The ugly truth of a BPD.

[Killakittie]

It's time to tell my story of the horrific encounter with my BPD wife in hopes that it will raise awareness and possibly save someone from getting caught up in the horrific affects it has on people. There's nothing funny, sexy, and positive about what i am about to write. It's frankly horrible and i am embarrassed but people need to know how powerful a BPD's hooks are once latched on.


It's a long read here goes..



Me an Anna (wife) moved fast in the beginning of our relationship. We met on POF and talked on the phone for two weeks before actually meeting. She was going to school and volunteering to pick up hours so she could apply for medical school. She was extremely attractive, educated, and reserved. I had my own town house, car, and was attending school. We were both busy. But once we started having sex there was no hesitation to how much time we spent together and how fast things moved. At the time i had never even heard of BPD before I had no idea let alone what to look out for. Honestly i believe that she was definitely not aware of her own actions. So right out the gate it was us hanging out every day, having crazy sex all the time, and basically we were like two drug addicts addicted to the drug that we provided to each other. I don’t think we really understood what was going on at this point. All I knew is this girl seemed amazing and she was educated, family oriented, and she was intelligent! All the traits I liked and at least at the time she seemed perfect!



The very first thing that I ever remember bothering me in our very young relationship was her relationship with her two kid’s dad. It wasn’t so much how she acted but how he acted in relation to their relationship as two parents. His allotted court ordered time with the kids was Tuesday and Wednesday for a few hours each day. Usually he would pick them up from school and she would go pick them up from his house around 8pm. Well I was alarmed about how he treated her and more alarmed that she allowed it to continue. Often when she would come pick the kids up he wouldn’t allow her to leave. He would want to talk excessively with her and even physically place his body in the path of the door so she couldn’t close it to leave. He would text her hundreds of messages and call her many times each day and to me it seemed like they had just separated. The guy was acting as if they had just broken up. And she seemed to allow it to happen. I don’t know the details or the real truth all I can describe here is what I observed and through my own eyes. To this day I honestly can’t explain this behavior. I noticed within a couple of days of us meeting that he texted her every day and he called her all the time. This bothered me and when I would ask her about it the answers she was giving me didn’t seem to be the whole truth or didn’t really match up with what was going on. She claimed they had been separated for around 5 years and hadn’t had sex in like 3 or maybe 4 years. Yet the way he was acting you would swear they had been together the whole time! Now to her credit I once got on the phone with him when I became irritated that he wouldn’t stop blowing up her phone while me and her were trying to spend time together. On the phone he repeatedly warned me that I didn’t know how she acted with him when I wasn’t around, so I calmly told him if they had been hooking up all he had to do was say so, and provide proof and I would leave her. She was sitting right next to me and was listening to the entire conversation. She spoke up right after I had said what I did and asked him herself “when did we have sex last Paul?” He was silent. He never said anything. So my only conclusion is that they had really not had sex in a long while. But there was still a very strange dynamic going on there that never went away until after me and her had married. Paul was a constant source of frustration, disrespect, and pain for me because of the way she acted. Later on I will describe other instances that occurred with Paul and her that caused great pain in our relationship until then it should be noted that the constant texts, phone calls, and harassment continued unabated.

 

[Killakittie]

Now while the above was going on our relationship was still hot, passionate, and moving fast! There is a defining moment that occurred about two or so months into our new relationship that fundamentally changed our relationship forever. First I will describe the day from the way I remember it before I knew the truth. It was a Sunday and Anna and I had not been texting as much as usual. I had sent her some texts but she did not reply until much later that evening. Even though I noticed this I didn’t really pay too much attention to it because people have lives and being busy is a common occurrence. I don’t remember if it was the next day or a day or two later when I found out the truth. I remember I had just got off work and I was pulling into my car port at my apartment. She had just called me and we had just started speaking on the phone when the subject of what she had done the previous day came up. At first she told me that she had went to Fresno (next town over) with a “female” friend to meet another “friend” and they all went out to lunch. Ok not anything to really be concerned with right. But I sensed that she was uneasy so I felt compelled to push her a little to see if her story would change, and surely enough it did. The story changed from her going to Fresno with a female friend to meet another friend to have lunch to her going to Fresno to meet a male friend to have lunch, but there was another female friend tagging along. At this point I knew she was lying and it was the first time she had been caught lying to me so I pressed further. After her story changed two more times, hours of being on the phone, what I believe is as close to the truth I will ever get came out. A guy named Scott she had been talking to before she met me lived in Fresno. Well they had been in contact from the beginning of me and hers relationship and she decided to take a trip to Fresno to see Scott. She arrived at his house and they started making out. From her words they made out in every room of the apartment and she “liked how he made her feel like she was his girlfriend for the day.” They watched a movie on the couch while they randomly made out then they moved to the kitchen and made out there while she was on the counter. They ended up in the bedroom where she had her clothes off and she was riding on his **** but it was not inside her it was outside. It ended when he ejaculated all over her chest. They then went and took a shower where they made out again. After spending better part of an entire day over there she drove back to town. Now I have been cheated on before so this was not a huge surprise in the sense that I don’t expect people to do this sort of thing, but rather I remember being disappointed that Anna whom up until that point I had held to a high regard had done something so distasteful. And to further make things worse she lied repeatedly about what really happened. It took many hours and many different stories before the truth finally came out. I was tired from prying it out of her and I felt exhausted and drained that I even had to in the first place. That was the day that my trust in her had been broken and it never again returned. Now when a normal person reads the description of what she claimed happened at his house the first thing almost everyone says is that she is lying about not having intercourse with him. And I would tend to absolutely agree with that assertation but believe me when I say I tried hard for a long time to get her to admit to it and she never did. A few months later I had contacted him pretending to be her on a fake number made by a texting app and I brought up that day and worded it in a way that would have him admit to having intercourse with her if they had really done it. He said “no we didn’t have intercourse” so I have no other choice then to believe that her final version of events that took place on that day are true and correct.

 

[Killakittie]

I knew right then and there that the best thing I could do for myself was to walk away. But Anna was the most attractive women I have been with and I felt the urge to try to give her another chance. What ultimately happened is I set myself up for failure and much more grief then if I had just walked.



After the affair with Scott things in a sense returned to us spending a lot of time together and having a lot of passionate sex. I started learning more about Anna’s family. She was very hesitant to bring me around them and I soon found out that she was basically hiding our relationship from them. They were also becoming very upset that she was leaving the house and coming over to see me every day. They were putting a lot of pressure on her to stop doing this as they saw it as her neglecting her kids. Honestly she was not neglecting them her family was just very strict with her and only her. Her sisters would come and go at will and no one ever really said anything about it and from what I understand Anna had a routine she had been following for years prior to our relationship that she followed and it was a big change once she stopped all her usual habits and patterns and started “sneaking” out as they would put it to see me. She would also ignore her dad’s phone calls when she was with me even though I told her not to do that. As we became closer I started pressuring her to stop hiding us and to start being open about where she was going to her family. That put her between me and her family because they wanted her to have absolutely nothing to do with me. Her dad started yelling at her and getting on to her every time she came to see me. Even though we saw each other every day we never stayed the night together and that was a big source of contention, as I wanted to become closer, yet it just was not possible due to the restrictions that was being placed on her.


Things moved way too fast. Her lying was still a problem and it was starting to worry me that maybe she was not going to be able to come around. But i had no idea i was consumed by her constant love bombing and crazy hot sex. The next incident that occurred after Scott was Anna contacting her kid’s dad Paul and meeting him at our local community college where he gave her money to buy some books. This was after she had promised not to contact or talk to him any more so it was a flat out lie. I was hurt and upset but like a chump I stuck around because I wasn’t respecting myself anymore then she was. Shortly after that happened it was a Tuesday and I was scheduled to be at my class at 7pm so she decided to meet me right before to see each other for a few minutes. After we said goodbye and I walked inside she sent me a text asking me to let her know when I was home and to tell her where I was at all times. This was so funny because she never acted like that before so I texted her back asking where she had gone after she left and she told me that she had gone home. And because it was a Tuesday her two boys were with their dad and she was to pick them up at his house at 8pm like normal. Well a few days later she was at my house and I went through her phone and noticed some texts between her and Paul. When I asked her about them she became deflective and I knew right then she was hiding something. So the usual asking a million questions and getting multiple stories ensued but eventually she told me that right after I had gone into class she went straight over to Paul’s house. Keep in mind it’s around 7pm at this point so her excuse was that she felt

 

[Killakittie]

bad for not spending enough time with the kids and she wanted to see them. She told me when she walked in she walked through the house checking it out and then sat on the couch to watch a movie. I guess Paul had sat next to her and at one point her placed his hand on her shoulder and she pulled away and told him not to touch her. So she was there a couple of hours and then her and the kids left back to her dads house. So here we have another blatant display of disrespect to me on her part and clearly she doesn’t keep her word or value me as a person. About two weeks after this episode i was going through her AT&T account ( she insisted to prove her honesty) and i discovered that she had been calling Paul and texting him every day for months. She took his number in her AT&T account and nicknamed it "Sister" Of course the standard set of apologies and promises ensued but I was genuinely hurt and upset. At this point I started to lose a lot of respect for her and my relationship. But I had developed my own serious problem. I had stopped respecting myself, I was high on her affection, so I allowed her to stay in my life not realizing i was already in a dangerous trap.

It ultimately came to a head with her kids dad when she insisted that i accompany her to drop her kids off with him. I refused at first telling her she knew damn well it was a bad idea but she told me "to stop being a baby and lets go." Sure enough when we arrived at the parking lot he started yelling, threatening me and talking **** even though she had parked our vehicle about 50ft away from his. He walked all the way over to where i was parked threatening to beat me up. I had the window down because it was over a 100 degrees outside and the car was off but i just ignored him. He ended up walking away to go argue with her and then i noticed him coming back. I had a feeling things were going to get out of hand so i unbuckled my seat belt and got out of the car so i wouldn't be sucker punched. She got between us and he threw the first punch and got me right in the side of the head. It was the last time he hit me. I threw her to the side and got 3 solid blows to his face resulting in him falling to the ground in a daze i was wearing construction boots with a steel toe at the time and gave him two solid kicks in the ribs before proclaiming that we could do this any time he wants. The result? I broke my pinky and he got twenty three stitches right dead between his eyes leaving a visible scar. The **** talking ended that day and his harassment towards her stopped yet i felt this uncanny feeling that she had set both of us up!


Me and Anna married in December of 2014 about six months after we had first met. I remember as I was driving there that something was not right and that given her history of lying, cheating, and no respect for me that I ran a high risk of this blowing up in my face. Yet I still married her because I felt entwined in her love,I really wanted her to be my wife, and I truly wanted to have a family with her. Despite all our flaws and our bickering I still got along with her great (In my delusion) we really had strong chemistry and we made each other laugh all the time. I knew her family was very traditional and I hoped that with marriage she would start to take our relationship more serious, start to treat me the way I deserved, and come around. But she would not tell her family about it and I tried and tried to convince her that it was a terrible mistake to hide us getting married from them but she just couldn’t be honest with them about how she really felt about me. And so we were married and I bought her a $2800 ring and she bought me a band and we started our marriage together.

 

[Killakittie]

Even though we had married things didn’t change much. Actually it was very hard for us to see each other and it was still placing a large strain on our relationship because I couldn’t talk to her about all the things that had happened in our relationship and it was building up. Her dad was really starting to threaten to kick her out of the house if she didn’t stop seeing me. And eventually it led to her being kicked out and with that she moved in with me for the first time about a year after we had met. Once I started living with her I noticed more about her personality and her habits. She had learned from a very young age that lying was acceptable and being married to me didn’t change this. I attempted to bring to light the things she was doing that were causing great strife in our relationship but it didn’t stop her from acting out. Really the only problems we had were her lying and her not being considerate of my wellbeing or feelings. Obviously this is a huge issue. But in my mind at the time I felt it could be easily fixed, I was unaware that I was already under her BPD spell, and I thought she would change if I helped her realize her bad behaviors. Well I can tell you right now that all that effort was for nothing as she never changed and I just became tired, wore down, and miserable. Little examples were her getting off work and picking her kids up and never texting me where she was at and not coming home until like 10pm. Not a text asking if me and my son had ate or anything. I would plan for us to go on a date to eat dinner or go to a show and I swear every single time we went she would be argumentive and have a terrible attitude the entire time basically making the whole thing miserable. I just wanted us to spend valuable time together but she wouldn’t allow it! It was so sad.



And then she became physically abusive. One night we were sitting on my bed and having a disagreement when she suddenly punched me right in the face twice and left me sitting there in shock for a couple of seconds. I then became furious and shoved her hard off the bed and she tumbled over and landed on her back. That also shocked me as I had never been hit by a women before and was surprised that I retaliated by pushing her back. I immediately regretted it and we sat for a few hours talking about it and she promised me that it would never happen again. Well 2 weeks later it did happen again this time like the time before we were having a disagreement, not even arguing just a harmless disagreement and she was calm. Well she went from calm and collected to furiously punching me in my face and back to calm and quiet in about a ten second span leaving me sitting there in complete shock. She immediately begged for me to forgive her and after having another multi hour conversation I told her the next time it happens I am calling the police. Well not even a damn week after that on a Sunday night we were sitting downstairs just talking, not even arguing when she hauled off and punched me twice between the eyes. I picked my phone up and called the cops while she sat nearby mocking me claiming if I hadn’t made her mad she wouldn’t have done that and she was laughing as I waited outside for the cops to show up saying I was acting so childish and that this was a waste of time. Well after the police showed up and I explained what happened they went to talk to her and she openly admitted that she had hit me. Then the police informed me that she was going to go to jail. I expected her to call me to bail her out or something because the boys had school the very next morning. I took them to school and then I didn’t hear anything from her. At about 2pm as I was driving down my street headed to work I seen her sitting in a car with her friend. She went and got all her stuff out of my house and she moved out and we went an entire week without speaking to each other. When we did speak again it was all about how it was my fault and that I was the bad guy for calling the cops on her. And even more crazy is when I asked her who she first called to get bailed out and she told me she called Paul…Not surprising at all honestly.

 

[Killakittie]

We talked for a few days and within a week I was wanting her to move back in and she was really wanting to work things out. Being arrested had really scared her and I felt obligated to give her another chance. She was my wife and even though at this point I started to realize the issue was me allowing this madness to continue I wanted to give it one more try with the expectation that she wouldn’t change and it wouldn’t be long before she lied, cheated, or did something else to ruin what was left of our marriage.


She moved back in and we for a while we really tried to make things work and things were actually looking up a little. But the lying was continuing and my patience was basically gone and my trust in her was gone my faith was fading and my unending love for her was beginning to not be enough to sustain me. I started becoming distant. A little at first and then more and more as time went on and she continued to disrespect me, lie to me, and hurt me. The more she repeated the same things that had hurt me so much before the more I started realizing she was a damaged person and a bad choice for a wife. I still loved her greatly but the emotional toll it was taking on my health was great and startling. I continued to plan dates for us and like clockwork she continued acting ugly, unappreciative, and downright mean during them. This all accumulated on dec 31st 2015. I had got the kids out of the way and had the whole house set up for us to spend new years night together I was so excited to spend it with her and I couldn’t wait! I made us dinner, got a nice fire going and was ready to watch the ball drop in a couple of hours. She was ok at first but then as the night wore on she became rude, catty, and just downright ****ing mean. At that point something snapped I said **** it, I went upstairs, and I went to bed. The next day I was a different man. I woke up and something major had changed. I was no longer as close to the women I loved and it took damn near a year and a half of constant abuse to finally come to my senses. She noticed immediately and kept asking me what was wrong but I mostly deflected and told her nothing. I basically just ignored the questions because in my mind there was no point. All our talks, all our promises, all the pain I had suffered at the hands of this women didn’t mean **** to her she never stopped even though she was fully aware that she was ripping out my heart. On Jan 23rd two days before my birthday I had her move out of my house with the stipulation that I would attempt to reconcile my marriage as long as she didn’t lie to me one more time. An agreement I knew she was completely incapable of keeping, but with her convinced it was the only option she moved out without any drama. Well it wasn’t even a couple of days before she lied and at that point I blocked her on everything and began ignoring her. She became desperate and hysterical and started acting very crazy which caught my eye and I misinterpreted that as her caring about me. I started entertaining the idea that maybe she could come around if she realizes that our marriage is destroyed due to all her actions. I held out hope for her, she was still my wife and I still very much loved her and wanted a family with her. I started seeing her a couple times a week, having crazy sex where she started taking a fascination with knives and wanting to cut me during sex. I obviously wanted nothing to do with it but did that matter to her? Of course it didn’t! She was riding me one day and suddenly she has a knife and is slicing my arm, I throw her off but the damage is already done, a gash of about 5 inches long on my left shoulder, I am bleeding profusely and what does the crazy ***** do? She sits next to me and starts sucking on my wound like it was turning her on! I felt hopeless, powerless, and worse I felt as if my life meant absolutely nothing to her. I started acting very mean to her after this saying anything I could to keep her away from me, calling her names, putting her down, and generally acting very out of character for myself. And do you know how she responded to this abusive behavior? Home cooked meals, foot rubs, sex on demand, and generally being the nicest, sweetest women you could imagine….Absolutely disgusting.

 

[Killakittie]

On March 3rd Anna met me for coffee to talk and one thing led to another and we ended up in the back seat of my car getting ready to have hot sex. She kept asking me if I had been with anyone and I told her no but I became suspicious and asked her if she had…she looked to the side and told me she didn’t want to talk about it. I knew right there that she had.


She was pretty forthcoming about it. Scott had driven down and met her here in our town on Feb 19th it was a Friday. They hung out and went to dinner and afterwards they parked in a remote place and he went down on her. She became aroused and pulled out his **** and began riding it. After about 30seconds he told her she was going to make him *** and this turned her on even more. But he pushed her off and got on top and ****ed her until he pulled out and busted his nut all over her stomach. Then he stuck it back in and ****ed her and busted a second nut on her stomach. The next day she made plans to go to his house in Fresno. On Feb 24 she drove all the way up to his house and spent the day with him but didn’t have sex. I confirmed this with him at a later date to be true.



Anna was about to have sex with me when just a week prior she had unprotected sex with Scott twice! I was DEVASTATED and ruined, but calmly told her to put her clothes back on, and drove her back to the coffee shop and dropped her off.



In a way I was thankful that she had cheated on me because I felt I could move on without having any guilt about not trying with our marriage. She of course was saying all the normal things she does and making all the normal promises she never intends to keep to get me to stick around. But I knew she wasn’t sorry for what she did. She was only upset that she was having to deal with all this mess that she had created. I started ignoring her hard at this point but she kept making email, Facebook, and Instagram accounts to contact me. She started sending me messages that she would kill me if I divorced her and that she was holding back from showing up at my house in the middle of the night to ambush me! I continued to try to break away but she was insanely persistent. She would use sex to keep her hooks in me and it took a few months to slowly resist. Then after about 6 months I noticed a change in her. She got serious about god and church and this is when she started acting like I needed to step up and prove my love for our marriage. She started making comments like “I deserve a man who will love me for who I am” and “If you truly loved me you would work it out” Just completely insane and delusional things to be saying. As she became more indifferent she withdrew a little and the threats became less frequent but she would still say things like “I am never going to let you go” and “ Do you really think a piece of paper is going to change anything?” It’s my belief that her attention was now focusing on another man. This was a very good thing because it took the insane pressure off of me. Honestly there was a long time where I couldn’t figure out how to escape from her until she became indifferent. There were times where I felt like giving up and allowing her to do whatever she wanted with me. Crazy but the power of a BPD is something on another level. You lose all sense of direction and your mind becomes lost in a fog where you feel trapped and hopeless. It is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life and I have experienced death up close and personal.



I then started searching online looking for answers to her behavior and found The Rational Male which turned me on to this site and marriedredpill. My mind was blown! Here was everything I was going through and I was not crazy. I was ignorant and fell into the crazy trap that is BPD.



After educating myself I realized the fatal mistakes I had made. I had not walked when I should have in the very beginning and the false sense of wanting a family with her and believing she would come around were delusions grounded in AFC behavior.

 

[Killakittie]

I started taking advice on here and soon started racking up numbers and dates but it wasn’t helping. I had no real issues approaching attractive women or getting a date the issue was that it wasn’t making me feel any better! I generally felt terrible and still do on some days. I decided to lay off women for a little bit to focus on healing. I also decided to do something completely off center. I described to my wife what I had been up to in regards to women and dating/hooking up and it had the desired affect I was looking for. She became more distant and indifferent which gave me more space and breathing room and a couple of weeks went by with no contact from her to me. Then on a Sunday night as I was texting a super cute girl my wife sends me 7 nude photos of herself in elaborate poses with her in lingerie in the shower while its running..I don’t respond and she texts in all caps her first middle and my last name with a emoji of a hand with its finger pointing up towards all the pics she had just sent me. It was creepy and kinda made me feel afraid. She then texted saying this is the last photos of your wife you will ever receive. The next day I blocked her number.



BPD’s are not toys..They are parasites who will bring down the most alpha man, the most confident man, and reduce him to a paralyzed shell of an individual. I am now suffering the after effects of this entire experience. Just last night I kept waking up because I was afraid she was in my house and heading into my room. The fear is real and it is not funny in any way shape or form. Is she finally gone? Idk but today I finally started the divorce paperwork and I hope to have her served by the end of the month.



Ask yourself if you ever come across a women like this do you want to end up like me? Carrying the physical scars for life and being emasculated to the point of having a mental breakdown. I am lucky I found this place among others, it literally saved my life. Had I not I firmly believe I could be dead. I am decently looking, go to the gym, and have had great success with women in my life! I haven’t been a month without sex since I was in high school about 15 years ago but I still didn’t stand a chance against a BPD. Like shooting fish in a barrel a man unfamiliar with a BPD is a sitting duck completely helpless regardless of how alpha he is.



Now I get to deal with the after affects. But I will come through and I will never allow this to happen to me again. Lesson hard learned and frankly I am embarrassed but through it i am wiser and much more intelligent.


The dates i have gone on have been a big breath of fresh air into my suppressed life and it feels amazing after going so long being tormented, to be with a women who truly appreciates your company!


Let this be a lesson and yet another example of why never to play with a BPD.

 

[Asmodeus]

Well, I will read. Cluster B stuff interests me... I guess I like looking into mirrors.

So right out the gate it was us hanging out every day, having crazy sex all the time, and basically we were like two drug addicts addicted to the drug that we provided to each other

Love bombing... I see this in all Cluster B. Intense passion at first, which is the draw of Cluster B and why we all seem perfect at first.

After her story changed two more times, hours of being on the phone, what I believe is as close to the truth I will ever get came out.

Manipulations, very common in cluster B relationshps. Let me just say that that was the instance of lies which you found out, she likely created a web of lies and there may have even been other men in the picture.

Me and Anna married in December of 2014 about six months after we had first met. I remember as I was driving there that something was not right and that given her history of lying, cheating, and no respect for me that I ran a high risk of this blowing up in my face.

Honestly... You are more delusional than her if you still decided to marry her...

She was riding me one day and suddenly she has a knife and is slicing my arm, I throw her off but the damage is already done, a gash of about 5 inches long on my left shoulder, I am bleeding profusely and what does the crazy ***** do? She sits next to me and starts sucking on my wound like it was turning her on! I felt hopeless, powerless, and worse I felt as if my life meant absolutely nothing to her.

Hopeless... Cluster B's induce learned helplessness in their partners though gaslighting/dousing, imminent reinforcement, and cycles of abuse. Basically you are like a dog... She was training you. You keep tolerating worse and worse treatment, but she gives you just enough validation to keep you on the hook. The more infrequent the crumbs of love are offered the more hooked you are, you become like a rat in a cage. Imminent reinforcement creates a trauma bond, and induces the Stockholm syndrome. If you do not know what the Stockholm syndrome is STOP and read the link below form Wikipedia on it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

Also the more abuse and devaluation you receive the less you begin to think of yourself... you experience a sense of cognitive dissonance. Lowering your self esteem the Cluster B person begins to induce the notion that the partner is to blame. You begin to blame yourself... You also hold on the the idealization stage, where things were perfect and the memory of it, it creates a kind of dissonance too as you become fearful of losing that hope...

And do you know how she responded to this abusive behavior? Home cooked meals, foot rubs, sex on demand, and generally being the nicest, sweetest women you could imagine….Absolutely disgusting.

Like I have said she was training you like a rat. Abuse, then she gives comfort and love. Then increasing abuse, but less comfort and love... The cycle keeps spiraling into itself until you become helpless.

But I knew she wasn’t sorry for what she did.

Nope, never sorry. Cluster B rarely take responsibility for what they do. They just cannot comprehend how it is their fault. They always blame it on something else.

Here is a secret trick to figure out if a girl is cluster B... See if she takes responsibility. If she does not, then red flags up.

“I deserve a man who will love me for who I am” and “If you truly loved me you would work it out”

Blaming you...Typical...

There were times where I felt like giving up and allowing her to do whatever she wanted with me.

Learned helplessness.

Then on a Sunday night as I was texting a super cute girl my wife sends me 7 nude photos of herself in elaborate poses with her in lingerie in the shower while its running..I don’t respond and she texts in all caps her first middle and my last name with a emoji of a hand with its finger pointing up towards all the pics she had just sent me. It was creepy and kinda made me feel afraid. She then texted saying this is the last photos of your wife you will ever receive. The next day I blocked her number.

Sometimes the Cluster B's are never done playing with their toy.

BPD’s are not toys..They are parasites who will bring down the most alpha man, the most confident man, and reduce him to a paralyzed shell of an individual.

Well... I deal with them well. But that is because I have an inability to love. I rather enjoy BPD girls, they are like my mirror.

The dates i have gone on have been a big breath of fresh air into my suppressed life and it feels amazing after going so long being tormented, to be with a women who truly appreciates your company!

But from out of the pain and tribulation you found your strength. Good, because had you given up and given into her you would have been in worse and worse abuses... Your life would have turned into a living hell... She cannot be fixed, there is no cure for insanity, she will never change how she feels and who she is. She is toxic, it is her nature.

But those who survive pain get forged stronger from it...

 

[xstang77]

Seems like our time lines were about the same for ours,we met on pof and started dating around may 2014, I never married her though thankfully,just engaged unfortunately,she never stayed long enough to actually get married lol.

 

[The Duke]

Killakittie- sorry for your story, but thank you for sharing. I've never been in any thing that bad, but I did have a 5yr relationship with a girl that had some Borderline characteristics that caused some issues.
Did you ever consider professional help?

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Well, I will read. Cluster B stuff interests me... I guess I like looking into mirrors.


Love bombing... I see this in all Cluster B. Intense passion at first, which is the draw of Cluster B and why we all seem perfect at first.


Manipulations, very common in cluster B relationshps. Let me just say that that was the instance of lies which you found out, she likely created a web of lies and there may have even been other men in the picture.


Honestly... You are more delusional than her if you still decided to marry her...


Hopeless... Cluster B's induce learned helplessness in their partners though gaslighting/dousing, imminent reinforcement, and cycles of abuse. Basically you are like a dog... She was training you. You keep tolerating worse and worse treatment, but she gives you just enough validation to keep you on the hook. The more infrequent the crumbs of love are offered the more hooked you are, you become like a rat in a cage. Imminent reinforcement creates a trauma bond, and induces the Stockholm syndrome. If you do not know what the Stockholm syndrome is STOP and read the link below form Wikipedia on it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

Also the more abuse and devaluation you receive the less you begin to think of yourself... you experience a sense of cognitive dissonance. Lowering your self esteem the Cluster B person begins to induce the notion that the partner is to blame. You begin to blame yourself... You also hold on the the idealization stage, where things were perfect and the memory of it, it creates a kind of dissonance too as you become fearful of losing that hope...


Like I have said she was training you like a rat. Abuse, then she gives comfort and love. Then increasing abuse, but less comfort and love... The cycle keeps spiraling into itself until you become helpless.



Nope, never sorry. Cluster B rarely take responsibility for what they do. They just cannot comprehend how it is their fault. They always blame it on something else.

Here is a secret trick to figure out if a girl is cluster B... See if she takes responsibility. If she does not, then red flags up.

Blaming you...Typical...


Learned helplessness.


Sometimes the Cluster B's are never done playing with their toy.


Well... I deal with them well. But that is because I have an inability to love. I rather enjoy BPD girls, they are like my mirror.


But from out of the pain and tribulation you found your strength. Good, because had you given up and given into her you would have been in worse and worse abuses... Your life would have turned into a living hell... She cannot be fixed, there is no cure for insanity, she will never change how she feels and who she is. She is toxic, it is her nature.

But those who survive pain get forged stronger from it...

Incredible post. Very insightful and would be interested in hearing you explain away their actions post-breakup. The abandonment phase, panic hoovering, what NC does to them, and finally the end. Are there ever any long term regrets 1, 2, 5 years later if the next guy ain't cutting it or there's a fight.

 

[channingtatum]

Sorry dude, but this post has less to do with a "BPD" and more about the complete lack of self respect you have for yourself. You let a girl cheat and punch you in the face multiple times?

I know calling any psycho chick a BPD on here is the "thing to do", as well as there being many keyboard psychologists here, but your post completely takes away from the main problem and that's yourself.

 

[purple haze]

Sorry dude, but this post has less to do with a "BPD" and more about the complete lack of self respect you have for yourself. You let a girl cheat and punch you in the face multiple times?

I know calling any psycho chick a BPD on here is the "thing to do", as well as there being many keyboard psychologists here, but your post completely takes away from the main problem and that's yourself.

I agree, in fact, the original post borders on brilliant satire. If it is, bravo!

 

[BeTheChange]

I agree, in fact, the original post borders on brilliant satire. If it is, bravo!

Have you actually been with a BPD or are you just both talking out of your arse?

They have an impressive ability to manipulate what their partners are willing to tolerate. OP's case is an extreme example but most people coming out of a BPD relationship will tell you, looking back, they are shocked at what they allowed these chicks to get away.

 

[channingtatum]

Have you actually been with a BPD or are you just both talking out of your arse?

They have an impressive ability to manipulate what their partners are willing to tolerate. OP's case is an extreme example but most people coming out of a BPD relationship will tell you, looking back, they are shocked at what they allowed these chicks to get away.

Calling a girl a "BPD" just because she did some really shady things basically just allows the guy to throw up his hands and say "oh but she was BPD!" like so many others on here. He needs to man up and accept responsibility for allowing her to do what she did. He knew the whole time that everything she was doing was wrong which he fully admits but let it go because "she was sooo hot". That's called lack of self control and self respect. I don't mean to scorch the dude, but he needs to look deep inside instead of outwardly at all the things she did, that HE allowed her to do. A girl cheats on you? NEXT. A girl punches you? Call the cops and NEXT. A girl continuously and obviously lies to you. NEXT.

 

[BeTheChange]

^OK then. Now go play with the other kids. The adults are talking.

 

[channingtatum]

^OK then. Now go play with the other kids. The adults are talking.

Sorry some BPD "got the best of you" and you want to just perpetuate the reasoning that we should "learn more about them" instead of manning up and taking accountability for what happens to you in your life. This is basic stuff. I suggest you go back to Don Juan 101 because you're no Senior Don Juan.

 

[BeTheChange]

Sorry some BPD "got the best of you" and you want to just perpetuate the reasoning that we should "learn more about them" instead of manning up and taking accountability for what happens to you in your life. This is basic stuff. I suggest you go back to Don Juan 101 because you're no Senior Don Juan.

^ Yep you're right and all the rest of us are wrong. Everyone who knows my post history would definitely see I'm a beta hiding behind the "BPD" tag because of an inability to man up and accept responsibility. Thanks Chad. I've seen the light. Now I can finally go be a true Don Juan!

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Sorry dude, but this post has less to do with a "BPD" and more about the complete lack of self respect you have for yourself. You let a girl cheat and punch you in the face multiple times?

I know calling any psycho chick a BPD on here is the "thing to do", as well as there being many keyboard psychologists here, but your post completely takes away from the main problem and that's yourself.

It's not keyboard psychology at all. These forums are for men who are going through it, so of course there's a disproportionate number of guys claiming a BPD ex even though BPDs make up 3% of the population. All the victims of BPD do a google search trying to find out what the hell happen and all gravitate to here and a few other forums.

It's not surprising at all that most guys who are here are coming out of a relationship like that just like it wouldn't be surprising that 100% of people at an AA meeting were alcoholics even though alcoholics are only 9% of the population. If the shoe fits wear it. Many of these stories you read here sound like TEXTBOOK BPD cases, we're talking 7, 8, or 9 out of the 9 criteria that qualifies for the illness. It doesn't matter that they're undiagnosed as many of them would never agree to treatment.