The pressure of dating multiple women

[The Code]

I think one of the problems a lot of men have when dating multiple women is the feeling of guilt that is societally programmed into being a "womanizer." Get those thoughts out of your head, they are complete nonsense.

If you are straightforward with women, do not mistreat them and are morally sound, then there is no reason to feel any sort of guilt or shame about dating as many of them as you want.

I think one of the reasons a lot of guys will attempt to date multiple women but end up getting discouraged or locked into a relationship they are not interested in being in is that in general women are more relationship minded in general, especially after you have been intimate with them. The men are eventually approached by one of the girls about being in a relationship, and they feel like if they do not give in and tell them they would be open to a relationship, that they will lose the woman. This can be true sometimes, but in many cases being upfront with women and sticking to your guns about not wanting to be in a relationship will usually increase their respect for you tenfold. True, they may be disappointed and maybe even upset. They may accuse you of using them or being a "player", but many times you will find after their initial disappointment begins to die down, their respect for you will increase, and they will let you know this.

the lesson here is always stick to your guns, no matter what pressure you feel from wanting to please another individual, and things will go your way more often than not

Another problem that comes up when dating multiple people is you are dealing with multiple personalities. There will always be different things you find attractive about each woman. As human beings, we tend to put people we are involved withs qualities on a pedestal, and convince ourselves they are a lot more special than they really are. That makes things difficult at times and can have you feeling that you know a woman that is "the one" and you had better get her tied down before you lose her. This happens a lot and is very normal. You must resist the temptation to put someones qualities on a pedestal, and realize that while they may be a great match for you, they are not the only ones and if you lose them you will not suffer any sort of longterm effects.

 

[bigneil]

Good post. Right now I am dating two women, but one is guilting me about the other, and the other one is disconnecting. It's dangerous when they know about eachother, but also hard to cover up. Meanwhile, if you don't have options they will exploit you if not outright make fun of you to your face.

In general, men decide whether they want sex and women decide where the sex is leading. So the moment they know you won't marry them they often drop you like a hot potato.

Also, we have a tendency to pick our favorite and discard the second rate one, even though it's often just a passing phase with the one we think is better. Often they dump you the moment they realize they've become your only option.

There is a fine art to not only dating multiple women, but keeping them entertained with stories of the others.

 

[The Code]

Good post. Right now I am dating two women, but one is guilting me about the other, and the other one is disconnecting. It's dangerous when they know about eachother, but also hard to cover up. Meanwhile, if you don't have options they will exploit you if not outright make fun of you to your face.

In general, men decide whether they want sex and women decide where the sex is leading. So the moment they know you won't marry them they often drop you like a hot potato.

Also, we have a tendency to pick our favorite and discard the second rate one, even though it's often just a passing phase with the one we think is better. Often they dump you the moment they realize they've become your only option.

There is a fine art to not only dating multiple women, but keeping them entertained with stories of the others.

Spot on, you know what you're talking about.

I feel that it is true, that in some cases they will end it if you aren't ready to commit. But in my experience, a lot of times they will pull away and give you a hard time about it, but after a little while will still have sex with you. They will rationalize it in some way. Of course this is not true in all cases some will just leave and that's the end of it, cost of doing business. That is part of the whole beauty of being with multiple women: You will lose one from time to time, and because of your available options the loss should not be an issue.

And yes there is a double standard that exists you are correct. If you have no options they call you a loser, too many a player. I think the best way to approach this situation is to always be a little mysterious when it comes to talking about past women you have dated or other women you are currently dating.

Most men have very limited options, so they tend to brag about the few women they have been with to the one that they are currently with. You can use most mens tendancy to want to outright brag to women about the number of girls they've been with (and even greatly exaggerate those number) by being ambiguous about your past and present dating history. NEVER outright mention other women, let them ask. When they do ask how many women you've been with/are seeing/have dated, never give a number. Simply tell them you don't think its appropriate to discuss those things with her. A lot of people might say this will make her think you have been with few women, but on the contrary, when you do not brag about something that most do, it will ABSOLUTLEY let the woman know you are confident about the fact you have been with other high value women and know you are of value.

 

[Boscus]

Excellent post, repped.

That's right, it's all about you EFA ( Early frame announcement, i.e you don't verbalise poly, but your actions and frame tell the tale, remember women communicate indirectly )

If a woman asks you, ''Are you seeing other women?''

Don't answer directly, answer indirectly, it's how females communicate,
so you'd say something like ''I have 15 girlfriends, one for every day of the week plus an extra...'' It's a ****y/funny response, which communicates to the woman, ''I don't want to talk about it'' and she gets the picture, women are smarter than we give them credit, they ain't lil flowers as most guys seem to think.

Also, to minimise drama, you only see the women once per week, and when you have sex, make her come everytime...

 

[Taistelukalkkuna]

But the propaganda for oneitis is heavy. Today at gym, I heard song that said straight out "I need you to think me 100% and always be there." No wonder we men turn into wussies.

 

[plate's_empty]

Yes, Great post! And spot on responses.

I have a buddy who dates MULTIPLE women, LOTS of them. But when talking to these women mostly what comes out are lies. He's in it for one thing the sex. He can't sit back and have a meaningful conversation with them, or actually enjoy a night out with them.

The best part about hooking up with multiple women, is they bring something else to the table. It's more enjoyable when you can relax around them and be yourself. No deceit or lies (maybe a little white one every once in a while)

It is possible to have fun with them, and yes, to enjoy their company.