"The opinions of strangers matter to me because..." I'd like you to try and finish this sentence. Try it, really. Sit down, think about it and try your best to find a logical reason why the opinions of strangers should matter to you. A logical reason is something that has an actual, noticable and measurable effect on your life. For instance, an effect on your salary, health, happiness, relationships, etc. A great example of a reason that is not logical is "because they'll think xof me." Since the person is a stranger, whether or not they think x of you doesn't really matter. Their opinion has no physical form, exists in their head and their head alone, and cannot have an actual effect on your life.
So once again, try to finish that sentence. You can't, can you? I know i couldn't. I spent five minutes staring at it and came up with absolutely nothing. Do you know why? Because fear of what people may think, say or do, otherwise known as fear of criticizm (which branches out into fear of rejection, fear of public speaking, etc) is illogical. It has absolutely no logic behind it, and if you disagree with me, i here and now challenge you to find and describe that logic. But you can't find it, and neither can anyone else. There is nothing to find; the logic simply isn't there. The fear is illogical and unnatural. We weren't born with it. We were born with fear of falling and fear of loud noises. Every other fear had to be taught to us, including fears that have now become second nature, such as fear of death, fear of physical pain and... yes, fear of criticizm. Who taught these fears to us? Siblings, parents, teachers, friends, neighbors and so on. And who taught them? Siblings, parents... you get the idea. Think of it as an epidemic, because that's precisely what fear of criticizm is: a disease. Just like AIDS, it now affects millions of people, yet whoever started it all is long dead and gone.
So how is this disease spread, how is it taught? Through repetition. The most common method of programming something into our subconscious mind (usually without even knowing it) is repetition. I have a unique opportunity to observe how fear of criticizm is taught, as i can see my parents and grandparents teach it on a daily basis to my little brother. "If you do x, they'll laugh at you." "What will they think if you do x?" "You don't want them to think x of you!" Like that, several times a day. Multiply that by at least a dozen years, at which point, if they're lucky, a person may finally be mature enough to know better than to listen. Three repetitions per day over a period of 12 years adds up to over 13,000 repetitions. THIRTEEN THOUSAND! I promise you that if you were to say to yourself that your skin is green thirteen thousand times, you'd begin to believe it! Hell, you would probably even see it when you look in the mirror! So imagine what thirteen thousand repetitions can to an abstract concept in your mind, such as the importance of the opinions of strangers.
And then you wonder why it takes forever and a day to get rid of approach anxiety, which as i mentioned earlier, is simply another form of fear of criticizm. You get guys saying that they're hopeless because they've approached a hundred girls and still suffer from it! Ha! Try to think of these numbers in terms of agreements and disagreements. As a kid, you nodded your head and agreed thirteen thousand times when your mother told you that the opinions of strangers matter. As an adult, you shook your head and disagreed one hundred times, as you made the choice to approach a girl and disregard what you've been taught. Now put these numbers side-by-side and compare them. Are you starting to see my point?
Since nothing particularly bad ever happened during your 100 approaches, your logical mind now agrees that approaching is safe. However, your subconscious mind doesn't... because you told it so! During your childhood years alone, you told it that the opinions of strangers matter thirteen thousand times. Through repetition, you taught yourself to believe that to risk doing something to make a girl (or any other stranger) think unfavourably of you is unsafe. And then, throughout your entire life, when you saw a girl you liked and did nothing, you told it another fifty thousand times that approaching girls is unsafe. So after agreeing with something fifty, sixty or seventy thousand times, you've now disagreed with it one hundred times, and are wondering why your subconscious isn't listening? Do you see how laughable that is? Of course, everyone is different. If your parents were a little wiser than most and kept their mouths shut, you may have been "born a natural." Unfortunately, if you're here, you probably weren't that lucky.
Now you know why the average person is more likely to name fear of criticizm, and not fear of death, as their biggest fear. So what's the solution? Two things: effort and time. You've got catching up to do. Keep hammering into your head the new belief that the opinions of strangers don't matter. Approach girls whenever and wherever you see them because each time you approach, you disagree with what you've been taught, and advance. Each time you make up an excuse and get yourself out of approaching, you agree with what you've been taught and backtrack. Furthermore, leave yourself little reminders all over the place. Try a "**** FEAR!" post-it on your fridge, or a Braveheart poster on the wall. Tell your friends about your new belief and make sure that they stop telling you things that may interfere with what you're working to accomplish. Use affirmations, morning and night. And always remember that anything that has been taught can be untaught. It's only a matter of time and effort.
So once again, try to finish that sentence. You can't, can you? I know i couldn't. I spent five minutes staring at it and came up with absolutely nothing. Do you know why? Because fear of what people may think, say or do, otherwise known as fear of criticizm (which branches out into fear of rejection, fear of public speaking, etc) is illogical. It has absolutely no logic behind it, and if you disagree with me, i here and now challenge you to find and describe that logic. But you can't find it, and neither can anyone else. There is nothing to find; the logic simply isn't there. The fear is illogical and unnatural. We weren't born with it. We were born with fear of falling and fear of loud noises. Every other fear had to be taught to us, including fears that have now become second nature, such as fear of death, fear of physical pain and... yes, fear of criticizm. Who taught these fears to us? Siblings, parents, teachers, friends, neighbors and so on. And who taught them? Siblings, parents... you get the idea. Think of it as an epidemic, because that's precisely what fear of criticizm is: a disease. Just like AIDS, it now affects millions of people, yet whoever started it all is long dead and gone.
So how is this disease spread, how is it taught? Through repetition. The most common method of programming something into our subconscious mind (usually without even knowing it) is repetition. I have a unique opportunity to observe how fear of criticizm is taught, as i can see my parents and grandparents teach it on a daily basis to my little brother. "If you do x, they'll laugh at you." "What will they think if you do x?" "You don't want them to think x of you!" Like that, several times a day. Multiply that by at least a dozen years, at which point, if they're lucky, a person may finally be mature enough to know better than to listen. Three repetitions per day over a period of 12 years adds up to over 13,000 repetitions. THIRTEEN THOUSAND! I promise you that if you were to say to yourself that your skin is green thirteen thousand times, you'd begin to believe it! Hell, you would probably even see it when you look in the mirror! So imagine what thirteen thousand repetitions can to an abstract concept in your mind, such as the importance of the opinions of strangers.
And then you wonder why it takes forever and a day to get rid of approach anxiety, which as i mentioned earlier, is simply another form of fear of criticizm. You get guys saying that they're hopeless because they've approached a hundred girls and still suffer from it! Ha! Try to think of these numbers in terms of agreements and disagreements. As a kid, you nodded your head and agreed thirteen thousand times when your mother told you that the opinions of strangers matter. As an adult, you shook your head and disagreed one hundred times, as you made the choice to approach a girl and disregard what you've been taught. Now put these numbers side-by-side and compare them. Are you starting to see my point?
Since nothing particularly bad ever happened during your 100 approaches, your logical mind now agrees that approaching is safe. However, your subconscious mind doesn't... because you told it so! During your childhood years alone, you told it that the opinions of strangers matter thirteen thousand times. Through repetition, you taught yourself to believe that to risk doing something to make a girl (or any other stranger) think unfavourably of you is unsafe. And then, throughout your entire life, when you saw a girl you liked and did nothing, you told it another fifty thousand times that approaching girls is unsafe. So after agreeing with something fifty, sixty or seventy thousand times, you've now disagreed with it one hundred times, and are wondering why your subconscious isn't listening? Do you see how laughable that is? Of course, everyone is different. If your parents were a little wiser than most and kept their mouths shut, you may have been "born a natural." Unfortunately, if you're here, you probably weren't that lucky.
Now you know why the average person is more likely to name fear of criticizm, and not fear of death, as their biggest fear. So what's the solution? Two things: effort and time. You've got catching up to do. Keep hammering into your head the new belief that the opinions of strangers don't matter. Approach girls whenever and wherever you see them because each time you approach, you disagree with what you've been taught, and advance. Each time you make up an excuse and get yourself out of approaching, you agree with what you've been taught and backtrack. Furthermore, leave yourself little reminders all over the place. Try a "**** FEAR!" post-it on your fridge, or a Braveheart poster on the wall. Tell your friends about your new belief and make sure that they stop telling you things that may interfere with what you're working to accomplish. Use affirmations, morning and night. And always remember that anything that has been taught can be untaught. It's only a matter of time and effort.
Blinding people with statistics 
