The Rock vs. The Cushion

[STR8UP]

Another thread got me thinking about the idea that what a woman WANTS is a Rock to lean on, but more importantly she always needs a Cushion to fall back on.

In other words, a womans actions are often dictated by the need for an airbag. A safety device. Something that assures her that she is DESIRED. She needs SECURITY. The Cushion trumps the Rock, even though the Rock is what she really desires.

Why is this?

Women place a high value on security. They tend to be risk averse creatures. A Cushion is safe. A Rock is unpredictable.

She also has an insatiable desire to keep her Ego Bank full. Orbiters will suffice in a pinch, but ideally this bank will be filled by someone with whom she shares intimacy.

And this is really the crux of branch swinging behavior. Until the Rock BECOMES the Cushion, she will often stay in a situation where she isn't happy.

It's important to keep this in mind when dealing with women.

 

[decades]

careful she might be using you as a "cushion" and the leather encased tattooed love boy over there on the crotch rocket as her "rock". :yes:

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

A Rock is unpredictable.

in what way?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Str8up,
Yes an appropriate analogy,but backarsewards,you are using a cushion in the sense of being a safety device,a shock absorber,I would use it as a sign of luxury,a love couch if you like.....The rock is in every sense a reliable bollard that one may anchor ones life around,the Bible uses the word in this sense....How you can equate an orbiter,a Fvck Buddy with this is a little complex to grasp....What you are experiencing is a transition from Girls to Women......As women age they are increasingly exposed to Death,Poverty,loneliness this has a sobering influence,when additionally complicated with a decline in their ability to pull attractive men,anticipating an even further decline,they will often chose to live with the secure if boring Man,but their sexual urges are still there,like the Surf gradually making its way to the beach their needs subside,but every now and then they feel a primitive urge in their loins,and so,why not go back to the ex?he represents a different form of security,a known quantity,he is clean,knows which buttons turn her on,and wont get emotionally involved.A symbiotic relationship where everyone wins.

 

[edger]

She comes back to me maybe twice a month for sex

Lucky you that you still get to bang your ex. That is one thing I wish I could still do with mine. Not that I want a relationship with her again, I just wish I could f*ck the sh*t out of her maybe twice a month or so. The sex is what I miss about my ex, and it drives me crazy that I can't have it with her anymore, since she's no longer willing to.

 

[STR8UP]

in what way?

You're missing the point.

I'm not talking about a "rock" in the "strong man" sense, I'm talking about a "rock" as being the object of desire...lust....whatever.

Maybe "rock" is not the proper word, but "cushion" is. And that's where I am going with this.

My point was that women need assurance before making a move. They need to know that the object of their desire will be there to catch them so they don't fall. This is why a woman will cheat with a player, but she won't LEAVE unless she's sure of getting a relationship with her target.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Once again we review Schedules of Mating.

The Rock = Good Genes, short term mating
The Cushion = Good Provider, long term mating

Rarely do the two exist within the same man. From a biological standpoint women have a tendency to be aroused more by the Rock during the peak of their ovulatory cycle, finding comfort and security in the Cushion in the down-cycle. Testosterone and adrenal levels spike in women during peak ovulation, facilitating breeding, and are replaced by high levels of Oxytocin, Estrogen and a variety of other hormones that facilitate feelings of comfort, nurturing and a desire for security in the post ovulation and menstruation periods.

The trick is to be the Rock on the up-cycle and the Cushion on the down-cycle.

 

[Mr. Me]

I think what you've described as being the "cushion" is not actually a cushion, it's not an airbag of sorts. In fact, I know it's not.

What you've described the cushion as her 'feeling desired, sense of security' are emotional needs women have. If the "rock" is their "object of desire/lust", they will seek their emotional needs from that person. It's not a 'want the rock guy, but fall back on someone else who's the cushion guy'. It's more like, if the "rock" guy doesn't eventually meet their emotional needs, that's when they move on to someone else. Generally speaking, it has nothing to do with falling or being a cushion, just as it wouldn't if it were a guy who wants a good looking woman but also wants no drama in his life. Doesn't mean he's going to fall back on some undesirable gal as a cushion just because she's relatively drama free.

In fact, the whole process starts with Girl meets Object of Desire, the physical presence being the very first thing she sees and which is what starts attraction to him. Without that first step, there is no furthering their contact together wherein she can explore to see if he's "relationship material" (i.e., meet her emotional needs) and bond.

Rarely do the two exist within the same man.

I wouldn't know that actual stats on that. But I'd argue that any "Good Provider" traits are more the product of learned behavior then DNA, and said traits can exist in any "Good Genes" guy given the proper societal mix of role models, upbringing, and his personal preferences.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

The trick is to be the Rock on the up-cycle and the Cushion on the down-cycle.

The book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, can help out in that regard.

 

[edger]

This video by the All American Rejects probably fits well in this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqW9YoL401I

 

[STR8UP]

Once again we review Schedules of Mating.

Yes, but it doesn't stress the importance that women place on security. It only explains why women mate with various types of men and how that often means that they will obtain the seed of one and the resources of another, which I agree with.

Women tend to place a high value on security. This explains why a woman would be hesitant to leave a "sure thing" even if he is not her ideal mate. only when she has assurance that her new source of intimacy is willing to commit will she make the jump.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Women tend to place a high value on security.

I agree, but why do you suppose this is?

 

[STR8UP]

I agree, but why do you suppose this is?

Many reasons, one of them being that no amount of feminism or anything will change the fact that women are physically weaker and more vulnerable during certain time of their life (making babies) than men.

Femininity leans toward passivity (and passive aggressiveness) and risk aversion, whereas masculinity leans toward more overt aggressiveness and risk. It would make sense that women, being the more dependent sex, would place a high value on securing a new source of intimacy (or more correctly a commitment for intimacy) before letting go of what she already has.

It really makes sense why women would be prone to this branch swinging behavior when you look at it from this perspective. It's not bad or evil, it's just who they are.

 

[DJArlington]

Many reasons, one of them being that no amount of feminism or anything will change the fact that women are physically weaker and more vulnerable during certain time of their life (making babies) than men.

Femininity leans toward passivity (and passive aggressiveness) and risk aversion, whereas masculinity leans toward more overt aggressiveness and risk. It would make sense that women, being the more dependent sex, would place a high value on securing a new source of intimacy (or more correctly a commitment for intimacy) before letting go of what she already has.

It really makes sense why women would be prone to this branch swinging behavior when you look at it from this perspective. It's not bad or evil, it's just who they are.

So are you justifying women being hors when they engage in branch swinging behavior?

let me ask it another way, is a woman who hangs on to her cushion before she commits to the rock (assume the rock will eventually commit to her) okay behavior?