The REAL key to long term relationships

[Mr_knowit_all]

With all that's been said on this site, including "skip2mylou's" recent post, it got me wondering what really is the key to a long term relationship?

I know we've heard about all these techniques to keeping a woman interested. How "challenge" is the key, c&f, push and pull. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks. EVEN IF YOU DO ALL THESE THINGS, THEY'LL PROBABLY ONLY WORK FOR SO LONG. EVENTUALLY THE WOMAN WILL TIRE OF THEM AND PROBABLY MOVE ON.

I mean think about it, how many times have you been intrigued by a woman, or her behavior only to grow tired of her shyt after awhile? Sometimes men and women fall in love and stay in love forever. But to be honest, that's happening less and less these days.

So what the hell is the secret? Is it just chance that people will stay together long term? Or are there other factors that contribute to their relationship longevity?

Here's what I've come up with. Now this isn't all mine, I believe I heard parts of it somewhere else, but I'll try to paraphrase in my own words.

Most of the time when a couple stays together for a long time, they were brought together initially by mutual friends. This means your friend or her friend introduced you to eachother for your first date. Now why would that have anything to do with it? It's because you have a support system keeping you together. If you get in a fight, chances are your mutual friends will intervene and coax the two of you to try and work it out. It's a proven fact that when you have this support system, the relationship fares a much better chance in the long term.

Secondly, and this isn't always true, but having children creates a MAJOR lifetime tie. Any decent person is going to think twice about leaving a relationship when there's children involved. Now I know plenty of people with children get divorced, but I honestly think it makes it a lot tougher to just give up.

Now I'm not saying all the techniques used on this site can't work; they most certainly do. But you have to find the right combination, plus have some sort of solidifying factor for the relationship to go long term.

On a side note, I've also noticed that unattractive people, or people that don't have a lot of options tend to fight for relationships more than beautiful people. I'm not being mean here at all, but when your options are limited, you don't give up so easy on something that might not come along again.

 

[skip2mylou781]

good insight - u forgot to mention that constant great sex will also keep a relationship going in the positive direction (add on to my post from b4)

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

good insight - u forgot to mention that constant great sex will also keep a relationship going in the positive direction (add on to my post from b4)

That's true, but no matter how good at sex you are, having it with the same person all the time will get boring. If all you have in common is physical attraction or sex, the relationship is doomed to fail.

 

[wayword]

On a side note, I've also noticed that unattractive people, or people that don't have a lot of options tend to fight for relationships more than beautiful people. I'm not being mean here at all, but when your options are limited, you don't give up so easy on something that might not come along again.

Mean but true. Ergo the problem of how to find a hot chick who will make a decent LTR. It's tough because they have so many damn options - being thrown at them ALL THE TIME.

Anyways, I think a lot of long marriages are also based on artificial brainwashing programs installed into women - like Christianity. Where she is afraid to leave due to the stigma.

Anyways, now that women no longer need men for protection in our civilized society or money in our technological one - they really don't need us anymore. We've made ourselves obsolete. All they need us for is some sperm, and they can just find the greasiest bad boy to knock them up whenever...

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

Mean but true. Ergo the problem of how to find a hot chick who will make a decent LTR. It's tough because they have so many damn options - being thrown at them ALL THE TIME.

Anyways, I think a lot of long marriages are also based on artificial brainwashing programs installed into women - like Christianity. Where she is afraid to leave due to the stigma.

Anyways, now that women no longer need men for protection in our civilized society or money in our technological one - they really don't need us anymore. We've made ourselves obsolete. All they need us for is some sperm, and they can just find the greasiest bad boy to knock them up whenever...

UM....I'm Christian, and Christianity isn't brain washing. It's THE faith.

 

[wayword]

UM....I'm Christian, and Christianity isn't brain washing. It's THE faith.

Hey, whatever you want to call it. Point is, if you are, then you can definitely use that to your advantage in controlling your woman and finding a faithful one. I've known many hotties who would be total bychy divas if they weren't Christian - and thus obedience-trained into submission. It's not for me cuz I'm not, but if I were you I'd take full advantage of that.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

Hey, whatever you want to call it. Point is, if you are, then you can definitely use that to your advantage in controlling your woman and finding a faithful one. I've known many hotties who would be total bychy divas if they weren't Christian - and thus obedience-trained into submission. It's not for me cuz I'm not, but if I were you I'd take full advantage of that.

I'm not an expert, but obviously you have no grasp of what Christianity really is. Quit believing the secular media hype and check it out for yourself.

 

[B-Lemond]

The REAL Key to a LTR, you ask?

COMMUNICATION

 

[skip2mylou781]

That's true, but no matter how good at sex you are, having it with the same person all the time will get boring. If all you have in common is physical attraction or sex, the relationship is doomed to fail.

your absolutely right, if ONLY sex is great and u got nothing else in common, then over time it will get boring.

Having a connection, things in common, GREAT SEX, communication, a deep understanding and appreciation of the other person - these are just some of the few things that keep a relationship afloat in the long run.

by the way, I know for a fact that back in the day before all this Feminism bullshyt, being in a LTR was far far far from being this complicated cuz men had all the power and say.

NOW, we deal with flaky and inconsistent women, who would leave you for reasons that didnt even exist 50 years ago!

 

[KoalaKing]

:yes: JESUS is ALIVE, Praise God, find your self a gorgeous Christian girl and you can keep her for yourself, plus get into Heaven after that, you can't really lose that way can you.:yes:

 

[Big Eee Zee]

dj tactics dont work in ltrs. after 6 months, maybe even 8, you have to drop the dj shyt.

no more mystery
no more c&f
no more aloofness

after a time, you two have to connect on a deeper level. you put trust in her, even faith at times. you still act like a man, but you let her see all of you, good and bad. you dont try to impress her. you be *gasp* polite, even generous (oh no, not that!)

you tell her that you love her, and wont leave. and if she stays, she was worth having a relationship with. If she leaves, she just saved you a bunch of wasted time with her.




you drop the role of the bad boy, and take on the role of the provider.


Well, this is what you do for a real relationship. If your looking for one of those superficial, dead-on-the-inside relationships, then like you said you keep up the tricks and charade, and eventually she gets bored and leaves. DJ tactics get a girl attracted initially, masculine behavior keeps her.

this is why jerks get lots of ladies, and stable men get married later in life. The idea is to strike the perfect balance and keep her excited in the relationship. be spontaneous, and act AFC occasionally. telling her you love her more than anything in the world, and would never leave her isnt *always* a bad thing.

 

[wayword]

Deleted....oops, posted in wrong thread.

 

[speed dawg]

The REAL Key to a LTR, you ask?

COMMUNICATION

You just got the speed dawg award for greatest post ever. You were correct, AND managed to make the original poster look ignorant.

I myself am Christian, and i can say I feel really sorry you feel that way, wayword. If you REALLY want to know about Christianity, beyond your warped and untrue assumed view of it, pm me and we'll see what we can do.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

You just got the speed dawg award for greatest post ever. You were correct, AND managed to make the original poster look ignorant.

I myself am Christian, and i can say I feel really sorry you feel that way, wayword. If you REALLY want to know about Christianity, beyond your warped and untrue assumed view of it, pm me and we'll see what we can do.

I'm Christian also, and I still think speed dawg is an idiot. As far as ignorant, well, I won't even get into that. I think it's pretty self explanatory who's ignorant here.

 

[Jariel]

EVEN IF YOU DO ALL THESE THINGS, THEY'LL PROBABLY ONLY WORK FOR SO LONG. EVENTUALLY THE WOMAN WILL TIRE OF THEM AND PROBABLY MOVE ON.

Totally agree! If she has fallen for a persona or false image, the fantasy will be blown and she will lose interest as soon as you reveal your true self.

I have some more opinions on this, but will post in the tips section.

On a side note, I've also noticed that unattractive people, or people that don't have a lot of options tend to fight for relationships more than beautiful people. I'm not being mean here at all, but when your options are limited, you don't give up so easy on something that might not come along again.

I agree in part, but fighting for a relationship and being clingy in this way is a sure way to kill it. Having a lack of options means you can be taken for granted and walked over. But if you are desirable to other women, she will be scared to put a foot wrong in case she drives you to them.

To be honest, this is one of the main factors that has helped my relationship. We both have a lot of options, so neither of us take each other for granted.

 

[Helter Skelter]

I can't believe I read this whole thread and NO ONE MENTIONED THE MOST IMPORTANT KEY TO A LTR.

FRIENDS.......FRIENDS

For a real quality long term relationship you need to be best friends.

If you don't know this you guys are in trouble.:kick:

 

[Chemistry]

Your post fails to take into account the fact that you’ll develop mutual friends in a relationship if you’re both sociable people. You don’t need mutual friends to go into a relationship to secure it.

The ‘kids’ reason is even lamer. Why do you want to keep someone who doesn’t actually want to be with you? Having a kid to ensure they don’t leave is essentially holding them to ransom by guilt. Really, lol.

I actually had the intention to reply to Bigg Boss’ thread previously with the best piece of advice you’ll ever hear to keeping a girl happy in a LTR but decided against it because I started deviating from the initial purpose of my response. I’ll have to find the .doc I wrote the comment in and post it up later.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

Your post fails to take into account the fact that you’ll develop mutual friends in a relationship if you’re both sociable people. You don’t need mutual friends to go into a relationship to secure it.

The ‘kids’ reason is even lamer. Why do you want to keep someone who doesn’t actually want to be with you? Having a kid to ensure they don’t leave is essentially holding them to ransom by guilt. Really, lol.

I actually had the intention to reply to Bigg Boss’ thread previously with the best piece of advice you’ll ever hear to keeping a girl happy in a LTR but decided against it because I started deviating from the initial purpose of my response. I’ll have to find the .doc I wrote the comment in and post it up later.

Firstly, I don't think anything I've mentioned here is "lame". Now I do agree with your point that you will aquire mutual friends throughout your relationship. Therefore you wouldn't necessarily need friends to have brought you together.

Also, I wasn't saying having a kid is a good reason to stay together. I said it's a reason that SOME people would fight harder to make a relationship work.

I was in now way advocating having children to soldify a relationship. I think bringing children into that situation might not be a good idea.