The searcher,fling-o-matic,branch swinger,wanderer..whatever

[Mxrider01]

The Searcher, fling-o-matic, wanderer, or whatever you want to call her, is what brings me back here to study and become better.

Here’s the story…met an amazing girl through a friend of mine and we immediately hit it off. Laughing and drinking and dating, the usual good time when you find someone fun and compatible. Over the next weeks, which happened to include Christmas and New Year's, we had an amazing time.

Of course the past was briefly brought up; I mentioned that my most recent relationship ended after a year and a half. Her response “O wow, that’s impressive, most of my relationships don’t last or go past a few months.” A mutual friend warned me of her “searching” past. So I knew a little about her past ways of moving on after a short time. Naturally I resolved to be the exception since I’m a catch and all.

We continued to see each other for another month and have a good time together…she seemed to be outwardly happy and such. She expressly wanted to be and stay with me on a regular basis and it seemed we were headed for a relationship…she even went as far as saying we were “great together” and she looked forward to more.

The next week, for no apparent cause, she broke things off saying “we should just be friends for now.” No fight, no argument, no explanation, just the end of our fun little story. She frequently texts and me and still wants to hang out every once and a while. We actually have to see each other from time to time because of her living situation.

I know what mistakes I made as far as not being enough of a challenge, mystery, and etc etc…I think. She offered no explanation.

My question is; how do I handle this situation with her? We still have a good time together..So should I just play it cool and be polite but not really engaged? Help me out fellas…

Thanks

 

[betheman]

" ” A mutual friend warned me of her “searching” past. So I knew a little about her past ways of moving on after a short time. Naturally I resolved to be the exception since I’m a catch and all. "


A womans actions speak louder than her words!!!!!

"I know what mistakes I made as far as not being enough of a challenge, mystery, and etc etc…I think. She offered no explanation."

Why beat yourself up? you had a hint of what was coming? you knew her history? dont go there, it is she who obviously has some issues, yeah you may have doen a few things wrong but even so, if you hadnt of doen wrong would she still be with you? I very much doubt it.
all you can hope from this woman is for her to be an FB, if you can cpe with that, fine, if not, move on, next

 

[logic1]

My question is; how do I handle this situation with her? We still have a good time together..So should I just play it cool and be polite but not really engaged? Help me out fellas…Thanks

Umm, NO you dont. You think you are having a good time since you have idealized her in your mind ( pedalstal ). Just being in her presence gives you good vibes. AFC mentality. Quit hanging out with her as friends. Next.

Im sure you will get an ear full from the other posters so grab your shorts and hold on.

 

[Iceberg]

Umm, NO you dont. You think you are having a good time since you have idealized her in your mind ( pedalstal ). Just being in her presence gives you good vibes. AFC mentality. Quit hanging out with her as friends. Next.

Im sure you will get an ear full from the other posters so grab your shorts and hold on.

Agreed. He totally put her on a pedestal. His first sentence starts with "I met this amazing girl"

No. If she was amazing, you wouldn't be here talking about her. So let's start with that. She's not amazing. She's a woman. With flaws. Just like yours and mine. You wanted to date her, she wants to be friends. Therefor you want two different things. She cannot give you what you want. Therefor she ceases to be amazing. Actually she never was. You gave her that title because she was cute, and fun, and paid attention to you.

If you want to get over this "break up", I'd recommend NOT hanging out with her. NOT taking her calls or responding to texts. Stuff like that might be what put you in the Friend Zone in the first place. Although you already said that this girl has issues with branch-swinging. So I don't see the big surprise.

In summary. It's time to grow up and move on. You dated her for like 2 months. This isn't some 20 year marriage. Just cut the cord.

 

[KarmaSutra]

No. If she was amazing, you wouldn't be here talking about her. So let's start with that. She's not amazing. She's a woman. With flaws. Just like yours and mine. You wanted to date her, she wants to be friends. Therefor you want two different things. She cannot give you what you want. Therefor she ceases to be amazing. Actually she never was. You gave her that title because she was cute, and fun, and paid attention to you.

If you want to get over this "break up", I'd recommend NOT hanging out with her. NOT taking her calls or responding to texts. Stuff like that might be what put you in the Friend Zone in the first place. Although you already said that this girl has issues with branch-swinging. So I don't see the big surprise.

In summary. It's time to grow up and move on. You dated her for like 2 months. This isn't some 20 year marriage. Just cut the cord.

Icey-D is exactly right.

Only a cat who's gone through this same sh!t, with different women, can be so candidly realistic about this.

*** Joisy fist-pump*** to you Brother!

 

[Nkognito]

In summary. It's time to grow up and move on. You dated her for like 2 months. This isn't some 20 year marriage. Just cut the cord.

Agreed.

I saw this my "oneitis" girl for 2 and a half months and she opted out. The first few weeks she said we were moving fast but hell all we did was have sex so I have no idea what was fast about spending the night and having sex but oh well.

This girl needs the cold shoulder, she already emotionally detached herself. Keeping in contact with her will only put you not just in the friendzone but eventually relocated to "I'm smiling because you have a familar face" zone. Just go no contact and avoid her if possible.

 

[jophil28]

Her response “O wow, that’s impressive, most of my relationships don’t last or go past a few months.” A mutual friend warned me of her “searching” past.

In her response was a clear indication of what lay ahead for you.
Her relationships don't last because she destroys them or ends them when they approach equilibrium and stablility.
Typically the drama begins 6-8 weeks in.

You were merely the latest leading man in the latest episode of her life soap opera.

What happened to you had nothing to do with you or who you are .
She is just repeating her "relationship" pattern over and over, and will continue to do so until she meets a hardazz sociopath -and then she will finally "fall in love" with him and live a life of adrenaline pumping drama, alcohol, drugs, make-up /break-up sex, divorce, cheating and possible violence.

Your just met your first brain chemical addicted wack , BPD /HPD woman.

 

[st_99]

Agreed. He totally put her on a pedestal. His first sentence starts with "I met this amazing girl"

Good point and good reminder. NOBODY is amazing until they prove themselves to be over time. Long time.

 

[Mxrider01]

Ya know I did put her on a pedestal. I was enjoying her so much and having a good time that i let my AFC tendencies creep in and poison things.

I agree that I was just and episode in her wacky relationship cycle. I think I saw her as a challenge to be tackled and not for the red flags that I should have. Never really thought she was a BPD wack job with so many issues.

I was blinded by my desire to and my inner afc. I thought i had a better grip on my afc tendencies and more control over myself. I guess i need some work...

Here is where it stands now: I have not talked to her for 3 days, but we have had plans for this Saturday for some time. I bought tickets to an event that we are both into and excited about. It is only a few days away and i'm not sure what to do. Should I try like hell to find someone else to go with, or should i keep my plans with her? I spent a lot on the tickets and I'm not sure i can find someone else to bring...

I would love to maintain a FB status with her..so im going cold shoulder on her and just keep my distance..not sure how else to handle it.

 

[jophil28]

I have not talked to her for 3 days, but we have had plans for this Saturday for some time. I bought tickets to an event that we are both into and excited about. It is only a few days away and i'm not sure what to do. Should I try like hell to find someone else to go with, or should i keep my plans with her? I spent a lot on the tickets and I'm not sure i can find someone else to bring....

This is as gentle as I can be -

What possible benefit is there for you in taking her?
In fact, by taking her along you are tactily agreeing to her LJBF request. She then knows that you will settle for the FZ demotion because you are still willing to take her out.
By doing so you cast yourself in the role of orbiter.
A LJBF statement is a rejection - it is a rebuff and an indirect way of saying that you are no longer sexually attractive. You have served your purpose and now you have been discarded.
LJBF is also her self-issued license to seek the attention of other men.
I wager that she has already beaded down on her next target, and probably did so before she dropped you in the FZ.
You still want to give your Saturday night to her ?

 

[Mxrider01]

To be honest I was hoping to get laid after we went out....but i guess i really don't know for sure if she'll go through with it...

We have had the plans for weeks...and i understand the "orbiter" thing. We haven't actually confirmed the plans yet,but she has verified them with me when we were still seeing each other.

She HAS started talking to other guys on facebook and then some i'm sure!

I'm sure it would be a little awkward and forced to go out with her again Saturday......So I will start looking for someone else to go with...

In the event i don't find someone..should i just go by myself and make it known to her?

 

[Nkognito]

You need facebook DJ tactics 101!

Firstly you need to make a friends list and only add people you want to view your statuses, check-ins, photo albums.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH7bVvEJ14Q&feature=related

The video is dated to the old profile but the settings are the same.

I never allow girls I am plating to my "inner circle" list which has full range of my profile i.e. see check-ins, photos I am tagged in with other chicks and so fourth.

My profile to them looks like a resume, they have limited access to photos, they cant see my wall posts or people, they cant see my friends. My stuff is locked down. When they ask me why they cant post, I tell them I have clients on my facebook I wish to remain professional to.

 

[jophil28]

In the event i don't find someone..should i just go by myself and make it known to her?

I have been in your situation with a similar woman and I made all the mistakes that you are about to make (unless you listen and comprehend).

If you contact her, you immediately sacrifice what is left of your dignity.
Perhaps you have suspended disbelief about what she is actually doing. She is doing what she does habitually - she cycles though man after man until she senses that he is getting "real" and then she LJBFs him. She then recruits her next trusting victim and does exactly the same to him ..Wash, rinse, repeat..

MxRider, SHE HAS DUMPED YOU . LJBF means DUMPED!
Why the F would you even consider taking her along next Saturday ?
And for pete's sake do NOT bother to "make it known" to her. Your connection with her is broken. Time to go NC and mean it.

Either ask someone else or go alone.
IF she contacts you to feel you out, tell her you asked another woman, and hang up.

However if you still choose to hang onto a belief that you can salvage some elements of this "relationship" and convert her into a FWB, go ahead and ignore this advice.

You will be back here in a few months.

 

[Mxrider01]

Thanks Nkognito...I have revamped my facebook to better suit my privacy.

Jophil; She is good at what she does!! She has given me just enough attention to keep me on the hook and keep me in orbit with dirty texts and short convos. Wow!...i feel a little used and blind. That's why I'm here...

My thing was that I was sure she will contact me or try to verify plans which I was was unsure how to handle. I am trying to be to waaay to NICE! I am seeking to much approval and afraid of pissing people off.

As far as making it "known" to her, i was gonna start asking people publicly on facebook. I have since modified my profile on facebook so that she can't see my posts.

 

[backbreaker]

so the guy that hooked you up warned you that she crashes and burns, and you not only call her amazing, you are still chasing her after she does the same thing to you lol. man come on.

use the ticket and go make some cold approaches using the ticket as bait.

 

[Mxrider01]

backbreaker; like i said she is very good at what she does and totally played me with enough contact and sweet messages, dirty texts and so on. She has strung me out and kept me interested probably just to ensure she gets to go with me Saturday!

She is smart, and talented with stringing people along....Is there a descriptive nickname for that?

 

[Nkognito]

She is smart, and talented with stringing people along....Is there a descriptive nickname for that?

"Manipulator"

To influence or manage shrewdly or deviously: He manipulated public opinion in his favor. To tamper with or falsify (or in SoSuave's terms "beta-fy") for personal gain

 

[SharinganUser]

I've never heard of so many pg-13 words to discribe a *****. Just move on and forget about her.

 

[jophil28]

I guess that you are planning to take her in the secret hope that her LJBF statement was just a blip on a screen which was otherwise all fun and sex.
OK, looks like you need to learn that women like her never change their ways .
Men are playthings to her to be used for fun and then discarded when the connection starts to solidify into a potential relationship. That is where you were when she FZ'ed you.
These women repeat their soap opera style life over and over . They are experts at the bait aand switch game- they have done it their whole adult lives.
Your buddy told you what she is like- and then she also confirmed it but you ignored the warning signals.

I have had a g/f who acted EXACTLY like your woman .
The next step is her contacting you and hoovering you back with sweet statements, sexual innuendo or promises of the future.

Then she will dump you again or cheat on you and you will return here, all cut and bleeding pleading for first aid.

 

[Jamo]

What Jophil28 says is 100% correct. However I am sure you are going to try and continue.

Assuming that you are going to meet her this Saturday, you must f*ck her the same night. If she puts up any resistance then you will have to go NC because thereafter you will truly be just friends without benefits (and I doubt you want that).

Now problem of course is that you seem to be very much emotionally invested. If you do manage to have her as a FB you will have to completely disconnect from her emotionally. Just meet up with her for sex, apart from that treat her like a guy friend and talk about other women (in fact you MUST meet and/or **** other women).

Now you will have to ask yourself if this is worth all the trouble (if you are secretly hoping to continue a relationship then NO). The course of action suggested by Jophil28 is the wisest, but if you have an iron will, total control over your emotions and got serious game (and mental space to spare) you can try the above.

Does she have hot friends?