The transition away from being an AFC.. you know what it all comes down too..

[MrNiceGuy]

Ok, there's about a million threads on this because its so true and I feel like I'm stating the obvious, but I felt like posting since I've just experienced proof of the one most important thing every AFC should know.

It all comes down to CONFIDENCE

Basically back at uni I was a major major AFC, I basically just didn't even try, there was a hot girl in my circle of friends who I knew vaguely for a few years but I was never close to her.. Then a few months back she moved to my city and we started hanging out and became pretty close. This weekend I made a move and it was pretty much a success, we've decided to give a relationship a shot.

The key is that she see's noticed the change in me from uni 3 or 4 years ago, to now, and that's why she's now attracted to me. After we'd made out a bit, I said, "Well, who woulda thought it, you and me?" and she told me how she'd been talking to her mum about how great I was. But the key thing she'd been telling her mum was how I'm alot more confident and assetive than I used to be and that I'm pretty attractive now.

The last year or so I've really started to pull myself together, when I finished uni I realised how crap I'd been and was determined to change my attitude and work things out, then I got stuck in a horrendous bout of one-itis which set me back a bit, but I came out of it determined to try and make something of my love life and my self-esteem regarding women has kept rising.. I've noticed its knocked through to confidence in other areas too though, like dealing with idiots that you encounter from day to day in life.

As for attractiveness there's only so much you can do, but I think confidence comes down to that too, just the way you carry yourself when you walk into a room, the general look of insecurity you'll have if you're not comfortable in a situation, I used to have bad posture and would sit with a scowl on my face annoyed that I wasn't getting any. Otherwise its obvious, get a decent haricut, dress well and go to the gym, I used to be a skinny lanky guy, I still am, but I've now put on a bit of weight and got some muscle tone that shows through a t-shirt.

The other difference in me that she didn't mention but that I know has affected my behaviour is that I fell on my feet after uni and landed a pretty good job with a fat salary, I'm earning about double what the average graduate my age earns, so basically it means I have no financial worries at all, it just frees me up to be able to do what I want rather than what I can afford. It's sad how much easier life becomes when you've got cash to burn, but well I won't complain.

I've still got a long way to go, there's definitely still AFC traits in me and I'm sure I'll be posting about issues with this new relationship, but at least its a different set of problems to try and work out..

 

[Kitsune]

Congrats my friend, you're well on your way to success!

 

[MrNiceGuy]

thanks,

My first query regarding all this is up, it sure as hell doesn't get any easier, or maybe I just need to be less insecure and believe her when she says she will sleep with me eventually.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=82410

 

[Don Juanabbe]

This is a good post kiddo.

One thing is to also be wary of the haters, they will try to chop you down a level at all times.

When people see confidence in you, it triggers some pretty strong psychological buttons in other people who have self esteem problems.

This has been my biggest problem - is the people, guys who are threatened, and girls who think they have no chance with you, that you have to watch for - they will try to ruin you.

There's nothin a person with low self worth hates more than to see someone who has his sh*t together, so watch your back, this can come in the form of a friend even.

 

[nosexbox]

Juannabe, I am no expert, but I'll second that wholeheartedly.

I'm pretty much an AFC at this point. However, the last year or so I've changed a lot of my ways, and at least appear to have more confidence.

Recently I've been hanging around a couple of new groups... and the guys in those groups (who don't know my general AFC-ness) have reacted to me like a new shark in the water. If I show any confidence with a woman at all, they start giving me dirty looks. Meanwhile the girls as a whole start coming over to me, paying attention, and so on.

Mind you, these guys are no studs.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

I've not encountered any hostility yet, not from friends anyway..

One thing that did spur me on was when I recently moved and met alot of new friends, quite a few were surprised about how bad my history with women.. made me realise I'm no different from anyone else there's no reason why I shouldn't be as succesful with the ladies as the next man.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

The thing is, I think, is that I didn't choose my company wisely. I was hanging around with alot of low-energy people. As you make the change, you are going to have to change some of the people you hang with.

You know what they say, "Losers will bring you down?".

Well, when they start seeing your light shining bright, some will try to extinguish it.

As you move toward becoming a DJ, you will have to understand that you will start to attract people, many of them for the wrong reasons - guys who want to ride on your coat tails, women who will use you for an ego stroke - you gotta have the defenses in place to deal with that.

I don't think enough of this is mentioned on here - there should be a topic - so you're a DJ now, what should you expect??

I say this, because I started making great progress, but alot of people started causing sh*t in my life for no reason. I couldn't explain why, neither could the people closest to me - it's just that people, men especially, are very threatened by DJs and people with high confidence - it all comes down to envy.

Just as you need to learn to walk away from that problematic woman, you need to learn to walk away from problematic situations and problematic people.

MrNiceGuy is becoming a success in life - good education, good job, he's a young Dj, good for him, but realise what you have knowledge wise is precious, don't let others take away what you have.

The first thing people will do who consider you a threat is they will always be trying to chip away at your self esteem and confidence - don't let them.

Don't let people into your orbit that will try this sh*t. I never would have thought it, but they always say that certain people will try to 'bring you down'. I never thought people suffered from these types of psychosis, but guess what? They do, and they will conciously try to f*ck you up.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
The thing is, I think, is that I didn't choose my company wisely. I was hanging around with alot of low-energy people. As you make the change, you are going to have to change some of the people you hang with.

You know what they say, "Losers will bring you down?".

Well, when they start seeing your light shining bright, some will try to extinguish it.

As you move toward becoming a DJ, you will have to understand that you will start to attract people, many of them for the wrong reasons - guys who want to ride on your coat tails, women who will use you for an ego stroke - you gotta have the defenses in place to deal with that.

I don't think enough of this is mentioned on here - there should be a topic - so you're a DJ now, what should you expect??

I say this, because I started making great progress, but alot of people started causing sh*t in my life for no reason. I couldn't explain why, neither could the people closest to me - it's just that people, men especially, are very threatened by DJs and people with high confidence - it all comes down to envy.

Just as you need to learn to walk away from that problematic woman, you need to learn to walk away from problematic situations and problematic people.

MrNiceGuy is becoming a success in life - good education, good job, he's a young Dj, good for him, but realise what you have knowledge wise is precious, don't let others take away what you have.

The first thing people will do who consider you a threat is they will always be trying to chip away at your self esteem and confidence - don't let them.

Don't let people into your orbit that will try this sh*t. I never would have thought it, but they always say that certain people will try to 'bring you down'. I never thought people suffered from these types of psychosis, but guess what? They do, and they will conciously try to f*ck you up.

That's interesting. I had a "friend" that was nice with me. He would be funny, give me rides BUT, he would also depreciate me and make fun of me in front of the whole class. Once I was with a book from Tony Hobbins and he said that no one read that sh!t and that I was wasting my time. At that moment I was at a loss of words. My teacher even said that I should not let him talk to me like that.

You may say that my problem is low ST but, believe it or not, I simply took his behavior "as normal", that he was the one with problems, not me. What I didn't realise is that I never stood up for myself. I was as weak as the guy who was making fun of me.

I was so used to putting up with people' sh1t that I simply didn't do anything about it - However this whole thing was eating me alive. I was getting frustrated and resentful. Because of this I started to be nicer and nicer so people would treat me better but, guess what, I was being treated with even less respect. Maybe that's the consequence of being completely neglected, or even "bullied" as a child.

I know that detecting the problem is just half the solution but I am working on myself to overcome all that sh1t. I thought there was just the nice guy or the arsewh0le. Due to being bullied I prefered to be the "victim" (nice guy) to being the agressor (arsewh0le). After having found this site I discovered the DJ, the real guy; the one between the first two. This is who I strive to be.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

It takes work, I'm still not there. There is a difference between letting shyt roll of your back like water, and sticking up for yourself. This is part of the not giving a shyt mentality, but there's something more to it.

Like women, choosing your friends wisely from the start and knowing when to just say '**** it' with certain people is great. With friends, and with women, there is that point where you need to walk away, or at the least, call them on their sh*t.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
It takes work, I'm still not there. There is a difference between letting shyt roll of your back like water, and sticking up for yourself. This is part of the not giving a shyt mentality, but there's something more to it.

Like women, choosing your friends wisely from the start and knowing when to just say '**** it' with certain people is great. With friends, and with women, there is that point where you need to walk away, or at the least, call them on their sh*t.

It's funny. Yesterday, I bumped into the guy who used to make fun of me. It seemed that he had just hit his car! This guy always do that.

You are right. We must be the selector as this is our reality, our life.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Please, I'm no where near being a DJ yet, all I'm saying is I'm doing alot better than I was and I know why that is..

The chick who I hooked up with LJBF'd me yesterday... whether its because I'm just not desirable enough (what I think it might be but I'm trying to tell myself its not) or simply that she is pretty psycho and she's right when she says "its not you, its me" and "if we weren't already friends there wouldn't be a problem", "I value you too much as a friend to risk what we have" and all the rest of those cliches I don't know.. I think it comes down to a combination of the two.. hopefully more of the latter than the former.. Guess I'm a victim of my own success don't be too good a friend before you finally end up hooking up with someone, because if they're insecure they'll feel they have too much to lose...

Anyway, what I do know, is while this is pissing me off and annoying me, and making me hate women again, and doubt myself and wonder if I'll ever find someone who can love me, I do know that if this had happened to me a few years back I'd be a wreck. And I'm not.. I'm coming to terms with it already and its only been a day, I'm already realising that she was a bit too nuts and long term it probably wouldn't have worked anyway so it's probably all for the best.. Yes its really annoying, and in some ways I feel like I'm back to square 1, but I'm not.. I've just got to keep at it, thats what I need to keep telling myself.. its got to happen eventually....