The same girl before and after learning DJ principles?

[GuitarPlayer]

Here is something I haven't really seen discussed, so please bear with me.

Let's say that there is a woman you like. You were married and faithful before and never made a move. You've worked with her for a few years but only see her every couple of weeks or so. She has given you signals before, but you aren't sure if they were meaningful or she was screwing with your head.

Now flash forward to the present. You've read the DJ principles and have a MUCH better understanding of how the game is played. Your circumstances have changed and you're now available.

Is all hope lost? Yeah, yeah, I know, bang 10 other women and blah, blah, blah.... I understand this and I understand one-itis. I'm 42 years old and I have no plans to go clubbing or whatever.

Serious opinions, please?

 

[speedo_meme]

If you're married, you shouldn't do a d*mn thing, and you need to re-evaluate your marriage if you're harboring these thoughts...

 

[speedo_meme]

scratch that.....guess i didn't see the part that said you were available, my bad....

 

[GuitarPlayer]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
scratch that.....guess i didn't see the part that said you were available, my bad....

No problem. It was easy enough to miss. Trust me, I was always 100% faithful to my wife and would still be if she had lived. I'm not looking for any false hope here, but honest opinions about this situation. From what I understand, this woman is ready for someone in her life and I have feelings for her (yeah, I'll get the "one-itis" flames. I don't care). I'm thinking that this is similar to when you've been LJBF'ed, but since I was married before.... maybe not.

 

[speedo_meme]

Well I'd say ask her out, then at least you'll know which direction to go.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

It never ceases to amaze me when I read the 40 something crowd assuming DJ principles and PUA techniques are less effective or less valid as a result of their being older. Let me state for the record, if you're in your 40's you aren't old. I had a training partner back when I lived in Tahoe who was 50, divorced, witha a hot-ass 35 y.o. girlfriend who he played extremely well and naturally, and this guy benched more than I do now.

STOP EXCUSING YOURSELF FOR A FEAR OF REJECTION.

You need to spin more plates. I know you'll takes this as meaning to tap as many women as you humanly can, but that is not the operative in having as many options as possible. While having sex with multiple partners is certainly a bonus to spinning plates, the overall benefit to your confidence and developing a maturity in your dating habits is the primary importance. It's very easy to misconstrue the purpose of dating multiple women as being juvenile or less than earnest, but if you (especially in your present condition) don't allow yourself the permission to be guilt free of dating many women simultaneously you run a much higher risk of settling for someone less than ideal to spend your life with in order to fill this vacuum.

I opted out of posting on your Widowers thread since I have first hand knowledge of the emotional distress that you described there and I thought the catharsis of your posting it would be lessened by anything, however constructive, I might have posted. So forgive me if I'm undully harsh on you, but you need to get back 'into the clubs', back into the social settings that are conducive to your meeting a variety of eligible women. You cannot expect your next LTR to be waiting on your doorstep when you come home from work. You need to exercise the muscles that have atrophied for you for as long as you were married and the first step is to disabuse yourself of this ONEitis mental schema. Stop thinking you need another LTR or wife - you don't. If this is what you decided for yourself after sampling from the largest pool of women as you are realistically capable of attracting over an extended period of time, just remember that even 50 isn't too old.

 

[GuitarPlayer]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
It never ceases to amaze me when I read the 40 something crowd assuming DJ principles and PUA techniques are less effective or less valid as a result of their being older. Let me state for the record, if you're in your 40's you aren't old. I had a training partner back when I lived in Tahoe who was 50, divorced, witha a hot-ass 35 y.o. girlfriend who he played extremely well and naturally, and this guy benched more than I do now.

STOP EXCUSING YOURSELF FOR A FEAR OF REJECTION.

You need to spin more plates. I know you'll takes this as meaning to tap as many women as you humanly can, but that is not the operative in having as many options as possible. While having sex with multiple partners is certainly a bonus to spinning plates, the overall benefit to your confidence and developing a maturity in your dating habits is the primary importance. It's very easy to misconstrue the purpose of dating multiple women as being juvenile or less than earnest, but if you (especially in your present condition) don't allow yourself the permission to be guilt free of dating many women simultaneously you run a much higher risk of settling for someone less than ideal to spend your life with in order to fill this vacuum.

I opted out of posting on your Widowers thread since I have first hand knowledge of the emotional distress that you described there and I thought the catharsis of your posting it would be lessened by anything, however constructive, I might have posted. So forgive me if I'm undully harsh on you, but you need to get back 'into the clubs', back into the social settings that are conducive to your meeting a variety of eligible women. You cannot expect your next LTR to be waiting on your doorstep when you come home from work. You need to exercise the muscles that have atrophied for you for as long as you were married and the first step is to disabuse yourself of this ONEitis mental schema. Stop thinking you need another LTR or wife - you don't. If this is what you decided for yourself after sampling from the largest pool of women as you are realistically capable of attracting over an extended period of time, just remember that even 50 isn't too old.

Thanks for the input and, no, you aren't being too harsh. In fact, you're absolutely right. I just happen to be the victim of a minor case of one-itis right now. Then again, the woman I have this one-itis for is in her early 30's and everyone says that she has never had a serious relationship. I suppose that alone should raise a major red flag. I still don't understand why no decent man seems to want her. It's strange and, quite frankly, it bugs me.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm gonna tell you a story here. Back when I was in high school, I used to wait for the bus with this smokin' hottie. I knew deep down inside that she was too hot for me, so I never bothered to ask her out.

Fast forward to seven years later, after I found sosuave and got my game down. I see her at the bar sitting with two of her friends. She's still smokin' hot. It was time to redeem myself. I chatted up the ugliest friend at the bar and got invited to their table. So, I sat there chatting with the two I didn't want, and threw a neg at her. She didn't recognize me. A few minutes later, I reminded her of who I was and she remembered me. After some chit-chat, I dragged her ass out to the dance floor.

A few dates later, I got to explore the inside of her

As long as you're not buddy-buddy with her (in the friend zone) you probably have a chance with her.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

A minor case of ONEitis is like a minor case of pregnancy - you either have it or you don't. Either you're limited or debilitated by it or you're not.

The cure is simple - Spin More Plates.

If this woman was one of 6 you were dating you'd have never started this thread. The time has come for you to stop operating within a woman's frame and to create and uncompromisingly insist that they operate within your own. You are the PRIZE, now go prove it.

 

[TheMig]

I'm with Rollo on this one...

Since you say you are now available...not to be cold or anything, but how long have you been on the market now? If this is the first interest that you had after the end of your last relationship, you really need to get out and get spinnin..

The idea here is to not get one-itis with the first person that you sense a good vibe with. You use her to increase your game..not use her literally, but you use her to get your self esteem up and going...but never harm her.. start spinnin other plates and see what happens...If she is game for you and sees that you are on the move, she is going to want to find out what is going on with you and there will be some sort of sign that she is interested. Up until that happens, spin, spin, and keep spinnin until that time comes up. And you know that point in time that I'm talking about, the point that she will realize that YOU are the prize and will realize whats going on. And if she doesn't, at least you have gotten enough plates spinnin that you will have a much better selection to choose from.

MiG