The perfect relationship gone bad.

[The Duke]

I've shared pieces of my relationship with my exwife from time to time and it always generates more questions, so in order to help others here it is.

I met my ex-wife in high school. She was the first girl I had sex with. I was more into my hobbies and work than I was girls although I had gone out with a few. I was very indifferent. After months of me flaking on plans and being late for our dates she slowly won me over.

We ended up graduating high school and both went to separate colleges in different states. This was before cell phones and the internet was barely getting started so communication consisted of expensive land line phone bills and lots of letters. We usually saw each other once a month during college. We both worked hard at having a successful long distance relationship. If an issue came up, we talked about it, and it was quickly resolved. There was no anxiety, and we had total faith in our connection. We had a lot of fun those 5yrs or so.

She ended up graduating 1.5yrs earlier from college than I did. We both knew we wanted to be married at some point but it wasn't a priority. I told her if she wanted to be with me that she needed to move to XYZ City because that's where I was headed after I graduated. XYZ City also happened to be closer to my dad and that was critical for me so we could pursue our hobbies together.

She got an apartment and I finished up my college. For the first time in 8yrs or so we finally lived together. We both launched solid careers in corporate America, drove nice cars, had plenty of money, and enjoyed our life together. Soon bought a house together in the suburbs. We had zero issues, no drama, no fighting, rarely argued. We were the couple that everyone wanted to be.

We settled into a comfortable relationship. We both were guilty of not working on it together like we used to. She got really focused on her career and moved up the ladder. I had a good job but I was driven by my hobby, not the job. My hobby required lots of hours of preparation during the week, and I was gone at events 20-25 weekends out of the year. She was always super supportive and enjoyed it. Its takes a very understanding woman to be down with my hobby.

As she moved up the ladder, she became more stressed about her job and complained about it a lot. I was never very supportive of it and I got tired of hearing about her work so I would tune out and go do my thing. She got more into her job, I got more into my hobby. We quit doing things together. We still had good sex, and cared about each other but didn't make time for each other.

Next thing you know some guy at her work starts giving her the attention that I wasn't. This guy was a vendor her company contracted with. The guy had a schitt job, didn't make a lot, and definitely didn't have very high SMV. But he provided the attention I wasn't.

Did she like attention? She sure did, but it was never a problem. She always got that need met thru me, until I stopped providing it. She was a solid HB8, perfect long legs, nice c-cups, long hair, good azz, cute face, taller than I was at 5'11. When she walked in the door, everyone looked. She had the girl next door personality. Zero drama, very secure, super rational, submissive when she needed to be, strong when she had to be, never needy. She is the only woman I have ever met that you could sit down and easily talk out a problem with out drama and tears. Her mother raised her right, and she had a strong masculine father that she was very close to.

Eventually she went down that slippery slope and started cheating on me. After putting the cheating story together I divorced her. It was a fairly civil divorce and didn't require lawyers. We both took a very professional approach to it.

To this day we are still friends. She dated 2 guys after our marriage and ended up married to one of them. I always knew that would never work and it didn't last very long. The dude was a beta male. All he had going for him was he was funny and good looking. On their wedding night she wanted to call off the marriage but didn't. He even told her that she needed to go back to her ex-husband(me).

After her 2nd divorce she was in counseling for a long time. She was depressed and got fat. After the urging of her therapist, I got a call one day asking me if I would ever get back with her. I told her no way.

A few years after that she tells me that she will never find a guy that will match me. She told me it was the biggest mistake she ever made and she knows she won't have the capacity to love someone else like she did me. It was the nicest thing I've ever heard but also the saddest. We still talk from time to time, and I still hear these things. If you haven't ever read @Desdinova 's high score thread, you need to.

The relationship lasted nearly 15yrs. It was perfect for 13-14 of those. There were no signs based on her values or behaviors that might have indicated she would cheat. All women like attention, she didn't seek out attention from other men, until I stopped providing it. I guess that would be the only slight concern.

There are no guarantees. You can analyze it all you want....You can develop all of these theories....You can put two people together that have great communication skills and all of the ingredients to be successful and it still not stand the ultimate test of time.

The only thing I know for sure, is its much better to have tried and failed, than to do nothing and wonder. Don't let your fears keep you from living the gift of life. I've enjoyed and appreciated every damn woman I've been with and there has been a lot. Even the crazy ones.

That divorce was the hardest thing I've ever been thru, but it was also the best thing that ever happened to me. It was the catalyst that led me to learn more about myself and women. I'm a better man than I was then, in every single category.

@CBear, @Dr.Suave

 

[BackInTheGame78]

People change over time and what they want/need changes as they enter and exit different phases of their life. Sometimes those things no longer align between two people.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Thank you for sharing; what came to mind immediately is - have you ever been with a woman you're very much into but have learned something about her that you know means you cannot proceed beyond this point? In the case of your story, you describe your ex as a hottie and a good woman - EXCEPT that she cheated on you.

I cannot say that I've had that experience knowingly; for me, it was other things I learned about a woman's life, health (mental and physical), or something I consider fundamental to having a loving and harmonious LTR. And just sitting there thinking how much you wish you didn't have the knowledge you do or that she'd done whatever...sigh

 

[Dr.Suave]

D@mn. Thank you for sharing. Most members can learn a thing or three with this thread.

 

[soulforge]

I've shared pieces of my relationship with my exwife from time to time and it always generates more questions, so in order to help others here it is.

I met my ex-wife in high school. She was the first girl I had sex with. I was more into my hobbies and work than I was girls although I had gone out with a few. I was very indifferent. After months of me flaking on plans and being late for our dates she slowly won me over.

We ended up graduating high school and both went to separate colleges in different states. This was before cell phones and the internet was barely getting started so communication consisted of expensive land line phone bills and lots of letters. We usually saw each other once a month during college. We both worked hard at having a successful long distance relationship. If an issue came up, we talked about it, and it was quickly resolved. There was no anxiety, and we had total faith in our connection. We had a lot of fun those 5yrs or so.

She ended up graduating 1.5yrs earlier from college than I did. We both knew we wanted to be married at some point but it wasn't a priority. I told her if she wanted to be with me that she needed to move to XYZ City because that's where I was headed after I graduated. XYZ City also happened to be closer to my dad and that was critical for me so we could pursue our hobbies together.

She got an apartment and I finished up my college. For the first time in 8yrs or so we finally lived together. We both launched solid careers in corporate America, drove nice cars, had plenty of money, and enjoyed our life together. Soon bought a house together in the suburbs. We had zero issues, no drama, no fighting, rarely argued. We were the couple that everyone wanted to be.

We settled into a comfortable relationship. We both were guilty of not working on it together like we used to. She got really focused on her career and moved up the ladder. I had a good job but I was driven by my hobby, not the job. My hobby required lots of hours of preparation during the week, and I was gone at events 20-25 weekends out of the year. She was always super supportive and enjoyed it. Its takes a very understanding woman to be down with my hobby.

As she moved up the ladder, she became more stressed about her job and complained about it a lot. I was never very supportive of it and I got tired of hearing about her work so I would tune out and go do my thing. She got more into her job, I got more into my hobby. We quit doing things together. We still had good sex, and cared about each other but didn't make time for each other.

Next thing you know some guy at her work starts giving her the attention that I wasn't. This guy was a vendor her company contracted with. The guy had a schitt job, didn't make a lot, and definitely didn't have very high SMV. But he provided the attention I wasn't.

Did she like attention? She sure did, but it was never a problem. She always got that need met thru me, until I stopped providing it. She was a solid HB8, perfect long legs, nice c-cups, long hair, good azz, cute face, taller than I was at 5'11. When she walked in the door, everyone looked. She had the girl next door personality. Zero drama, very secure, super rational, submissive when she needed to be, strong when she had to be, never needy. She is the only woman I have ever met that you could sit down and easily talk out a problem with out drama and tears. Her mother raised her right, and she had a strong masculine father that she was very close to.

Eventually she went down that slippery slope and started cheating on me. After putting the cheating story together I divorced her. It was a fairly civil divorce and didn't require lawyers. We both took a very professional approach to it.

To this day we are still friends. She dated 2 guys after our marriage and ended up married to one of them. I always knew that would never work and it didn't last very long. The dude was a beta male. All he had going for him was he was funny and good looking. On their wedding night she wanted to call off the marriage but didn't. He even told her that she needed to go back to her ex-husband(me).

After her 2nd divorce she was in counseling for a long time. She was depressed and got fat. After the urging of her therapist, I got a call one day asking me if I would ever get back with her. I told her no way.

A few years after that she tells me that she will never find a guy that will match me. She told me it was the biggest mistake she ever made and she knows she won't have the capacity to love someone else like she did me. It was the nicest thing I've ever heard but also the saddest. We still talk from time to time, and I still hear these things. If you haven't ever read @Desdinova 's high score thread, you need to.

The relationship lasted nearly 15yrs. It was perfect for 13-14 of those. There were no signs based on her values or behaviors that might have indicated she would cheat. All women like attention, she didn't seek out attention from other men, until I stopped providing it. I guess that would be the only slight concern.

There are no guarantees. You can analyze it all you want....You can develop all of these theories....You can put two people together that have great communication skills and all of the ingredients to be successful and it still not stand the ultimate test of time.

The only thing I know for sure, is its much better to have tried and failed, than to do nothing and wonder. Don't let your fears keep you from living the gift of life. I've enjoyed and appreciated every damn woman I've been with and there has been a lot. Even the crazy ones.

That divorce was the hardest thing I've ever been thru, but it was also the best thing that ever happened to me. It was the catalyst that led me to learn more about myself and women. I'm a better man than I was then, in every single category.

@CBear, @Dr.Suave

Good to read your story man.. Sounds like you had a beautiful thing going for a very long time.

This divorce was the catalyst for you to become a better version of yourself.

I always say this, heartbreak & trauma makes a man. Heartbreak & trauma breaks a woman.

 

[Money & Muscle]

god, this is such a beautiful and sad story. Thank you for sharing @The Duke

 

[The Duke]

Thank you for sharing; what came to mind immediately is - have you ever been with a woman you're very much into but have learned something about her that you know means you cannot proceed beyond this point? In the case of your story, you describe your ex as a hottie and a good woman - EXCEPT that she cheated on you.

I cannot say that I've had that experience knowingly; for me, it was other things I learned about a woman's life, health (mental and physical), or something I consider fundamental to having a loving and harmonious LTR. And just sitting there thinking how much you wish you didn't have the knowledge you do or that she'd done whatever...sigh

The fact she cheated was it and the only time I've experienced it. Honor, Loyalty,& respect are huge to me. She schitt all over my belief system. It took years before she finally admitted to it.

There was a time when I was down in the dumps and weak that I considered taking her back. Thank God I found SoSuave and learned why that was such a bad idea.

 

[CBear]

Thank you for keeping your word and sharing this. You took accountability of the unfortunate circumstances and yet you became a much better man because of it. And I respect that you got out of the situation as soon as you figured out that she cheated on you and have not looked back despite how hard that must've been. This is going to help a lot of guys on here. LTR's/marriages are a different animal and most guys don't realize that.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Thank you for sharing your story. It's moments like these that emphasize the need for a dedicated space on this forum for Long-Term Relationships (LTRs) and Marriages.

We often focus intensely on the initial stages of relationships, striving to lay a perfect foundation. However, as many of us have experienced firsthand, the journey doesn't end there. Like vehicles and homes, relationships require ongoing maintenance to thrive.

Even the most seemingly perfect partner can undergo transformations over time if we neglect the essential work needed to nurture the relationship. It's a reminder that the effort we put into our relationships doesn't stop once we've found someone special; rather, it's a continuous commitment to growth, understanding, and mutual support.

By creating a separate board dedicated to LTRs and marriages, we can foster a space where members can share experiences, seek advice, and offer support specific to the complexities and challenges of long-term partnerships.

 

[Money & Muscle]

By creating a separate board dedicated to LTRs and marriages, we can foster a space where members can share experiences, seek advice, and offer support specific to the complexities and challenges of long-term partnerships.

Should We Have An LTR Forum?

I keep hearing people saying that we should - and I think it warrants some discussion (I'm biased). I'm posting a poll so maybe we can get some insights on if we make this a thing. LTR game is different from pickup. Tagging mods so we can open a dialogue. @BackInTheGame78 @Billtx49 @Black Widow...

www.sosuave.net

Feel free to take a look at the final vote tally (was only open 1 week I believe).

 

[Desdinova]

A few years after that she tells me that she will never find a guy that will match me. She told me it was the biggest mistake she ever made and she knows she won't have the capacity to love someone else like she did me. It was the nicest thing I've ever heard but also the saddest. We still talk from time to time, and I still hear these things. If you haven't ever read @Desdinova 's high score thread, you need to.

I have a love / hate relationship with the High Score Theory post. I hate the fact that it needed to exist. But I'll tell you, that post is full of the most bitter truth I've ever written. A woman in her 40s will automatically put higher value on a guy she was obsessed with 20-25 years ago over any guy who is willing to stay with her droopy wrinkling a55.

Speaking of which, guess when I last spoke to the woman who drove me to this site? Probably about 6 months ago. She still checks in every once in a while. This chick should be completely gone. Instead, she's still sniffing around some 23 years later while the guy she pooped out the last two kids with is nowhere to be found.

The fact she cheated was it and the only time I've experienced it. Honor, Loyalty,& respect are huge to me. She schitt all over my belief system.

When a chick cheats, it's a huge blemish on her as a human. Sure, her personality can still be great and spending time with her can still feel "right", but some other guy's c0ck was parking in YOUR garage. Those oil stains from his d1ck are still on the floor no matter how hard you scrub.

 

[Bible_Belt]

My marriage was very similar.

 

[SW15]

Glad to see you around, Des!

Same here. I like @Desdinova and his High Score Theory post.

 

[SW15]

I've shared pieces of my relationship with my exwife from time to time and it always generates more questions, so in order to help others here it is.

It is good that you shared the entirety of the story.

She got an apartment and I finished up my college. For the first time in 8yrs or so we finally lived together. We both launched solid careers in corporate America, drove nice cars, had plenty of money, and enjoyed our life together. Soon bought a house together in the suburbs. We had zero issues, no drama, no fighting, rarely argued. We were the couple that everyone wanted to be.

We settled into a comfortable relationship. We both were guilty of not working on it together like we used to. She got really focused on her career and moved up the ladder. I had a good job but I was driven by my hobby, not the job. My hobby required lots of hours of preparation during the week, and I was gone at events 20-25 weekends out of the year. She was always super supportive and enjoyed it. Its takes a very understanding woman to be down with my hobby.

As she moved up the ladder, she became more stressed about her job and complained about it a lot. I was never very supportive of it and I got tired of hearing about her work so I would tune out and go do my thing. She got more into her job, I got more into my hobby. We quit doing things together. We still had good sex, and cared about each other but didn't make time for each other.

Next thing you know some guy at her work starts giving her the attention that I wasn't. This guy was a vendor her company contracted with. The guy had a schitt job, didn't make a lot, and definitely didn't have very high SMV. But he provided the attention I wasn't.

This seems typical. Both of you got busy and the relationship didn't get enough attention. It was taken for granted and that's when poor outcomes happen.

Eventually she went down that slippery slope and started cheating on me. After putting the cheating story together I divorced her. It was a fairly civil divorce and didn't require lawyers. We both took a very professional approach to it.

You did what you had to do. You held strong and moved on with your life. Be proud of that!

She sure did, but it was never a problem. She always got that need met thru me, until I stopped providing it. She was a solid HB8, perfect long legs, nice c-cups, long hair, good azz, cute face, taller than I was at 5'11.

A 5'11" woman with a nice physique is always going to get attention.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

When a chick cheats, it's a huge blemish on her as a human. Sure, her personality can still be great and spending time with her can still feel "right", but some other guy's c0ck was parking in YOUR garage. Those oil stains from his d1ck are still on the floor no matter how hard you scrub.

I’m gonna say some extreme stuff but I’ve been feeling like this for a while:

This is the one thing that I totally disagree with and have always disagreed with the consensus of this life Of an DJ about.

Let me ask an initial question: plates who you aren’t in a LTR with [as they’re plates] - them sleeping with other guys as well as you, is it disrespectful? Why not?

A committed and exclusive LTR in my opinion runs counter productive to this whole entire DJ thing at its core unless one major thing is in place…and that thing is the total destruction of your ego. To me it’s insecurity and a hidden agenda of incels who ain’t smashing that invented the term “cuck” as a diss bc they want to define it as a guy in a relationship who’s woman is sleeping around on him but conveniently stop at that same guy who’s still sleeping around with other women.

To be a DJ, It’s like you are marketing yourself to be this elusive can’t lock me down guy….but then one day you wake up and say: “hey, you know what, let me openly walk into this cage…for YOU! I got you believing I got Brenda, Felicia, Tonya and Vivica all blowing up my phone to top me off, but nah I’m good. 1 girl for me!”

And then expect all the things your brand stood for: indifference, doing what you want, having interest that trump the woman, unobtainable, abundance mindset… stay in tact like the day she met you.

It’s never made sense to me…and as Im reading this story, though it’s heartfelt and an honest account of a love story gone sad [this is def not a diss to Duke, just an opinion I have in general on this topic], my thoughts are that she didn’t just cheat on you…she got caught.

And with that said…my response is:

So what?!?

in DJ terms, why did you have to call it quits?

To me as I’ve gotten more experience in this thing - and if I weighed the day to day pros and cons…I read the OP story and walked away like dog she did you a favor. She allowed you to get out of that silly exclusive LTR contract and have the benefits of marriage and everything that comes with that [including proof of preselection] and put her back into a plate status.

I think guys think canceling a chick because of infidelity is some sign of how you can easily walk away…

…I think it’s avoiding letting her see you really aint an indifferent DJ with an abundance in real life play out.

 

[Desdinova]

Let me ask an initial question: plates who you aren’t in a LTR with [as they’re plates] - them sleeping with other guys as well as you, is it disrespectful? Why not?

Because I wouldn't give enough of a fvck about them doing it. When you enter a LTR, you should be laying out ground rules that the both of you put yourselves on mutual levels of respect and trust. She has no guy friends, nor do you have any female friends. If she refuses to allow herself to be on the same elevated level of trust and respect, she should either remain a plate or be tossed in the garbage pile with all the other untrustworthy wh0res.

o be a DJ, It’s like you are marketing yourself to be this elusive can’t lock me down guy….but then one day you wake up and say: “hey, you know what, let me openly walk into this cage…for YOU! I got you believing I got Brenda, Felicia, Tonya and Vivica all blowing up my phone to top me off, but nah I’m good. 1 girl for me!”

And then expect all the things your brand stood for: indifference, doing what you want, having interest that trump the woman, unobtainable, abundance mindset… stay in tact like the day she met you.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the woman should be forfeiting her life and lifestyle when she's moving into yours. My GF would be absolutely lost if I were to keel over tomorrow. I'm the one driving the ship and she's absolutely loving the boat ride. My life is her life. She knows nothing else.

as Im reading this story, though it’s heartfelt and an honest account of a love story gone sad [this is def not a diss to Duke, just an opinion I have in general on this topic], my thoughts are that she didn’t just cheat on you…she got caught.

And with that said…my response is:

So what?!?

She pulled herself down from that high level of respect and trust. She fvcked it up. When women do that with that one guy, they not only screw up their relationship with him, but they've also screwed up their ability to be in a lasting mutually-respectful relationship. She will NEVER feel the same way for another guy. She is by all definition "damaged goods".

If you want my thoughts, a DJ should demand nothing less than a high level of mutual respect from a woman who wants to keep him. Anything less and he's setting himself up for failure, frustration, and heartbreak. Now why the fvck would any sane man want to set himself up for that? Pvssy is everywhere and if he wants to get a non-committal tramp, there's thousands to choose from. Only the best should qualify for a LTR.

I think guys think canceling a chick because of infidelity is some sign of how you can easily walk away…

It's not a sign of how you can easily walk away, it's a sign that you refuse to have your emotions dragged through the mud while she wants to fvcking "talk about it". Walking away from a long term relationship hurts like a punch to the ba11s, but you know deep down that it's the best thing to do for yourself.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Because I wouldn't give enough of a fvck about them doing it.

But to me that’s the first slip.
I think the main question that puts this on the hot seat is:

If you are in a LTR exclusive relationship, do you have Oneitis?

Imo in Dukes story there’s a cope that the ego is painting that’s counter to everything the red pill suggest and within that is like a testimony to the argument I’m really trying to make.

In the story he tells us that he was away on his purpose and because he was out doing his thing and she was doing her own thing moving up the corporate ladder, his lack of attention caused her to cheat.

Ive been down the road of rebuttals forming before the point is made: “Awe come on man women are humans too! They’re not robots. You can’t just show them nothing and expect ever lasting loyalty!”

But we can’t have it both ways in what we agree this forum and thinking is all about. This game is about maintaining attraction. A man taking care of business and being on his purpose is attractive. Then he comes back in, pounds her good to where she’s like “oooh, he really loves fvcking me. I’m special!”, then goes back to his purpose and handling business. That’s what she’s ultimately looking for in a man who’s pounding her. If your main duties were different [to keep this exclusive loyalty you want her to have], she’d call you her friend.

The blue pill in me was like awe man, where were the nights out on the town under the stars?! The redpill knows that the reason she cheated isn’t a lack of attention. There’s more details sandwiched in there that point to her losing enough attraction in him to see it elsewhere in someone else and fvck the guy.

I read the lack of attention as Duke stopped pounding her like the role calls for. Theres no surprise you start moving closer to the zone of how she looks at a friend. The friends don’t pound her. This work guy wanted the duties.

When you enter a LTR, you should be laying out ground rules that the both of you put yourselves on mutual levels of respect and trust. She has no guy friends, nor do you have any female friends. If she refuses to allow herself to be on the same elevated level of trust and respect, she should either remain a plate or be tossed in the garbage pile with all the other untrustworthy wh0res.

I have thoughts within this but I want to focus on the real matter at hand.

My question is why did he have to end sex and walk away? Why not just downgrade her to a plate along with the other wh0res? The answers to that is what I’m getting at under the surface.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the woman should be forfeiting her life and lifestyle when she's moving into yours. My GF would be absolutely lost if I were to keel over tomorrow. I'm the one driving the ship and she's absolutely loving the boat ride. My life is her life. She knows nothing else.

That’s coo but to me you would still be a guy thats acknowledging you have oneitis. Within that, you’re more vulnerable in reality than the frame your ego is trying to make so. Then if you’re mutually exclusive…she could be on SoSlick telling women how you forfeited your rights banging other broads and riding on her exclusive relationship cruise ship.

She pulled herself down from that high level of respect and trust. She fvcked it up. When women do that with that one guy, they not only screw up their relationship with him, but they've also screwed up their ability to be in a lasting mutually-respectful relationship. She will NEVER feel the same way for another guy. She is by all definition "damaged goods".

So you’re saying the same guy she cheats on is the same guy who she can wake up one day and realize was “the man” to never cheat on? I think the ego is trying to put a Scarlett letter on her to avoid the thought that she put it on you.

It's not a sign of how you can easily walk away, it's a sign that you refuse to have your emotions dragged through the mud while she wants to fvcking "talk about it". Walking away from a long term relationship hurts like a punch to the ba11s, but you know deep down that it's the best thing to do for yourself.

The reason you’re walking away is because you have so much hurt that that you can’t continue to see her as a plate and have to fess up that you have Oneitis.

 

[Learning Curve]

I've shared pieces of my relationship with my exwife from time to time and it always generates more questions, so in order to help others here it is.

I met my ex-wife in high school. She was the first girl I had sex with. I was more into my hobbies and work than I was girls although I had gone out with a few. I was very indifferent. After months of me flaking on plans and being late for our dates she slowly won me over.

We ended up graduating high school and both went to separate colleges in different states. This was before cell phones and the internet was barely getting started so communication consisted of expensive land line phone bills and lots of letters. We usually saw each other once a month during college. We both worked hard at having a successful long distance relationship. If an issue came up, we talked about it, and it was quickly resolved. There was no anxiety, and we had total faith in our connection. We had a lot of fun those 5yrs or so.

She ended up graduating 1.5yrs earlier from college than I did. We both knew we wanted to be married at some point but it wasn't a priority. I told her if she wanted to be with me that she needed to move to XYZ City because that's where I was headed after I graduated. XYZ City also happened to be closer to my dad and that was critical for me so we could pursue our hobbies together.

She got an apartment and I finished up my college. For the first time in 8yrs or so we finally lived together. We both launched solid careers in corporate America, drove nice cars, had plenty of money, and enjoyed our life together. Soon bought a house together in the suburbs. We had zero issues, no drama, no fighting, rarely argued. We were the couple that everyone wanted to be.

We settled into a comfortable relationship. We both were guilty of not working on it together like we used to. She got really focused on her career and moved up the ladder. I had a good job but I was driven by my hobby, not the job. My hobby required lots of hours of preparation during the week, and I was gone at events 20-25 weekends out of the year. She was always super supportive and enjoyed it. Its takes a very understanding woman to be down with my hobby.

As she moved up the ladder, she became more stressed about her job and complained about it a lot. I was never very supportive of it and I got tired of hearing about her work so I would tune out and go do my thing. She got more into her job, I got more into my hobby. We quit doing things together. We still had good sex, and cared about each other but didn't make time for each other.

Next thing you know some guy at her work starts giving her the attention that I wasn't. This guy was a vendor her company contracted with. The guy had a schitt job, didn't make a lot, and definitely didn't have very high SMV. But he provided the attention I wasn't.

Did she like attention? She sure did, but it was never a problem. She always got that need met thru me, until I stopped providing it. She was a solid HB8, perfect long legs, nice c-cups, long hair, good azz, cute face, taller than I was at 5'11. When she walked in the door, everyone looked. She had the girl next door personality. Zero drama, very secure, super rational, submissive when she needed to be, strong when she had to be, never needy. She is the only woman I have ever met that you could sit down and easily talk out a problem with out drama and tears. Her mother raised her right, and she had a strong masculine father that she was very close to.

Eventually she went down that slippery slope and started cheating on me. After putting the cheating story together I divorced her. It was a fairly civil divorce and didn't require lawyers. We both took a very professional approach to it.

To this day we are still friends. She dated 2 guys after our marriage and ended up married to one of them. I always knew that would never work and it didn't last very long. The dude was a beta male. All he had going for him was he was funny and good looking. On their wedding night she wanted to call off the marriage but didn't. He even told her that she needed to go back to her ex-husband(me).

After her 2nd divorce she was in counseling for a long time. She was depressed and got fat. After the urging of her therapist, I got a call one day asking me if I would ever get back with her. I told her no way.

A few years after that she tells me that she will never find a guy that will match me. She told me it was the biggest mistake she ever made and she knows she won't have the capacity to love someone else like she did me. It was the nicest thing I've ever heard but also the saddest. We still talk from time to time, and I still hear these things. If you haven't ever read @Desdinova 's high score thread, you need to.

The relationship lasted nearly 15yrs. It was perfect for 13-14 of those. There were no signs based on her values or behaviors that might have indicated she would cheat. All women like attention, she didn't seek out attention from other men, until I stopped providing it. I guess that would be the only slight concern.

There are no guarantees. You can analyze it all you want....You can develop all of these theories....You can put two people together that have great communication skills and all of the ingredients to be successful and it still not stand the ultimate test of time.

The only thing I know for sure, is its much better to have tried and failed, than to do nothing and wonder. Don't let your fears keep you from living the gift of life. I've enjoyed and appreciated every damn woman I've been with and there has been a lot. Even the crazy ones.

That divorce was the hardest thing I've ever been thru, but it was also the best thing that ever happened to me. It was the catalyst that led me to learn more about myself and women. I'm a better man than I was then, in every single category.

@CBear, @Dr.Suave

Nice post.

I don't believe that when you stopped giving her what the other guy did was the reason of her cheating.

You can date a woman in LTR as you do when you first met her to keep it fresh but if a woman has cheating tendencies she will cheat. Period.

A woman with integrity will end the current relationship, and move on to do what ever the f3uck she wants. Sad it ended. Good for you that you have a fresh space for a new person to come to your life.

Most people realize after they loose something how precious it was. They usually forget all the drama, or bad situations and only remember the good ones.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Well that's an honest accounting of your story, thanks for sharing. You provide the reasons for (though not necessarily excuses for) her straying, and the ensuing challenge of divorce, but at the same time it sounds like things are as they should be.

Without having read the thread I'm expecting some will be tempted to project opinions onto it, I'll try not to do that other than comment on this:

After the urging of her therapist, I got a call one day asking me if I would ever get back with her. I told her no way.

That's pretty weird that her therapist encouraged her to do this. But it was probably what she needed.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

The reason you’re walking away is because you have so much hurt that that you can’t continue to see her as a plate and have to fess up that you have Oneitis.

I see what you're getting at and in some ways your POV makes sense. I don't really think monogamy 100% of the time works. So why not just plate her and bang other girls.

That'd be an easy fix but I don't think it applies here, first of all. OP got married young to his first love, if you will. He didn't have the reps.

But even if he did, anyone can and does catch Oneitis and/or feel hurt. And so what? You say it like it's a character flaw. What it really is is an opportunity to learn and grow. If he had "Oneitis" (which is a bit slight considering it was a 15 year marriage) the OP handled it about as well as he could. Dude stuck to his principles in spite of it.

So I'd say yes you're right, but it's not a bad thing, it's about how a guy handles it. In fact if there's one idea I'd like to change on SS it's that Oneitis is something to confront and deal with, not suppress.