The outcome (three threads later)

[DankNuggs]

KRD-the funny thing is that you take very promising situations and turn them into negatives into your own mind...Funny, the friend driving the car mentioned that she loved the screw and she didn't want you to get the wrong idea (i.e. that she would love to **** you, but doesn't want to be considered a slut) Then the next time you all hang out, ironically, the random dude mentioned the the two of you should hook up....Shocking....or not....At this point, all you needed was some C&F and you were in like flint.

Girls always have a purpose, what do you think the purpose of bringing you on the random road trip was? You'd have to be there to pick up on the clues, but by acting scared, defensive, and quiet, you determined the purpose for them....

Now Don't Quit...You can't change yesterday, by now you must be somewhat comfortable hanging with these girls considering its happened a few times...Why don't you change the game and take the initiative that you've dropped so many times. invite them out somewhere more your element. Do you know of any parties, bars, get them out with your friends so that you can shine...Let the one you want to bang know that your a guy, and by definition can't handle 'girl convos' tell her, you think shes cool anyways, and converse about whatever you want and feel comfortable with. You can get by your awkwardness in the car....GAIN SOME POWER...realize your own ability to sculpt and shape peoples perception of you. Its the whole idea of mystery and confidence, you don't allow people to pigeonhole you, and for that reason you are unique and wanted.

But most of all, quit feeling sorry for yourself, its a waste of time, and utterly useless. Quit feeling like you need to impress them as well, or have the right 'DJ' answer to every question. It isn't a test you have to take, its a novel that you're the author of, how do you want it to end??

 

[Donjuanpablo]

Originally posted by krd

In response to your comment on masturbation--it really has so many negative connotations and is often regarded as a joke, or something that "losers" do.

Masturbation is not something that is attached only to "losers". 99.9% of the male population do it, its just that the people who do it so often use it as a substitution for getting laid get the negative connotations with it. Trust me, most girls masturbate as well its nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[am4591]

Krd,

I don't know, it sounds like she has the idea that whenever she calls, you'll come runnin'. Personally, I'd forget about this gal but if you still want to try, just don't be so available. Next time she calls, tell her you have things to do, personal stuff, or whatever. You said you were bored at home but this latest "road trip" sounds pretty boring as well, talking about their past boyfriends, driving around not doing much of anything....


Tamales,

Damn, what brought that on? Just read your post--that was rather harsh!

 

[es_mer8]

Damn krd, that was some opportunities to say some funny ass ****. When they were talking about having sex, you should have talked about it. When that girl talked about her sleeping around, you should have chimed in about what freaky ass positions you did your girlfriends in. Basically one-up them at it but not to the point where its creepy but like what I said. Then if it worked, she'd talk about what she did and then you describe in detail what you did and that might of made her horny for you but thats what I would have done.

To me, I think what those girls did were funny. They were joking around; they were having fun. Do you think girls don't have these thoughts? I seen them as invitations for you to talk sexually to them because going by that one comment you made that made them laughing - thats what they wanted. Loosen up man. I think thats your problem there. A while ago, I liked sex and I would have liked to have done it but when it came time to talk about it with a girl, I would lock my thoughts up. I think it was me trying to erradicate my rep as a chronic masturbator and a pathetic loser but who knows what actually happened. Now I freely participate in them but I wait until the girl brings it up first. Then there are no rules.

Yeah, never admit you are a virgin. If you are, lie about it. A lot of people say fake it to make it but generally I thought that it was BS because it would lead to eventually her finding out. Now when girls ask about it, I tell them that I've done it before. If they ask how many times, say you lost count but it was all good. I think that talking about how many times or all that is very immature and try to avoid it at possible. I remember when I admitted I masturbated because I thought I'd get positive light for being the first to admit it but all it did was **** me over the latter three years of High School.

I think you need to hit up my guide that I just made last night. I suggest you consult Step 1:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&postid=248173

I'm not just whoring out my post but I thik Step 1 is what you need. You just need to get confidence, some ego, and some charisma in your body and then you will see a lot better results, guaranteed. That is, unless you're willing to do so. If you don't want to change, you're never going to see positive results...ever.

 

[krd]

Originally posted by DankNuggs
Funny, the friend driving the car mentioned that she loved the screw and she didn't want you to get the wrong idea (i.e. that she would love to **** you, but doesn't want to be considered a slut) Then the next time you all hang out, ironically, the random dude mentioned the the two of you should hook up....Shocking....or not....At this point, all you needed was some C&F and you were in like flint.

DankNuggs, now that you mention it, that is entirely possible! Although I believe the reason for the road trip was simply that they like doing random things, the fact that the guy with us responded the way he did to that comment could suggest that they were actually talking about it on the way over before I joined them. The guy, hearing, or maybe even participating in the conversation, might have been trying to help move things along. What a nice guy! Wish I knew him better, so I could find out what actually went down.

But if that’s the case, then there was nothing negative about the situation. What was negative was how I responded to it. I just clammed up. That’s what screws me up most of the time--that I can’t think quick enough to be able to use a comment like that to my advantage. It’s hard in a split second to think of a way to suggest going out with me, and not appear desperate at the same time. Later on, I’ll probably think of a hundred things I could have said. Hindsight is always 20/20. But the moment has passed, and it would take quite a bit of luck for a similar thing to happen again. Unless I can figure out someway of bringing up the topic, perhaps steering the convo in that direction. The question is, is there any way of doing that?

Maybe I was going about this all wrong. Of the two of them, this girl’s friend is probably more my type anyway. I’d say she’s the less giddy of the two, slightly more mature and articulate (and I emphasize the term slightly). So I’m torn. I thought I’d decided not to hang out with them, one of the reasons being what am4591 mentions. But after hearing your take on the situation, DankNuggs, I’m tempted to reconsider. I don’t have very many friends apart from the one I keep mentioning, but I guess I could discuss it with him. Even let him try for the girl I originally went for while I go for her friend. Ah—the possibilities. Wow, I guess I’ve come down with a rare case of positivity! Although, perhaps they’ll like my friend better and both go for him. Oh well--didn’t last long.

Donjuanpablo, I guess it’s true that masturbation is seen as negative only when used as a substitute for sex. But since I’m not getting any, I would indeed be using it as a substitute for sex. Maybe when I am finally in a relationship, I’ll loosen up about the idea, but right now it just wouldn’t seem right. Although, it’s kind of like being a vegetarian; I made a commitment seven years ago not to eat meat—why go back on my word now?

Esmer_8, yeah, there’s a bunch of things I know I could’ve done, but I just didn’t think of them at the time, or couldn’t bring myself to do them. I wouldn’t talk sex in graphic detail like you suggest. That’s just not me. In the same way that you wouldn’t wear types of clothing, because you feel they just aren’t you, there are certain things I wouldn’t say. I gotta be true to myself. I’m sure there are ways of talking sex without being profane. If someone asks me if I’m a virgin, I’ll just say something similar to what I told the girl in that it’s really none of their business. If they keep prying me, I may just say yes and leave it at that. But in reading step 1 of your guide, I actually think I do most of that stuff. I think I’m a pretty good conversationalist; I make jokes from time to time (perhaps not often enough—can’t think of any sometimes). I speak to myself in front of the mirror all the time; pretend I’m talking to someone else. I’d even say it’s a habit! But in terms of getting women to think any romantic feelings about me, I definitely don’t have that down. Gotta work on the approach too—still really scary for me. But expanding my circle of friends, as I am currently trying to do, may soften the context and reduce my anxiety in that area. One can only hope. I really do want to change--badly! So I guess that's one place in which I show promise.

 

[es_mer8]

I gotta be true to myself. I’m sure there are ways of talking sex without being profane

Good luck on finding it. Most of sex will involve dirty conversation. Why? Thanks to society, they see sex as something wrong to be doing. The image of sex is getting better and better but it still has a long ways to go.

I wouldn’t talk sex in graphic detail like you suggest. That’s just not me. In the same way that you wouldn’t wear types of clothing, because you feel they just aren’t you, there are certain things I wouldn’t say

I wouldn't really compare clothing to talking. The whole point in talking about sex in graphic detail was because she was basically inviting you into the conversation. Instead of having the opportunity to possibly bang them, you stay quiet which projects IMO sexual insecurities. I suppose you could imply a lot of things to keep your feelings on talking about sex but it'd be hard. Some things you just have to compromise or sacrifice your aspects to get further along with women.

Gotta work on the approach too—still really scary for me. But expanding my circle of friends, as I am currently trying to do, may soften the context and reduce my anxiety in that area

When I first started to approach girls, it was like going on a rollercoaster. It was like this surreal feeling. What I did was basically force myself to be in a conversation. At first I was surprised at how easy going girls seemed to be. Then after a while I got so used to it that I did it like it was nothing. Now it basically is nothing. I can go around to girls and make them laugh and all that like I could do that all my life. The first times are always the hardest. Your brain often times can be difficult to adjust to new experiences and surroundings. I bet the first time you drove a car it was harder than it is now. When you first worked, the first day was harder than it is now. The reason is that the first few times will always be tough. Its proven fact.

I really do want to change--badly! So I guess that's one place in which I show promise.

I want you to change as well. However it all boils down to what you want. I get tired of people here that claim they want to change but really don't want to (I'm not accusing you of doing this). They read the guides, they hit up the Tips section and study every article like no tomorrow but lack the motivation to get off their ass and do it. Its easy to do nothing. Its easy to be an AFC because you don't need to take risks. You don't have to worry about life changing because you know what will happen the next day and the day after. There is a clear cut difference between reading it and doing it. A lot of people say admitting your problem is half the battle but in this case, its probably not even 1/10 the battle. So best of luck to you.

 

[krd]

That's a good way of describing it--a rollercoaster. You're always a little scared before you go on, but you end up having a good time (unless you get sick and ruin the fun for yourself, the person next to you and the people in front of you.)

It's such a great feeling when I've approached a girl, and it actually goes well. Everything in between, not so great. It's so stressful for me most of the time, thinking about it--even when I'm not actually doing it. This forum is a place for me to express those thoughts I have that are stressing me out.

But if I were to choose between being here and going out and doing things, the latter would win out every time. Going out and socializing beats the heck out of sitting at home and thinking. Probably why it's so hard to turn down those girls when they call. But I'm considering telling them next time, that I'm busy and maybe we can do it another day. Just so that it doesn't look like I'll come running every single time.

The reality is that my opportunities for socializing are limited in the summer. Now that I am taking a summer course, I've met a few nice girls, but there aren't too many in my class. Guys outnumber girls at the gym, and everyone is busy doing their own thing--it's not a great place for meeting people. I try to make the most of the opprtunities that I get, and hopefully when the fall semester starts back up, my options will increase.

 

[TwoDollahs]

Tamale,

Why do you feel so threatened by tamales telling the truth about women? Please stop posting. You act like you have all these guys sumed up....just TRY to think please. And once you start thinking, try really hard to keep thinking. Otherwise, you should leave.

Also, being angry at men won't get you far. Well, except for yelling at men on sosuave.com because of your possible unattractiveness and own insecurities.