The significance of a piece of rock?

[lordtwiggie]

Hi guys, i'm new here, although not so new to be honest, I've been lurking around here for a couple of months when I realized the LTR I am in became a bit strange...at least to my opinion that is.
So anyway, I won't bore you guys with my relationship story much.
To keep it short,I am 29, am in a LTR currently, if a 2 year relationship is considered LTR range here?
After 2 years I feel there's something wrong with her (could be me, hence your opinions would be great). But you know what, all these details I will let out later as my objective of this post is something completely different.
What I want to ask today is ..... what's the significance of a piece of rock when you are in a relationship or when you are supposed to do the proposing and stuff?
Keep in mind I am not asking this because I have intentions to propose, such intentions have been degrading for the past two months but something that happened a couple of days ago doesn't sit well with me, but I want to know opinions from here, I may be right or I may be wrong after all right?
Firstly let's label my girl as ..... Jen....short and simple.
So well Jen's cousin recently accepted a proposal from her boyfriend of less than year (big mistake maybe but we won't discuss this), and she's happy and all that....
And so the other day this cousin went to visit Jen's family and Jen was telling me over the phone that her sisters all saw her engagement ring!!! I didn't get the significance of this part...I thought they were just looking at the proof that she's engaged or something.
That was until Jen mentioned "yeah, it's NOT 1 carat btw"
Which puzzled me....and I asked back "What's the significance of that? you guys should be concerned if she's happy or not at most"
To which she doesn't get my opinion on this....and I lightly asked her back..."so this means I can't propose to you without a 1 carat?"
To which she....sternly mind you...said "No!"
This is the same attitude she shares with her sisters where they all WANT a 1 CARAT ring in order to be proposed to....

Keep in mind the following points (If I decide to marry her)
1. I got a house for us (which is my own anyway)
2. I am buying a second car for myself so that she can have my current car
3. She wants to be a housewife long term, basically laze around and live on my paycheck despite the fact she's a qualified lawyer


None of the above sat well with me in the first place, which is why like I said my intentions to propose or anything as such to her has been steadily degrading over the past couple of months after she started showing her true colors.
Also also the important point :
1 carat or NO GO!

So now, coming to my question(s) (I am sorry if the above is a bit long winded)
What's the significance of this piece of rock?
I am already giving what's important in a relationship/marriage(if that ever happens)
So why is the rock such an important instrument here which totally ignores all my other contributions?
Am I right to think "TO HELL WITH THIS *****!"? (I need this opinion just to be sure I am doing the right thing and not jumping the gun)
IS this piece of stone really important to ALL other women as well?

I'll probably let out the background of this girl if anyone wants to know what type of person she is...just to judge what she's up to or whatever
But my personal judgement is :
She feels she has trapped a guy (until 2 months ago she was probably right)
She feels the world owes her something (the 1 carat argument sortta proves this)
She is just lazy and wants to live on a guy's paycheck, despite screaming equality!
She's self centered and lacks any kind of genuine empathy (except maybe for dogs)

Oh yes and Btw, just in case you guys are curious, she's just a 5, and before bashing me for being so lenient with something that's not beyond a 7 or 8, my reasons are, I thought she was a nice girl (she totally was...in the beginning), she's highly qualified and has a good job so I thought if I ran a family with such a person it would be balanced (yes I know, it's stupid but crap like this happens, at least I snapped out of it), and the sex was good anyway.

Let me know your opinions
Constructive criticisms are very welcome cause I know I need those.

Thanx guys

 

[TomSwift]

Short answer:

Big fat rock = your petrified testicle

That's why if I ever get remarried it will be on a whim, in Vegas, at the Elvis chapel. At least the pictures would be funny.

 

[lordtwiggie]

Short answer:

Big fat rock = your petrified testicle

Love that , Concise and straight to the point
And love the Vegas idea
Thanx

 

[jophil28]

LT, this thread is likely to turn into a 10 pager, so I'm gonna get in ahead of the other wise men.

The way I see it is that her ultimate value of you, her relationship with you, and your future marriage equals ONE CARAT of Diamond.
She has made it blatantly clear that her price to be with you, as your wife, is 1 carat, otherwise 'No sale' . She is negotiating her worth with you and has openly priced herself.
Most women love diamonds and I would suggest that all women LOVe the idea of a big diamond engagement ring HOWEVER few women specify a minimum carat weight as her market purchase price.

The other provisions that you have made which seem to be accepted by her as her entitlement ( house, extra car,..etc) , may have signalled to her that you 'prize' her so highly that she can make the 1 carat diamond demand and have a good chance that it will it granted.

Ultimately you have to ask yourself one question. " Am I about to propose to someone who will be a co-pilot or just a passenger."

I would suggest that you do nothing about the marriage proposal until and unless you resolve the dilemma that is circulating in your head.

Frankly, I think that she would be totally at home at www.sugardaddy.com

 

[Romjuan]

There's two things I know girls love.
1. Being the center of attention.
2. They like others to be jealous
In your case she clearly wants to have the rock so she can have girls be jealous and so she can show off

 

[DropZone3]

The rock is all about status. Unfortunately, I can't say that I am all that surprise by her size requirement for the diamond. The girl has been brainwashed by corporate culture all her life.

 

[sodbuster]

NEXT she's shown her sense of entitlement,expects you to spend MAJOR bucks on a ring that commits you to a life of servitude fulfilling HER life's desires. And WHAT do you get? Not the lawyer who will make it back for US,but the fat housewife who expects it all.

A dentist in town built a 1.6 million dollar house[guessing 5 or 6k sq feet]. His WIFE went 400k over budget,putting things like cherry wood shelves in the closets. Her response to the carpenters....well I guess He'll have to work a few more years.[sound like a life you want?]

 

[grayclif]

Apparently the 1 carat thing is supposed to about being in some type of "club". People that get less than a 1 carat diamond engagement are considered people of poor ot low quality that don't know any better.

In any event all her family/friends get the 1 carat and she is not interested in being bested by any them. A ring of less than 1 carat, to her, will show that you are of low quality and that she is of low quality for choosing you.

I went diamond shopping once about 10 years ago and was surprised to find that a 1 carat diamond can range in price from about $500 to $8000. And without one of those jeweler eye thingy's and those brilliant lights above the ring display counter there is no way to tell the difference.

"Am I about to propose to someone who will be a co-pilot or just a passenger."

^^^ I think you already know the answer ^^^

 

[Bible_Belt]

a 1 carat diamond can range in price from about $500 to $8000.

Yes indeed. Smaller diamonds of a higher quality tend to look bigger.

I like nice things and would consider the ring just as much mine as hers. No woman wants a cheap ring. I think you should do a lot of research about diamonds and eventually buy a quality ring...someday...when you meet a quality girl. There is no rush.

 

[lordtwiggie]

Thanks guys, a lot of your opinions open up new perspectives for me.
jophil28 , I already had the idea of proposing degrade over the past couple of months over other reasons(she has other issues as well) but this one was the final straw per say.
But your question of whether or not she's a co-pilot or just a passenger nails it home! that is the crucial question/answer which I would look at.....she is more geared up towards being just a passenger, more like VIP passenger I would put it.]

Romjuan - Looks more like it too.....women these days.....

DropZone3 is right, she and many other girls these days are brainwashed by corporate culture or even consumerism....and also peer pressure by the looks of it (Sisters want 1 carat too).

sodbuster, to answer your question (a straight forward good question at that) - nope that's not the life I want, at the end of the day I want to enjoy my profit which I earn by myself....I'll go on and buy a BMW, a bigger house or anything just to enjoy it for myself for my hardwork, I do not intend to run my life as a charity organization for lazy fat housewife inspired women at the end of the day.

grayclif - yes I know the answer and thanx for the more eye opening insight from you...I do not care if she thinks I am low quality just because I can't produce a humongous stone for her, I am gonna live my life for myself.....(without her obviously)

Bible_Belt - Thanx for the advice, no rush indeed, all these "I need to get married" crap has been planted by culture and society....I don't see a point to it.

 

[L B]

When you find the right girl you're willing to gamble with your life, she's the one you should marry. This girl doesn't seem of to much quality based on your description.

As for the ring: women have been conditioned to love and place much value in it. Same thing as some guys place much value in a high quality watch. I have a budget for a wedding ring, and I tell my girl to choose whatever the hell she wants within budget and she can cover the rest if she likes it that much. She's fine with it. There is no surprises in us getting married within 2 years.

 

[Razor Sharp]

I went through this exact same thing with my longest LTR. We were pretty serious and talked often about the future (house, kids) I really loved her. Everything seemed to be going great.

We attended a friends wedding one day and it was a REALLY expensive affair (his folks spent almost $200,000 which I think is ridiculous but whatever) Of course she absolutely loved it and started gushing how it was the perfect wedding, etc etc. The bride's engagement ring was 4k btw, looked a lot like this: http://www.weddingjewelry4u.com/images/silver-vintage-cushion-diamond-engagement-ring-p2795.jpg

Right then I knew there were going to be problems but we just enjoyed the day and went on with our lives. Two, count them, TWO months later my friend is getting a divorce. They had both been cheating on each other for years apparently, yet saw no problem with blowing a huge chunk of his life savings on that stupid wedding. F*ckin morons.

Anyways the subject of money came up again and my girl said it didn't matter if they broke up because the wedding is the bride's "special day" and no one could take that away from her. I tried to reason with her, pointing out the fact that these folks could have bought a freaking house AND a car with that money instead of renting the sh*thole they live in but she seemed pretty adamant. Things just went downhill from there.

She came out of pocket and said that she didn't want no cheapskate husband and if I wanted to move forward with our plans I'd have to "put a ring on it", and a heavy one at that. At the time we were both pretty poor so this whole thing seemed like some Twilight Zone sh*t. I asked her a simple question:

Ok then - what sacrifices are YOU willing to make to be with me?

She looked at me like I was crazy, then gave me the usual BS speech about taking care of me, loving me etc. I told her "No, that's something you already do. What specifically can you do for me that is comparable to months or even years of hard work to pay for a ceremony and a trinket that you really don't need other than to impress your friends?"

As you can guess this deteriorated into a full-blown conflict. I let her know that I didn't want someone so materialistic and superficial with f*cked up priorities by my side. She let me know that she basically wanted a sugar daddy. We broke up that same day and didn't speak for years.

Last time we saw each other she had indeed found her sugar daddy, this Papa's boy whose family owned several restaurants and a hotel in the city. She had everything she wanted, the extravagant wedding, 6K on her finger (one 4k rock with two 1Ks as neighbors, kind of resembling male genitalia strangely enough). And guess what? She was already cheating on him - in fact she came onto me wanting to have a "go" for old time's sake. I was far too disgusted to even think of it.

Right then I decided two things:

1. I will probably never get married. It's just a huge, meaningless waste of an institution engineered to seriously f*ck a man over, and holds absolutely no guarantee other than people's "word" which is practically worthless nowadays

2. If I ever did get hitched, the girl I chose would care more about me than material bullsh*t. Plain and simple.

As far as I'm concerned your girl has waved a HUGE red flag, and is showing you the type of entitlement bullsh*t you will probably have to deal with for the rest of your life should you choose to get locked down.

Just a heads up from someone who's been there. Be smart about who you choose as a life partner. They should hold the same core values that you do or you will be in for a world of hurt and misery down the line.

 

[lordtwiggie]

L B - Thanx for the advice, your idea on the ring budget at least makes more sense than what this girl expects from me....

Razor_Sharp - I am walking your path (throwing her away). Thanx for the eye opener

 

[The Assistant]

But my personal judgement is :
She feels she has trapped a guy (until 2 months ago she was probably right)
She feels the world owes her something (the 1 carat argument sortta proves this)
She is just lazy and wants to live on a guy's paycheck, despite screaming equality!
She's self centered and lacks any kind of genuine empathy (except maybe for dogs)

Oh yes and Btw, just in case you guys are curious, she's just a 5,

I gotta ask this in all seriousness - are you an idiot?

THIS is the girl you want to marry and give your life to? An entitled lazy golddigging self centered unempathatic plain looking BYTCH?

Why would you EVER want to commit your life to any girl that is anything BUT as close to perfect as possible?

You of course have very little experience with women (it shows, because you are ready to settle down with a complete piece of trash), so you of course have no idea what you want, how you should want it, and why you should want it.

Tell her you don't want to marry her, and end this joke of a relationship.

 

[The Assistant]

the ring should not even be the discussion right here....we should all be discussing what the hell you are doing in a committed relationship with this TRASH in the first place

 

[zekko]

Look, there's nothing wrong with the girl wanting a nice ring.
On the other hand, I know for a fact my girl would happily marry me even if I didn't get her a ring at all.
"1 carat or NO GO" - I wouldn't care for the sound of that.

 

[Colossus]

You gotta screen for this stuff when you're getting to know a girl. I know it's easier said than done but if you can creatively find a way to learn her thoughts on marriage, rings, etc, it could save you a LOT of time.

You CAN find women who arent into this crap---extravagant marriage (or marriage at all), rings, etc. Even kids. Last two girls I dated were like this.

 

[squirrels]

Haha...if a girl ever ever told me I needed a minimum number of carats to propose to her, if I wasn't in a committed relationship with her, she would be relegated to "F-buddy" status permanently. If she ever brought up issues of commitment, I would just tell her quite plainly, "I can't afford you".

If I was already "committed" to her, she would be dumped instantly. And I mean DROPPED like a hot potato and never picked up again. If she asked for a reason...same one. "I can't afford you".

I can understand a girl wanting a nice ring, and I would never cheap out on a ring for a girl I care about, but for her to specify a carat limit...that would just show an extreme lack of good monetary sense for one thing. You don't want to marry a girl with no monetary sense because you're now a single legal entity and you can become a victim of her debt problems, etc.

For another thing, I'm not looking to "buy" a girl. If the size of her diamond is what makes her happy, and not your company, then you will continually be blowing all of your money to make her happy...and if money gets tight for some reason, she will be off so fast it will make your head spin. Don't think that the one-time purchase secures a lifetime contract...oh no. It's, "What have you done for me lately". Watch Eddie Murphy Raw sometime. Try to play that game and Um-Fufu's gonna want half.

I think it's time to settle things with your future ex-girlfriend before she becomes your future ex-wife.

 

[TomSwift]

...and if money gets tight for some reason, she will be off so fast it will make your head spin.

^^^This is it right here. Don't think you "know" her well enough and that she would not do this. I'm speaking from experience here, my friend. 10 years and done in a day. It happens.

 

[logic1]

Play the game....... 1 carat Cubic Zirconia