the problem of HEDONISM

[sandinista]

aaagghhhh.

OK. my friends.. they're just boring. Ever since I’ve found this site I’ve tried to take advantage of every opportunity in life. I always went one step further in terms of embracing the moment, & really relishing every experience, & creating them.

I went to university & the people I was living with had the same kind of ideologies, & we went abit crazy at times, but every night at a club, we went all out & had a fantastic time. Everyday we were adventurous & every moment was exciting.

The greatest phrase ever "the biggest risk you can take in life is never taking any risk at all" really stuck out to me, & I try to incorporate it into everything I do. I despise mediocrity. I always try to make every moment something great.. never bland.


Now, I’m home & I see all my old friends I’ve know for years. &.. they're SO BORING. they don't do anything exciting. everything they do is planned out in advance, it's never spontaneous. Even a night out to a club, they won't go if they haven't discussed it with everyone a week in advance & BOOKED tickets to go!! (just cause they don't have to que, & they save like £1.00).

Even when they do go clubbing, they NEVER get drunk, just have a few beers. This wouldn't be a problem if they were trying it on with the ladies.. but they don't! they hardly dance, & if they do, it's half-heartedly. They prefer to stand at the bar.. & talk about movies(!?!) or some other meaningless rubbish.

With shopping.. it's a formal affair. no crazy purchases for the hell of it. They go for specific items & never deviate from what they set out to buy. &.. the thing is.. they've got loads of money. they're 'saving it' for a house, holiday, something far off in the future.

They’re not that great in real social situations. If someone other than a close friend talks to them, they stutter & don’t really talk any sense. they're quite immature in this respect. & when they do talk to friends (including me) it’s mainly about computer games or movies, or stuff like that. They spend A LOT of time on computers & things in their spare time.

I don’t want to ignore them or get rid of them as friends as, well, I’ve know them a long time, & we can have fun occasionally. But they wont get out of their comfort zones or take risks. They seem happy to live a life of predictability & monotonousness.

I don’t know. Am I too hedonistic? Is it wrong to expect other people to be as adventurous as me? Is there anything I can do to bring them out their shell?

 

[InnocentMan]

No, everything is just the way it is supposed to be.
University gives you great insight in life no other man will understand who does not attend it. I have lost interest in a lot of my friends back at home who have not chosen my path of knowledge. One day when they will get to your level you may become friends again, but not any sooner.
Everything is fine, try to find friends in university, it is a better shot.
I guess i should do the same with women, heh, quite ironic to look for solution to your problem in some one elses' qestion.

 

[usedtolurk]

No, you're not too hedonistic. Yeah, it is wrong to expect other peoople to be as adventurous as you. How would you like it if other people tried to make you boring? It is hard to change people, especially the older they get. My solution - GET NEW FRIENDS bro!

 

[Leuven]

Hi sandinista,

I've got kind of simular problem. Since I found this site I also started to change and doing stuff I didn't do a few months ago.

Suddenly I realised that my life was kind of boring. You know, every weekend the same thing. Going out with the same friends to the same pubs and doing the same sh*t.

In that pub, my friends never talk to a stranger, especially not to a girl they don't know. Their way of thinking is "Never do something you aren't 100% sure that will succeed".
They also like sitting at the bar, drinking some beers and talking about politics.

I also don't want to loose them as friends, but I'm also looking for other peoples to go out with.

But usedtolurk is sooo right, you can't expect from them that they also change because you now changed, better is to search for friends who have already make that change ( or were always like this )

Sincerely

 

[diablo]

Anything Else...

While it's commendable that they're saving for a house, car, etc, it's also self-defeating. What's the point of saving if you don't ever have any fun? I don't recommend that they go out and blow everything on a flat-panel 52" TV (though that'd be bada*s if they did...) but living in a perpetual state of monotony isn't anything to be jealous of. After all, who's to say that you'll wake up tomorrow? It's cliche, but true - live for today, because you never know if there will be a tomorrow.

 

[Virtú]

Wow ... I almost thought you were talking about me instead of about your friends

Technically, you're not a hedonist. A hedonist is someone who would seek pleasure at the expense of all else. That you could choose to and then suffer through what was necessary to transform yourself and your life is something a hedonist would never be able to do.

A true hedonist wouldn't do anything that didn't give them pleasure, including working and obeying the laws ... so they usually end up screwing themselves pretty bad.

Believe it or not, it sounds to me like it's actually your friends who are the hedonists - enslaved to pleasure, unable to leave their comfort zones, etc.


Diablo: no offense, but living for today is the reason why I haven't made any progress since I came here - I don't value the future, what I and my life could be.

 

[squirrels]

I empathize with you. I get into the same rut sometimes. No one ever made history playing it safe.

I try to mix **** up occasionally...do things on impulse...because I often get into the same kind of rut you're talking about. You end up wishing you had more time in your life, but when you DO get it you spend it sleeping or playing video games. You wish you had more money, but when you get it, you put it away in case you need it.

Sometimes you just have to let it all go. Gotta plan for the future, but live in the present.

 

[Virtú]

Now if only I had some impulses . . .

Seriously though, I have always wondered what separates a man who would make use of that extra time and money from a guy like me - what internal "thing" makes him able to do more with himself than I can with myself?