The Nervous system and fear stricken or shy men

[SonOfTheMostHigh]

I've dealt with 'social anxiety' and 'social fear' for a good portion of my life but I've been doing some research and introspection I've come to the conclusion that for some of us it is that...

We have an over-reactive and/or sensitive nervous system (we are always in 'defense' mode) we are easily agitated (and hence annoyed) by this sensitivity. Kind of living in a constant 'fight/flight mode' with periods of normality and periods of 'shyness' (really just agitation/pain or fear) so we avoid, freeze up, or stutter along.

The next problem is thinking style and lack of social practice (too much work, too much hobbies, etc) where we we will 'backslide' somewhat if we stay away from social settings too long.

One way to stop "defense mode" is to realize what you are actually doing when you get anxious, the other is to just go out as much as possible until you body adjusts again and don't take yourself too seriously.

I've finally got a good metaphor / explanation for what shy guys do...

They try to turn inward and while turning inward or thinking too much, are inside their minds running away from simply just expressing themselves freely... (not trying to solve some ****ing math equation), like just being IN the moment, calm, not holding back what they feel (many guys do that, a sign of insecurity/fear), instead of trying to hide in their head meanwhile leaking emotional signals saying "I'm totally insecure and fearful" to the outside world.

I imagine our consciousness as a little man inside the head pushing buttons in the control room of our mind, except he goes and runs behind the captains seat... that's the shy guy, or while he's sitting in the seat, he starts shaking thinking he's going to get his ass kicked.

 

[joekerr31]

well the nervous system does play a large role in our behavior.

which is why when so many guys get drunk suddenly they start mouthing off or picking fights. basically alcohol is a central nervous system depressant.

so the mix of neurochemicals that create the 'fight or flight' state are short circuited and a persons 'fear' level goes down drastically.

you also see that when guys are drunk suddenly they are hitting on every skirt in the bar. heck, they'll make a total *ss of themsevles in front of everyone and not think twice about it.

once again, depressing the CNS removes the fear state they normally would be feeling.

you'll also see this in women. theres a reason why when women get hammered its a bloody joke to get them in the sake. a woman's greatest fear is what you will think of her body. i mean, they put a LOT of effort in to selling you a package, and their greatest fear is when they unwrap that package you won't like what you see. but when they get hammered that fear disappears.

the only problem with using liquid courage is that its effects are temporary and then you have to return to reality to find you've got a black eye and a 200 pound woman passed out in your bed with a 6 inch chicken sub stuck half way up her p*ssy and you're left thinking "wtf happened last night?"

 

[Mr.Positive]

I think the root of shyness comes from caring too much what other people think about you.

In our society image is everything it seems, and when young people grow up, they place too much emphasis on this.

That's why shyness goes away with maturity, and confidence, you reach a point where you just don't give a sh!t what other people think about you.

 

[Tazman]

The funny thing is, I've been apprehensive of people I don't know since I was a little boy. I don't know if it's simply fear and a lack of confidence. I can even see this temperament in my 5 y/o nephew. I think some people are simply predisposed to being more introverted and less trusting of people they don't know.

I know a guy who's in good physical shape (used to be a personal trainer) and never really had a tough time getting women, but he too is introverted, meaning he isn't the kind of guy that would walk up to strangers and strike up conversation, but he seemed (atleast to me) to be a very confident guy, especially in his own abilities.

His description of himself (tendencies) was almost identical to mine. We both get irritated with people who talk alot (lose interest fast), we don't warm up to people we don't know easily (which isn't 100% of the time), we tend to be very introspective, we prefer jobs that allow a lot of independant thought, etc...

I definitely believe fear/low confidence will effect you negatively in most pursuits (not just women) but that in itself isn't always the reason why people behave the way they do. Temperaments don't seem to be things you grow out of, they're simply a part of you.

 

[joekerr31]

a lot of the problem with introverts (and i consider myself an introvert) is that they tend to find most people pretty uninteresting.

so they are cautious of striking up conversations because the last thing they want is to be caught in some idiotic conversation with some annoying uninteresting person.

the irony to this is that introverts often provide the most interesting conversations. once you actually get an introvert engaged they are fascinating people to talk to.

i know that i've often controlled a room once i had the interest to do so. i can be the most interesting person at a table if i want to.

just so happens that more often than not im surrounded by people who have the intelligence and character depth of a used condom.

 

[Luthor Rex]

I've finally got a good metaphor / explanation for what shy guys do...

They try to turn inward and while turning inward or thinking too much, are inside their minds running away from simply just expressing themselves freely... (not trying to solve some ****ing math equation), like just being IN the moment, calm, not holding back what they feel (many guys do that, a sign of insecurity/fear), instead of trying to hide in their head meanwhile leaking emotional signals saying "I'm totally insecure and fearful" to the outside world.

Right here you are making one of the biggest mistakes that most poeple make: you believe that everyone else has the same motivations you do. (It may sound like a personal attack, but it's not meant to be...)

Introverts (I'm talking about the psychological type) will need time alone with themselves or they'll go bat **** crazy. For some people, having to be around people is absolutly exhausting and not fun.

Ever watch that show "Dr. House" / "House M.D."? He's an Introvert and there's no way that man could be described as "shy", but someone who doesn't know him may believe he's shy because of some azzumed appearances.

a lot of the problem with introverts (and i consider myself an introvert) is that they tend to find most people pretty uninteresting.

But most people are uninteresting! lol

just so happens that more often than not im surrounded by people who have the intelligence and character depth of a used condom.

Oh it's not just you...

 

[SonOfTheMostHigh]

Right here you are making one of the biggest mistakes that most poeple make: you believe that everyone else has the same motivations you do. (It may sound like a personal attack, but it's not meant to be...)

Introverts (I'm talking about the psychological type) will need time alone with themselves or they'll go bat **** crazy. For some people, having to be around people is absolutly exhausting and not fun.

Ever watch that show "Dr. House" / "House M.D."? He's an Introvert and there's no way that man could be described as "shy", but someone who doesn't know him may believe he's shy because of some azzumed appearances.

Yeah but I'm talking about those who FEAR going outside, FEAR being around people in general, such as going to social gatherings, etc. Those who TRULY DO have a sensitive/defensive nervous system, I'm sorry if I was "generalizing" I said SOME (read my post) not ALL 'shy' or introverted guys.

I know because for the longest time:

-I was not afraid what people THOUGHT of me, I could have cared less, I was afraid of making them angry and doing the 'wrong thing' that would cause them to blow up.

-I used to avoid walking in public or public places as much as possible, I feared / was insecure about being in a crowd where people could see me. Like they were looking into my soul.

The thing is this: Language is vulgar, and "introvert" describes how someones nervous system and psychological reward system is oriented, it doesn't mean it cannot be changed.

They won't go "bat **** crazy" they will just feel suffocated until they are allowed to recharge, anyone with any kind of will power won't "blow up", he will just remove himself from the situation or adjust if it's an extreme situation (war/disaster, etc).

I know because I've done it. Most introverts never figure out how they work or go against the grain of their own "instincts" (i.e. instinct to be alone, vs being agitated and exhausted around a crowd).