The Path to DJism is relative

Jariel

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There is no one generic route to become a DJ and there are no generic techniques or actions to become popular with women or maintaining a girlfriend. C+F, neghits, kino, alpha behaviour, cold approaches or even confidence are not solutions to everybody’s problem. We are individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses. Attraction is natural, yet it’s these weaknesses/misunderstandings that cause guys to fail with women, and only you can identify your shortcomings and take action against them. Guys who fail with women have certain flaws in their personality or appearance, yet instead of trying to fix these flaws, many waste their time with generic advice, trying to improve on areas that don’t need improving and neglecting those that do. If it’s not broken, don’t try to fix it, as the saying goes. The first thing a failure should do is work out why he is failing, and then work on his personal solution.

Seduction gurus try to teach C+F, neghits, cold approaching and other gimmicks, but this is all aimed at a generic audience, based on statistics and market research. Unless someone knows your specific problems with women, they can’t know the specific solution, and here’s where a lot of guys go wrong. For example:

If you are rejected by women because of bad hygiene, how is C+F going to help? Take a bath, buy some cologne, tidy yourself up.

If you are a puny weakling, your attempts to play the role of alpha male (outside a Trekkie convention or a playschool) aren’t going to convince anyone. Hit the gym, gain some confidence and earn the alpha status.

If you’re too desperate, dedicating all your time and energy to cold approaching is not your solution. You need to get a life and interests of your own and become less dependent on women for happiness.

If you are perceived as a lech, sleazy and make women feel uneasy, then turning up the kino and flirting is sure to harm your reputation further. Learn to play cool and show some class.

If you are a “nice guy” who befriends women with ulterior intents, then learning manipulation techniques will only multiply your problems with women. Learn to flirt, express your sexuality and make your intents clear from the outset.

If you are shy or insecure, you will not be able to handle cold approaching and being rejected by strangers is sure to damage your self-esteem further. Spend more time in social settings, practise conversations and get used to talking to people in pressure-free scenarios.

Some guys intimidate women with their good looks, charisma, intelligence, money and/or popularity. Seduction artists are all about teaching arrogance and selfishness, yet a guy like this would benefit more from practising modesty and a little self-deprecating humour.

Many guys just have bad attitudes and are generally annoying. Adding ****yness and neghits to their repetoire makes them even more obnoxious and intolerable, while some charisma and maturity would serve them well.

Then there are fat guys who focus on mastering pick up techniques, yet continue to be rejected because they’re fat. For these guys, diet and exercise is in order.


These are just some examples where generic seduction advice not only fails, but amplifies your reason for failure. What you also have to bear in mind is that seduction gurus offer a lot of false hope, myths and brainwashing (afterall, they’re selling a product). This can lead to self-delusion and false pride and leave guys blind to their faults.
 

Paps

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Thats brilliant!

I can definitely relate to that. When I tried to use C+F it just completely backfires in my face. Takin the mickey is more my thing, and goofin around.

Its funny, when you're trying to get "it" you have no idea what any of these posts really mean. But when you get there, it all seems so damn easy, and natural. I definitely havent reached DJ yet, but i know Ive broken that plateau called chumpdom.

I personally think we are all naturals. We just need to shed the excess baggage. I think thats why Pook's post are so good. By following his advice we all find our own paths to DJism. He doesnt give out techniques, because this road leads to the development of personality- and techniques are a byproduct of that.
 

muttley

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great post, i agree %100 , every one has theyre own faults that they need to improve on. Some people share the same problemsas others.
 

Paps

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Just further to what I said. The best advice technique wise can be found on CD 4 of Sexual Communication, DYD range.

David DeAngelo does a step by step account of how to get a girl turned on, hot and bothered so shes actucally thrusting her hips into you. From just hand holdin.

That is pure GOLD. Used it today actucally, all the time I was thinking of David D, and how grateful I should be to him. Dno if I should laugh or cry :crackup:
 

Flogger

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Originally posted by Jariel
There is no one generic route to become a DJ and there are no generic techniques or actions to become popular with women or maintaining a girlfriend. C+F, neghits, kino, alpha behaviour, cold approaches or even confidence are not solutions to everybody’s problem. We are individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses. Attraction is natural, yet it’s these weaknesses/misunderstandings that cause guys to fail with women, and only you can identify your shortcomings and take action against them. Guys who fail with women have certain flaws in their personality or appearance, yet instead of trying to fix these flaws, many waste their time with generic advice, trying to improve on areas that don’t need improving and neglecting those that do. If it’s not broken, don’t try to fix it, as the saying goes. The first thing a failure should do is work out why he is failing, and then work on his personal solution.

Seduction gurus try to teach C+F, neghits, cold approaching and other gimmicks, but this is all aimed at a generic audience, based on statistics and market research. Unless someone knows your specific problems with women, they can’t know the specific solution, and here’s where a lot of guys go wrong. For example:

If you are rejected by women because of bad hygiene, how is C+F going to help? Take a bath, buy some cologne, tidy yourself up.

If you are a puny weakling, your attempts to play the role of alpha male (outside a Trekkie convention or a playschool) aren’t going to convince anyone. Hit the gym, gain some confidence and earn the alpha status.

If you’re too desperate, dedicating all your time and energy to cold approaching is not your solution. You need to get a life and interests of your own and become less dependent on women for happiness.

If you are perceived as a lech, sleazy and make women feel uneasy, then turning up the kino and flirting is sure to harm your reputation further. Learn to play cool and show some class.

If you are a “nice guy” who befriends women with ulterior intents, then learning manipulation techniques will only multiply your problems with women. Learn to flirt, express your sexuality and make your intents clear from the outset.

If you are shy or insecure, you will not be able to handle cold approaching and being rejected by strangers is sure to damage your self-esteem further. Spend more time in social settings, practise conversations and get used to talking to people in pressure-free scenarios.

Some guys intimidate women with their good looks, charisma, intelligence, money and/or popularity. Seduction artists are all about teaching arrogance and selfishness, yet a guy like this would benefit more from practising modesty and a little self-deprecating humour.

Many guys just have bad attitudes and are generally annoying. Adding ****yness and neghits to their repetoire makes them even more obnoxious and intolerable, while some charisma and maturity would serve them well.

Then there are fat guys who focus on mastering pick up techniques, yet continue to be rejected because they’re fat. For these guys, diet and exercise is in order.


These are just some examples where generic seduction advice not only fails, but amplifies your reason for failure. What you also have to bear in mind is that seduction gurus offer a lot of false hope, myths and brainwashing (afterall, they’re selling a product). This can lead to self-delusion and false pride and leave guys blind to their faults.

You're so right!

The answers are usually simple and obvious, but soooo time-consuming. In the end, they all come'round :)
 

izza

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If you are rejected by women because of bad hygiene, how is C+F going to help? Take a bath, buy some cologne, tidy yourself up.

If you are a puny weakling, your attempts to play the role of alpha male (outside a Trekkie convention or a playschool) aren’t going to convince anyone. Hit the gym, gain some confidence and earn the alpha status.
LOLOL, that was classic.

Superb post, Jariel. All your posts display common sense, experience and a lot of thought.

This post touches on one of the catch 22s of advice on this forum: on the one hand, no one can teach a reader what to say, or what not to say to a chick, or how to behave. All that has to come from within. Similarly, no one can say "your destiny in life is to become president of the united states," that also has to come from within. But on the other hand, a lot of people benefit from each other's experience, advice, and "methods" (although no one should do or say anything that doesn't reflect who they truly are).

Nobody on this board can come over to an rAFCs house and kick his ass into approaching; nobody on this board can give him a magic bullet to eliminate his fear and anxiety. Nobody can walk a his path for them and hold his hand.

Still, EVERYBODY who reads benefits from this board. Personally, sosuave has completely changed my life - I think it was Mr. Fingers and also Pook who said this board gave them a second life. I wonder why some people read and read and read and never act...

I'm like that sometimes - I'm breaking out of it, though.

--Izza
 
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Visceral

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Originally posted by izza
Why is it that some people read and read and read and never act?
This is the big question, isn't it? They know what's wrong with them and they know how to fix it, but there's still something standing in their way. Perhaps knowledge isn't enough, in that they must also have the will to use it ... and they don't, which unfortunately is part of their problems in the first place.
 
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Jariel

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Thanks for the feedback, appreciated as always. Once again, this is something I've written from experience having learned from my successes and failures along the way.

When I came to this board I only needed to improve my confidence, but got caught up in all the seduction techniques, acts and confusion, which really set me back.

Hopefully more people realise that before they end up losing their minds. :)
 

Carnegie

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So simple its amazing. A guy shouldnt be reading up on cold approaches when he has a confidence problem. Its like learning to run before you walk, makes no sense.

Great post man!
 

jago25_98

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Best post, especially

"Seduction artists are all about teaching arrogance and selfishness, yet a guy like this would benefit more from practising modesty and a little self-deprecating humour."

what's c+f by the way?
 

i am me

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Hey man that's a great reminder. I think it'll really help some people here. Gimme 5 *slap* haha
 

izza

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Originally posted by jago25_98
Best post, especially

"Seduction artists are all about teaching arrogance and selfishness, yet a guy like this would benefit more from practising modesty and a little self-deprecating humour."

what's c+f by the way?
Sosuave dictionary
 
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