Alright I've been in the game for a minute so I know a thing or two about hollerin @ the ladies and gettin down to business
Ways to Impress/Get Women while Clubbing
- Bring a camera with you, that way if the night is boring, at least you got pics for Facebook and can look cool online while forever remembering how boring that Tuesday night really was
-Dance: and not regular dancing either, but breakdancing, right there in the bar or the 4x4 patch of wooden planks they try to pass off as a dancefloor. The more attention it gets, the better like spinning on the floor and working up a sweat. Chicks dont care if you get armpit stains or look like you and your friend practiced your moves at the sleepover u had the night before. Chicks correlate dancing with sex.
-Drink your liquor as quick as possible. Women act like they are not impressed when you drink a bottle of beer in one breath but they really are...
-Look at a girl for 30 minutes before you approach. Build the tension up to the extreme and then go in!
-If you see a black person, go hang out with him or give him a 'pound' or a 'dap' or whatever they call it nowadays. Talk about how hot the girls are there and if that fails sports will usually do. Acting like you know a black person helps your social proof like you wouldnt believe.
-If it is ANOTHER one of those nights where you go out and don't do anything, just reiterate that 'No hot girls came out tonite' and that "This place is dead" and consider writing off the whole idea of clubbing because of this one night. It lets girls know that you are used to partying and it is the girls' fault that you arent not getting any.
- If you are really vibing with a girl and having a good time and everything is going great, tell her that you want to go to a different club and she should come because, you have proven you can have fun with her in Club A but once she sees she can have fun with you in Club B, you can then have fun in Club C and Club D and then she might think you are fun to hang around with. If she can't/doesnt want to go to any of the Clubs, leave her ass for being a b!tch
- Go on the dancefloor and just stand there and look hard. If you spill your beer on the dancefloor and people can't dance as a result, just scoff and walk away. Dancing is for pvssies anyways.
- If this is one of the (rare) nights you dance with a chick, after grinding with her a bit, switch it up and let her grind you, it looks real cool and sends the message to other chicks that you are the kind of guy who is open to the idea of a strap-on when it comes to sex
- Get super drunk. That way if you get rejected, you cant remember it!
- Laugh at every approach you see with your friends and then analyze where the guy went wrong and what you would have done better
- Here is the scale to remember in the club, if the chick is an HB3 or higher, SHE NEEDS TO BE NEGGED! Trust me, girls are ALLL snobby and conceited, they wear make up and perfume because they are ugly and they stink! Now the key to negging is to push her and then pull her back in, something like, "Wow you remind me of my litte cousin... and she is UGGGGGLY!" then wait about a minute and a half (or a minute and 45 seconds depending on how hot she is) and say, "Just kidding, hahaha i totally had you!"
When Rejected
- Have some smart alecky comment that will make her want to chase you after she rejects you. If she is a complete b!tch, counter it with 'Oh well thanks for talking to me anyways' but say it in a way that will make her unsure if you are being sarcastic or genuinely nice. This is the kind of thing that keeps conceited HBs tossing and turning at night. If she rejects you nicely, call her a b!tch and post about it on SoSuave.
- When posting about a chick on SS, if a girl rejects, she automatically must be labelled as really ugly, just something about her personality turned you off and you didn't even know why you approached her. If she ends up as a close of any kind, just bump her stats up about a point or two, so HB5withunibrow becomes HB7theEccentricForeigner, etc, etc
- If you feel bad about your lack of confidence/success, don't feel bad, you probably have some kind of personality/social disorder that hasnt been diagnosed. It is okay to be a loser if you have an excuse...
Sex
- Sex with condoms don't feel as good, so pulling out is the best way to go. Don't forgo your pleasure because of 'bacteria'. Bacteria can't be all that bad if it also gives us cheese now can it?
- Once you start getting undressed, make jokes constantly to break the tension about sex, tell some knock knock jokes to loosen up the mood, if she is scared about gettin an STD tell her not to be ir'rash'ional and that you are gonnorea'd her a bedtime story after you are done. Chicks love a guy that makes them laugh, especially when they are horny and in bed ready to be fvcked.
Relationships
- If your girl cheats or disrespects you, just act like you don't care. She will realize how you have that whole Clint Eastwood thing going and fall in love with you all over again
- Always do that cliched stuff you see in movies. If it worked so many damn times in the movies it HAS to work in real life, right?
- If some guy you don't know sleeps with your girl, beat him up to send a message to all men in the world. That will deter ALL further men from ever trying to sleep with her. Send it in to the crew that write Manswers and that way every male in the world will get the memo
- Always fvck a girl on the side, that way if you ever end up getting cheated on, or your girl takes you on a surprise visit to the Springer show, you got a trick up your sleeve.
Phone Etiquette
- Whenever you get a # from a chick, act suspicious about whether it is a real # or not. Dial it in front of her to show that you do not play around when it comes to phones and you are going to get her real # from her even if she doesnt want to give it to you because you are the kind of guy who takes no sh!t.
- If you call a girl and she doesn't answer, block ur # and call back again. if she answers, call her out on her BS.
-Send text messages instead of calling if you are afraid of talking on the phone even if you end up with full length conversations so long that the text puts the novel 'Crime and Punishment' to shame.
- When she tells you she has to hang up and do something, tell her NO and whine about something you want to talk about. When the topic starts gets touched on, go quiet and act uninterested. Repeat as needed
- The more expensive your phone is, the better chance you will get laid using it. Chicks put up a front like they do not really understand technology and stuff but get a phone that costs more than $200 and she will secretly love you, even if she refuses to give you her # to put in the phone.
Online Messaging/Myspace/Facebook
- Always post on her wall or leave her a message so that people know you actually DO know people of the opposite sex, contrary to what those AFCs voted you as in the last yearbook
- Also, always have a real pimped out myspace with lots of work put into it. Girls don't realize that an overemphasis on the internet world usually means a lack of value/potential in the real world
- When you are on an instant messenger, change your pic every couple of minutes to show that you like to 'mix it up'
- If someone pisses you off, delete them from your top 8 or facebook to show you mean business
- On IMs, select "Appear Offline" and then when your target logs on, log on right after her, but dont actually message her, it shows her you are too busy to talk.
In General
- Always, and I mean ALWAYS analyze those fictional characters you see on TV to see if they are DJs or not. Then report back to us on the website and make a couple threads about it. This really gets the troops involved and it's definitely not out of line to secretly worship powerful male figures. It shows you are secure with your sexuality and chicks dig that
- If you go outside, talk to a girl for the 1st time, make some kind of revelation about your life, or whatever, write a tip about it in the tips section.
- Destroy all traces of failure, I cant remember who said it exactly but to paraphrase I think it goes 'those who forget history are bound to defeat it'. So if a chick gives you her # and when u call it rings more than twice, just next that stuck up b!tch.
-Ganji games rock!!!111
