The Real War: Your masculinity vs her femininity

[Garand]

Men and women are different. Quite different. Hopefully this isn't news to you. The difference between the genders is known as sexual dimorphism to biologists. Why is this interesting? Because, as any biological anthropologist will tell you, sexual dimorphism in primates implies a non-monogamous species. This isn't an opinion, this is an empirical fact that's observable in nature.

For those that didn't just follow that piece of science what it means is that, biologically, humans are not actually evolved for a strictly monogamous relationship. Sure, we can do it, but let's say we're going against the grain that every other monkey fits into. It's not in our genetics to be pick one person and be totally and unequivocally devoted to them, we literally aren't designed for that.

So where does this leave us? What is our natural 'state'? The answer we get to is a distribution of males - some who are 'beta', struggle to find any mates and hence are not very successful and some who are 'alpha' and have their choice of mates.

I think we all know which side of the fence we want to be on. That's the whole point of this site - we're all striving to become 'alpha', to have all the women we desire. The source of our alphaness is our masculinity, the sexual dimorphism that separates our genders.

When you interact with a women, she wants to know which category you rest into - where abouts on the distribution you sit. This is where my 'war' analogy comes in. The most feminine women (read: attractive) want to bag the most masculine men and as such a power struggle between the two occurs. Does the man's masculinity shine through, dominate her femininity and have her become the one chasing him? Or does the man buckle under the pressure of her femininity and give her all the power - put her on the pedestal and let her control him? Being truly alpha is realising that this is where the war is, not with the women but with our own masculinity. Do not fight the war with the women, fight it with yourself.

Every question on this site about 'should I do this and this with women?' hints at a more underlying problem than whether or not they should or shouldn't have said this/done that. These people are compromising their masculinity in the hope a trade can be done for the women's femininity.

Unfortunately such exchanges do not occur. Betas attempt such exchanges as it's the only way they could hope to get any hope of a partner - as such they will only ever get their beta female-equivalent partners. An alpha never, ever compromises himself for anyone else as to do so implies that the other person is above them and as such they will treat him as though they are.

Work only on yourself, on your masculinity and on your life. This is stated so many times on these boards and everyone throws up their hands in support and cheer it on, only to turn around and post some thread about 'girl didn't phone back, what's wrong???'. Do not focus on the girls - flirt with them when the opportunity arises, approach those you find attractive but bear in mind the real war that's going on when you do so. Every time you give them any priority in your life over the things that are about you you compromise your masculinity and as such, your power in the relationship between you and the girl.

The ideal relationship, in my view, is one where you are both equally balanced in this power struggle; your masculinity and her femininity are matched. If one person realises they are more masculine or more feminine than their partner they will begin to get bored, lose all attraction for them and start looking elsewhere.

So what's the moral of this story? Work to reinforce good behaviors and eliminate bad ones from yourself. Stop worrying about if you're doing everything right 'for the girl' and try to catch yourself when you're acting beta and stop it. Focus only on securing your alpha status and the girls will come as a by-product; you need to have faith enough in this to not be tempted by beta-style behaviour - you have to know that, however logical it may seem to play the beta role to that person, it's only going to lose you the war you're so desperately trying to win. This war never ends, there's never any point when you've 'proved' your alpha status and then that's it - being alpha is a way of life and not a technique just to get women.

I appreciate all of this will sound very familiar to anyone who frequents these boards a lot - I've not put forward anything that hasn't been said before a million times (apart from the comment about the biology of sexual dimorphism, which I think is quite interesting to consider - if anyone wants a better explanation of this I'm happy to try explain some more) but I hope it puts everything in a light that makes it comprehendable.

Opinions/critique/torrents of abuse welcome.

 

[mb121]

Explain on the sexual dimorphism.

 

[ARrocket]

Sounds good, but let me ask you something.

Just because you are questioning why something went wrong with a girl, does that necessarily mean that it is the top priority in your life? I think not. Perhaps women aren't # 1 in my life...that doesn't mean that I won't want to improve in that aspect...doesn't mean that I won't wonder why she didn't call back. I'd still want to know why, so I can avoid the same mistake next time, thus bettering myself.

However, I realize I'm being picky...that wasn't the main point of your post.

 

[The Bat]

First off, nice post. You have put it very simply and straight to the point. No beating around the bush. Although that tidbit about sexual dimorphism seems out of context with the rest of your post.

AR, yes it is appropriate to examine your actions. But what Garand is trying to get is that don't dwell on it. Easier said than done, right? I know.

You should just be able to think to yourself, "Ok why didn't she call me back?...Hmm, I probably lost the spark because I felt nervous...I wasn't myself and tried too hard....I supplicated too much...I didn't lead..."

Do you see what I'm getting at? Masculinity is when you know you've made a mistake, have an idea (or two) about how you made that mistake, AND (this is the most important) you KNOW how to fix it next time around.

 

[Garand]

First - a more detailed explanation about sexual dimorphism for those who are interested:

Sexual dimorphism means the difference between the genders within a species, i.e. the fact the females are physically different to males. Such difference isn't apparent in every primate as you may have thought - in some species the male and female look almost identical apart from reproductive differences. The fact that we have big muscles, more hair, deep voices etc and females have curvy bodies and large breasts is an example of this 'dimorphism'.

The reason why dimorphism occurs in nature is because of mate selection. When competition between members of the same species for mates intensifies these differences become favored by natural selection. If levels of male-male competition are low, then you don't need to have masculine characteristics - you just pick your girl and then stick with them.

This type of selection that occurs is known as sexual selection and creates differences between members of the same gender that have nothing to do with their survival ability or physical fitness but simply represent their ability to attract mates. Your degree of masculinity is then directly proportional to your attractiveness; if the degree of dimorphism is large enough it then leads to a trend in that the more 'masculine' males are able to secure more than one female - polygamy.

Here's a little quote I nicked from Mark Ridley's book, 'Evolution': "Darwin's main argument for the importance of sexual selection was comparative: his principal evidence came from looking at a large number of species. The comparison showed that the species in which males and females are more similar were more often monogamous. Species with brightly colored, large, or dangerously armed males are more often polygynous: several females mate with one male (and other males do not breed at all).

In a polygynous species a single male can potentially breed with more females than under monogamy; selection in favor of adaptations that enable males to gain access to females (whether by male competition or female choice) is proportionally stronger. Darwin therefore reasoned that polygynous species should have stronger sexual dimorphism than monogamous species."


MASSIVELY SHORT VERSION: Humans aren't designed to be totally monogamous and our biology infers this; our degree of masculinity is proportional to our attractiveness to females due to sexual selection.



Anyway, I added that point into this 'tip' mainly because I thought it was very interesting - I can see how it might not gel so well with the rest of the article although I think it's useful for highlighting how very important the difference in masculinity between males is in terms of mate preference. You might have guessed I have a background in biology and so this stuff really interests me and I thought some members might be interested to read about it

To respond to AR's comment, I think Bat pretty much said it:

You should just be able to think to yourself, "Ok why didn't she call me back?...Hmm, I probably lost the spark because I felt nervous...I wasn't myself and tried too hard....I supplicated too much...I didn't lead..."

All the examples of things Bat said you might have done 'wrong' all relate back to this concept of alphaness. All those things I've put in bold are huge indicators of the fact that, with this girl, you've immediately formed the frame in your mind of "she is of a higher status than I have, I need to impress her..." - you've already mentally decided she is better than you and so she will pick up on this. This is one of, if not the main way to kill attraction with a girl. Her femininity has defeated your masculinity.