Either way, you start putting yourself out there and you’re realizing, “Hey…there are ALOT of girls out there that I could talk to…how am I even going to find the time to talk to them?”
In my experience (and also from the experience of close guy friends of mine), there comes this threshold, a “crossing point” if you will, where a guy who might have entered college with different social inhibitions (shyness, social anxiety, introversion, etc) starts generating MASSIVE momentum behind himself and just is “ON” to approach college girls – from the second that he wakes up to the second he goes to sleep.
However, once I crossed this threshold and developed an image of “total awesomeness” in my mind, different worries started coming to mind. Mainly ones of, “Will other people think that I’m weird?” and “Will girls think that I’m creepy if I approach on campus?”
In my experience, I’ve seen two words that elicit extreme responses of fear, social embarrasment, and aversion in different males:
Creepy and Weird.
I’m going to write a multi-part series about the inevitability of getting labeled with these two words and how to deal with them properly. Long story short, you’re *going* to get it from some girl(s) or people at some time, so you need to know how to roll with it properly.
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Let’s talk about my personal experiences from here on out…
Whenever I entered college, I thought I was a fairly social being. In high school, I had friends here and there in different social groups that I’d bounce around to, but I would RARELY chat up “strangers”. The thought talking to people I didn’t know seemed appealing in my mind, however, my body would NOT ALLOW me to follow through with the actions.
When I did muster up the courage to actually start talking to girls, I just asked them simple questions like, “Hey…do you know where XYZ Hall is?” I’d simply take the conversation out as long as I could without making things sexual and without touching because I was afraid to get “Blown out”. I don’t think I even got blown out asking for directions from a girl, but it gave me enough courage to actually start *flirting* with college girls.
As a total newbie, I thought that girl sitting on the bus with a STONE COLD look on her face staring off into the distance meant that she didn’t want to be bothered. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, these gorgeous college girls are just bored as **** in their mind that there’s nothing fun going on in front of them or they’re just putting on the “***** face” for fun.
I would be able to easily walk up to one of these “Stone Cold” girls and have her INSTANTLY open up to me, or within 30 seconds, I was in. The conditioning of a past life had always told me, “Don’t talk to strangers, and don’t disturb others”.
Naturally, I overcame this old belief in my mind and I slowly started accumulating reference experiences in my mind that told me, “Hey…girls are friendly…and they aren’t as closed off as I initially thought”.
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What did I do from there?
I slowly started getting edgier and edgier. More flirtatious, more ****iness, more arrogance. I spoke louder and I started walking with a swagger in my step (however I am black, so my inherited swagger from Africa just turned into Super Swag), and most of all, I developed the confidence to start chatting up ANYONE in ANY situation.
College University Bookstore? Class Hallways? Crowded Bus Stop Benches? Bustling Dining Halls?
IT DIDN’T ****ING MATTER. All of these places had cute college girls, and the sensations in my body all told me, “Cute girl….go flirt…go have fun”.
I’d walk to class and chat up whatever cute college girl was walking in my direction (Side Note: girls who are walking in your direction to the same building you are headed to are PERFECT to chat up. You’re going to see these girls over and over again and you can become friends with these girls or more depending on your liking). Before class, I’d ALWAYS be socializing with someone – mostly girls, sometimes guys. But no matter what, I was always socializing…everywhere that I went.
With the cute university hotties, there would be a lot of playfulness, fun, and pure flirting. I’d chat them up, get their numbers depending on if they were cool, and make plans to meet up and party later. With guys, it would just be chill conversation or maybe me busting their balls and doing some networking to see how we could party and meet chicks. Sometimes I’d see an older person on campus (aka someone over the age of 25 who was maybe a professor or admin worker) and I’d joke with them about being “being surrounded by these kindergartners of college kids” or something like that.
The point is, I socialized anywhere that I go. Mainly, it was me hitting it off with the girls and having a fun time. I had finally developed the ability to walk up to any girl, start talking with her, have a good interaction with her, and eventually lead it to a mutual win-win direction (aka fun times in the sack). I was one, small step away from being able to levitate, walk on water, and even swallow entire swords.
THEN,
TRADGEDY STRUCK.
I was on this bus with a lady-friend of mine. The following conversation occurred. Names changed for confidentiality:
Me: Yeah…so what did you do yesterday?
Her: Oh, I just went shopping with my friend Linda and we went bra shopping
Me: Awesome, I met a girl named Linda yesterday
Her: Wait…did you meet her on a bus?
Me: Yeah…Linda with redhair and blue eyes, right?
Her: Holy ****…that’s the one…she told me about you
Me: Oh cool, what did she say?
Her: She said, “There was this creepy guy who got my number on the bus yesterday”
Me: **REALITY OF BEING SUCH A BIG PIMP SHATTERED** Oh…
Her: But don’t worry, she thought you were weird but I told her you were cool and that you just flirt with any cute girl you see
Me: **APPLY SALT TO WOUND**
Her: She has a boyfriend too
Me: **JUMP OFF A BRIDGE**
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Since I started college, I had obviously been walking around with the delusion that I was the most awesome guy on campus and that no one could touch me in any possible way. I saw men, women, and children have better days after me talking to them for a couple of minutes. I had the “Midas Touch” with women and people in general. Before this point, it seemed that I spat golden nuggets of verbal game everywhere that I went, girls’ phone numbers flowed like milk and honey into my phone, girls were just always showing attraction no matter what, and I could tell that naughty things were bound to happen by the looks in their eyes.
But Me+Creepy+Weird? Impossible…
The following thoughts went through my head:
“How could this be possible? Was I not awesome enough? Was I not cool enough? Was I actually all those words – creepy, weird? How could someone not like me?
Maybe she’s a *****. Maybe she’s just weird. If ANYONE thinks that *I’M* weird, they are just stupid as ****. For *ME* to be weird…impossible.”
Once I got back, I went back to my stash of field reports and concluded that I was coming off too strong for that particular girl (shy, very conservative) and that talking about “animal bestiality” and “seeing pigs rape each other” *probably* was too far outside of her reality. So, bad judgment on my part.
Even thought this was simply a lack of calibration that would be easy to fix in the future, this ended up setting off a chain reaction of mental movies and images of failure, rejection, and blowouts in my mind.
The perfect image of myself – me, a popular guy, phenomenal with women, I could do things that other guys couldn’t, I had this special “skillset” that no one else had – this perfect image of myself came crashing down with just two words.
“Creepy” and “Weird”
Only after this “horrific event” to my self-image (ego) and a long journey inside myself to the very depths of my mind and being would result in me dealing with this properly.
College Flirting and Not Being Creepy
