The most HILARIOUS thing happened on our second date last night

[STR8UP]

Had her over to my place and planned to watch a movie, but there was nothing on pay-per-view and the video store was closed. So I'm thinking, oh great, now I have to keep her entertained SOMEHOW.

We were sitting there, and I asked her which celebrity she had been told she most resembles. First she says, "One time someone thought I was Miss America and started asking for my autograph" I'm thinking, damn, could be WORSE! So then she says someone told her one time that she looked like one of the girls from Saved by the Bell.

Then I break out my laptop and typed "Saved by the Bell" into google, and clicked on the first link.

Jeez, the smut peddlers are getting creative, cause out of nowhere pops up a PORN AD! Lotsa naked breasts. You should've seen the look on her face!

Then to top it off, I closed the window and up pops ANOTHER ad with several chicks stroking and sucking on monster pee-pee's!

Never seen a girl giggle and blush so much in my life...it was HILARIOUS!

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Nice...

Did you get some anal?

 

[One on One]

I hope the convo turned to sex after that happened.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Man, c'mon, you can't leave us at that! Give us your report!

Osc.

 

[MDgood]

I have a story like that, except it's more of a horror story.

I was at my friends' house, and their 15 year old daughter asks me to help her find some running shoes online. She wants to check out D!ck's Sporting Goods, and so she tells me she thinks the web address is d!cks.com . Remember that I am a single 31 year old man, sitting on a couch next to a 15 year old girl.

Duuuh on me, I type in d!cks.com and holy shyt, up pops a webpage with a closeup of some guy getting cornholed up the a$$. For a brief second, the 15 year old daughter and I are just stunned, pretty much what you would expect when your brains are telling you you're seeing running shoes, but your eyes are telling you, no, this is a close up of some guy getting cornholed up the a$$.

I freak, cover up the screen with one hand while I try to close out the window with my other hand. Everytime one window closes out, up pops a few more with spooge shots here, lesbos there. It was awful. Meanwhile the 15 year old daughter is saying, huh, what's that... oh my god!... wow!... what are they doing with that goat? And I'm thinking, holy jesus, please don't let my friends see this!!!

By the way, it's d!ckssportinggoods.com .

 

[SamePendo]

=D

OMG, indeed, HILARIOUS, both of them haha.

 

[DJ Chubby]

HAHAHAHA.. "what are they doing with that goat?"... Hall of fame post MDgood.

 

[STR8UP]

Holy sh!t MD...that's a classic! As I was reading it I was thinking SHE was trying to set you up for it. Now THAT would have been funny!

Originally posted by dave134
I hope the convo turned to sex after that happened.

For being very young and inexperienced she certainly doesn't mind the sex talk.

Later in the night she asked the old "Whats the craziest thing you've ever done" question. That led to me asking her what her favorite position is. i told her mine was "doggie style". She's like "Ooh, I don't like that one!" "My boyfriend and I tried it once and it HURT!" So I'm thinking about it for a minute and come to realize she thinks I'm talking about ANAL! She was pretty embarassed, to say the least.

We ended up watching Wild on E!, Howard Stern, and Girls Gone Wild infomercials all night. How's that for a themed date!

Man, c'mon, you can't leave us at that! Give us your report!

Well, she didn't leave until 4:30 am, but it wasn't as juicy as you would think. She a GOOD GIRL with a long distance boyfriend, so it's gonna take more than a night of unsolicited porn ads to get her panties off. (but that's another subject)

I freak, cover up the screen with one hand while I try to close out the window with my other hand. Everytime one window closes out, up pops a few more with spooge shots here, lesbos there. It was awful. Meanwhile the 15 year old daughter is saying, huh, what's that... oh my god!... wow!... what are they doing with that goat? And I'm thinking, holy jesus, please don't let my friends see this!!!

OMG, I had to reread this....I can't stop laughing....I think I'm gonna piss myself!

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by MDgood
I am a single 31 year old man, sitting on a couch next to a 15 year old girl.

So did you tap that ass?

 

[Oxide]

LOL i hope not he doesnt wanna get tapped in jail

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by Oxide
LOL i hope not he doesnt wanna get tapped in jail

Well if he's good at it, she'll brag to all her friends then he'll get to do them too... and leave the state when their parents find out.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
Nice...

Did you get some anal?

That's some funny sh*t.

 

[STR8UP]

Haha, just remebered something else that was funny.

When we were discussing sexual positions she didn't even know the term for "missionary position". She said that was her favorite.

Then I asked her second favorite. She hesitated and said she couldn't describe it, so I told her to show me. I pointed to my digital camera on the table and told her I was gonna get some bribery material

I love gettin em all flustered...

 

[T.T. Boy]

Originally posted by MDgood
I have a story like that, except it's more of a horror story.

The real horror story is what would have happened if it had been me and the 15 year old in that situation.

 

[Oxide]

no, real horror story is you and a 15 year old GUY

 

[MDgood]

Originally posted by ShortTimer
So did you tap that ass?

Good GOD you guys are sick!... lmao... For the record, this was an honest mistake on her part.

A few years ago I did have some girl I had like seen once call me on the phone and proceed to tell me about how she had seen me, how hot she thought I was, how she wanted to phuck my brains out this way and that way, etc etc etc... then afterwards she told me she was 15.

I did what any man who was 27 years old at the time would have done.

I found out when she turned 18!