PoachR75
Senior Don Juan
A rather common trait of AFC-types, "nice guys", and people with low self-esteem in general is a tendency to be accomodating. The tendency to feel that it is ALWAYS improper and wrong to upset or disagree with other people. Such individuals have a resonating line of thought in their brains that goes on day after day, affecting every decision that they make:
"What if this upsets someone if I do it?"
"People will not like me if I make waves."
"Don't I have a fundamental responsibility to make everyone else happy?"
"I have to be a nice person."
"I have to do the right thing."
Pop psychologists call this a mental "chatterbox", a prevailing train of thought that goes on and on in your head. It reinforces itself over and over and makes you supplicate yourself and overly accomodate others at the expense of your own interests.
You must retrain your thoughts to drown out the chatterbox. Use affirmations, assertiveness courses, whatever works for you.
Now I will tell you WHY you should.
In the Natural Order of Things, healthy organisms go about their lives without letting the concern for others be the prevailing thought in the brain.
For example, the Lion in the jungle lives according to natural law and hunts and eats to survive. Do animals scatter, birds cry out, antelope run and hide when the lion approaches? You bet they do. The Lion makes WAVES, doesn't he? Does this make him evil? Does it mean he shouldn't eat? No.
How about people. Good people. Important people. Does the president get criticized? Do his critics sound out loudly? Yes. Is he making waves? Sometimes. Does this make him evil? Does this mean he shouldn't do his job? No, it doesn't.
How about a person like mother Theresa. A saint. A person who lived very selflessly. Do you think that she didn't have her critics? Other clergy who were politically minded? Other religions who wanted to disparage her? All of the interests (businesses, churches, NATIONS) whose toes she stepped on and who she shamed into action to get food for her starving children?
The lion is noble, the president is noble, and Mother Theresa was noble. Many animals made noise and were disturbed at their approach.
Don't live your life afraid of inconveniencing others to the point that you are not fair to yourself.
Don't be afraid to hear some hot girl say about you to her friend, "He is so arrogant, he cancelled a date on ME. He is not a nice person."
Don't be afraid to hear someone say, "He sometimes makes it difficult because he won't be flexible on things..."
This is just part of the Natural Order of Things.
Just remember to live by the Natural Order:
Sometimes animals will make noise or run away at your approach, it is part of existance, and should just be accepted without self reproach. If the animals DON'T complain and retreat sometimes, YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG>
Live by the Natural Order of Things
[This message has been edited by PoachR75 (edited 02-27-2002).]
"What if this upsets someone if I do it?"
"People will not like me if I make waves."
"Don't I have a fundamental responsibility to make everyone else happy?"
"I have to be a nice person."
"I have to do the right thing."
Pop psychologists call this a mental "chatterbox", a prevailing train of thought that goes on and on in your head. It reinforces itself over and over and makes you supplicate yourself and overly accomodate others at the expense of your own interests.
You must retrain your thoughts to drown out the chatterbox. Use affirmations, assertiveness courses, whatever works for you.
Now I will tell you WHY you should.
In the Natural Order of Things, healthy organisms go about their lives without letting the concern for others be the prevailing thought in the brain.
For example, the Lion in the jungle lives according to natural law and hunts and eats to survive. Do animals scatter, birds cry out, antelope run and hide when the lion approaches? You bet they do. The Lion makes WAVES, doesn't he? Does this make him evil? Does it mean he shouldn't eat? No.
How about people. Good people. Important people. Does the president get criticized? Do his critics sound out loudly? Yes. Is he making waves? Sometimes. Does this make him evil? Does this mean he shouldn't do his job? No, it doesn't.
How about a person like mother Theresa. A saint. A person who lived very selflessly. Do you think that she didn't have her critics? Other clergy who were politically minded? Other religions who wanted to disparage her? All of the interests (businesses, churches, NATIONS) whose toes she stepped on and who she shamed into action to get food for her starving children?
The lion is noble, the president is noble, and Mother Theresa was noble. Many animals made noise and were disturbed at their approach.
Don't live your life afraid of inconveniencing others to the point that you are not fair to yourself.
Don't be afraid to hear some hot girl say about you to her friend, "He is so arrogant, he cancelled a date on ME. He is not a nice person."
Don't be afraid to hear someone say, "He sometimes makes it difficult because he won't be flexible on things..."
This is just part of the Natural Order of Things.
Just remember to live by the Natural Order:
Sometimes animals will make noise or run away at your approach, it is part of existance, and should just be accepted without self reproach. If the animals DON'T complain and retreat sometimes, YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG>
Live by the Natural Order of Things
[This message has been edited by PoachR75 (edited 02-27-2002).]