The Obligatory Pre-First Date Phone Call

[Dash Riprock]

Gents:

So I jumped back into OLD after about a year off. Just doing it for fun with low expectations. Actually have been pleasantly surprised at the number of hits from decent looking women. Chatting a few up and will likely meet a couple this week or next.

One thing that a few from my last foray -- and already a couple from this latest OLD go-around -- are asking for is a phone call (basically a phone date) before meeting up.

I can't f*cking stand this.

It kills the mystique and intrigue and enough of dating, and life for that matter, is online and virtual. What the hell is a phone call going to accomplish besides being a substitute for an actual date? I've been politely telling these women if it means that much to you, I'll talk on the phone for a few minutes, but I'm not a fan. We're all here on OLD to meet in-person, so let's ditch the phone BS and just meet up. There are risks in dating and meeting a functional mute who can't hold a conversation or someone who misrepresents themselves with pics, fake profile info, etc., are a few of them. Accept it.

If you're really that paranoid about OLD, you shouldn't be on OLD.

Curious if anyone else gets these phone call requests and at what frequency.

Ciao,
Dash

 

[jimwho]

I believe a one time chat could have positives. Hear her voice, vocabulary, demeanor. Feel her out a bit, but 10-15 minutes and you should be the one to end it with a meet. Have a sense of humor, use some banter and don't complain about anything. If it feels like an interview then you can abort before the awkward date. You can find out a lot about a girl by letting her ramble on about herself. (Like, I want a man to take me to Maui). I get your point op, but I like talking to girls if they're refreshing.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

I seldom have girls suggest this to me from OLD prior to a first date.

If I do it then I try to keep it short; no more than 15 minutes.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Personally I would recommend trying to get them on a video call before you meet them

A first date will dominate at the very least half of a day , by the time you physically & mentally prepare for it , travel to it and actually do it

a 10 min video call could potentially save you time , money and energy

You can

A) check she looks as she claims

B) check if she has feminine energy

As someone that's been caught cold on OLD dates on a few occasions I can promise you there is NOTHING worse than turning up to a date and the girl being as dry as an unbuttered slice of bread and exhibiting masculine energy

The vast majority of women I come across on these apps are either socially awkward, very masculine or have requirements WAY beyond what they could ever hope to achieve in the real world

Lets be real there's not really any other reason for a woman to be on the apps , if she was that much of a catch she would have been snapped up in the real world there are rare exceptions but this is a general Rule of thumb

 

[SW15]

This seems like a thread from 12-15 years ago in the website era of online dating.

I remember using online dating websites prior to swipe apps getting big. I had more pre-date phone conversations then.

What the hell is a phone call going to accomplish besides being a substitute for an actual date?

At a certain point, I found it was difficult to connect with women on the phone and also found it didn't impact "one date, no sex, no second date" type occurrences. I dropped doing phone calls prior to website and swipe app dates, and then eventually deleted apps. Screening via text messages and even a voice phone call isn't very accurate for most men. Most men have a better chance of a decent first date with some sort of in-person approach first, but even a 5-15 minute conversation off of a stranger approach isn't all that great in predicting a successful first date.

There's a case that can be made for a pre-date video call. If you're going to take that step, you might as well focus on doing in-person approaches instead.

When most men stop using tech-based methods for arranging dates, they typically have fewer failed dates of the "one date, no sex, no second date" variety. This is in part because they have fewer dates overall but in-person screening is somewhat better in screening than tech-based screening.

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

I prefer phone calls before the first meet up. Good opportunity to display your confident demeanor, and at the very least create comfort and familiarity which reduces chances of flaking. Best case scenario, I'm able to get their Pu**y wet on the phone and I know it's going down...

 

[The Duke]

They are simply looking for a little comfort and confirmation that you aren't some loser. She wants to feel good about the choice she is making(to go out with you). If anything it helps in getting those panties off a little sooner.

Its also an opportunity to display confidence and conversation skills on our part.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I actually like talking on the phone first if they are up for it for a few reasons...first, it gives me a feel of their personality and how we will interact. I've canceled dates based on no vibe on the phone. If you have no vibe on the phone it will likely be worse in person. Have never gone on a date where our vibe on the phone was meh but then was greatly improved in person. I use it as a time saver and typically I am really good on the phone and if we do have a good vibe the women are usually super excited to meet me after that. Basically increases their interest quite a bit and decreased flake chances to near zero.

Second, it gives us things to talk more about on the first date and since we will already have some interactions and even some inside jokes, it makes it seem not like a first date and kinda like you are meeting someone you already know. This helps put them at ease and helps lead to positive outcome quicker in my experience.

I don't always talk on the phone prior to meeting someone, probably like 30-40% and only if they are open to it or suggest it first and I have some time.

Don't be afraid or dislike this, you are making it a lot easier on yourself to both screen out people you won't vibe with and to hook them early.

It's an easy way to set yourself apart from like 95% of the guys she talks with in a very good way.

 

[Stanley]

Man do the video call for you! NOT THEM.

I had girls off OLD do this with calls and I asked to facetime in return. The ones that didn't reciprocate and wanted to text? Later, I just let them politely know I don't want a penpal and most were cool with that. The few that did return with a call? Later met up with them and they actually looked like their photos.

Use it as screening test with minimal investment.
You get a better grasp of they way they look and how they act. Better to have a preview and sample before you go for the full course. Nothing worse then meeting up with a chick and she looks nothing like her photos and her personality is poor. That and your time is valuable, better to spend two minutes on the phone then spend a significant amount of time and money meeting her and potentially getting flaked.

As others have said by doing the call you instil a degree of comfort confirming that you are real and likely not a threat. Remember women (especially nowadays) are more cautious in meeting complete strangers and this small gesture will benefit them as much as it will you.

 

[Ricky]

This was years ago but at the time email and instant messenger were common and texting wasnt as not everyone had unlimited text messages

to get them from email or instant messenger to phone my standard thing was to say “lets talk on the phone for a second, i just need to make sure you are a woman and not some 50 year old guy…” lol

 

[Dash Riprock]

I had the phone call with one yesterday. Actually went ok. She could sense during our OLD messaging I wasn't a fan but explained that she can't get excited by pictures and text and needs to talk to the guy to see how he presents himself bla bla bla. I was kind of a d*ck on the phone, teasing her a lot b/c at this point IDGAF. I could tell she liked it and most the guys probably kissed her ass. She's pretty hot. The one good thing with this girl anyway is that if she's this selective about who she dates, she's probably not screwing half the town on the first date.

 

[SW15]

Man do the video call for you! NOT THEM.

Use it as screening test with minimal investment.

If you're going to layer in this many steps to your online dating process, you might as well try to initially meet women in real life. Then, you don't have to arrange times to have a phone or video conversation.

The one good thing with this girl anyway is that if she's this selective about who she dates, she's probably not screwing half the town on the first date.

It is Menver, a town with so many men. It is great to have a vagina in Denver. So many sausages!

Even some of the most promiscuous women don't have a lot of first date sex. Women operate on "all the feelz" and plenty of men don't give promiscuous women "all the feelz". A man still needs some amount of attraction-seduction skill to get sex from women less selective about opening their legs.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I had the phone call with one yesterday. Actually went ok. She could sense during our OLD messaging I wasn't a fan but explained that she can't get excited by pictures and text and needs to talk to the guy to see how he presents himself bla bla bla. I was kind of a d*ck on the phone, teasing her a lot b/c at this point IDGAF. I could tell she liked it and most the guys probably kissed her ass. She's pretty hot. The one good thing with this girl anyway is that if she's this selective about who she dates, she's probably not screwing half the town on the first date.

A lot of these chicks are what I call auctioneers/processors where they're trying to run through as many prospects as possible searching for their "person" (i.e., a needle in the haystack), and the telephone is an efficient tool to do this. Ime the tell is if they insist on talking mostly in cliches and don't seem invested in getting to know you personally that well before the meet. If she seems genuinely interested and not just running through her standard interview style questions, then this is what you want.

Personally, I prefer using the telephone for phone sex after a hot sexting session, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

[SW15]

A lot of these chicks are what I call auctioneers/processors where they're trying to run through as many prospects as possible searching for their "person" (i.e., a needle in the haystack), and the telephone is an efficient tool to do this. Ime the tell is if they insist on talking mostly in cliches and don't seem invested in getting to know you personally that well before the meet.

This sounds like a terrible way to date. These women would be better off shutting off online dating and meeting fewer men in person. By doing that, they can stop the nonsense with auctioneering/processing an abundance of men.

If she seems genuinely interested and not just running through her standard interview style questions, then this is what you want.

This is better regardless of how a man meets women.

 

[Dash Riprock]

It is Menver, a town with so many men. It is great to have a vagina in Denver. So many sausages!

Haha. This is true. Most are very beta though. Leg shaving bikers and man bun wearers. Colorado is one of the most fit states so most of the women are built for speed.

 

[RazorRambo24]

It only makes sense to get a girl on a phone call, better yet a video call before meeting up. Avoid any catfishes, girls tha take pics from weird angles though this one is easyto avoid.. IF a girl has mostly just headshots and not any full body pics, I just swipe left. Most of the time i dont get on a video call though because I can sense if they're being weird or not.. their pics will tell me most of what i need to know first, and then the things they say.

The fact that they are asking you fora phone call formally is weird, and it suggests you're not really leading the interaction-- they are. If you are trying to meet up and not asking for their number at least, this whole thing is very weird and you might be really foreign to Online dating .. because its pretty friggin common for people to exchange numbers and at least like have a call before she leaves or before you leave to meet her.. that way you can be certain that they're not going to flake.. and that you established that they are also not a bot or anything.

Basically I Dont get your apprehension.. Are you afraid of talking on the phone? Do you not have a cell phone? Do you feel like women are just going to disqualify you if they hear your voice? Do you have a speech impediment?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

This sounds like a terrible way to date. These women would be better off shutting off online dating and meeting fewer men in person. By doing that, they can stop the nonsense with auctioneering/processing an abundance of men.

But....a lot of their motivation to be online is to get even.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Basically I Dont get your apprehension.. Are you afraid of talking on the phone? Do you not have a cell phone? Do you feel like women are just going to disqualify you if they hear your voice? Do you have a speech impediment?

Two words: Older. Women. Dash is in his 40's if I recall correctly.

Another thing in my experience a lot of women who insist on a phone call tend to mumble or lower their voices when they get more personal or intimate bc they expect you to "match their vibe", as if you're supposed to be able to complete their thoughts when you don't know them or can't read body language.

Post-epiphany women who insist on phone calls as a screening measure are pains in the @ss. But if she feels like comfort chatting after you've sexed her up and you sense she's at least somewhat invested, then that's a different story.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Oblige. Limit the call to 15-20 minutes. Then reiterate the in-person date.

 

[itouchyou]

Few years ago, was talking to this smoking hot girl on Tinder. After chatting through the app a couple weeks I asked her if I could call her to make plans.

During the call I just asked her simple questions like how her day was going, and talked about mine. Asked her out during the call, made plans, set a time. Whole point was to demonstrate that I'm socially calibrated and could lead a conversation like that, and also introduce her to my vibe. It also benefitted me because I could tell she was a bit of an airhead (just being real), and what I could expect. She was a bit of a dud honestly, and I could tell during the date.

Anyways what this did is that it got the girl invested, interested, and intimidated. She showed up right on time for the date, and was visibly nervous. She actually ended up making the first move; I was pleasantly surprised. My night with her went a whole lot easier because I essentially assumed the sale before it even happened. She was sold on me before we even met.

One could argue that making a woman nervous is a bad thing; but in my opinion, that's what makes the endgame (sex) so exciting for them. If everything is comfortable and predictable, where's the sexual tension?

Most guys these days using online dating are meek/timid. They rely entirely on the safety of typing behind text messages and when it comes time to replicate that in real life, they fail. Calling sets you apart. Shows that you have no fear and are comfortable with potentially screwing up. Shows you take risks.


Edit: If she's asking you for a phone call, bad sign IMO. She's screening or has doubts.