The One that changed Everything

[Pierce Manhammer]

I will risk the generalization that most of the more mature guys on the site have had that one woman who changed things for you.
I did.

She’s gone now, lost to the wind. And no matter how many new, more attractive, more compliant, younger, better lovers I catch, hold, or release, I still cannot seem to forget what I shared with her. She had her issues, as all do, but when it was good - for years - it was the best of the best. I foolishly thought it would last forever and somehow let it die. AWALT?

Possibly.

It’s paradoxical, but there you have it. Oneitis? Possibly, I’ll take that shotgun blast to the chest.

Does anyone care to discuss this?
Have you experienced “the one that got away”?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Could be the case, but it is not always all about sex, to think it is is a fool’s errand. Furthermore, given most men in the forum are not monogamists to expect our women to be (as we all do, almost to a man) we’re all hypocrites as well.

What inseek in this post is to find out if others have ever been changed, or have slowed their roll after the end of a significant relationship.

the one(s) that got away appear to be incapable of monogamy it turns out.

 

[The Duke]

Had to laugh when i read @LARaiders85 comment. The best girl I ever had was also one of those who wasn't capable of monogamy as it turned out. She brought me to this forum.

It took a a few girls after her before I stopped comparing them to her.

But I wouldn't give up all of the experiences I've had with other women over the years to have the "one" back. I've had so many crazy good times. Made myself a better man and inserted myself into an entirely different world.

You learn to enjoy them for what they are and realize nothing lasts forever.

 

[xplt]

The one that brought me here treated me worse than anyone else in the last months of our relationship.
I nearly married her... Had been together with her for four and a half years and let's say the first three and a half were the years that are still often on my mind. It's three years that I left her and I would never ever go back. When she didn't get her way when it was bad in the end, she was the most insufferable ***** I've ever experienced. I went through PTSD in the end. Lots of behaviors that are typical for a personality disorder.

I dated a lot in the last three years, nearly every woman was better than her and I still haven't felt the kind of connection I had with her, when our relationship was good.

I also haven't developed lasting emotions for a woman since then and I'm getting bored with women easy and fast. It's like I'm searching for something I once had, that nearly destroyed me.

 

[Dr.Suave]

There was this girl who I tought was "The One" but she had a bf. Eventually I became exclusive with a girl who I shouldn´t have and guess what happened, the other girl broke up with the bf and started looking for me but I wasnt available. I felt like an idiot and it haunted me for years. Im ok now but it took meeting another "The One".

 

[Slowhandluke]

There's a theme in Buddhism. People want what they cannot have. Once they have it, they no longer want it, but want another. Life is a constant stream of wants and most people are never satisfied with what they have. To stop the cycle is to appreciate what one has now.

It is never going to be as good as you think it will be. The relationship with the "one" is the same thing. To be honest, I've chased at the "one" and after each one, my happiness level always became "normal" - after the euphoria of the initial "high" of obtaining the "one". My happiness always came to to its baseline level.

 

[manfrombelow]

There's no such thing as The One. Period.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

There's no such thing as The One. Period.

We all know this, I used the term for lack of another descriptive term, it was also meant to grab attention. For the purpose of this discussion think of “the one”’as” the one that got away”.

It was meant to be at odds with common shared wisdom here.

 

[Ricky]

There's a theme in Buddhism. People want what they cannot have. Once they have it, they no longer want it, but want another. Life is a constant stream of wants and most people are never satisfied with what they have. To stop the cycle is to appreciate what one has now.

It is never going to be as good as you think it will be. The relationship with the "one" is the same thing. To be honest, I've chased at the "one" and after each one, my happiness level always became "normal" - after the euphoria of the initial "high" of obtaining the "one". My happiness always came to to its baseline level.

This is so good and hits hard. Wife is Buddhist and we had 14 and a half great years and now 2 years of hell.

 

[The Duke]

Experience with a multitude of women helps a man learn about himself and gain perspective. Perspective is what helps you realize there is no such thing as "the one". With perspective you can decide to stick with what you have or keep changing them out.

 

[Barrister]

"The one" who changed things for me was actually the woman who pushed me completely into being red pilled. In other words, it was not a good experience. She was hot, but very narcissistic/cluster B and it was hell to be with her. But honestly, I would say I wouldn't be who I am without that experience, and am a better man for it.

So yes - she definitely "changed" things for me.

 

[SW15]

The ones who piss me off the most are the ones who never gave me the time of the day or flaked from the interaction when I still wanted more. These aren't people who I got into extended relationships with but rather often left me to wonder what could have been.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

"The one" who changed things for me was actually the woman who pushed me completely into being red pilled. In other words, it was not a good experience. She was hot, but very narcissistic/cluster B and it was hell to be with her. But honestly, I would say I wouldn't be who I am without that experience, and am a better man for it.

So yes - she definitely "changed" things for me.

Agreed. I just got out of a short, but highly toxic relationship with a nutjob BPD woman who was hardcore gaslighting, legit psycho. I immediately realized the "highs and lows" I experienced with her were identical to the first serious relationship I had with another girl ten years ago. The first girl wasn't psycho but was probably very low in empathy and did things like intense love-bombing and later stonewalling which looking back now makes me realize my perceptions of the relationship were an illusion and in fact I never actually loved her.

If you truly loved someone you would let them go and they'd fade away into a pleasant memory. Anything else is most likely an unhealthy attachment/trauma (no joke).

That said I do believe that there will be some women we don't forget. For me it's a few random women I've met who I had an intense mutual attraction with, but never capitalized on. But that's probably more regret/idealism than "love at first sight" nonsense.

 

[manfrombelow]

Experience with a multitude of women helps a man learn about himself and gain perspective. Perspective is what helps you realize there is no such thing as "the one". With perspective you can decide to stick with what you have or keep changing them out.

totally agreed

 

[IKO69]

There were a couple of women that I really liked who got away. The thing they have in common is they were the ones that ended things, not me, a lot of times I didn't know why and was left in the dark. I have had my feelings hurt many times. Because they did this I grieved for a period and moved on, taking what I needed from the situation. There's no bitterness or anger - I don't look backwards just forward.

You do learn something so it's not a complete loss

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

After a while, I realized that it wasn’t just her. A large part of it has to do with who I was when I was with her. I’m simply not the same man anymore.

Once you truly become “red pilled“, you can never go back. And while it’s good to have that knowledge, to understand more about women and the world, sadly, you’re never quite as capable of falling completely in love with another woman.

So for me, when I sometimes reminisce about those few years that will never be topped or even matched again, A very large portion of it has to do with me being nostalgic about the man that I was before I understood and had experienced too much.

-Augustus

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Since my separation and divorce, several years now, there have been a handful of relationships and situations hips that definitely made me stop and learn no doubt.

I guess the biggest issue for me is that while I’ve been a dark triad bastard many times, i find that my empathic nature tends to sometimes get in the way of making decisions that I needed to make like just walking away and not giving a damn about the feelings of the other person. It’s the last vestiges of the white knight in me that keep rearing their heads from time to time.

 

[Kotaix]

I've sort of had this situation. She became available while she was living in another city. Now she's married and with kids. But living life with regrets is just a recipe for misery.

I don't think any man should get access to a woman that he puts on any kind of pedestal, because that's delusional thinking that just leads to bad decisions and beta behavior that will destroy the relationship.

 

[Stuffnu]

Ah, the infamous “Great White Buffalo”.
We all had the one that got away but I no longer dwell on such things.
With maturity and my own personal blue pilled awakening, I prefer to focus on the tail I’ve slayed since then with experience and the confidence that the next one won’t get away!

 

[nzrod]

The one that brought me here treated me worse than anyone else in the last months of our relationship.
I nearly married her... Had been together with her for four and a half years and let's say the first three and a half were the years that are still often on my mind. It's three years that I left her and I would never ever go back. When she didn't get her way when it was bad in the end, she was the most insufferable ***** I've ever experienced. I went through PTSD in the end. Lots of behaviors that are typical for a personality disorder.

I dated a lot in the last three years, nearly every woman was better than her and I still haven't felt the kind of connection I had with her, when our relationship was good.

I also haven't developed lasting emotions for a woman since then and I'm getting bored with women easy and fast. It's like I'm searching for something I once had, that nearly destroyed me.

I had someone similar. Thought she was "the one". Later when she didn't get her way was abusive, yelling, eye rolling, the works. Awful. I got PTSD also. To the point where I saw a good psych, who said after half an hour "She sounds like she has narcissistic personality disorder" (NPD). I was "wow". To hear that was a turning point - I read everything I could about NPD. Still hard to deal with though in past. Now when my current girlfriend gets even frustrated with me I have deep pain - like "oh no, not this again"