Originally posted by Jariel
I started bulking up last year and developed a natural attitude change as a result of the increased testosterone and I noticed that people treated me with a lot more respect. I dressed the same, took pride in my appearance and could still be considered a "metrosexual", yet I carried a presence in my attitude and demeanour. Since cutting, I have lost this edge and the respect.
I'm not so sure it's about the testosterone or confidence. When you cut down to a low body fat level, the testosterone can go through the roof, because it's a fat-soluble hormone!
I'm assuming that you cut without losing all your muscle mass, so it's not about muscularity.
The thing is that when you hit a low body fat level, it looks very good. Your face is gaunt, veins pop up in places, sinews on your neck, muscle definition. And this intimidates people. Think about women and how they worry about their body image. When they see you with your incredibly ripped body, they probably thing along these lines: ``Boy that guy has a high standard for body image, I look like a potato next to him. He probably has a girlfriend who is a skinny fitness model.'' They behave in a shy manner around you, and then they need to explain the behavior to themselves, in a way that is attributed to you. ``I'm avoiding looking at that guy. Why is that? I'm certainly a friendly outgoing person who looks at people and says hi all the time. So there must be something wrong with him. It's certainly not me! I know, he's a brainless jock who just cares about his body, that's why I'm behaving that way. It's not that I have poor confidence or that he intimidates me, I just don't like him!''
Remember the story about the fox who couldn't get the grapes, and declared that they are sour? Solid psychology there: the fox feels cognitive disssonance ``I want those grapes'', ``I don't have them''. And instead of attributing that to an internal cause (``I don't have the ability to reach the things''), it's conveniently projected to an outside cause (``They are sour'').
And some will think ``All the same, if I was seen with that guy by people from my social circle, how they would envy me. I bet he's no different from any other guy; all I have to do is make him think he will get some sex from me long enough to get that opportunity to show off.''
And that's possibly where the loss of respect part comes in; when the ploy succeeds, then you're no longer that guy who has incredibly high standards and a fitness model girlfriend. You were easily manipulated by her, who thinks she's a fat dumpling next to your body.
What if you called them on it? ``Ah come on, you just think I'm a good-looking guy you can show off to your friends''. Basically make it clear that you won't give her any opportunities to go on any kind of date with you where you meet anyone she knows, whether it be by ``accident'' or deliberate. In fact go somewhere where there are few people. Make your date a hike in the woods. Dress in a way that hides your body, so only she knows how nice it is. If you give her what she wants (be seen with a hot, metrosexual guy by people she knows, or just anyone) isn't that the same as buying a girl drinks or other supplication?
By the way, I've gone through a experience to what Pook recounted in that ``What every skinny guy should know'' thread, except in my case I wasn't getting more muscular, only ripped (at a light muscular build).
The ugly babes started to look away first, but I was getting a lot more attention from average, reasonably good looking women.
As I ripped more and more, those dropped off, turning away their eyes. But hotter women started to make more eye contact.
Eventually, they stopped too. Hello, 5.5% body fat. Haha.
BUT! They check me out like crazy when I'm not looking. They are hard to catch, but easy with the help of a friend. You can hide your checking out glances from one person but when there is a second cross-checking you. Haha.
I don't quite have a script for how to act, but I'm starting to understand it. You have to be really proactive in approaching, and make yourself down-to-earth (without sliding into *****-boy land).
When there is something unusual about you, you become stereotyped. The more dis-similar you are from other people, the more of a stereotyped template they use to try to analyze you. And stereotypes act like amplifiers over the interpretations of your actions. A slight hint of cynicism from you might be interpreted as callous sarcasm. A slight vulnerability as utter weakness, etc.
For example, consider racial stereotypes. Ever heard a racist person say ``boy that black man was so *nice*'' , when in fact that black man was just ordinarily civil. If a member of that person's own racial group behaved the same way, it would be unremarkable. Anything slightly outside of the expected stereotype is interpreted as a wide deviation. (I'm not making this up; read about it in psychology texts).
The same thing happens with appearance stereotypes. A hot babe is polite and normal toward an AFC guy and that puts her on a pedestal ``she is so wonderful, not cold and dismissive like all those other hot babes''.
So I think there is a clue there how you can use your own stereotype to manipulate people's opinions of you. Find out what makes up that stereotype, how people see you, and then do things which deviate from the stereotype in precisely calculated ways.
