The Terrible Curse

[DeusEx]

Hi guys!

Since this is my first post here, let me introduce myself. I first discovered this site about 8 years ago. I was your typical AFC. I couldn't talk to girls. I believed in fate and all that crap. I thought everything would "work it self out". I was growing up to be a real *****. Then one day, I found this forum and everything changed. I lurked here for a few years, and I grew. I learned how to kill unwanted infatuations and how to seduce. I learned how to follow my dreams and how to reach my potential. I learned how to be a man.

I haven't been to this site for a few years now - I thought I had learned all I needed. My plan has always been to return here and give advice to others. But this is not how it's turning out. I am now returning with need for help. I have been struck by the most terrible curse: the ONE-ITIS.

Now the reason I'm posting this in the Mature Man forum is simple: I'm 27 years old, and I thought I had outgrown silly emotions like that. I thought I was in control of what I want to feel.

The story begins, like many of these stories: There's this girl at work... When she started at the company about a half year ago I thought to myself that she's off-limits since we work together, but that she'll be nice "target practice". Everything was going fine until about a month ago, when BAM, out of the blue I was struck the "sickness". And it's getting worse and worse. Now it's almost unbearable, and that's why I'm here spewing out this cry for help.

To complicate things, she has a boyfriend (whom I, of course, have convinced myself that she is going to break up with any day now).

What do you do when know all tricks, when you thought that you had matured and that you could control your emotions? And then something like this strikes. I know that the number one cure for this is to see other girls. My problem however, is that this is not working this time (isn't that terrifying?). The second best cure, avoid seeing her, is impossible unless I quit my job.

I'm out of ideas, guys...

 

[Desdinova]

What do you do when know all tricks, when you thought that you had matured and that you could control your emotions? And then something like this strikes.

You ditch her, cut contact, and move on.

The second best cure, avoid seeing her, is impossible unless I quit my job.

There's one thing you didn't learn from this site... Don't stick your d1nk in the company ink. Now you have to learn it the hard way. You have two options:

1) Keep interaction with this woman at a business level only. No chit-chat, no flirting, no eating lunch together. Strictly business.

2) Quit your job.

 

[Die Hard]

1. Smash the boyfriend's head in with a baseball bat!
2. Pick her up with your big strong arms!
3. Throw her on your bed and make hot love to her!
4. Marry her!



Anyway, I'm having a kinda similar situation at the moment, trying to fight off one-itis regarding a girl at work. What really feeds the one-itis, is thinking about her on the moments she's not there. You know, the daydreaming/fantasizing? If you fight that off, you basically fight the one-itis off. That's how it works for me anyway.. And if I HAVE to think of her, I only think about having sex with her, so the only "emotion" the thoughts cause is LUST (make sure you don't think about making love to her, as that obviously stimulates one-itis!!)

 

[jophil28]

What do you do when know all tricks, when you thought that you had matured and that you could control your emotions? And then something like this strikes. I know that the number one cure for this is to see other girls. My problem however, is that this is not working this time (isn't that terrifying?). The second best cure, avoid seeing her, is impossible unless I quit my job.

I'm out of ideas, guys...

Jeez, you started a thread to whine about some H/S style infatuation ?

Look at it this way...
You haven't been on a date with her.
You haven't gamed her.
YOu haven't slept with her.
She did not date you in secret behind her B/fs back and then cut you off.
She did not chase you and then FZ you when she hooked you.
All she does is show up at the same office as you each day and you are flat out gaga.. Besotted, smitten - all doggy bowl eyes.

Why do you need our help, sympathy or even our suggestions?

Get a grip, Fritz.

This sort of shyte is gonna happen many times in your sorry life. Get used to being occasionally disappointed. It happens even to "DJs" like you.

 

[DeusEx]

Get a grip, Fritz.

I completely agree with Desdinova and jophil28. What I need is a slap in the face. I guess this was the reason I made a post; I just need some help to snap out of it.

1. Smash the boyfriend's head in with a baseball bat!
2. Pick her up with your big strong arms!
3. Throw her on your bed and make hot love to her!
4. Marry her!

Now this is actually what I AM going to do!

 

[AMDG]

And then something like this strikes.

You were always low value in your own eyes - that's why you are a love junkie now. You think you are loving somebody but you don't even love yourself, because you abandoned your free will.

 

[amoka]

I believe there is something missing in DeusEx's assessment. There seems to be no problem at all with this woman. Your infatuation with her has no substance at the moment, hence there is no need or nothing anybody here can do to assist you. Provide us with details:
-Did you ask her out and she said she has a boyfriend? If so, forget about it and continue working like nothing happened.
-Did you have sexual encounter with her and you later found out that she has a boyfriend? If so, then don't worry about it... you already got your share, plenty of your male coworkers will get theirs in the near future from this chick.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I had a oneitis at Thirty years of age. That was the pinnacle of my oneitis times in my life. She eventually got married to a Police captain in a small town about 40 miles away, AFTER I got fired at my former former job back then.

The point is GO with your Feelings. Love all you want. PURSUE this dame, this broad. ACT out on your determination to WIN her. Want to stomp whoever she is seeing.

I did. It didn't end pretty, but, I'm a Better MAN for it. I went with my gut and paid the price, but I grew as a man. I gained immense Control of myself. I changed tremendously, to My benefit. I beCame a celebrity. SHE was a celebrity in my small world, and my love for her was a reflection of my love for me. As I looked into the mirror, I began to love who I'd been and who I'd returned to be, because of her, and my focus on her eyes, her lips, her cheeks, her nose, her body (not all that great in the breast department).

She helped me realize who I was again. Before her, I was lost and didn't know who I was. She brought out the best of my identity from long ago, like being reborn again. My stock has grown 1000% since then.

 

[DeusEx]

Thanks guys, all responses are appreciated.

You were always low value in your own eyes - that's why you are a love junkie now. You think you are loving somebody but you don't even love yourself, because you abandoned your free will.

I know what you mean, but you're mistaken. I have a good life - confidence and self value are no problem. This is why I posted in the Mature Man forum; I was surprised that I'd suddenly be hit by a "high school crush" at this point in life.

I believe there is something missing in DeusEx's assessment (...)

I know I left out the details. But that's because I believe they're irrelevant to my point. The question is how does a man with his AFC-days far behind him deal with out-of-the-blue ONE-itis? (For the record, nothing has happened. As I said, being a colleague I considered her off-limits from the moment we met)

I had a oneitis at Thirty years of age. That was the pinnacle of my oneitis times in my life. She eventually got married to a Police captain in a small town about 40 miles away, AFTER I got fired at my former former job back then.

The point is GO with your Feelings. Love all you want. PURSUE this dame, this broad. ACT out on your determination to WIN her. Want to stomp whoever she is seeing.

I did. It didn't end pretty, but, I'm a Better MAN for it. I went with my gut and paid the price, but I grew as a man. I gained immense Control of myself. I changed tremendously, to My benefit. I beCame a celebrity. SHE was a celebrity in my small world, and my love for her was a reflection of my love for me. As I looked into the mirror, I began to love who I'd been and who I'd returned to be, because of her, and my focus on her eyes, her lips, her cheeks, her nose, her body (not all that great in the breast department).

She helped me realize who I was again. Before her, I was lost and didn't know who I was. She brought out the best of my identity from long ago, like being reborn again. My stock has grown 1000% since then.

Wow, that was a different perspective. I'm still hoping to snap out of it though. But you are making me realize one thing: this may not be so bad if I can use it to grow.

 

[jophil28]

I was surprised that I'd suddenly be hit by a "high school crush" at this point in life.

Why surprised ? Surely you did not believe that you were somehow immune from spontaneous feelings just because you graduated from The SS College.

We are never immune from being clobbered by a HB's presence ,and neither should we.. Going ape over a woman is what men do, and will continue to do forever. That is not a problem. The problems start when we are willing to be LESS than we are to get her, and we are willimg to behave in unmanly ways to "please " her.

At the moment I have some serious hots for a HB9.5 singer who is married to a piano player down at one of my clubs. She is smokin' . I go to see them play once ot twice a week. SHe and I chat , She wants me to teach her some Latin dance moves.I have held her in a close dance hold and it was a wood making moment. Her husband barely notices her flirts...Am in going to seduce her - unfortunately no. Do I want to - yes.
Am I disappointed in myself because I want her magnificent married body under mine ? No !
I just accept that i love beautiful women, but this specimen is off limits.
That does not stop me FEELING my feelings or denying what i feel - I just won't act on them.

You see, being a DJ type of guy does NOT cancel your feelings or emotions when it comes to women.
The key is self regulation of your behavior, not elimination or cancellation of natural and spontaneous emotional responses.

 

[Die Hard]

Yeah, that's all nice and everything...there are important lessons to be learned from this situation: About ourselves, about life, about women, about DJ'ism, etc. etc. etc. BLAH BLAH BLAH!

However, it leads the focus away from practically dealing with the situation.

DeusEx, stop reading this thread and stop thinking about your situation. The more thought you put into this situation, the more difficult it will become to step away from the situation (the more you think of a girl you need to forget about, the more difficult it will be to forget about her). You need to cure from your one-itis, right? So stop thinking about the girl on moments she's not there, coz that's really all there is to it... Someone who decides to quit smoking, could analyse his situation as much as he wants and read all kinds of wise comments about it on some forum. In the end, all that just prevents him from doing what he needs to do, which is simple: stop lighting up cigarettes!

So again: stop reading this thread and stop thinking about the situation because it just prevents you from doing what you need to do, which is simple: stop thinking about her when she's not there!

 

[AMDG]

I was surprised that I'd suddenly be hit by a "high school crush" at this point in life.

It's not a disease, but the absence of self-control that was always present bellow the surface.

 

[Colossus]

You see, being a DJ type of guy does NOT cancel your feelings or emotions when it comes to women.
The key is self regulation of your behavior, not elimination or cancellation of natural and spontaneous emotional responses.

The wise Jophil.

A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that just having these kinds of feeling makes them a puss-bag AFC, when in reality it does not. You are a human being; a man with d!ck and balls and you are not immune to suddenly finding yourself with intense feelings for a girl. Feelings are sometimes unexplainable and you cant always reason them away. The key is checking your behavior.

At this point you havent done anything wrong. The rest is up to you. You can be reckless and pursue her...maybe you'll win and maybe you'll crash and burn. Or you can just see other women and wait for the feelings to pass, and they will. My only advice is dont get caught up with a woman at work, unless you dont plan on staying at this job much longer.

 

[DeusEx]

You see, being a DJ type of guy does NOT cancel your feelings or emotions when it comes to women.
The key is self regulation of your behavior, not elimination or cancellation of natural and spontaneous emotional responses.

So again: stop reading this thread and stop thinking about the situation because it just prevents you from doing what you need to do, which is simple: stop thinking about her when she's not there!

You are a human being; a man with d!ck and balls and you are not immune to suddenly finding yourself with intense feelings for a girl. Feelings are sometimes unexplainable and you cant always reason them away.

THANK you, that's exactly what I needed to hear! I'm seeing what happened now. Trying to fight off the emotion made me keep thinking about the situation, which of course only made it worse. But it is actually very simple: accept that the emotion is there; don't spend time or energy fighting it. This is really what has been taking its toll on me. All negativity vanished the moment I realized this.

Thanks for the help guys!