The REAL key to self confidence

[backbreaker]

I was recently asked why I am so "****y" about myself.

Well, I am not ****y, but at times I have been known to be arrogant, and I have alot of confidence in myself.

I sat down and though about different phases in my life, and it's actually pretty simple.

All the affirmations, dreaming, reading in the world will not build self confidence. It will put you on the right track most def, but in a real life situtation, when a HB8-9 is starring at you, wondering what the F do you have to offer that every other guy in the room doesn't?


Anyway, let me go to the point. Most guys can fake confidence with the best of them, but most guys live in shells. Their liveliyhood depends on what others think about them, etc.

The reason msot guys don't have self confidence is because they don't have anything to be confident about.



Let me put it this way. Say you are in a basketball game. You are a really good free throw shooter, and your team is down by 1.

You get the ball with 5 seconds left, and you get fouled.

Now, are you confident that you can make the shot? Alot depends on your personality type, however, odds are that you are going to feel that you can make these shots, wtihout too much pressure if you have had success shooting free throws in the past.

If you aren't a good free throw shooter, what makes you think you are going to get to the line and knock down both, or even one of these free throws in this pressure situtation?


With life and/or women, it's a little more general but the exact same concept.

You can't be living at home with mom, no real ambitions in life, haven't ever accomplished anythnig, out of shape, etc, and expect to have true "self confidence".

You gain self confidence by doing things, accomplishing things in your life.


NOt necessarly by dating women.


I became a hell of a lot more self confident in myself when my old business became successful, not because of the money, but simply because I knew I had did something that alot of people couldn't/won't do. Because of that, there isn't much I don't think I can't do.

I became even more self confident, amost to the point of sheer arrogence, when I dropped from 210 LbS to 162, my weight now.

I don't give 2 cents what people think about me. Anyone. Why? I dont' have to prove myself to anyone.

As a matter of fact, it's all physological. Most people who do try to talk about me are just trying to make themsleves feel better about their sad lives. I laugh at them in my head.

Anyway, back to confidence. Do things. Set goals, and accomplish them. Loose weight. Get in shape. Learn a new language. Learn some new words. DO something. Stop thinking something.

 

[resilient]

Originally posted by backbreaker
As a matter of fact, it's all physological. Most people who do try to talk about me are just trying to make themsleves feel better about their sad lives. I laugh at them in my head.

Seriously, I think when friends/co-workers put me down infront of others. I shrug it off, laugh and know that it's really their hidden insecurities coming up and putting me down just to feel better about themselves.

So, don't let anyone cut down your self esteem, because they're actually insecure with themselves and you have confidence in the fact that you don't let their meaningless jokes at your expense get to you. Even better if you can be whitty and think of a quick come back to deflect their insult.

Be INDIFFERENT if you can't think of anything fast to aim back at them.

 

[DMan77]

the thing that gets me is my height, im a short guy so its real easy for people to take shots at me. either kidding around or to try and increase there own value.
im slowly learning and changing my personality to just be able to brush these things off and be truly indifferent to them.
reading posts like these help.
thanks.

 

[Permission]

This is true, I have found out that doing things gives more confidence than reading about it.

 

[WC2]

This belongs in the DJ bible.

 

[white cloud 8]

Seriously, I think when friends/co-workers put me down infront of others. I shrug it off, laugh and know that it's really their hidden insecurities coming up and putting me down just to feel better about themselves.

So, don't let anyone cut down your self esteem, because they're actually insecure with themselves and you have confidence in the fact that you don't let their meaningless jokes at your expense get to you. Even better if you can be whitty and think of a quick come back to deflect their insult.

Be INDIFFERENT if you can't think of anything fast to aim back at them.

I agree with this wholeheartedly, if your stupid inbred f*cked up friends "try" and put you down in front of other people...DO NOT LET IT GET TO YOU. These pricks are openly showcasing what they do not like about themselves, so try not to even sink to their level with a comeback (hold back and let it go) laugh it off, or if you have come to a certain level of peace with yourself, it shouldn't even phase you (shrug it off).

 

[KoalaKing]

Affirmations did the job for me, doing them took me from being a LOSER , WUSS , WIMP , all three in the one same person to a SUCCESS in nearly everything that I do, I never thought it would work, but it did, I AM VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT. :nono:

 

[whistler]

The reason msot guys don't have self confidence is because they don't have anything to be confident about.


You gain self confidence by doing things, accomplishing things in your life.

Right on the money. Beautiful.

 

[Visceral]

You're right that I have no confidence because I don't do anything ...

... but I know that the reason I don't do anything is because I'm never confident that I'll enjoy it, much less succeed at it. It's fear of unpleasantness, or a sense of futility that my effort will be wasted.

It's like that saying: "No experience, no job; no job, no experience". Has anyone ever dealt with this kind of vicious cycle? How did you break out of it?

 

[jackie_legs]

right on.

 

[Gubby]

I would add something on to that -- to be confident you need to really know what is important to you (hint -- it's not how everyone thinks of you).

The more interests and focuses you have in your life, the less important other people's opinions of you become (i.e. the less of a focus the opinions become in contrast). This is social confidence (which is pretty much what you'd call self confidence). The same as I'd say that confidence (in general) is not thinking about failure at all, social confidence is not thinking about people thinking bad of you at all. You can achieve this by learning from experience that you are up to the challenge, like you suggest.. though, learning the right mental programs helps a lot.

 

[TheTrader]

You're right that I have no confidence because I don't do anything ...

... but I know that the reason I don't do anything is because I'm never confident that I'll enjoy it, much less succeed at it. It's fear of unpleasantness, or a sense of futility that my effort will be wasted.

It's like that saying: "No experience, no job; no job, no experience". Has anyone ever dealt with this kind of vicious cycle? How did you break out of it?

how about you start with writing an affirmation that fits you and read it three times a day + visualize it. or is this too unpleasant for you too? does this really require more effort than to always ask the same old questions on sosuave. answer:yes because it takes effort to break a habit. but as im always saying take SMALL steps - clean your room first then set new goals or something. it all comes down to desire - but you do have desire else you wouldnt be here. dont do that **** and ask now but i dont have desire how do i develop strong enough desire. because the first thing you can do towards a better life is to ABSOLUTELY ****ING STOP TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING BEING A VICIOUS CIRCLE or have you ever heard someone successful *****ing about vicious circles? they never talk about vicious circles and you do it all the time. what results do you expect from it? instead of thinking about vicious circles start thinking something like "it ain't easy but a man's gotta do what he gotta do". and yes, there are countless people in the world who were once in your shoes.

 

[logicallefty]

Seriously, I think when friends/co-workers put me down infront of others. I shrug it off, laugh and know that it's really their hidden insecurities coming up and putting me down just to feel better about themselves.

So, don't let anyone cut down your self esteem, because they're actually insecure with themselves and you have confidence in the fact that you don't let their meaningless jokes at your expense get to you. Even better if you can be whitty and think of a quick come back to deflect their insult.

Be INDIFFERENT if you can't think of anything fast to aim back at them.

100% true here.