The powers of consistency to gain complaince

[everywomanshero]

Here is best way I know to explain this. Mystery understands this stuff very well as you will see if you look at his VAH:

So I always sit next to this one girl I know. Now, everyday we talk and have great respect for one another which is a cool thing. I noticed if I try NOT to talk to her and pay total attention to class, I feel a lot of pressure to at least say something to acknowledge she's there.. way more than usual.

So I wondered why this is? The reason is consistency. Once we have commited to a behavior, then we feel great pressure to remain consistent with that initial behavior.
Why it worked in this instance:
-I had free choice in initial step of talking to her. It's a behavior I choose (or believe I chose) to engage in. Had it not been(perceived as) a free choice it may not have worked under some circumstances.
-The conversation was more interesting than a typical conversation (deeper rapport than normal was generated, making this stand out as something "between us" not shared with everyone).

The point isn't that this particular situation "means" anything (it doesn't & I'm off the market now anyway), it's a much broader issue being raised than this one situation.

The point is that we can intentionally cause dissonance to be associated with not complying with what we want without ever having to even say what we want! You will notice Mystery is a master of applying this principle in unique ways.

Why do you think companies give away samples? Becuase once you use a product, then you will be much more likely to remain consistent with that behavior.

A lot of this can be manipulated through "foot-in-the-door" tatics. A small task is created first. The person should feel she freely chose to engage in this act. The task cannot be so small as to be a super-typical experience, it needs to be somewhat interesting or larger than everyday experience. The task cannot be so large that it is rejected (tried to go too fat, too fast but another tatic uses a large request followed by a smaller one). Once complaince is gained for a smaller task, social influence (real or perceived personal and interpersonal pressures) will cause her to feel MORE pressure to comply than to not comply for the next task.

It's pretty easy to see how most people already use this one. First, you get to one level, then you escalate. Can't escalate? Go back, work forward. etc. This is making it more comfortable to comply all the time, and (without doing much of anything on your part) making it more uncomfortable to deny.

It's just something to keep in your back pocket, it isn't like this stuff is the be all, end all of what needs to be done. Useful to know, nonetheless. I also think it's possible to spend too much time thinking about this stuff and not make a real connection with anyone which is a common problem when people get too caught up in "techniques" and "strategies"

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

I consider myself a pretty intelligent guy, but honestly I'm not totally grasping the concept. From what I can decipher, you're saying that you should goad a woman into an act that is somewhat out of the ordinary, and make her feel as though she chose to do this, and by doing this she'll be more likely to feel compelled to do that behavior in the future???

 

[Ace of Flames]

Familiarity breeds comfort. She talks to you everyday, so she's ok with it.

The second half I don't really get. You could have said it in simpler terms. Something about getting her used to doing stuff for/with you, so then bigger things don't seem that big. I guess that makes sense.

 

[everywomanshero]

The important part to grasp is that we look at our behavior as an indicator of who we are, and we try to stay consistent with that.

Look in the thesaurus at terms associated with being consistent:
constant, dependable, even, expected, homogeneous, invariable, logical, persistent, rational, same, steady, true, unchanging, undeviating, unfailing, uniform, unvarying. Mostly good.

Look at terms for inconsistent:
at odds, at variance, capricious, catch-22, changeable, conflicting, contrary, discordant, discrepant, dissonant, erratic, fickle, illogical, in conflict, incoherent, incompatible, incongruent, incongruous, inconstant, irreconcilable, irregular, lubricious, mercurial, temperamental, uncertain, unpredictable, unstable, variable, warring. Mostly not so good.
-Personal consistency is valued by our society
-Consistent conduct is a beneficial approach to life. "Rules of thumb" on how to behave.

Society teach you from when very small that being consistent is good, plus it's a natural occurance to want to stay consistent with "who you are", and finally labels your peers give you is something people will try to stay consistent with. For example, if you are known as a a jokester and one day you are serious, then people will wonder what's wrong? Or "good girls don't do that" maybe someone says to one of the "good girls". Socially learned to be consistent with labels, but the big thing for us is that people also look to past behavior to figure out how to behave in the moment.

This is a big issue, the social influence of consistency isn't like one or two small techniques, but it's a very broad thing in nature.

Look at it this way, if you wreck during driving exam, then they will not give you license. Why is this? Because they expect you will stay consistent with what you do in the exam. If you did not wreck, then they will think you will be consistent and not wreck later also.

Now that easiest technique is "foot in the door". Say I want to borrow your notes for an entire year. Maybe I would first ask to borrow one chapter's worth ( a small task but not something you get often, so it's atypical but not too large so that you might say no). I do that first to get you in the habit of saying yes to me. Now, when I ask for all those notes it is more likelyyou will say yes. As this applies in MM, Mystery gets a girl to comply with a series of small tasks while attempting to escalate (test) to see if he's done enough to move on to a bigger task.

Cialidini (check spelling) is the authority on this and he might have better wording for this. I will try to answer any specific Qs you may have. This seems like a very small thing, but I think it's really important to understand. This is also very well supported by studies which is where I assume Mystery originally got his ideas on compliance since he uses textbook social psych.

 

[Evo-Psych]

Great post. I am also a big fan of the MM, especially since I am very analytical.

I use compliance as a great indicator of interest level and if I don't get that compliance that means it is up to me to increase that interest level or next her. I think that the small tests are a great way to lead her down the road of pleasing you and reward her each time she does it. This builds positive feelings in her and helps you be more in control with less flaking.

Also you are right consistency is important and often subconscious in society. That is why sometimes it is so hard to break a bad habit, change your frame of mind, or do something other that what people expect because people react to the inconsistency usually in a negative way.

 

[PJD]

I think there's a lot of truth to this idea. I realized something similar happening in my life, but I kinda screwed it up.

This cute girl works at my gym, and just about every time I go in, she's the one that scans my card, and I often tease her in a pretty direct ****y-funny way (I give her my ring as collateral for a basketball, and tell her it's not a relationship, it's just for the basketball). She knows my name after a week, which is pretty good considering there are hundreds of guys that pass through here.

Well, the last week, I completely ignored her and gave my card to somebody else, even when she was kinda of reaching for my card. I was thinking I would play hot/cold with her, the idea of the cat chasing the string when it's out there hard to get.

Well, the past couple of times I've come in, she's seemed to completely ignore me too.

I'd be happy to just go back to the old routine we had developed.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

You guys don't get it. You play these silly hot/cold games, and when they woman gets pissed, you want to play nice right away.

My reccomendation; either don't play this crap in the first place, or don't buckle like a pvssy when it doesn't go the way you want.

If it works great; if not, I highly suggest you just keep ignoring her. If she's into you, she'll make an effort. If she's not, then she's the kind of chick who takes herself way too seriously, and you saved yourself a bunch of BS.

 

[everywomanshero]

My opinion on this is similar:
If you have good rapport with a chick who is interested, then anything that makes her feel bad about you is going a step backwards. Of course, you don't want to be deadly serious, but your jokes at that point should make her feel good. If you make her feel bad when she's being nice to you, then you are teaching her not to be nice to you anymore since it's painful experience.

In fact, I never try to make anyone feel bad at all. If you even start thinking that someone might not like you or that they might harbor negative thoughts about you, I believe it will cause you to send out a negative vibe. As Swinggcat says, in your mind perceive everything she does as she wants you and she's trying to sleep with you. If you do that then things like this will never happen. That's what I do, I perceive everything *any* chick ever does has the underlying meaning that she's trying to sleep with me and win me over. I never allow myself to perceive anything anyone does as an attack on me and since I do that I come across better. If you do this a lot of problems with "*****y" girls or "girls turning cold" will quickly correct without further effort. In your case now, the next time I see her I would perceive her ignoring me as playing hard to get, and I would resume flirting with her like I didn't realize anything uncomfortable had even occured.