BeExcellent
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2015
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- 4,905
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- Age
- 56
Think of push/pull in the context of sexual tension. Think of it like a string between a man and a woman. For maximum attraction the string must be taunt. If both people approach each other the tension is removed, if one person drops their end the tension is removed.
In marriage or a LTR the string is much shorter because the people are going to have much greater proximity, and this proximity creates familiarity and comfort. But you still cannot drop the string or collapse toward one another or all sexual tension is removed and you get a dead bedroom or a best friends situation. Boring.
This is why some level of intrigue is required to keep familiar relationships hot sexually. If your wife quit keeping up her looks? Not only does her attractiveness to you drop but her attractiveness to other men also drops. You worry less about other men paying attention to her. One way women do well to maintain their appeal is by keeping up their appearance. Men can do it by staying in shape & dressing well.
In a marriage or relationship in my opinion it becomes MORE important, not less, to keep up looks as a woman. Why? Because men inherently like “strange” or the idea of the conquest with new women. This never ever entirely goes away. So keeping up looks and figure (I did it through 3 pregnancies & despite being older now) keeps pulling tension on the string as does the knowledge that someone else might find the long term partner sexually appealing. It keeps the relationship on level footing. Push relieves tension, Pull creates tension as long as both people hang on to the string.
It’s the anxiety of wondering about someone’s interest level and the dopamine hit of that object of affection rewarding that desire, the rebuilding of mystery or intrigue in the interaction and the cycle repeats. And it’s by degrees of course. Every interaction has its own tension & rhythm. Some are the toxic love bombing/toxic fighting cycle, some are much less extreme and thereby more stable.
My fiancé finds me very sexually attractive. He knows that so too do many other men. He wonders what I do all day (when I am not calling him or interacting with him)….last night he came home 2 hours earlier than normal from the office without calling me first as is his normal habit. Kinda to check on me. The night before we went out for taco Tuesday and ran into a VERY handsome man randomly who is an acquaintance of mine, never anything more…but the guy is one of the serious playboys I know socially….my man kept asking if we had ever been involved (of course not, don’t be ridiculous)…but it reinforced my SMV. The guy lit up to see me, the pleasantries were exchanged, I introduced my man & the guy & showed off the ring. No biggie.
That interaction however random & brief got my man thinking yesterday that
Gee. I have a hot woman at home, is she running into social things like that when I’m not around? Maybe I’ll show up early & unannounced at home to see what is going on…in other words he is drawn back, pulled back by whatever is spinning around in his head, and I don’t have the issue of him working late all the time. I let the tension in the string build naturally by not being all up in his business all the time.
You need mystery to maintain attraction; you need to be occupying mental real estate in your partners mind. This mindset creates the optimal sexual tension in a long term relationship and it must be the correct balance between boring & toxic.
That balance is produced by self assurance & keeping ones SMV high.
In marriage or a LTR the string is much shorter because the people are going to have much greater proximity, and this proximity creates familiarity and comfort. But you still cannot drop the string or collapse toward one another or all sexual tension is removed and you get a dead bedroom or a best friends situation. Boring.
This is why some level of intrigue is required to keep familiar relationships hot sexually. If your wife quit keeping up her looks? Not only does her attractiveness to you drop but her attractiveness to other men also drops. You worry less about other men paying attention to her. One way women do well to maintain their appeal is by keeping up their appearance. Men can do it by staying in shape & dressing well.
In a marriage or relationship in my opinion it becomes MORE important, not less, to keep up looks as a woman. Why? Because men inherently like “strange” or the idea of the conquest with new women. This never ever entirely goes away. So keeping up looks and figure (I did it through 3 pregnancies & despite being older now) keeps pulling tension on the string as does the knowledge that someone else might find the long term partner sexually appealing. It keeps the relationship on level footing. Push relieves tension, Pull creates tension as long as both people hang on to the string.
It’s the anxiety of wondering about someone’s interest level and the dopamine hit of that object of affection rewarding that desire, the rebuilding of mystery or intrigue in the interaction and the cycle repeats. And it’s by degrees of course. Every interaction has its own tension & rhythm. Some are the toxic love bombing/toxic fighting cycle, some are much less extreme and thereby more stable.
My fiancé finds me very sexually attractive. He knows that so too do many other men. He wonders what I do all day (when I am not calling him or interacting with him)….last night he came home 2 hours earlier than normal from the office without calling me first as is his normal habit. Kinda to check on me. The night before we went out for taco Tuesday and ran into a VERY handsome man randomly who is an acquaintance of mine, never anything more…but the guy is one of the serious playboys I know socially….my man kept asking if we had ever been involved (of course not, don’t be ridiculous)…but it reinforced my SMV. The guy lit up to see me, the pleasantries were exchanged, I introduced my man & the guy & showed off the ring. No biggie.
That interaction however random & brief got my man thinking yesterday that
Gee. I have a hot woman at home, is she running into social things like that when I’m not around? Maybe I’ll show up early & unannounced at home to see what is going on…in other words he is drawn back, pulled back by whatever is spinning around in his head, and I don’t have the issue of him working late all the time. I let the tension in the string build naturally by not being all up in his business all the time.
You need mystery to maintain attraction; you need to be occupying mental real estate in your partners mind. This mindset creates the optimal sexual tension in a long term relationship and it must be the correct balance between boring & toxic.
That balance is produced by self assurance & keeping ones SMV high.
