The most powerful drug of all...
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DJHoolahoop
Senior Don Juan
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you know what makes me wonder about this though, is the fact that to love from that core would mean to do things because you express your love. So its like you do things not as a case of loving to get love back or loving on a condition, but really it comes from who you are. Like when you joke, it comes from love, or when you're honest its from love, you're not doing it because you idealize it or are closed about it, but because you realize well-being is to love.
You don't look for love and try to find it in supplicating ways, you figure out that if you come from a loving place, people respond more. Its funny how much it can really solve a lot of these problems on this board. To come from that place would mean that you could handle life. Things like asking a chick out on a date or moving it to the next level would all be a part of expressing love. None of that sh!t would matter to you because it was never about that.
Hell the reason why those PUA's seduce women so well is because those guys know how to mimic that expression without always being sincere. Even though it appears that way and the afc's fail so horribly because what they do isn't real and is the result of them trying to imitate it. The afc makes the mistake of trying to trade off fake expression in hopes of approval and love, the PUA is either fully or subconsciously aware of what he is doing when interacting with women and knows how and in what ways they can get desired results. Then the true man isn't really concerned with any results or anything outside of his core. That isn't to say he wouldn't find a woman to love, but he wouldn't go looking for love as a means to fulfill himself.
You don't look for love and try to find it in supplicating ways, you figure out that if you come from a loving place, people respond more. Its funny how much it can really solve a lot of these problems on this board. To come from that place would mean that you could handle life. Things like asking a chick out on a date or moving it to the next level would all be a part of expressing love. None of that sh!t would matter to you because it was never about that.
Hell the reason why those PUA's seduce women so well is because those guys know how to mimic that expression without always being sincere. Even though it appears that way and the afc's fail so horribly because what they do isn't real and is the result of them trying to imitate it. The afc makes the mistake of trying to trade off fake expression in hopes of approval and love, the PUA is either fully or subconsciously aware of what he is doing when interacting with women and knows how and in what ways they can get desired results. Then the true man isn't really concerned with any results or anything outside of his core. That isn't to say he wouldn't find a woman to love, but he wouldn't go looking for love as a means to fulfill himself.
If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Master of the Universe
Senior Don Juan
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It gets better...
My dearest squirrels,
First and foremost, I enjoyed reading your eloquent post. Well written.
Secondly, I don't envy what you are going through right now. Been there, done that, put it behind me, and never looked back.
The feelings of loss, confusion, anger, hurt, and depression become debilitating. Worse yet is the physical pain in your chest area - it almost feels like there is a permanent knife stuck in there, occasionally being twisted amid shear agony.
Then of course there are the questions - all the "Whys." Add to that all the scenario running through your mind - all the things you could have done differently, all the things you can do now to right the situation. Sometimes the pain feels better than this insanity going through your mind.
The good news, what you're experiencing right now is not love. I believe you already know that, but I know sometimes doubts arise.
Virtually every human being, has experienced or will experience what you are currently going through - the rub is right now it's hard to see this, it feels like you are the only one going through it.
I remember when I went through it myself. I remember the insanity I was living... going from the height of ecstasy to the depth of despair, and back up again, often times in the same day.
It became so that I couldn't function anymore, and all areas of my life suffered.
Finally, I had to cut the supplier from my life.
I thought the pain would get better with that the decision. But it only became worse. I fell into a bad depression. I became cynical, angry, resentful, jaded. I didn't like who I had become. I wondered if I would ever recover, if I would ever be the same again.
Time went by. The first three months were hell. All I did from the moment I woke to the moment I slept was chain smoke. I couldn't work, be around friends or family, or socialize in any way.
One day, I looked around and noticed how my life had fallen apart around me, and I started back on the road to rebuilding my life. It took another four months, but one evening I stopped in my track and noticed that an entire day had passed me by without a thought of the object of my desire and pain had popped into my mind.
From there thoughts of her and the feeling fade more and more everyday, until one day you realize that there is absolutely no more feeling left. For me, I had to put this to the test. To know for sure...
I called her up and set up a dinner date. I was in shock, to say the least. There was absolutely no feeling or emotion towards her at all. I was actually a bit sad - how can someone who only a few months ago meant more to you in the world than anything else, and today you're not even interested in carrying a conversation.
I knew I was over her and that craving. I was finally free, and knock on wood, have not experienced it since. I believe it's like the chicken pox - you only get it once (assuming you see it to the end and learn from it what needs to be learned).
But I have also experienced the real stuff - the real love. And when I compare both types of loves, it is easy to see that the first type with it's ugly addictions is the fake stuff. The real stuff doesn't have all those awful side effects.
Again my friend, I don't envy you. But I know you'll make it through and become a better person for it. And to answer your question, yes... you will recover!
MotU
P.S. As an addendum to this post, I would like to mention that if you do choose to meet with her sometime in the future when you are positive you are completely over her, then meet her only once and cut her from your life forever after that. You meet her more than once and it means that you truly aren't over her, and you will fall back into the old cycle.
My dearest squirrels,
First and foremost, I enjoyed reading your eloquent post. Well written.
Secondly, I don't envy what you are going through right now. Been there, done that, put it behind me, and never looked back.
The feelings of loss, confusion, anger, hurt, and depression become debilitating. Worse yet is the physical pain in your chest area - it almost feels like there is a permanent knife stuck in there, occasionally being twisted amid shear agony.
Then of course there are the questions - all the "Whys." Add to that all the scenario running through your mind - all the things you could have done differently, all the things you can do now to right the situation. Sometimes the pain feels better than this insanity going through your mind.
The good news, what you're experiencing right now is not love. I believe you already know that, but I know sometimes doubts arise.
Virtually every human being, has experienced or will experience what you are currently going through - the rub is right now it's hard to see this, it feels like you are the only one going through it.
I remember when I went through it myself. I remember the insanity I was living... going from the height of ecstasy to the depth of despair, and back up again, often times in the same day.
It became so that I couldn't function anymore, and all areas of my life suffered.
Finally, I had to cut the supplier from my life.
I thought the pain would get better with that the decision. But it only became worse. I fell into a bad depression. I became cynical, angry, resentful, jaded. I didn't like who I had become. I wondered if I would ever recover, if I would ever be the same again.
Time went by. The first three months were hell. All I did from the moment I woke to the moment I slept was chain smoke. I couldn't work, be around friends or family, or socialize in any way.
One day, I looked around and noticed how my life had fallen apart around me, and I started back on the road to rebuilding my life. It took another four months, but one evening I stopped in my track and noticed that an entire day had passed me by without a thought of the object of my desire and pain had popped into my mind.
From there thoughts of her and the feeling fade more and more everyday, until one day you realize that there is absolutely no more feeling left. For me, I had to put this to the test. To know for sure...
I called her up and set up a dinner date. I was in shock, to say the least. There was absolutely no feeling or emotion towards her at all. I was actually a bit sad - how can someone who only a few months ago meant more to you in the world than anything else, and today you're not even interested in carrying a conversation.
I knew I was over her and that craving. I was finally free, and knock on wood, have not experienced it since. I believe it's like the chicken pox - you only get it once (assuming you see it to the end and learn from it what needs to be learned).
But I have also experienced the real stuff - the real love. And when I compare both types of loves, it is easy to see that the first type with it's ugly addictions is the fake stuff. The real stuff doesn't have all those awful side effects.
Again my friend, I don't envy you. But I know you'll make it through and become a better person for it. And to answer your question, yes... you will recover!
MotU
P.S. As an addendum to this post, I would like to mention that if you do choose to meet with her sometime in the future when you are positive you are completely over her, then meet her only once and cut her from your life forever after that. You meet her more than once and it means that you truly aren't over her, and you will fall back into the old cycle.
squirrels
Master Don Juan
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- Apr 15, 2003
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- 45
I don't think I'll be making any effort to meet back up with that particular one any more. 
It's just a shame because she really WAS something...and if I hadn't wrecked it by becoming "addicted", it could've been something beautiful.
Actually, this weekend I discovered a much more profound reason for why things fell apart and why I fell into this cycle. I guess the same way drug users get hooked, I didn't have the proper respect for MYSELF. Subconsciously, I was TRYING to destroy myself from the inside out.
It's just a shame because she really WAS something...and if I hadn't wrecked it by becoming "addicted", it could've been something beautiful.Actually, this weekend I discovered a much more profound reason for why things fell apart and why I fell into this cycle. I guess the same way drug users get hooked, I didn't have the proper respect for MYSELF. Subconsciously, I was TRYING to destroy myself from the inside out.
Master of the Universe
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
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Hi squirrels,
I'm curious, how long were you with her and to what degree had the relationship progressed?
MotU
I'm curious, how long were you with her and to what degree had the relationship progressed?
MotU
It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something INVESTED in you and the relationship, preferably quite a LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
izza
Master Don Juan
Bingo my friend, you've just hit it. Congratulations.squirrels said:
Very few people make the realization that you just made. And yet almost every single human that has ever lived in a society lives this fact.
In fact, most people on earth spend most of their energy either debating what to do or simply undoing themselves. For instance, I spent 6 months purposefully sabotaging a relationship, not listening to my wiser half. Why did I spend 6 months like that when I can do better? I still have no idea, but I was shocked to discover that I had.
Why do we do this? I still don't know. But the first step to stopping is realizingthe truth.