The Pros and Cons of Cold Approach Pick Up

[jarworpar]

How is the original poster being negative, ace magnamus?

 

[Ace_Magnamus]

Most dating advice tends to focus on the cold approach pick up as the most effective way to meet women. As with almost anything in life, however, there is a positive and a negative side to the cold approach:

Pros
-There really is no limit to the number of women you can possibly meet (as opposed to relying on a social circle to meet new women).
-If you're an extrovert, you get to play more to your natural strengths.
-You can develop a skill set that can help you in areas outside of pick up.

You get the picture. But how about the cons....

Cons
-Cold approaching women (or people in general) is usually the most difficult way to meet new women, as most people tend to be wary and unreceptive of strangers (generally).
-If you are more introverted, you are operating in an area of weakness.
-Even if you get good at cold approach pick up, the odds are always against your success.

Developing a strong social circle is the best way to go, while learning some cold approach techniques along the way when it comes to meeting new women. Feel free to agree or disagree....

there are pros and cons to everything you decide to do

here's another guy who likes to make excuses and think negative "the odds are always against your success"

stop thinking that way or you will never accomplish anything

the odds are always against you.....geez......go out and make it happen....quit being pessimistic all the time...its an easy excuse for anything that you are afraid to do.

cold apporaches increase your odds and you have nothing to lose. why should you care if you get rejected or not. There is an endless amount of women to be successful with. so increase you odds and get with it and you will find success with it.

social circles are good but drama and b.s. can or will get involved in social circles at some point.

success with cold approaches gives you confidence and increases your game 1000 times......makes you better with women each time you do it. you can get great at it and it will become natural for you every time. It will be easier for your social circle.

don't give out negative advice if guys are doing well with it.

inexperienced guys should learn the art of cold approaching to get better. not steer away from it and lose out on the endless amount women they can get.

You could accomplish a phone number, a date, and eventual make-outs and sex through a cold approach.

You mean you CAN accomplish numbers, dates, make outs, and sex through a cold approach. That's how it usually happens when you're doing it right. How much make outs and sex did you get out of doing cold approaches?

How is the original poster being negative, ace magnamus?

And why do you care so much that I disagree with him?


For the readers:

Anytime a guy starts telling you "the odds are aganist you" you should know that he isn't doing well with it. He wouldn't be saying that if he was.

There are only a limited amount of women available to you in a social circle. That will also bring drama among friends if things don't work out.

There is an endless amount of women available to you out there to meet with no drama among friends involved. You can meet as many women as you can. Among friends there is just a few.

Guys use social circles as a crutch because they can't meet women on their own so they use friends to supply them for them.

Social circles are fine but meeting women on your own that you have a endless amount of is better.

Guys that can't meet women on their own will makes excuses and talk about the cons of the cold approach

They will also only rely on their social circle to meet women because that is the only way they can.

Then when their social circle stars to thin out a little they won't have any women.

don't be negative.....don't rely only on a social circle....get good at doing cold approaches....you will have greater success.

 

[jarworpar]

another guy who likes to make excuses and think negative "the odds are always against your success"

stop thinking that way or you will never accomplish anything

the odds are always against you.....geez......go out and make it happen....quit being pessimistic all the time...its an easy excuse for anything.

cold apporaches increase your odds and you have nothing to lose. why should you care if you get rejected or not. There is an endless amount of women to be successful with. so increase you odds and get with it.

social circles are good but drama and b.s. can or will get involved in social circles at some point.

don't give out negative advice if guy are doing well with it.


First off bro, he wasn't giving off negative advice. He never said that cold approaching women is a waste of time. If you looked under the pros section of the original post, you would see that he was actually praising certain aspects of cold approaching. Jglide was simply illustrating that as far as the most effect way to meet women goes, its probably the social circle route, such as getting invited to parties, meeting chicks from having really cool women as friends, etc....

 

[Deicide]

there are pros and cons to everything you decide to do

here's another guy who likes to make excuses and think negative "the odds are always against your success"

stop thinking that way or you will never accomplish anything

the odds are always against you.....geez......go out and make it happen....quit being pessimistic all the time...its an easy excuse for anything that you are afraid to do.

cold apporaches increase your odds and you have nothing to lose. why should you care if you get rejected or not. There is an endless amount of women to be successful with. so increase you odds and get with it and you will find success with it.

social circles are good but drama and b.s. can or will get involved in social circles at some point.

success with cold approaches gives you confidence and increases your game 1000 times......makes you better with women each time you do it. you can get great at it and it will become natural for you every time. It will be easier for your social circle.

don't give out negative advice if guys are doing well with it.

inexperienced guys should learn the art of cold approaching to get better. not steer away from it and lose out on the endless amount women they can get.




You mean you CAN accomplish numbers, dates, make outs, and sex through a cold approach. That's how it usually happens when you're doing it right. How much make outs and sex did you get out of doing cold approaches?

Zero, I'm still learning. I have to get over something to start making it happen.
I've never had girlfriends or sex in the past, so it could be a mental block. I don't know, I feel happier and less of a dependence on having female phone numbers in my life since I took that 2 week break from cold approaching.

 

[Deicide]

Yeah but as soon as you jerk off/have sex that momentum goes away and it can be challenging to get it rolling again.

Interesting. I watched pr0n(I'll leave it at that) before I went out last Friday night and it made my mind much more clearer when I approached. Everything slowed down for me and I ended up approaching a girl with her family(lol, hey, I want to get over my comfort zone, it wasn't easy), and I got deep enough into an approach at a retail store to ask for the number(I got the boyfriend excuse, but it happens). That's the only approaches I did.

 

[Doctrine Dark]

Be direct and keep it simple. Have a place already in mind to take them on an instant date.

"Hi! I saw you over here and I wanted to meet you". Talk, then say "Hey I'm going to [trendy cafe], want to come along?" or get a number if she's busy.

Be ready for rejection. But also be ready for success, don't blow it by being surprised that she accepted your invitation. Ask me how I know.

Thanks for the advice.

Another thing I was wondering about: is the first approach going to likely be the hardest one to make? Seems like every time I was prepared to do this, I just got really nervous and started getting stomach pains once I got near the woman, then ended up leaving. I don't want to keep doing this.

It wasn't really the rejection part that worried me, either; mainly the idea of potentially making myself look stupid....or pissing off the woman by bothering her with my cold approach.

 

[rum]

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" - Wayne Gretzky

there is really no cons to the cold approach...because let's face it while rejection is awful and ego deflating...it's not a life or death situation.

And I've got to be honest. I don't practice what I preach. It's tough for me to approach a woman out of nowhere in a bookstore, diner etc. I'm getting better, but the confidence isn't quite where it needs to be yet.

 

[jarworpar]

For the readers:

Anytime a guy starts telling you "the odds are aganist you" you should know that he isn't doing well with it. He wouldn't be saying that if he was.

There are only a limited amount of women available to you in a social circle. That will also bring drama among friends if things don't work out.

There is an endless amount of women available to you out there to meet with no drama among friends involved. You can meet as many women as you can. Among friends there is just a few.

Guys use social circles as a crutch because they can't meet women on their own so they use friends to supply them for them.

Social circles are fine but meeting women on your own that you have a endless amount of is better.

Guys that can't meet women on their own will makes excuses and talk about the cons of the cold approach

They will also only rely on their social circle to meet women because that is the only way they can.

Then when their social circle stars to thin out a little they won't have any women.

don't be negative.....don't rely only on a social circle....get good at doing cold approaches....you will have greater success.[/QUOTE]


LOL...I actually discussed this with him before he posted it. Ace, don't forget that we are talking about PROS and CONS...Perhaps there are no cons for you, but is it necessarily that way for us all? Some people simply prefer to meet women in other ways. The post never said that one shouldn't learn to cold approach or that it was ineffective. All it stated was how effective cold approaching is as opposed to other ways of meeting women. By stating "the odds are always against you" was to say that most cold approaches go nowhere. It's just like in sales: if you pitch a product to 10 people, if two buys your product, that's considered good. Every salesperson knows that it's a numbers game. The original post was never meant to discourage anyone from cold approaching. It was simply meant to offer a different perspective.

Also, social circle game is not about dating your female friends. It is simply using your contacts to meet other people. It's almost like the old saying "It's not what you know, but who you know." The more people you know, the more likely you are to get invited to parties, events, etc., where you will naturally meet many different women who are more likely to be receptive to you, as opposed to approaching women randomly....

 

[jarworpar]

Once again, there is nothing wrong with cold approaching. We even point out in the original post that it is good to develop cold approach skills. However, there are simply easier, more natural ways to meet women, which is to have a lifestyle that puts you in proximity with attractive women, rather than randomly approaching them. If you like approaching women while they are grocery shopping, knock yourself out! By CON, me and jglide simply meant some of the drawbacks for us, especially when you actually have a life....Many adults don't have time to go out on the weekends and do "night game."

 

[TheMale]

wait a minute i didn't get it ...
cold approach i know what it is and how its working bu how do you plan to macking chick with social circle ? how it's done ?
you just waiting for some friends of your social circle will introduce you to a female friend ?

 

[PDubb75]

wait a minute i didn't get it ...
cold approach i know what it is and how its working bu how do you plan to macking chick with social circle ? how it's done ?
you just waiting for some friends of your social circle will introduce you to a female friend ?

When I refer to finding a girl through your social circle, it doesn't necessarily mean your own friend. In fact, it rarely ever does. An example is my Saturday night. I had plans with a friend to meet up at his place and head out to a couple bars by him. He told me he was bringing some friends around. When I got there, there was a guy I knew, a girl I knew, and another girl I had never met before. This is not considered a cold approach, because we were being introduced by mutual friends. It wasn't just a random pickup on the street.

 

[TheMale]

oh ok i see but even if i think it's more "safe" by your social circle i think i would prefer to do some cold approach (by that i mean finally being natural, with natural approach) cause like is was said you have more choice and you can just wait until a friend will bring a friend

and lets imagine this situation that a friend bring a friend how do you suppose to take that from here to a close
thursday and saturday i was out with different friends each night and i met 1 chick every night
the 2 of them attracted me but how do we suppose to close like that i mean ok there have the introducing you doing some small talk but what next ??

 

[dementia]

Cons
-Cold approaching women (or people in general) is usually the most difficult way to meet new women, as most people tend to be wary and unreceptive of strangers (generally).
-If you are more introverted, you are operating in an area of weakness.
-Even if you get good at cold approach pick up, the odds are always against your success.


^^ sorry im not seeing how these are cons. Cold approaching is hard? thats not cold approaching, thats not cold approaching.. if you are cold approaching and getting better, which you will if u identify sticking points and work at it this its not the hardest thing in your life.
- youre operating in an area of weakness if you are introverted? But you are still operating and building on an area of weakness - jumping in the deep end.. this is a PRO
- If you get good then rejection rarely happens because of how good you've got at opening, being indirect with FTC's and the right body language ensures this. Within the cold approach pick up your goal should be about improving the "Process" not getting laid.. by improving on the process this inadvertently leads to getting laid... so every approach made with this in mind ensures success no matter what really.

 

[jarworpar]

I listed them as cons because you typicaly have to go through many no's before you get a yes, even if you are good. You can ask any good sales person: it's a numbers game. I'm pretty good at cold approaching. I have no problem talking to people, and I can often go out and get numbers fairly easily. But I have come to realize that there are simply easier ways to meet women, rather than randomly approaching them, such as by having a lifestyle in which you naturally come into contact with more women, rather than going out of your way to talk to them (not that there is anything wrong with that).

For me, it all comes down to using my time more effectively. If you're a young guy with ample time to go out and approach women, then I guess you wouldn't see any "CONS." I was simply pointing out what has been most effective for me. But I respect your decision to disagree....

 

[yuppaz]

You go through more no's then yesses and a lot of maybe's when you are just starting / in the first few years (sometimes much quicker) when you are getting better with approaching strangers. There are a lot of things to consider when learning to be more social in general if you are new to it, things that you haven't had to understand before. After a while you get more comfortable being yourself and meeting new people and there are often a lot of yesses being flown around and less and less no's. The whole term cold approach is strange to me, how do you think social circles start in the first place. At some point in time someone decides to meet another person and get to know them / see if they have similar interests. Sometimes it's when they are doing something they are both involved in (sports, school, a hobbie etc.), sometimes it's not that but someone who is unafraid of meeting new people that you know did that and it went well then all of a sudden they are out with the group. The people that you know that add those to the group are cold approaching, plain and simple. There would be no social anything if SOMEONE wasn't friendly and social. I've gone from never doing it, to doing it poorly, to doing it well for a reason (sex), to now doing it less but only with women I have screened hard and have compatibility with (so I'm not doing it JUST for ass anymore) and it's made a major difference in my happiness in life. I highly highly recommend learning to meet new people WITHOUT an agenda.

 

[jarworpar]

How receptive people are of your approach usually depends on the environment; it doesen't always have anything to do with how good you are. For example, if you approach a woman in a grocery store, she may actually be there just to buy some groceries, and may not be very receptive to you, no matter how "good" you are. She could have a dozen other things to do that day, and may not be in the mood to socialize. However, if you happen to approach a woman at a party or social gathering, where she is expecting to meet new people, she will usually be more receptive. Of course, you can meet people anywhere, but your odds depend on where you approach them.

 

[Stryker]

Personally, I don't think there are any cons to cold approaching. I suppose it depends on your general attitude towards it. I don't do any cold approaching on a night out unless a good situation obviously presents itself. People get drunk on nights out, women are with their partners, and it can lead to unneccesary confrontations.
Cold approaching during the daytime however, is totally different. You need to get yourself in the mindset that talking to strangers is a totally natural thing to do. Talk to everyone! Talk to men, women, pensioners, cashiers, whatever. If you see an attractive woman, start talking to her, comment on the surroundings etc. If you get rejected, you can still walk away knowing you at least had a pleasant conversation with someone you otherwise would never have met. Sure, you get stuck up women who probably won't give you the time of day, but that's still just, what, 20 seconds wasted? No big deal.
Cold approaches are great, they give you such an amazing boost, no matter what the outcome is. You've got nothing to lose, but you could gain a LOT.

 

[Georgepithyou]

You shouldn't be going out just to cold approach

 

[Thebestthereeveris]

Solid topic. I've been thinking about this myself. Having moved to a new country & starting fresh I've been considering mastering cold approaches. I've done a few & I realize that once I get over myself I can engage nearly anyone in conversation.

At first I wanted to base my new game plan moreso around cold approaches rather than a social circle because I wanted to keep my sex life discreet however I realize that if you've got your sh!t together & moving with dudes around your level, you'll own.

The downside is back in my home country I moved with a crap social circle in which I was clearly the star & only in my final months did I finally align myself with men of equal or higher value. I guess its going to be another daunting task seeking out males who are like minded(& especially like bodied).

What I'm wondering is if I should build a social circle or if I should try mastering cold approach or a bit of both.

Cold approach is exactly how it sounds. Cold. But it makes you stronger. It's like a shower. You can take a warm shower and get the same effects of being clean and it won't do damage. Hell you won't spend time agonizing about whether you should jump in or not. You just do it. But with a cold shower there is hestiation in the beginning but you get used to it. And guess what, now other things in life are easier. And you get health benefits. Others will look at you in awe. Same with cold approach. Be with your friends and successful and smoothly do a cold approach and be successful and watch your status and respect SHOOT up. It's the best. Learn it.