The Natural Progression of a Relationship

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by dearsappho
Was just wondering if there is a general chronology to these 4 stages? Whats the average time spent in each zone for most people...its hard to judge from just one set of experiences i.e. your own.

There is no "average time", but it's easy enough to know which stage you're in based on your behavior and feelings about the relationship as well as the behavior of the person you're involved with. If you read the descriptions of the different phases of a relationship you should be able to tell which one you're in.

 

[brocollie]

gone thru it 2 times, the first time i moved from 2 to 3 i freaked out and was scared that i dont love her anymore. so i told her that i dont know if i like her anymore (which was really stupid ), she went crying and then i realized that holy crap she's the one i care for no matter what. Well we broke up anyways, it was boring.

By they way, is it possible that one can twist infatuation into an addiction? u know, happened to me, dont really want to go thru it again , now when feeling like being insane, i back off and slip in the normal life to gain the balance back. Anyone does the same?:cheer:

 

[Bloke]

I made it too stage 3. The problem being I got there in less than 2 months !

Needless to say, I dodged the bullet.

 

[JackPrescott]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
1)Interest and Attraction...this is where two people initially see or meet each other and decide they both want to get to know each other better.

2)Infatuation and Falling in Love...this is the stage where you become blinded by your emotions and often times behave like a love sick puppy dog. The attention and mushiness of the other person makes you feel really great about yourself and you begin to fall "in love"...this is all about how YOU feel about yourself because of the other person. IT is NOT love. It is that thing that reduces you to a slobbering fool who speaks in "baby talk".

3) The Comfort Zone...this is where you start to relax, and move out of the infatuation stage into something more "real". This is also the time where feelings begin to deepen towards the other person while experiencing a reduced feeling of being "in love". After being in this stage for awhile many people make the mistake of thinking the relationship is in trouble because they aren't still infatuated. In reality, the relationship is beginning to grow into Mature Love. So many people bail at this point and never actually reach the "Love" stage.

4) Mature Love...this is the real deal, folks. You have reached the point of having a genuinely mature relationship, that, if you have chosen the right partner, is a beautiful thing.

Reaching Stage 4 doesn't mean the fun is all over, though. You can and will go from stage to stage at different times throughout the relationship. You can even learn to do things that will make you and your partner feel infatuated and falling in love all over again.

Most relationships are either made or broken during the Comfort Zone. That is the most important time to really work your DJ skills in a relationship so your partner doesn't bail.

Damned good post, Wyldfire. This is all true, and you have defined it to a "T" Stage one is all important, it is setting the bait, and waiting to see what bites. Lots of times, women (and men) play the game and never bother with Step Two, but they love step one. They love superficial flirting, only to have it lead nowhere. A little weird to me, but to each their own, I guess.

There are others who dig on step two, and never want to leave it. They love the thrill of the endomorphin rush of infatuation, the thrill of "new love" and the adrenaline rush one gets when he/she is falling hard for someone. That bolt of energy you get when the cell rings, that wonderful anticipation right before you meet each other on a Friday night to hit the town, and the amorous feelings of pure lust as you enter the bedchambers to practice the Kama Sutric Arts.

Step Three is where lots of men and women bail. Like "Vangie" my unfavorite Attention Wh0re, who last night was lamenting about not having a man in her life. I asked her if she REALLY wanted to give up the freedom of the dating scene, in order to be on a one on one relationship with a man, and she actually admitted, that although it was lonely, she just couldnt give up the late nights out, the flirting, and the freedom of being single for Step Three, being with a man 7 days a week, and staying faithful and true. She'd be bored silly in a week, and there are many others like her, male and female. She wants her "cake and eat it too"....She wants a man in her life to love her and worship her (and pay her bills, supply her with a house, ect) on the other hand, she wont give up her flirtatious ways, male friends, and nights on the town (without him)....Wyldfire, give me some feedback on this woman, she repulses me physically, but I have to admit, I could write a book on her dysfunctional life.

 

[gerrywarren]

I've been with my girl for almost five years...definitely in stage 4

 

[the_azn_fu]

hi
i was wonderin how you could jump to stage two: infatuation again. im currently in stage three and i was contemplating on bailing since it was getting a little boring, but i dont want to! any tips please?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

hi
i was wonderin how you could jump to stage two: infatuation again. im currently in stage three and i was contemplating on bailing since it was getting a little boring, but i dont want to! any tips please?

Either stick with it or choose to start over from the beginning to do it right. It may go faster the second time around, if she chooses to take you back.

 

[nestea16]

How do u start over again?

Im in stage 3 and been dating 6 months and my gf says she doesn't know if she feels the way she use to. I really don't want to lose her and this is both our first relationships. Any advice? We are currently on a break but still 'together' ... maybe she will realize what its like without me and come running back

 

[bud_2005]

I'm really glad I found this post. My and my girlfriend have been together 15 months now. But just about ever since the 1 year mark I've been questioning if I love her. The reason: I don't feel the butterflies anymore and don't get super excited about seeing her anymore and I want more time to my self. About 2 months ago she broke up with me and I realized I really wanted her bad then. So these last two months have been full of short breaks and stuff like that. She is still head over heels for me and loves me to death but I just don't have those lovey dovey feelings anymore and I thought that meant I didn't love her anymroe. This has been causing me some anxiety and stress.

 

[SparkleMotion]

Definitely agree with you on the Stage 3, comfort zone, and that being when most couples break up. Since that is when the excitement is lost, as well as when the relationship reaches the "**** or get off the pot" point.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'm really glad I found this post. My and my girlfriend have been together 15 months now. But just about ever since the 1 year mark I've been questioning if I love her. The reason: I don't feel the butterflies anymore and don't get super excited about seeing her anymore and I want more time to my self. About 2 months ago she broke up with me and I realized I really wanted her bad then. So these last two months have been full of short breaks and stuff like that. She is still head over heels for me and loves me to death but I just don't have those lovey dovey feelings anymore and I thought that meant I didn't love her anymroe. This has been causing me some anxiety and stress.

Usually this feeling comes around the six month mark. What's changed in your relationship since the one year mark?

 

[bud_2005]

Its not exciting like it was once. But I think she is definetly the one. She's really a great girlfriend and puts my happiness first. I want us to work out so bad but im confused about how i feel.

 

[iqqi]

Wyldfire would answer you herself, but she was banned for being a girl.

 

[John-467]

iqqi what does dat tell u? hahaha....dey don't lik girls lol.

dats why dey will be here for da next 20 years, wouldn't be surprised if some went homo

 

[happyman2012]

Im at stage 3.
last week I was really into my girlfriend and at the moment im abit unsure.

I want more time to myself than I did in the begining
I'm not as affectionate as I was in the begining
and I dont think I feel the same way I felt in the begining...
I still get pissed off if I think of her with anyone else plus shes a great girl!

Is the way I'm feeling normal? Im kinda worrying and its on my mind alot trying to figure out how I feel and whats happening. I think that is adding to it all too.

 

[Dadude548]

3) The Comfort Zone...this is where you start to relax, and move out of the infatuation stage into something more "real". This is also the time where feelings begin to deepen towards the other person while experiencing a reduced feeling of being "in love". After being in this stage for awhile many people make the mistake of thinking the relationship is in trouble because they aren't still infatuated. In reality, the relationship is beginning to grow into Mature Love. So many people bail at this point and never actually reach the "Love" stage.

Well I be damned. This is exactly where my relationship ended. Six months.

She bailed on me because she felt that her feelings were no longer growing. Add that to the fact that she was starting to work a lot and helping her grandmother with moving she was overstressed. Instead of talking to me about it, she left.