The Rules Dont Work

[dalton]

Somebody help me please…!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you not familiar with my situation please see the thread below..

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1430626#post1430626


Firstly im not coming back here to ***** and whine because I can close or have a problem meeting women or CANT GET OVER IT.. I just really need the opinions and advice of some mature men who could look at this situation from outside the box.

IT SEEMS LIKE ALL OF THE RULES, ALL THE ADVICE THAT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN (AND PUT IN TO PRACTICE IS FAILING MISERABLY) I don’t know maybe it’s too generic.

As you can see from the thread above my fiancé broke up with me. I’m not a wimp or and afc, and I don’t supplicate.. EVER ,She did it because of family. Now the advice of the discussion forum was to move on, no contact, and just focus on me. Which I have done.

I have not made any attempt to contact her, or try and beseech her into coming back. I have gone met and slept with four other very good looking, independent women. I go the gym every morning and I have not smoked a cigarette in 1 month.

Now last week, I was at a restaurant eating by myself. And out of nowhere someone touches my shoulder... it was her we chatted for a while; I didn’t suggest we meet up or anything. I ended the conversation first. Fast forward, this morning we bumped into each other again (we work in the same area.) talked for a while, and KISSED goodbye, I don’t know, I still felt that she is attracted to me when we speak( SHE ALSO ALWAYS HAS THIS SAD LOOK IN HER EYES WHEN WE TALK,EVEN THOUHGH THERES A SMILE ON HER FACE… she said wanted to contact me, but was afraid I would not reply (Whatever)

All I want to know is.Is this situation in anyway shape or form salvageable. I want ,not NEED her back. We’ve been through so much together, and invested so much in each other that I don’t want to just completely let it go if there is a possibility.

One thing that I will not do is chase..or beg, or confess my undying love or anything pathetic. But if I don’t contact her, and she is not contacting me..WHERE DO I GO.

I also realise that in order for us to get back together( WE BOTH HAVE TO WANT IT) I cannot make up her mind for her, I mean think about it all of the love this girl had for me) and it ended in the space of hours. A lot of other men on this site have said that it is oneitsis or something. I disagree, as I said I have gone out met and ****ed other beautiful women, probably more beautiful than my fiancé, However when I see her, none of the other women even match up!!!!!!! And at the end of the night all I can think about is her( let me clarify, by think about her, I don’t mean obsess, but I mean I miss her a little bit and want to know how she is. AND IF SHE MISSES ME… yes I know that sounds like im looking for validation, but I just really care about this girl.

I would respect her decision, IF infact it were her decision ( NOT HER ****ING Families) WHAT DO I DO….

Please note since the break up she has been approached by many other guys asking to date her,. NOT weak guys or afcs, but actual men. She has turned all of them down( I know because we used to work together) she has basically invested all of her time in the gym, and keeping busy, making sure she has friends around her all the time..

I don’t know, do you think this girl is over me, or is there anything I can do. I do not want to wait for the situation to change, or her family to grow up. I just want a resolution.

Help me out..

Thanks

Dalton.

 

[YoungSir4sho]

I read everything from ur other topic n this one. Listen closely....

1st all the rules this site gives us does not 100 percent work for every1. If so then we all would b married or satisfied by now.

2nd. Even tho u slept wit more girls after her. In the back of ur mind u kno that u thought about her n wished if u had the opprotunity again with her that u would take it. U could've slept wit 100more girls it doesn't matter. She's that special one to u that matters right??

So wat u do?? Well basically forget all of the bs. Do this immediately....

See her asap, talk to her n put it all on da line again. Tell her u don't care about all of this n dat ur love can go through all of this. If she does not feel the same way then fine at least u kno u gave it your all.

If she does not get back wit u, then leave ur job find a new one or tell her to leave so u don't ever have to see her again. U just have to move on 100percent. Lose number, get other girls. Mayb its better if u really look for a real relationship wit sum1 else instead of sleepin wit any girl u get?? Mayb that's not the cure for u.

Mayb the cure is for u to find another great woman with great quality n looks n feels da same way about u.


Newayz do that n eitha way at least inside ur heart u will kno the truth n u can put closure to this chapter for good n move on wit ur life

 

[dalton]

Thank you for the reply mate.

I intially tried to lay everything on the line about a week after the break up.. She said she love me, but cant disappoint her familly. We dont work in the same office, just the same area of london.

So seeing her isnt an issue.

Should I call her...??

 

[YoungSir4sho]

I say see her in person so u can see in person how she reacts. If she really does love u then she will put all of that aside n marry u. Yea I kno of all of the family bs n culutre stuff about not marryin inside of ur race.

Man if she really loves u then she will get back wit u. I don't wanna hear anymore garbage excuses from her. See her asap, try to get a relationship bac. If she says no again then u have to move on n I kno its hard but its the truth

 

[Johnny_Kage]

Hey Dalton.

Rough situation you're in. I was in a similar one two years ago (I'll give u the background on my story and what I ended up doing before I tell you what you should do).

I dated a girl who was PERFECT for me (in basically every sense of the word). I'm white. She's filipino. Her parents were strongly opposed to her dating someone of another race. We dated for a year, but we hadn't planned on getting married (thus, I wasn't as far as you are). I helped her get through many emotional issues (she was bulimic, for one) and we basically spent every waking moment either together or on the phone. Her parents did anything and everything to break us up. Whenever we were together, we would be interrupted by them....it would take me days to plan romantic outings and she would leave at the drop of a hat if her parents told her so.

It seems your girl is similar to mine (whether or not you want to believe that). She is being controlled by her family and will not stand up to them (not for you or herself). So even if you do get married, what will that be like? Her family may end up accepting you. But ACCEPTING is not RESPECTING. You're 24. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life dealing with **** from her family? If you're not weak now, that will most likely weaken you.

Here's what I did: I dumped her. Then I spent the next 6 months of my life upset and depressed. That's how long it took me to get over her. Then I started going out and meeting new girls. I look back now and wonder what I was thinking....why staying with her was even an option.

My advice: forget all the love bs b/c your relationship is ****ed either way (and honestly, it seems like she put a lot of thought into this and probably won't take you back anyway). Get over it and move on. Next time you see her, be firm. Tell her that you think it's best for both of you that you don't see each other anymore and tell her why. She will cry. Let her cry. It's her decision, her fault, her burden....not yours. Then avoid her. If you see her, ignore her.....my ex and I worked in the SAME BUILDING and I did this. Honestly, it ****ing hurt for a while, but I can't tell you how happy I am that I did it.

Now, I'm in a relationship with another, another great girl that's hot and perfect for me. My ex is in a relationship too (but I don't know anything about it b/c I don't talk to her anymore).

I know my advice is harsh, but, trust me, it's for the best.....for you and for her.

 

[dalton]

thank you for that Johnny

Strangely enough i bumped into her agian at lunch today. And asked her when she was going to buy me lunch.

She said anytime i wanted.

I said wednesday, and she agreed. I dont know if this means anything.

thoughts???

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Dude - this sounds more than salvageable. Stop thinking so much about rules and follow your gut here man. There's no escaping the family shyt either. If you marry a woman, you are essentially marrying into the family. If you care about this woman then give it another shot to find out. But if it remains messed up, then you'll have to move on.

 

[dalton]

So i went to lunch with her just now.. Strangley enough she came with her little sister who was working with her today.. anyway.

the conversation went well, flirting, sexual innuendo, exactly how it was when we were together.

When the bill came she insisted that she pay.. I dunno what that means..maybe shes trying to show that she is independent.

I didnt mention that i miss her or anyhting, because her sister was there. Through out the whole of lunch my ex was singing or humming our old favourite songs, even the first sond that we made love too.

I dunno whats goping on..

How can i move this forward.. Is the only way making my desires clear. and fighting for it.. What if she says no, even if in her heart she wants it to be yes..

Guys?? thoughts??

 

[dalton]

Danger, i think i ve addressed the fact that I am not an afc...Just let it go sweetheart, tht **** work is getting tired.

Amante. I think your advice and post were incredible, and made a lot of sense.

I however dont understand the last bit about freedom and scarity, how can I apply this to this sitaution..

I mean christmas last year, I got her to run away from home to disney land with me. Her parents new about this and tried to stop her however they were in another country.. Right noe they are all under the same roof.

So how do I apply it mate.??

Thanks

Dalton

 

[WC2]

Most of us understand where you're coming from. We've all had our share of hard breakups and women that we didn't want to let escape from our lives.

You say that this is a family issue, and I don't dispute that.

But I KNOW just from knowing plenty of women that it isn't 100% a family problem. At some point there was a loss of attraction on her part in the relationship. It's nothing to be ashamed of, because women's emotions move daily. It's actually pretty ridiculous how a woman can feel great about a man one days and wants to end it the next.

The family problem as concerned with religion (I'm not sure exactly, I didn't read the whole thing, but I get your drift) is just another reason that makes it easier for her to end it. Instead of telling you that she is not as attracted anymore, she can fall back on the fact that her family problems are causing this.

With that said, of course she most likely still has feelings for you. But I don't think her IL is sky rocket like it maybe was in the past. You say she's not seeing any men, but I'd wager all my marbles that she IS actively seeking a man who she has a HIGH IL for. She hasn't found it yet, so she's making sure that she isn't letting you off the hook just incase.

Is this salvageable? Probably. Is it worth it? I don't know. I've been in a lot of relationships in which a woman has loved me greatly and then dropped off looking for other love, just to come back. In my experience, it isn't worth it. Even if she does come back, the thought that she could leave you any minute for no reason will always be in the back of your head. If you can forget the whole thing and move past that, there may be a chance.

I know you will fight the urge to believe that she is looking for better love, but I'm telling you this is how women are made up. Most if not all women will subconsciously search for another male when their IL sinks. A woman will NEVER let go the man of her dreams unless faced with improbable consequences (I'm sorry to say, this is not one of those situations).

If you think it's worth it you have to break her off from your mind regardless. All this BS about going back to her and asking her what she wants never works. All this will do is drive her self-confidence higher to search for another.

There are no set of rules when it comes to getting a woman back, but there is one thing that is always true : There must be a 2nd spark of attraction that attracts her back. You will spark it, and she will respond by getting back into your life. Any other attempt on YOU trying to get back into HER life is futile. She's made her decision and she will not budge unless she sees reason to. If she is not jealous that you're boning other women, then it may be more lost than you believe. My ex from a year ago still gets extremely jealous when she hears of me getting with other women around school.

So it's not really a question of "is it worth it". It's a question of when will you move on with your life? You can only make a well educated decision on this woman when you have dropped almost all feelings for her. Right now your decision is biased no matter what. That's why everyone says it's 100% necessary to move on when a relationship has ended. It's for your own good; whether you are to get back with this woman or not.

 

[dalton]

You know danger I can accept that. Looking back on all of my posting about this silly girl, and reading. All of the advice. Something I realisrd is that you can't. Ever go against reality , you will always lose. The only reson I have recovering onitsis is because I got complacent with this girl and let my guard down. I went against my nature. I'm too young and ready too do stupid things to be attached.

Believe me it was a mistake that I believe has taught me immeasurable amounts.its only after you have your ****ing heart torn out through your throat, that you can grow and become the most savage, cruel, unforgiving, sexy, sweet, *******, badass you were meant to be.

Danger heaven help the women who get the opportunity to date me from now on.

To all the other men following my story. Please learn from it . Do not start anything that has no future. Invest in women who are worth it and provide return. Also as a side note, sometimes the advice given by the guys on this site is not what you WANT to hear, but believe me its exactly what you need to hear. If you want proof, look at my last post, this is how it done.

Sweethearts daltons back!??!!!!!

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

If I hear you b!tching about this girl again, I'm going to slap you. She SUCKS. Get rid of her.