The searcher,fling-o-matic,branch swinger,wanderer..whatever

[Mxrider01]

Yeah I do agree with jophil28 jamo.
I have already asked around and gotten 2 yes’s to go with me Saturday. So I know that I have options since I am very much leaning on NOT taking her.

I have already been putting myself out there to meet and talk to other women. I am working on improving my game on an online dating site and going out more often.

I would “like” to try and continue, but as FB status. But the more and more I think about, you are all right. I am not 100% sure I can emotionally detach and separate if we continued. I would not say that I am emotionally invested, it was more a big disappointment and or let down when she friended me because I had the impression everything was “ok”. It was a WTF moment that baffled me. I think part of me, saw it as a challenge too! I felt rejected and wanted to understand why something was wrong with me. I have now realized, it’s not me, it’s her that has the issues.

I will keep you guys informed of what happens…and how I handle the situation. That is if she even tries to contact me to confirm plans or sweet talk me back in. She hasn’t made any attempts to contact me since last Saturday when we saw each other.

Yes! She has hot friends! She has even offered to be my “winggirl” if we went out. Lol. Seems awkward but whatever, if it makes my life a little easier and get the girls loosened up, game on.

 

[jophil28]

Yeah I do agree with jophil28 jamo.
I have already asked around and gotten 2 yes’s to go with me Saturday. So I know that I have options since I am very much leaning on NOT taking her.

Do yourself a huge favor and take one of your options.

However, I wager that that demon is still on your shoulder waiting (and hoping) that "she" will call. What are you going to do if that happens ? I know the answer -you will probably ask her.
MY suggestion is to ask one of your options to go and do it NOW . That locks "her" out of contention .

That WTF moment was to be expected from someone like her. But, like me 4 years ago, you are determined to "make sense" of it because it appears to be so extraordinary .
You see, the vast majority of 'sane' women seek a closer and more committed connection with the man that are sleeping with.
However you have tangled with a member of the 2% who do the opposite . MY guess is that she has BPD (in one of it's forms ), an attachment disorder, or perhaps she is an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. I bet that she surely has "daddy issues".


Anyway, you have been told three times that she does not allow a relationship to take hold. Your buddy told you, she told you by reporting her past, and now her recent behavior told you .

The next move is your's.

 

[Mxrider01]

I opted to listen to the wisdom and advice of people more experienced than I. I have nailed it down today with another guy friend of mine to go Saturday.

I'm not gonna lie, part of me does want to take her. I WAS really looking forward to it with her. But i know now that it will be awkward and forced to be around her and pretend.

Jophil you are correct; she is the child of a alcoholic mother who goes to meetings and has relapses from time to time. As a matter of fact, she had to get away from her not long ago because her mother relapsed and had fits of rage. I had no idea that would affect her ability to be normal. As far as her dad goes, i'm not sure what the deal is. I have met him and they seem to have a decent relationship although the her parents have been divorced for some time, since she was little.

 

[Jamo]

Id say take her as winggirl and f*ck her hot friends. That is better than no use

It is NC if she does not want to be a FB or does not want to introduce you to her hot friends

 

[jophil28]

Jophil you are correct; she is the child of a alcoholic mother who goes to meetings and has relapses from time to time.

There it is. The probable psych injuries to a child of an alcoholic parent are well known and widely discussed in the lit.

Here is a question for your ponderance...How likely would it be for her to develop normally when her same sex parent(her role model) acted like an out of control raging child, and her opposite sex parent ( her protector) abandoned her by walking away ?

Because young girls in this situation never receive a free flowing supply of love and acceptance from their parents they learn to 'extract' it in bits and pieces by any manipulative means available. In adolescence, they quickly realize the power of their pvssy and so sexual availability is added to their collection of tactics deployed to gather attention (love).
They then carry forward the more successful of those tactics into adulthood and play out the same ego gratifying behaviors over and over.
That is why (I bet) she was initially "sooo sexy"..These women seem to have a gold medal sexual appeal which is irresistible.

However, remember, she is not seeking an adult relationship, she is still stuck in a childhood state seeking to fill that huge empty bucket of unmet needs brought forward from childhood.

You were caught up in all this.

This woman, as an adult, is collateral damage , but dangerous nonetheless.
You risk your own sanity by further association.

 

[Slickster]

You seem like a good guy with a good attitude.

The others have said what needs to be said so I won't go there.

Something I see in your future. You'll be out with some new girl and this "ex" will find out about it or even run into you somewhere. That is when you really have to be strong. She'll probably start calling and texting you a lot in search of that attention fix that she lost. Don't go there. This is where you win the final battle. If she calls or texts don't respond. If you run into her somewhere on a date, say nothing, smile at her, and keep on going like she means nothing to you. (It shouldn't) It's little moments like these where you really grow.

In the future if a girl you've been seeing "calls it off" but still thinks you can be friends deny her that option. Just smile and say no thanks.