crazy behaviour, it frightens me, and frankly it could happen to any one of you IF you don't know what to look out for. I was ignorant that's a given but there is more to it then that. I was NOT ignorant to all the red flags and signs yet i couldn't let go and walk, and when i did she chased relentlessly and made it incredibally difficult to break away.



Your also right about the complete lack of self respect but ask yourself, do you think i consciously chose to regulate my worth to a status of nothing, below human, and basically trash? Never in my life have i been influenced in such a way as what has happened to me in this relationship. Once i realized the seriousness it was too late i was consumed by what can only be described as an evil sadistic leech who wanted nothing more then to play with me like a toy and ruin me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Let me say this..I am suffering and reeling from the after effects of this whole ordeal and it is not from what she did against me, it is from the knowleage that i allowed this to happen to me, and that my friend is the harshest truth to stomach.

And if you think i am improperly labeling her a bpd maybe i should share another snip of info, i've left alot of other occurances out because theres just not enough room. But here's one more.

It was about 1am and me and her were upstairs in my bedroom sleeping when i woke up thristy. I got out of bed without waking her and walked downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water. After finishing the glass of water i decided to walk into the adjacent restroom to take a leak. As i was doing my business i noticed i had a new voicemail on my phone so i put it on speaker and listened to it, finished, and put my phone in my pocket and opened the bathroom door.
She was standing in the middle of the living room silently, the whites of her eyes glaring at me. I looked down and noticed she had a knife in her hand, the tv had been turned on, but the volume was on mute, and it was casting a shadow over her. She had gotten out of bed and moved silently down stairs through the house to where i was in a manner of seconds without me knowing. We stood there for a few seconds saying nothing when i asked her what she was doing, i was frightened. She murmered something to the affect of "were you talking to your ex gf?" followed by " Because if you were i.." She stops herself mid sentence, drops the knife on the living room floor and silently im talking like ghost like ascends the stairs back up to the room leaving me there freaked the fvck out.

This is not a made up story it is the truth..It was my exsistence for almost two years and i would say i do have a problem by placing myself in this situation but there's no doubt she's operating on another level herself.

I deserve the criticism and welcome it but if you think shes not bpd then by all means explain what you think it is.

Dude,holy ****,mine never did anything like that,that is straight up phsyco serial killer ****. Your lucky you got out man. Pertaining the guy making bpd out to be nothing,they have brought some of the greatest dj's to their knees and run circles around narcissists, correct me if I'm wrong but even the guy who wrote the dj bible here was victim to a bpd. Think your immune,go try one out.

 

[purple haze]

I've been speaking with one for the last 8 months.



Your absolutely right i do have a serious problem. I allowed myself to get caught in the middle of all this and even worse i actually wanted to be with her, at one point i wanted this for myself, and i felt trapped in some sort of confusing mental fog. I can not describe it any other way. At no other point in my life have i had anything remotely resembling a problem like this. I've never had a problem with getting and LETTTING go of women good and bad looking.

Right now my prime question is how.... How was i able to rationalize this abusive crazy behaviour, it frightens me, and frankly it could happen to any one of you IF you don't know what to look out for. I was ignorant that's a given but there is more to it then that. I was NOT ignorant to all the red flags and signs yet i couldn't let go and walk, and when i did she chased relentlessly and made it incredibally difficult to break away.



Your also right about the complete lack of self respect but ask yourself, do you think i consciously chose to regulate my worth to a status of nothing, below human, and basically trash? Never in my life have i been influenced in such a way as what has happened to me in this relationship. Once i realized the seriousness it was too late i was consumed by what can only be described as an evil sadistic leech who wanted nothing more then to play with me like a toy and ruin me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Let me say this..I am suffering and reeling from the after effects of this whole ordeal and it is not from what she did against me, it is from the knowleage that i allowed this to happen to me, and that my friend is the harshest truth to stomach.

And if you think i am improperly labeling her a bpd maybe i should share another snip of info, i've left alot of other occurances out because theres just not enough room. But here's one more.

It was about 1am and me and her were upstairs in my bedroom sleeping when i woke up thristy. I got out of bed without waking her and walked downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water. After finishing the glass of water i decided to walk into the adjacent restroom to take a leak. As i was doing my business i noticed i had a new voicemail on my phone so i put it on speaker and listened to it, finished, and put my phone in my pocket and opened the bathroom door.
She was standing in the middle of the living room silently, the whites of her eyes glaring at me. I looked down and noticed she had a knife in her hand, the tv had been turned on, but the volume was on mute, and it was casting a shadow over her. She had gotten out of bed and moved silently down stairs through the house to where i was in a manner of seconds without me knowing. We stood there for a few seconds saying nothing when i asked her what she was doing, i was frightened. She murmered something to the affect of "were you talking to your ex gf?" followed by " Because if you were i.." She stops herself mid sentence, drops the knife on the living room floor and silently im talking like ghost like ascends the stairs back up to the room leaving me there freaked the fvck out.

This is not a made up story it is the truth..It was my exsistence for almost two years and i would say i do have a problem by placing myself in this situation but there's no doubt she's operating on another level herself.

I deserve the criticism and welcome it but if you think shes not bpd then by all means explain what you think it is.

OP, can you please post a picture of this girl? I want to see who is so beautiful that you would tolerate her rubbing her genitals against another man.

 

[BeTheChange]

^ Another guy who doesn't get it. I honestly think BPD is one of those things you can't truly understand until you've experienced it first hand or you are lucky enough for them to start showing their bad behaviour before you're attached. When I first joined this site and I saw all these BPD threads around I thought the same thing. Guys just "man up". I laugh at that ignorant guy now.

 

[Prime_Beef]

I've encountered these types. When the bizarre games start,..gone. I got other things to do with my time.

There's two kinds of games in life
1. Games played to be won and done
2. Games played to continue the game

You were in the later, due to the intensity and lack of options. To many instances you should have walked, never do that to yourself again.

 

[purple haze]

^ Another guy who doesn't get it. I honestly think BPD is one of those things you can't truly understand until you've experienced it first hand or you are lucky enough for them to start showing their bad behaviour before you're attached. When I first joined this site and I saw all these BPD threads around I thought the same thing. Guys just "man up". I laugh at that ignorant guy now.

BeTheChange, maybe you're right, maybe I don't understand this powerful allure of the BPD woman who it seems, could hire a hit man to kill me and I would get down on my knees and still devote all my love to her.

However, there are two sides of this situation: the BPD woman and the target she chooses. Who is she looking for?
She is looking for "the nice guy" who will tolerate anything and offer devotion in return.
The BPD will steer clear of the smart, discerning guy.

I can tell you one thing: If I catch my girlfriend bouncing her bare genitals against a man, she is out forever.

Please, show me pictures of these powerful, alluring BPDs that no man can resist! I want to understand this thing.

 

[channingtatum]

^ Another guy who doesn't get it. I honestly think BPD is one of those things you can't truly understand until you've experienced it first hand or you are lucky enough for them to start showing their bad behaviour before you're attached. When I first joined this site and I saw all these BPD threads around I thought the same thing. Guys just "man up". I laugh at that ignorant guy now.

Ah, I get it now. Just saw the age on your profile. You'll learn, kid. A man who lets a woman's beauty completely disregard her total lack of respect or behavior is a man who needs to work on themselves. And yes, I have encountered and dated women you would call "BPD" and said see ya later when they acted up because well, I have respect for myself and don't have time for that.

 

[channingtatum]

I've been speaking with one for the last 8 months.



Your absolutely right i do have a serious problem. I allowed myself to get caught in the middle of all this and even worse i actually wanted to be with her, at one point i wanted this for myself, and i felt trapped in some sort of confusing mental fog. I can not describe it any other way. At no other point in my life have i had anything remotely resembling a problem like this. I've never had a problem with getting and LETTTING go of women good and bad looking.

Right now my prime question is how.... How was i able to rationalize this abusive crazy behaviour, it frightens me, and frankly it could happen to any one of you IF you don't know what to look out for. I was ignorant that's a given but there is more to it then that. I was NOT ignorant to all the red flags and signs yet i couldn't let go and walk, and when i did she chased relentlessly and made it incredibally difficult to break away.



Your also right about the complete lack of self respect but ask yourself, do you think i consciously chose to regulate my worth to a status of nothing, below human, and basically trash? Never in my life have i been influenced in such a way as what has happened to me in this relationship. Once i realized the seriousness it was too late i was consumed by what can only be described as an evil sadistic leech who wanted nothing more then to play with me like a toy and ruin me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Let me say this..I am suffering and reeling from the after effects of this whole ordeal and it is not from what she did against me, it is from the knowleage that i allowed this to happen to me, and that my friend is the harshest truth to stomach.

And if you think i am improperly labeling her a bpd maybe i should share another snip of info, i've left alot of other occurances out because theres just not enough room. But here's one more.

It was about 1am and me and her were upstairs in my bedroom sleeping when i woke up thristy. I got out of bed without waking her and walked downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water. After finishing the glass of water i decided to walk into the adjacent restroom to take a leak. As i was doing my business i noticed i had a new voicemail on my phone so i put it on speaker and listened to it, finished, and put my phone in my pocket and opened the bathroom door.
She was standing in the middle of the living room silently, the whites of her eyes glaring at me. I looked down and noticed she had a knife in her hand, the tv had been turned on, but the volume was on mute, and it was casting a shadow over her. She had gotten out of bed and moved silently down stairs through the house to where i was in a manner of seconds without me knowing. We stood there for a few seconds saying nothing when i asked her what she was doing, i was frightened. She murmered something to the affect of "were you talking to your ex gf?" followed by " Because if you were i.." She stops herself mid sentence, drops the knife on the living room floor and silently im talking like ghost like ascends the stairs back up to the room leaving me there freaked the fvck out.

This is not a made up story it is the truth..It was my exsistence for almost two years and i would say i do have a problem by placing myself in this situation but there's no doubt she's operating on another level herself.

I deserve the criticism and welcome it but if you think shes not bpd then by all means explain what you think it is.

An existence YOU allowed to happen. Don't sit here and analyze HER, analyze YOURSELF and your weaknesses and make them better dude. Don't let these little boys here sympathize with you that you were a "victim" of her "powerful allure". It's HARD for ANY man to walk away from a crazy hot girl who wants to bang their brains out but that's what separates the men from the boys, the one who can freely walk away when disrespected or be thrown major drama.

 

[BeTheChange]

Ah, I get it now. Just saw the age on your profile. You'll learn, kid. A man who lets a woman's beauty completely disregard her total lack of respect or behavior is a man who needs to work on themselves. And yes, I have encountered and dated women you would call "BPD" and said see ya later when they acted up because well, I have respect for myself and don't have time for that.

The reason I know you guys don't get it is because you are still throwing around fallacies about "self respect" or "beauty as the primary weapon" as if BPDs are only successful in their strategies with weak men or optionless betas. It goes much deeper than that. Like I said mr alpha champ, we will just have to agree to disagree.

Have fun continuing your narrative in this thread but you'll only be arguing with yourself. I'm done with you and what's his face.

 

[SuckItUp]

Look the BPD labeling isn't necessary. Any relationship with a girl that is toxic is a toxic relationship, BPD or no. The problem is that getting into a toxic relationship and staying in it illustrates that there are your own issues that you need to deal with irrespective of the issues that the woman has.

I have been in a serious relationship with toxic woman and end result is that I ended up getting fired from my job and putting myself into an outpatient program for 4 months.

It showed me that there was something wrong with me to allow all the abusive behavior that she doled out as well that I had my own issues I needed to sort to have good relationship.