DJHoolahoop
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2005
- Messages
- 385
- Reaction score
- 2
Really I feel like I hit a pivital earlier tonight. I mean people are all about "what should I say to her? how should I be? does she like me?" and I feel that all those sorts of questions can be answered in simply being in the right state of mind.
interestingly enough it's more simple than you might think. most people think, ok you need to build this and that when really they don't see that this all comes out naturally.
Far too many guys won't think that it's actually possible to just be yourself and get success. They feel that they have to be someone else or put on a facade in order to get their approval or because that's what they were told to do. When really, they'd have natural confidence because they wouldn't care about what they were saying or what she thought. He was more focused on what the next thing to say was.
And then that brings me to another point. It seems that because you're not longer focused on how you measure up to her, that your mind is now clear to think of things to add or talk about. So now you can think clearly and bring something else up without having to worry if it's appropriate or not.
It seems that really when you think that all it takes is just to truly not be afraid of being yourself, that other guys immediately think that there's more to it than that. That you need that extra umph of something else to get it to that point. That you've been you your whole life and nothing seems to be changing, when really you haven't been anything close to the real you. You've only been projecting the type of guy you think you're supposed to be when really it's nothing like who you are.
That kind of guy usually is the ass-kissing type that feels that he has to be on his best behaviour and ask safe questions in order not to offend the girl. This sort of mindset is usually manipulative and what you end up doing is becoming predictable, safe and boring. The girl isn't interested because you're trying too hard. She feels that it's a game to you and you just need to follow the rules to get her interest. She feels that there's too much pressure for it to work when she only wants you to just be yourself.
There's a difference between being yourself and being the manipulative wussy that has been plaguing your success from day one. Really When you think of being your natural self, what do you think of? Probably think of just letting go and not being afraid to just "be yourself". You'd probably say whatever was on your mind without fearing of saying the wrong thing. You wouldn't sit there and worry about who you were being because you'd just have the mentality that you were only being yourself and can't be blamed for wanting to be that guy.
You wouldn't feel like you had to have an excuse for being him. You wouldn't feel like you had to apologize for being the type of guy you really are. And you wouldn't feel like you're bad for being fine with "whatever happens". You'd be ok with whatever. If she decided to hook up with another guy, then that's fine because you can easily find another girl.
But it's hard to be this person because guys still hold themselves back thinking that they HAVE to be that guy they choose to remain being. When really its just as simple as believing that all you have to do is just not worry about it. Be yourself and don't be that guy you think you have to be in order to be in everyones good books. Because that's what has been ruining your chances for success.
The interesting thing is that you may start thinking of the kind of guy you would be if you were "being yourself" and then the real kicker is saying "well why aren't you being that person! if tha'ts the real you, then who are you being now? why aren't you being him?" and it's like Yeah why aren't I being him? Who am I being then if I'm not even being myself?
Then you're just going to have to get used to just going "ok I'm just going to be myself. I'm not going to be afraid of being him anymore and I know I'm not going to be able to make friends with everyone, but that doesn't matter because I know I can't be liked by everyone anyways. So you no longer focus on being that guy that everyone loves because you know it can't happen. So you might as well be yourself anyways because you can't be anyone else and if you try then people get turned off. Just like if you don't accept yourself and love yourself for who you are (cheesy) then others are going to pick up on that and know that YOU don't even accept yourself, so why should they?
I mean if you feel your ugly, no matter what, try actually believing you're beautiful. Regardless of whether or not you're model potential, people are going to pick up on your positive energy if you think you're the most beautiful person on the earth when others are going to think "man they're ugly." Once you think of it, you can't do anything to change it. You can't really change physically looking a certain way. If you feel you're fat or whatever, you CAN feel sorry for yourself and people will understand. OR you can go "yeah I know I'm fat, but so what." The sooner you accept yourself and whatever disadvantages you think you have, the sooner girls are going to be taken in by your confident, positive energy. Because they can see that it doesn't bug you and they want to figure out why that is.
Plus the best way to just test all this out is to have the mindset that it is real, that it all is possible and it all comes together when you stop with all the BS, manipulative, wussy behaviour. This all goes away the second you decide to stop being that guy and start being yourself. When you finally see that being yourself isn't "wrong" or "deceitful", that being yourself is who you really should be and aren't actually being.
So stop it! and BE YOURSELF! stop worrying so damn much! you have it all naturally within you! it comes out when you're just being yourself and not thinking so much. And that doesn't mean being what you think everyone else wants you to be and who you think you HAVE to be around people. When you're just yourself, people respect you for it and they're not going to judge you because they'll see that all you are being is yourself and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
interestingly enough it's more simple than you might think. most people think, ok you need to build this and that when really they don't see that this all comes out naturally.
Far too many guys won't think that it's actually possible to just be yourself and get success. They feel that they have to be someone else or put on a facade in order to get their approval or because that's what they were told to do. When really, they'd have natural confidence because they wouldn't care about what they were saying or what she thought. He was more focused on what the next thing to say was.
And then that brings me to another point. It seems that because you're not longer focused on how you measure up to her, that your mind is now clear to think of things to add or talk about. So now you can think clearly and bring something else up without having to worry if it's appropriate or not.
It seems that really when you think that all it takes is just to truly not be afraid of being yourself, that other guys immediately think that there's more to it than that. That you need that extra umph of something else to get it to that point. That you've been you your whole life and nothing seems to be changing, when really you haven't been anything close to the real you. You've only been projecting the type of guy you think you're supposed to be when really it's nothing like who you are.
That kind of guy usually is the ass-kissing type that feels that he has to be on his best behaviour and ask safe questions in order not to offend the girl. This sort of mindset is usually manipulative and what you end up doing is becoming predictable, safe and boring. The girl isn't interested because you're trying too hard. She feels that it's a game to you and you just need to follow the rules to get her interest. She feels that there's too much pressure for it to work when she only wants you to just be yourself.
There's a difference between being yourself and being the manipulative wussy that has been plaguing your success from day one. Really When you think of being your natural self, what do you think of? Probably think of just letting go and not being afraid to just "be yourself". You'd probably say whatever was on your mind without fearing of saying the wrong thing. You wouldn't sit there and worry about who you were being because you'd just have the mentality that you were only being yourself and can't be blamed for wanting to be that guy.
You wouldn't feel like you had to have an excuse for being him. You wouldn't feel like you had to apologize for being the type of guy you really are. And you wouldn't feel like you're bad for being fine with "whatever happens". You'd be ok with whatever. If she decided to hook up with another guy, then that's fine because you can easily find another girl.
But it's hard to be this person because guys still hold themselves back thinking that they HAVE to be that guy they choose to remain being. When really its just as simple as believing that all you have to do is just not worry about it. Be yourself and don't be that guy you think you have to be in order to be in everyones good books. Because that's what has been ruining your chances for success.
The interesting thing is that you may start thinking of the kind of guy you would be if you were "being yourself" and then the real kicker is saying "well why aren't you being that person! if tha'ts the real you, then who are you being now? why aren't you being him?" and it's like Yeah why aren't I being him? Who am I being then if I'm not even being myself?
Then you're just going to have to get used to just going "ok I'm just going to be myself. I'm not going to be afraid of being him anymore and I know I'm not going to be able to make friends with everyone, but that doesn't matter because I know I can't be liked by everyone anyways. So you no longer focus on being that guy that everyone loves because you know it can't happen. So you might as well be yourself anyways because you can't be anyone else and if you try then people get turned off. Just like if you don't accept yourself and love yourself for who you are (cheesy) then others are going to pick up on that and know that YOU don't even accept yourself, so why should they?
I mean if you feel your ugly, no matter what, try actually believing you're beautiful. Regardless of whether or not you're model potential, people are going to pick up on your positive energy if you think you're the most beautiful person on the earth when others are going to think "man they're ugly." Once you think of it, you can't do anything to change it. You can't really change physically looking a certain way. If you feel you're fat or whatever, you CAN feel sorry for yourself and people will understand. OR you can go "yeah I know I'm fat, but so what." The sooner you accept yourself and whatever disadvantages you think you have, the sooner girls are going to be taken in by your confident, positive energy. Because they can see that it doesn't bug you and they want to figure out why that is.
Plus the best way to just test all this out is to have the mindset that it is real, that it all is possible and it all comes together when you stop with all the BS, manipulative, wussy behaviour. This all goes away the second you decide to stop being that guy and start being yourself. When you finally see that being yourself isn't "wrong" or "deceitful", that being yourself is who you really should be and aren't actually being.
So stop it! and BE YOURSELF! stop worrying so damn much! you have it all naturally within you! it comes out when you're just being yourself and not thinking so much. And that doesn't mean being what you think everyone else wants you to be and who you think you HAVE to be around people. When you're just yourself, people respect you for it and they're not going to judge you because they'll see that all you are being is yourself and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
