The one reason I miss being AFC

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Ok..I've been thinking this for a while now and wanted to bring this to the table and see what you fellas and ladies on this board think about this.

As a DJ..we engrain this stuff into our heads. We know these rules, guidelines and whatever you want to call them. We eventually use them with success or failure. We tweak them until the success comes. We then ultimately have this stuff down so naturally, that it becomes a part of us. We don't just act the part..we ARE the part.

That 'HOLY GRAIL' where women don't decide our fate is met...and no matter how many rejections, success stories, etc...our happiness is determined by ourselves and not women.

Sounds great yea?

So why do I miss being an AFC at times?

It comes down to maybe knowing a little "TOO MUCH" about attraction and women. You remember guys when you were an AFC. You did things from the heart...you approached women and were scared..you had those butterflies in your stomach whenever you asked a lady out...you had those butterflies in your stomach whenever you went for that first kiss...you had those butterflies in your stomach whenever you dated a woman.

I MISS THAT FEELING. I miss those butterflies...

I have had success with being a DJ...but, its starting to get to me that I don't worry about woman as a challenge anymore. I get dates, I juggle women, I do cold PUs, I do club PUs, I date hot women, I date so-so women...I don't worry and cry about getting rejected because I'm already planning to PU the next woman...HER LOSS is my mantra!!

I've dated and lost that fear in approaching women....and the weirdest thing is I actually miss that fear....

I miss when my heart races when that beautiful woman stands there. I miss when my heart races that moment I'm going to approach. I miss when my heart races that moment I go for the first kiss.

I dont know if I've become too calculated...it bugs me fellas. Its natural. I have male friends, female friends, life of the party....

But when I was AFC...I still had the male friends, a few less female friends, life of the party...but now...I feel like I know too much...like I've lost a bit of spiritual 'innocence' so to speak.

Give it to me fellas...comments appreciated.

 

[assasin]

Take up sky diving?

Sounds like you're a thrill seeker, maybe try switching the focus from women to running a business or competitive sport to rekindle that thrill of facing your fears?

 

[coffee&wine]

Have you tried crane bungee jumping? LOL

cw

 

[Davie101]

As a rAFC i'd trade my butterflies with you only too gladly!

 

[Ricky]

I still have the fear and all that but do ok meeting new women.

Where I am stuck at is after a few months I fall for these women hard. Like big time in love bigger than the biggest AFC in the world.

Well actually the only one I fell really really hard for is my current girlfriend. But that may be coming to an end and I will be crushed beyond repair.

I don't care what anyone says. My happiness may not be created by women and all that but it surely can be crushed when a woman I loved turns her back on me. If I didn't feel that way I wouldn't be human.

Yes initially meeting the girls and going out for a few dates, lays is great. Just protect your heart when you start to fall for one.

I honestly wish I met the right one....I really thought this one was. I stopped thinking about boning other chicks because i really loved her....

Flame away.

 

[insomniac]

AFC!!!!

Just kidding, looks like we're the same age, and I also thought my last relationship was going to last. I had never, ever met a woman who pushed the right buttons, and who I was so attracted and had such great chemistry with that everything just came along naturally. I didn't even have to try...with her it was just natural. But, that all came crashing down a couple months ago.

So, now I go out with women, and with all of them lately I feel nothing. It's too much of a pain and inconvenience to move beyond a second date, especially if it feels like I'm going to have to do any work to sustain it. I go through the motions (kino, etc.), but don't really mean it. I'd rather just meet someone like my ex again, where I did all those things because it was a natural result of my attraction to them.

 

[penkitten]

when something is genuinely wanting something , they will experience some butterfly reaction.

maybe you just havent met a chick that makes you tingle and want to grab her up and give her a kiss.

who knows?

however, i dont think feeling that tingly butterfly sensation means you are a chump. i think it means you are interested..

:rockon:

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I have a different problem, I don't give a women a chance. If they can't provide humour or good conversation I'm gone.

I've gotten quite stuck up and arrogant over the last few months. I over came my shyness in high school by being arrogant (confidence depends on who u ask.) I'm not sure if this is a defense mechanism or what, but I feel more comfortable with myself than everf before.

I have that thrill seeker gene in me, maybe I'll try crane bungee jumping or something else dangerous.

 

[zolo]

HYPNOTIQ

I know exactly what you mean, It becomes a game or a job to you. It no longer is fun.

I myself am expeiencing this. Lately, I have been noticing myself becomming didinterested in Dating because it is so easy to get them. I will look at a girl, size her up, and know I can get her. I walk away and don't even try.


I have been on dates with girls, things get hot and heavy, she wants the sex, and I loose intrest.

You know after reading the replies, the old saying is true. The Grass is always greener.

AFC's want to be DJ's and True DJ's want to be AFC's

I am a younger guy and all of the guys I work with

The ones who got married out of high school tell me go out and get all the tail you can

The ones who DJ'd around tell me find a nice girl and settle down

I think there is always regrets on the road you take. When you chooses one thing over another, you loose what the other has to offer. As humans we want to experience everything, but that is not possible

Hypnotiq, my advice to you is pass the torch, hang up the gloves, find a nice girl and stop playing the game, If it works out for you, you are a winner. If your AFC's drives her away, you can always break out your old bag of tricks to get her back or find someone else.

I think I DJ'd enough myself. and I am going to settle down. Because I am sure you agree with me, once you been with one, you have been with them all. In reality, sure some are cuter, sure some move better, but at the end of the day, you get the same result jerking off.

Find one that will make you happy and let it be

 

[allan976]

Short term or long term? That is the question.

This is a very interesting thread. I just told my friend about how I was trying to overcome my fear of rejection (without mentioning DJ principles in particular), whether it's in applying for jobs I want or approaching women I want. His objection, after listening to me courteously, was as follows: 'I'd rather have passionate sex with one woman rather than have so-so sex with many.'

As evidence of his philosophy, my friend stood by his wife while she battled through a very serious year long illness. Apparently, many husbands leave their wives when their wives suffer the type of malady my friend's spouse did. Knowing the two of them, I'm confident that his wife would do the same for him. How many DJ's are willing to lay a bet that their 'significant other' would make this same sort of commitment? My guess is very, very few. At some point, you have to take into consideration the merits of a deeply committed, loving, monogamous relationship. My friend's position is that quality matters more than quantity. Look into the future and you realize that a strict 'body count' becomes meaningless: remove fear from the equation and you risk becoming desensitized or emotionally numb in general.

I have mixed feelings about DJ principles myself. If there is any way to be a self less DJ, or an altruistic DJ, take heart in the following: most women, single or married, get very fired up when you approach them with romantic intentions. Their hearts race, their hormones surge, their faces turn red, they start to stutter, and they generally feel much more alive and happier than before you spoke to them. DJ's, we are doing a good thing whenever we put a girl in our queue: a girl never feels more alive than when you give them this rush, this charge from feeling wanted. Every pick up (successful or not) rescues a girl from her daily drudgery. Think of it as 'free love' which you give without reservation or ulterior motive, which is then repaid to you many times over.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

why wouldn't a husband or wife stand by one and other due to illness? Where are u from?

I know that women who are raped are normally divorced or dumped by their sig other.

 

[belividere]

From my experience whenever I see that I am not being challenged, am not having fun or get tired of going through the motions I find it best to take a step back. I just got out of a 6 month sabatical from trying to pick up women. I'm refreshed; in the last month or so when I got back into it I have been a little rusty, a little nervous and have been shot down more than I was used to. I take that as a good thing. One of the toughest things about doing it though was that since I wasn't actively chasing women I was putting out a vibe that made me more desirable and was consistently being hit on. Its kind of like when you are in an LTR and you realize that women are all over you since you are being aloof to them.

 

[zolo]

I am really starting to agree that a shear body count doesn't matter in the end.

What does matter is if you have a quality women by your side.

I don't know if it is because I am getting older or what it is, but more and more I feel like this.

I guess I have two options

#1 I can keep DJing get a ton of chicks and be happy with that, but I dont want to end up an old lonly man who has a lot of war stories to tell. That is usually what happens to old worn out DJ's. They end up at the end of the bar, alone, listening to "Glory Days" wishing they were 20 years younger or had a wife to go home to.

Either that or they just pick one so-so girl from the bunch marry her, and put up with it

#2 Stop being a DJ, and being a man, let my true feelings for her show, tell her how I feel, and see where it leads. Sometimes being a man means laying it all on the line, all of it, everything.

The more and more I dee it DJing isnt about being man, it is about playing little kids games. It is synonomus to the schoolyard bully pulling onthe pigtails of the girl that he likes.

We hide our true feelings, we are so afraid to admit how we feel, that we develop these tactics to conceal them. Then as Hypnotiq and I see we hide them so well, that we cant even find them anymore

 

[Now What]

Originally posted by zolo
You know after reading the replies, the old saying is true. The Grass is always greener.

AFC's want to be DJ's and True DJ's want to be AFC's

I am a younger guy and all of the guys I work with

The ones who got married out of high school tell me go out and get all the tail you can

The ones who DJ'd around tell me find a nice girl and settle down

Sounds good to me.

I've done a lot of cool things in my life. I feel like I've accomplished a lot of things, like I've done a lot of things I really wanted to do.

Are there still more things I want to do? Of course. Although with most of them I know I can to it because I've done similar things in the past.

I think less in terms of settling down, and more in terms of finding someone to share my life with, someone to keep me company while I go and do all the cool things I do. Someone to work through things with, someone to have some history with.

Who's better off? Brad Pitt, now around age 41, kind of old really, no kids, no family, or David Beckham, age 29 I believe, 2-3 kids, married for a few years now.

Both men have plenty of money and status, and realistically come as close as any man on the planet to actually being able to have any girl they want.

In the end, as far as I can tell, it's all about whatever you want. But as they say, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

I like this article: 10 Ways to Know When Your Relationship is "Right" by Dr. Dennis W. Neder http://www.sosuave.com/articles/10ways.htm

 

[zolo]

I agree it is all about what you want, but I would have to say I personally think David Beckham is in the better place.

At least he has a family. In my opinion what good is having all that fame and fortune if you have no one to share it with. Sure Brad may have a few good years left in him, but in all reality, where is he going. In the world of Hollywood, he will be yesterdays news in a few months. And although he may be able to bang any chick he wants, is there any real substance there?

I do not envy famous people one bit when it comes to relationships. They must constantly be questioning themselves wether or not the gil that is with them is there because they actually like them, or because of the money and fame.

I think that is why you see famous men going through 100's of women. In all reality, they are no more secure in their abilities to get girls than me or you. They just get them because of the money and fame.

Think about it look at some of the NBA stars who get loads of girls. SOm of those dudes are fugly, yet girls still throw themselves at them. I bet you most of those dudes got no tail before the NBA contracts. They know this, and deep down they are still insecure.

Kind of like the fat chick who looses a lot of weight and becomes a hottie. That insecure fat girl is always in there (dodgeball)

I was watching VH1 behind the music, and It was about Montley Crew. And some of the members of Montly Crew went on to say how they slept with hundreds of women and groupies, but now that they are older they realized that is was all for naught. One of them even went on to say that you loose a little bit of a peice of your soul everytime you do things like that.

I, as I am getting older agree. Say you do find that special someone. What is going to seperate her from all the other girls you DJ'd? I man you bedded 100 women, what is one more? Is she really all that special, what is going to set her apart?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You have been approaching hors - when you see/meet that right woman for you you'll feel the butterflies!!!

 

[ogre]

Ahem -

if you really want a challenge then maybe it's time to think about settling down and raising a family. What's the point of being an Alpha if you don't pass along your Alpha genes?

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Not everyone needs marriage or a family to be happy. Brad may be happier than Beckham and posh. If u use traditional values, that dont apply to hollywood he would have the better life.

 

[So Many Ways]

Originally posted by belividere
From my experience whenever I see that I am not being challenged, am not having fun or get tired of going through the motions I find it best to take a step back. I just got out of a 6 month sabatical from trying to pick up women. I'm refreshed; in the last month or so when I got back into it I have been a little rusty, a little nervous and have been shot down more than I was used to. I take that as a good thing. One of the toughest things about doing it though was that since I wasn't actively chasing women I was putting out a vibe that made me more desirable and was consistently being hit on. Its kind of like when you are in an LTR and you realize that women are all over you since you are being aloof to them.

Damn that sounds like me. I took like an 8 month sabbatical through most of last year due to the same thing. Like you said, I needed a step back and figure out what I really wanted. Like someone else in this post said, I would seduce a chick, get her hot and bothered, then I would lose all interest in her, I wouldn't even want to hit it. I was going through the motions and she'd be jocking, and I was just completely indifferent.

For me, I think my problem was I was not meeting the kind of women that really do it for me, regardless of their looks. I just didn't feel anything for them. I'm glad I took a step back, I figured out what it is I really wanted and my spare time is occupied by pursuing an interest that I'm passionate about and will lead to a career change. I haven't been able to return to my old form for various reasons but I'm much happier now.