The Tradeoffs of having a Girlfriend

[CornbreadFed]

Thoughts? I think the biggest thing he missed is that no matter how hot the girl, the sex & lust will average out. In addition, the emotional responsibility part is never going to go away because that applies to every woman lol. He is young, but I respect him because none of his points are fraud inexperienced incel cringe like being paranoid about the girl cheating or something.

 

[Gamisch]

A gf used to be the "nr 2 indicator " to determine ones masculinity, with marriage being nr1.

However, the secret is out there that eventually it's the man who loses 9/10 . Because you invest into something that you know will be worth less and less over time. And no,your investments won't mean shyte to her at the end. Let your guard down/ settle for security and boom, attraction fades. Untill you end up with a dead bedroom but due to ties with this woman you can't leave ,( think buying/ renting together, having kids, having a business with her, and even sharing a social circle)

To allude to the previous point: Relationships with women is like purchasing a car. Don't worry about the costs and just enjoy the ride and yer DON'T put all your assets on the line

That's why, again, I'd advice men to break up after one year max, and if you a black man even shorter, like 6 months, unless the situation begs for a extended period of time( aka she's 100% submissive, loyal, no games ,respect level high, cooperative ect)

 

[Westminster]

A gf used to be the "nr 2 indicator " to determine ones masculinity, with marriage being nr1.

However, the secret is out there that eventually it's the man who loses 9/10 . Because you invest into something that you know will be worth less and less over time. And no,your investments won't mean shyte to her at the end. Let your guard down/ settle for security and boom, attraction fades. Untill you end up with a dead bedroom but due to ties with this woman you can't leave ,( think buying/ renting together, having kids, having a business with her, and even sharing a social circle)

To allude to the previous point: Relationships with women is like purchasing a car. Don't worry about the costs and just enjoy the ride and yer DON'T put all your assets on the line

That's why, again, I'd advice men to break up after one year max, and if you a black man even shorter, like 6 months, unless the situation begs for a extended period of time( aka she's 100% submissive, loyal, no games ,respect level high, cooperative ect)

Why should a black man end a relationship earlier than anybody else?

I'm not try to be cantankerous, by the way. I'm just curious about your reasoning.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I’ll check it out. I think I’m the most anti-bf-and-gf person here, as most (not all) “relationships” with no family formation are worthless in my view.

I consider bf-&-gf a goofy, resource-wrecking construct with nothing to show for it in the end. When I have asked men who were in emotional uproar over such a situation, which is typical for the gf-bf relationship, “OK, this sounds terrible. What are you getting out of this?,” there has never been an answer provided.

I believe when a woman’s energies are not put into child reading and home making, she will by default drive her man up a wall and seek to take over his life. A misdirection of maternal energy happens.

“But you can just put her in her place bro.” This further proves that it’s a game and joke, having to keep up psychological theatrics to “maintain tension,” rather than just freaking going home and taking care of one’s life or family.

As I’ve written my hierarchy before:
1. Family formation.
2. MGTOW.
3. Casual sex.
4. Legal escort.
4. “Bf and gf,” “LTR”

2 and 3 have interchangeable spots.

And I’ll say it again, not all LTR’s (bf-gf) are psychosexual nightmares or worthless. I believe most are.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I’ll check it out. I think I’m the most anti-bf-and-gf person here, as most (not all) “relationships” with no family formation are worthless in my view.

I consider bf-&-gf a goofy, resource-wrecking construct with nothing to show for it in the end. When I have asked men who were in emotional uproar over such a situation, which is typical for the gf-bf relationship, “OK, this sounds terrible. What are you getting out of this?,” there has never been an answer provided.

I believe when a woman’s energies are not put into child reading and home making, she will by default drive her man up a wall and seek to take over his life. A misdirection of maternal energy happens.

“But you can just put her in her place bro.” This further proves that it’s a game and joke, having to keep up psychological theatrics to “maintain tension,” rather than just freaking going home and taking care of one’s life or family.

As I’ve written my hierarchy before:
1. Family formation.
2. MGTOW.
3. Casual sex.
4. Legal escort.
4. “Bf and gf,” “LTR”

2 and 3 have interchangeable spots.

And I’ll say it again, not all LTR’s (bf-gf) are psychosexual nightmares or worthless. I believe most are.

Having a girlfriend is the worst

 

[Manure Spherian]

Having a girlfriend is the worst

Yes. I’ve also observed that in such relationships there is almost always an employer-employee dynamic developed.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Yes. I’ve also observed that in such relationships there is almost always an employer-employee dynamic developed.

I generally agree with you. But I also don't really have any problems when I have a gf. It's still comply or bye for me. The girls I've dated long term fall into my frame. And I do what I want. Too many guys abandon the abundance mentality. Plus I always date women who like to clean which takes a load off for me.

 

[Gamisch]

Why should a black man end a relationship earlier than anybody else?

I'm not try to be cantankerous, by the way. I'm just curious about your reasoning.

Because women who like black men generally tend to like the TYPE of Tyrone.

So if a woman says she exclusively wants black men, she'll be on HIGH alert ANYTIME when a black dude enters. Let me give an example: lets say there's one black dude in the bar. She'll go for him. Easy catch. But...easy come ,easy go!! Now imagine another black dude entering the same bar, but he's "better"in her eyes, if only because he brings new D energy. Needless to say what will happen. Especially when you replace "bar" with "gym" or "work" or even worse: "social circle ".

Same could be said for any specific type. Biker, surfer, latino, man with suitcase ect. That's why a black man gotta keep it moving. I can tell you from personal experiences that women who like only one type dont necessarily look at who he is, but rather at what he MIGHT be in her eyes.

 

[Westminster]

Because women who like black men generally tend to like the TYPE of Tyrone.

So if a woman says she exclusively wants black men, she'll be on HIGH alert ANYTIME when a black dude enters. Let me give an example: lets say there's one black dude in the bar. She'll go for him. Easy catch. But...easy come ,easy go!! Now imagine another black dude entering the same bar, but he's "better"in her eyes, if only because he brings new D energy. Needless to say what will happen. Especially when you replace "bar" with "gym" or "work" or even worse: "social circle ".

Same could be said for any specific type. Biker, surfer, latino, man with suitcase ect. That's why a black man gotta keep it moving. I can tell you from personal experiences that women who like only one type dont necessarily look at who he is, but rather at what he MIGHT be in her eyes.

Thanks, that makes sense. Although I guess that rule would apply to black men when they're with women from other backgrounds rather than a black man with a black woman.

 

[Manure Spherian]

But I also don't really have any problems when I have a gf.

How long do these gf-bf scenarios typically last? What do you get out of them that you can’t get out of one?

I have a hard time wrapping my head around how such relationships that likely both involved know will end. And in all the expenses of time, money, and emotion, what long lasting things come out of them?

I’m asking seriously.

When I speak of this, I refer to people older than 23 years old.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Yes. I’ve also observed that in such relationships there is almost always an employer-employee dynamic developed.

As long as I'm the employer and she's the unpaid volunteer.

 

[Manure Spherian]

As long as I'm the employer and she's the unpaid volunteer.

That seems better considering the employer-employee dynamics I’m informed of, including some on here, has the employee walking on eggshells and in a state of terror.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

How long do these gf-bf scenarios typically last? What do you get out of them that you can’t get out of one?

I have a hard time wrapping my head around how such relationships that likely both involved know will end. And in all the expenses of time, money, and emotion, what long lasting things come out of them?

I’m asking seriously.

When I speak of this, I refer to people older than 23 years old.

I don't really find that the "companionship" I get outside of a LTR is as enjoyable. It's either platonic or fleeting or a revolving door.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very much a loner and don't really need others around. My GF knows this and respects it.

But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy her on a different level than with fukk buddies. After a while plates all kind of become the same to me. While I like the variety, I get bored by the repetition. I still experience it when I'm out doing approaches etc.

The only thing it really costs me is time, which is fine because it's time well spent. I don't spend any more money than usual and emotionally I'm pretty centered. If we broke up tomorrow I'd be down for a while but fine overall.

But that's just me - and believe me in general I agree with you. I've just gotten lucky I guess. But keep in mind I go through phases involving both single life and LTRs so either way I'm always where I want to be.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

How long do these gf-bf scenarios typically last? What do you get out of them that you can’t get out of one?

I have a hard time wrapping my head around how such relationships that likely both involved know will end. And in all the expenses of time, money, and emotion, what long lasting things come out of them?

I’m asking seriously.

When I speak of this, I refer to people older than 23 years old.

Great memories. Wonderful experience. Often, Lifetime loyal friends, even after it ends. I don’t think most people (including myself) logically assess the mathematics of how likely the relationship is to end. It’s all instinct, intuition, emotion & feelz.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Great memories. Wonderful experience. Often, Lifetime loyal friends, even after it ends. I don’t think most people (including myself) logically assess the mathematics of how likely the relationship is to end. It’s all instinct, intuition, emotion & feelz.

Thanks for the responses. @Hamurabimbi @Millard Fillmore

I don’t want to pester you guys with questions. I’m just curious. And you don’t have to answer. What are typical reasons for these breakups?

Something major shifted in my brain after I met my wife and had children. I had a few girlfriends and casual sex in my 20s. After we formed a family, and as time went on, I came to view women for relationships (not with me specifically as I am a faithful man) in two categories only: marriage and motherhood or flings, not much in between.

I can understand a middle-aged man who perhaps had kids already wanting a committed serious life partner, which is sort of like an unofficial marriage, not what I’d call bf and gf.

When I think of “girlfriend,” I get a tired feeling, and think, “My god. Having to be on call, have this person on my mind, worry about her well-being, headaches and heartache, and having her lean on me for entertainment.” And all for it to end because it was likely a mismatch from the beginning.

But yes, to each his own. Again, thanks for the input.

 

[DreamAgain]

Thanks for the responses. @Hamurabimbi @Millard Fillmore

I don’t want to pester you guys with questions. I’m just curious. And you don’t have to answer. What are typical reasons for these breakups?

Something major shifted in my brain after I met my wife and had children. I had a few girlfriends and casual sex in my 20s. After we formed a family, and as time went on, I came to view women for relationships (not with me specifically as I am a faithful man) in two categories only: marriage and motherhood or flings, not much in between.

I can handstand a middle-aged man who perhaps had kids already wanting a committed serious life partner, which is sort of like an unofficial marriage, not what I’d call bf and gf.

When I think of “girlfriend,” I get a tired feeling, and think, “My god. Having to be on call, have this person on my mind, worry about her well-being, headaches and heartache, and having her lean on me for entertainment.” And all for it to end because it was likely a mismatch from the beginning.

But yes, to each his own. Again, thanks for the input.

It is a pretty good deal for a guy because he gets companionship and intimacy without the guillotine of the state awaiting him for child support payments/alimony + other consequences of divorce.

Also flings are not so easy to acquire, for most men a stable long term relationship with a compatible partner is pretty good.

 

[zekko]

I think this is the first guy I've heard who admits that men like to have validation too.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Marriage and motherhood or flings, not much in between.

Agree

 

[eli77]

A gf used to be the "nr 2 indicator " to determine ones masculinity, with marriage being nr1.

However, the secret is out there that eventually it's the man who loses 9/10 . Because you invest into something that you know will be worth less and less over time. And no,your investments won't mean shyte to her at the end. Let your guard down/ settle for security and boom, attraction fades. Untill you end up with a dead bedroom but due to ties with this woman you can't leave ,( think buying/ renting together, having kids, having a business with her, and even sharing a social circle)

To allude to the previous point: Relationships with women is like purchasing a car. Don't worry about the costs and just enjoy the ride and yer DON'T put all your assets on the line

That's why, again, I'd advice men to break up after one year max, and if you a black man even shorter, like 6 months, unless the situation begs for a extended period of time( aka she's 100% submissive, loyal, no games ,respect level high, cooperative ect)

Your speaking from experience!?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Yes. I’ve also observed that in such relationships there is almost always an employer-employee dynamic developed.

Thanks for the responses. @Hamurabimbi @Millard Fillmore

I don’t want to pester you guys with questions. I’m just curious. And you don’t have to answer. What are typical reasons for these breakups?

Something major shifted in my brain after I met my wife and had children. I had a few girlfriends and casual sex in my 20s. After we formed a family, and as time went on, I came to view women for relationships (not with me specifically as I am a faithful man) in two categories only: marriage and motherhood or flings, not much in between.

I can understand a middle-aged man who perhaps had kids already wanting a committed serious life partner, which is sort of like an unofficial marriage, not what I’d call bf and gf.

When I think of “girlfriend,” I get a tired feeling, and think, “My god. Having to be on call, have this person on my mind, worry about her well-being, headaches and heartache, and having her lean on me for entertainment.” And all for it to end because it was likely a mismatch from the beginning.

But yes, to each his own. Again, thanks for the input.

I drank too much.

She was very young. Had no car. Which was fine. But when Covid hit she lost her job. Has to move back with her mom ( who didn’t like me) and she was 45 min away. So logistics.

I let myself go.

I was too ‘weird & nerdy’. So she just wanted an FWB relationship.

Just the last few.