Balance
Im am going to go out on a limb and say that both things are somewhat worng, just based on my personal experience.
I think the key here is Balance. If you focus too much on women what ends up happening is that you take the first one you get and you start thinking about them as a gf or a wife, or you place pressure on yourself to have sex right now in this moment. When you take the pressure to perform or performance anxiety off it makes being a DJ alot easier because failure isn't as threatning because your taking the encounter in a more relaxed manner. If I were to talk to a girl and think to myself "OMG I have to say something cool, something funny or she wont like me" the worry gets in the way of me actually thinking of something.
BUT this doesnt mean you dont seek and approach girls. GIRLS will NEVER come to you so you always have to make the effort. ANd when your with a girl you have to be trying to improve your game, by trying something new or going out on a limb and saying something you wont say. Thats why I feel approaching girls is very important, but its the attiude that you take with you into the approach that matters.
The only thing that bothers most people is the approach and thats why people will say "DONT worry let the girls come to you, or life is more than that" Unforutnatly you wont get anywhere if you dont try. And approaching is such a scary thing for some people that we spend our whole day thinking about it and preparing ourselves for it that it gets in the way of our happiness. So the best thing that anyone can do on this forum
1) Build a Positive Mindframe (Self confidence only comes AFTER you are positive about yourself)- replace negative things with positive things, accept the negative things your mind tells you and dont fight them just ignore them.
2) Approach more and more untill you realize that whay you fear doesnt really kill you and you recover quick enough to laugh about it. I never thought that it was possible but rejection can be funny, but it still hurts and takes time to build your self esteem up so you can approach agian.
3)Learn canned openers- alot of people dont like learning canned openers but its the best way to get you thinking in a DJ mindset. Reading what people say to girls gives us ideas on what to say when we are tounge tied ourselves. In fact it gives us material on which to develop or own material, it lets us think in a more C&F way.
C&F is a GREAT tool. Honestly humor and confidence will get you very far in the game of love. You need to be witty and funny but in way that also lets the other person know your confident. Instead of saying " look at that stupid picture...can you even believe thats art" you can say "Man thats so stupid, my stick figure drawings are worth more than that"
This is my opinion on things. tell me what you think?
