The one thing I still struggle with

[btownbuck2012]

https://therationalmale.com/2011/11/21/kill-the-beta-2/

I still haven't truly learned how to eliminate this need in my life for emotional support from a woman. In Rollo's article he talks about how important it is to "kill the beta". For example, the PUA artist 'Mystery' supposedly gets suicidal when the women that he games whom turn into LTRs lose interest. I just had an LTR break things off with me this past weekend and while I'm not suicidal, I am very hurt by it.

Just to give you a quick recap on myself. I'm 26 years old and grew up in the midwest. I have really taken to heart the idea of self improvement and carving a place out for yourself in the world. That's why after school I moved to the east coast (originally Washington, D.C. to try to find work with the government and now New York city where I work in sales for a venture capital database provider.)

I did all this because I wanted to make something of myself and originally found a-lot of self confidence and pride in myself just for accomplishing this. While I don't want a career in sales, I was recently promoted at my company and am excited to start learning a new skillset (managing a team of people). I know this experience will greatly benefit me in becoming the leader I want to be in life.

However I always have this gnawing feeling that I need a woman's love and admiration to ultimately feel good about life (i.e. to complete the puzzle). This girl who broke it off with me is the same age as me, dominican and was born and raised in NYC. She was unique to anything I had ever had before. We were together for a little over a year and to be honest it got to the point where she was starting to become the main source of my happiness (I know that's bad). This girl was all over me in the beginning (buying me things, cooking me thanksgiving dinner, etc), and as I started relying more and more on her for my own happiness I was brutally reminded of the harshness of the red pill as she gave me the LJBF speech this past weekend.

I'm pretty tore up about it. Why do I have this awful rock bottom pit feeling in my stomach that all of my accomplishments in life (and hopefully future accomplishments to come) won't have any meaning or true sense of satisfaction unless I can get the unconditional love of a woman? (I know that doesn't exist and for a while I was at peace with that, but as you all know these relationships can really turn you on your head).

How do I finally kill the beta? How do I get to the point where I don't need a woman to feel 100% good about myself?

The thing is that I'm worried that all this time and effort I'm putting into trying to make my career goals come to fruition is really taking a toll on these prime years of my life where I could be out trying to meet more women and getting laid more often, but quite frankly I find that to be a bit of a shallow existence. It just seems like giving women that much time and effort right now is an utter waste of time. I've never been a guy that has had women throw themselves at me, but I have had success when I make the effort to meet them. But it does require some work and after putting in a 70-80+ hour work week I'm more inclined to just recharge my batteries. I think that's where I really screwed up with this girl. I got used to the intimacy and attention and felt relieved I didn't have to go out and try to get that anymore so that I could really focus on work.

In fact, I really don't even miss her, I miss the attention. I'm thankful I can realize that, but it still hurts. So how do I finally kill the beta?

Thanks,
Jon

 

[mrgoodstuff]

https://therationalmale.com/2011/11/21/kill-the-beta-2/

I still haven't truly learned how to eliminate this need in my life for emotional support from a woman. In Rollo's article he talks about how important it is to "kill the beta". For example, the PUA artist 'Mystery' supposedly gets suicidal when the women that he games whom turn into LTRs lose interest. I just had an LTR break things off with me this past weekend and while I'm not suicidal, I am very hurt by it.

Just to give you a quick recap on myself. I'm 26 years old and grew up in the midwest. I have really taken to heart the idea of self improvement and carving a place out for yourself in the world. That's why after school I moved to the east coast (originally Washington, D.C. to try to find work with the government and now New York city where I work in sales for a venture capital database provider.)

I did all this because I wanted to make something of myself and originally found a-lot of self confidence and pride in myself just for accomplishing this. While I don't want a career in sales, I was recently promoted at my company and am excited to start learning a new skillset (managing a team of people). I know this experience will greatly benefit me in becoming the leader I want to be in life.

Your right. These are excellent career and lifeskills to have.

However I always have this gnawing feeling that I need a woman's love and admiration to ultimately feel good about life (i.e. to complete the puzzle). This girl who broke it off with me is the same age as me, dominican and was born and raised in NYC. She was unique to anything I had ever had before. We were together for a little over a year and to be honest it got to the point where she was starting to become the main source of my happiness (I know that's bad). This girl was all over me in the beginning (buying me things, cooking me thanksgiving dinner, etc), and as I started relying more and more on her for my own happiness I was brutally reminded of the harshness of the red pill as she gave me the LJBF speech this past weekend.

Many of us men LOVE this stuff. We are not gay, so at the end of the day part of the interaction with women does validate and sauce up our masculinity. If she's into it your doing nothing wrong.

I'm pretty tore up about it. Why do I have this awful rock bottom pit feeling in my stomach that all of my accomplishments in life (and hopefully future accomplishments to come) won't have any meaning or true sense of satisfaction unless I can get the unconditional love of a woman? (I know that doesn't exist and for a while I was at peace with that, but as you all know these relationships can really turn you on your head).

Unconditional is rare as hell. There might be a condition that you take care of yourself and be a man she can be proud of. Of course a man can slip but he has to get up, and usually we cannot count on a woman to support us in such situations.

How do I finally kill the beta? How do I get to the point where I don't need a woman to feel 100% good about myself?

Personally I think without women you might get to 70% feeling good about self. There is a part of your ego and confidence that is grown when they interact you. I had a long term drought before, and that female interaction did have a pretty large impact upon my confidence and security. I have a lot of confidence without it, it's just more with a woman who is into me.

The thing is that I'm worried that all this time and effort I'm putting into trying to make my career goals come to fruition is really taking a toll on these prime years of my life where I could be out trying to meet more women and getting laid more often, but quite frankly I find that to be a bit of a shallow existence. It just seems like giving women that much time and effort right now is an utter waste of time. I've never been a guy that has had women throw themselves at me, but I have had success when I make the effort to meet them. But it does require some work and after putting in a 70-80+ hour work week I'm more inclined to just recharge my batteries. I think that's where I really screwed up with this girl. I got used to the intimacy and attention and felt relieved I didn't have to go out and try to get that anymore so that I could really focus on work.

You work ALOT of hours. You don't have a lot of time to date and do excessive socialization, but you should still plan a couple 2 hr blocks of time per week. I think in your situation where you work so much it helps to have a supportive GF, so you don't always have to chase the next puzzy because you just don't have time for it.

In fact, I really don't even miss her, I miss the attention. I'm thankful I can realize that, but it still hurts. So how do I finally kill the beta?

Thanks,
Jon

Not sure, what mistake did you have being with her? It sounds like it was a good experience over all.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Not sure, what mistake did you have being with her? It sounds like it was a good experience over all.

It was a good experience. the mistake was turning into a bit of a chump towards the end of the relationship and ultimately getting dumped. It still is pretty shocking to me how quickly women can go so ice cold so quickly.

 

[CMNILS87]

They want to see you emotional and know your feelings 24/7. They want to complain to you 24/7 and agree emotionally about how the world is screwing them over. The only way I know to combat this is to disconnect emotionally

 

[Colossus]

Women don't turn "ice cold" overnight. This is process that usually happens long before men are aware of it.

Additionally, breakups don't happen in a vacuum. You mentioned turning into a chump as the relationship progressed. Chances are your hunch is right, and she picked up on this long before you did. Women can smell a man who derives a disproportionate amount of happiness from her. It's a huge turn-off. Remember, women want to accompany a man through his adventures and battles, not be the source of his adventure and satisfaction.

Listen, there is nothing wrong with feeling good about being taken care of by a woman. This is natural and healthy. But this should never be the primary source of fulfillment for you in life. When this happens, you are sunk. They know it, you cant hide it, and the countdown has begun.

You are still young and at your age women have a lot of power. They are the hottest they will ever be and desired by men of all ages. Add to that your relative lack of life and romantic experience, and this becomes a time in a man's life when a lot of lessons are learned. If I were you, I would focus on your career and date women non-exclusively for a while. With your age and the amount of hours you work, and LTR is just a recipe for disaster. In a few years when you are making quite a bit of money and have some more control over your work hours, hopefully by then you will have also accumulated a lot of non-exclusive experience with women which will contribute greatly to your masculine constitution and dating prowess.

If a man plays his cards well, once he hits 30 is when the tables really start to turn in his favor. You are old enough to have life and romantic experience under your belt, you are planted in a profession, and women all of a sudden find themselves up against that dreadful threshold known as The Wall. Women your age will be hungrier, and younger women will instinctively find you more desirable. Then you can come here and tell all the newbs how it's done.

 

[speed dawg]

https://therationalmale.com/2011/11/21/kill-the-beta-2/

I still haven't truly learned how to eliminate this need in my life for emotional support from a woman. In Rollo's article he talks about how important it is to "kill the beta". For example, the PUA artist 'Mystery' supposedly gets suicidal when the women that he games whom turn into LTRs lose interest. I just had an LTR break things off with me this past weekend and while I'm not suicidal, I am very hurt by it.

Just to give you a quick recap on myself. I'm 26 years old and grew up in the midwest. I have really taken to heart the idea of self improvement and carving a place out for yourself in the world. That's why after school I moved to the east coast (originally Washington, D.C. to try to find work with the government and now New York city where I work in sales for a venture capital database provider.)

I did all this because I wanted to make something of myself and originally found a-lot of self confidence and pride in myself just for accomplishing this. While I don't want a career in sales, I was recently promoted at my company and am excited to start learning a new skillset (managing a team of people). I know this experience will greatly benefit me in becoming the leader I want to be in life.

However I always have this gnawing feeling that I need a woman's love and admiration to ultimately feel good about life (i.e. to complete the puzzle). This girl who broke it off with me is the same age as me, dominican and was born and raised in NYC. She was unique to anything I had ever had before. We were together for a little over a year and to be honest it got to the point where she was starting to become the main source of my happiness (I know that's bad). This girl was all over me in the beginning (buying me things, cooking me thanksgiving dinner, etc), and as I started relying more and more on her for my own happiness I was brutally reminded of the harshness of the red pill as she gave me the LJBF speech this past weekend.

I'm pretty tore up about it. Why do I have this awful rock bottom pit feeling in my stomach that all of my accomplishments in life (and hopefully future accomplishments to come) won't have any meaning or true sense of satisfaction unless I can get the unconditional love of a woman? (I know that doesn't exist and for a while I was at peace with that, but as you all know these relationships can really turn you on your head).

How do I finally kill the beta? How do I get to the point where I don't need a woman to feel 100% good about myself?

The thing is that I'm worried that all this time and effort I'm putting into trying to make my career goals come to fruition is really taking a toll on these prime years of my life where I could be out trying to meet more women and getting laid more often, but quite frankly I find that to be a bit of a shallow existence. It just seems like giving women that much time and effort right now is an utter waste of time. I've never been a guy that has had women throw themselves at me, but I have had success when I make the effort to meet them. But it does require some work and after putting in a 70-80+ hour work week I'm more inclined to just recharge my batteries. I think that's where I really screwed up with this girl. I got used to the intimacy and attention and felt relieved I didn't have to go out and try to get that anymore so that I could really focus on work.

In fact, I really don't even miss her, I miss the attention. I'm thankful I can realize that, but it still hurts. So how do I finally kill the beta?

Thanks,
Jon

Once you finally do it, you'll wonder why you didn't do it long before then. It's seems so easy, yet so hard.

However, we all have the longing for companionship. That will not go away.

 

[oOh Nasty]

So how do I finally kill the beta?

In my opinion, I believe it's more about coming to terms with your Beta and knowing when his persona is causing destruction to your life.

Wanting admiration, love, and respect from a quality woman is too biomchanically imprinted in our genes that it's nearly impossible to feel complete satisfaction without said woman.

I've tried the "get as many plates as possible" and "go out and try to get laid every night" route and still find it pretty unsatisfying just because none of these plates were my definition of quality.

I think the conquest of finding that quality woman (or women) is something ingrained into our subconscious. We can't ignore it. So, don't try to ignore it. Instead, keep the idea on standby as you vigorously work on your SMV (finances, looks, spirituality, social skills, etc).

For those who are still fairly young with strong sex drives, deciding to "opt out" of the search for quality women may eventually lead to some sort of existential depression. I don't recommend it.

 

[ohrein]

For those who are still fairly young with strong sex drives, deciding to "opt out" of the search for quality women may eventually lead to some sort of existential depression. I don't recommend it.

I do recommend it. It leads to existential joy. If you can learn to love life without women at all, you're bulletproof. It doesn't have to be permanent. For me it was 18 months and then a girl came along that was worth pursuing. But 18 months working on yourself and the things you love teaches you exactly how much you need a woman to be happy. Not at all.

 

[sodbuster]

SW,SW,SW. Some will, some won't, so what...... it's a sales lesson.... do you sell to every potential buyer? No? Well, you go "so what" and find another prospect.... Same applies here, you just need to develop the attitude AND the sales pitch for women

 

[Slickster]

You can analyze the hell out of relationships and break-ups but it does absolutely NOTHING good for you. It only holds you back.

The BEST thing you can do right now is start dating other women. Lots of them. The more women you date and have relationships with, the easier it will get to move on from them.

I've had many long term relationships over the years and went through many of the stinging feelings you are having right now. However over time it got the point where I just stopped feeling that way. It wasn't that I became jaded or cold, I just didn't worry about it. I learned how to break up and move on gracefully. A lot of people break up and do and say a lot of stupid sh!t in the heat of the moment when emotions are raging. I could break up with a girl (or get dumped by a girl) I had been with for years and start dating another the very next day. It didn't phase me. When you get to this point you realize how much power you have. The women you date and have relationships with realize that you can walk away at a moments notice and be ok with it and that causes major attraction.

In summary get out there and have fun.

 

[oOh Nasty]

I do recommend it. It leads to existential joy. If you can learn to love life without women at all, you're bulletproof. It doesn't have to be permanent. For me it was 18 months and then a girl came along that was worth pursuing. But 18 months working on yourself and the things you love teaches you exactly how much you need a woman to be happy. Not at all.

By "opting out," I meant completely abandoning the fact that there are still quality women around. I guess I've just been lucky and have been able to find myself a few quality women within the past few years.

Edit: I do retract the thing I said about existential depression though.

 

[ohrein]

By "opting out," I meant completely abandoning the fact that there are still quality women around. I guess I've just been lucky and have been able to find myself a few quality women within the past few years.

Edit: I do retract the thing I said about existential depression though.

Fair enough. I haven't had any luck in the quality women department. Plenty of the serpent under the rose though.