The most frustrating part of this game...

[wait_out]

Whether it's guys just starting out, or in your situation hitting a dry spell, one of the first things guys think they need to do is "bulk up". What people don't understand is that it's usually not the problem. It's not like the girl's going to be like "OMG he doesn't have huge biceps, I'm not giving him my number!" It doesn't work like that. There's usually some underlying insecurity.

Yeah that's the tendency of people to look for the 'magic bullet' to resolve all their problems, be it looks, money, celebrity, or the perfect thing to say, which is exactly what the PUA industry exploits. Whereas, the only real solution is to actually be above-average in terms of attractiveness and have enough interactions with women that it flows and becomes intuitive. That's work and it takes time. There is a 12-week dating boot camp on this site... how many struggling posters do you think might even bother to follow it that long?

I remember Jon Krakauer wrote a book about a guide who promised he could get "any reasonably fit person" up Everest, they got caught in bad weather, and it turned into a total cluster****. That's such a perfect example of the shortcut mentality we have. It's the short-term solution people want to hear, even when they know it doesn't look right.

 

[BigSmooth]

The solution is to stop thinking so much about it. It's all mental.

The more you think about it, the more you obsess about it. The more you obsess about it, the less you are aware of what's happening when you are interacting, and you make mistakes and aren't fully living in the present.



Solution: Just relax, stop overthinking. Don't plan too much. Just do it.

 

[sstype]

The solution is to stop thinking so much about it. It's all mental.

The more you think about it, the more you obsess about it. The more you obsess about it, the less you are aware of what's happening when you are interacting, and you make mistakes and aren't fully living in the present.



Solution: Just relax, stop overthinking. Don't plan too much. Just do it.

Cosign this...Mike you seem like a good guy so relax. Don't worry we've all been through dry patches.

Looking at your pictures, you're a solid 7 in looks face-wise but overall you do seem kinda plain looking and generic. I would focus your efforts on getting lean and toned to get more a chiseled look and then revamping your wardrobe to show off your physique. Simple fitted tees and faded designer jeans are a good start.

Know your target audience. The edgy look is what appeals to the short-term fling seeking female. Get back into that role and you'll be rockin in no time

 

[floydb25]

Know your target audience. The edgy look is what appeals to the short-term fling seeking female.

Partially agree. It's going to appeal to them, but also to others. The most important thing is that it appeals. Much like the hot chicks who have to bat-away the douche bags - we have to do the same thing with the *****es and *****s. Usually those are the most aggressive ones. But you still get options to choose from. Some are going to be bad, of course.

You have to attract someone before anything. You need to catch their eye. The best way to do this is to present yourself well. From there, you can show them your personality, and that's where you (people in general) really shine. If she's a ***** - she won't care about your personality, will focus solely on sex, and lose interest when no sex is available. All depends on what you're looking for, but the option to choose will be there.

 

[floydb25]

Mike: Getting in shape definitely does help. We're both a little overweight, and need to exercise, from what I can see. When I was a little younger, and in good shape - it was crazy how many girls wanted me. There is a noticable difference when you are chunky. Not unsuccessful by any means, but not 100% at where I could be. But man, getting older makes you lazy and tired. Especially with all the emotional stuff going on - that you didn't even care about when you were younger.

 

[Mike32ct]

Everything I read so far rings true.

1. Yeah I definitely need to get more cut. I'm probably skinny fat.

2. Once I'm more lean and cut, I'll definitely work on the clothes.

3. I need to relax and smile more, rather than look too serious, sad or timid.

4. Finally I do need swagger with some air of ****iness.

Thanks everybody for the lengthy insightful posts. Any other thoughts are welcome.

 

[runner83]

Your pics look decent, from what I can tell.

Getting in better shape will always help with la ladies, but like someone else said earlier, there are no magic bullets in this game.

For me, in 2010 when i was doing weights and was built up, i did pull the ladies, sure. Then broke my arm in early 2011 and lost about 10 kg of muscle while I had my arm in a cast/brace for 14 weeks (although kept fit on a exercise bike).

Since then I have been too busy to go back to weights, but still keep fit, and I seem to pull just as well as before.

You need to also focus on your attitude and inner game.

And like I said in an earlier post, I think it would be of benefit to have a look at your interactions with women and see at what stage it is most commonly breaking down.

Is it in getting contact details, is it in scheduling the first time to meet, is it in getting her back to your place, or is it after the first time you bang her...?

 

[bigneil]

you look good, better than the pics of most of the guys on here that claim they get "HB9.5s" lmao.

Wow, sorry it's such a big deal to you that some of us can date beautiful women (who approach us). I never posted any pics of myself or the women I date, but the hottest strippers by definition are HB9.5. My gf is the most beautiful girl I know. Isn't that why we're practicing here?

 

[bigneil]

Everything I read so far rings true.

1. Yeah I definitely need to get more cut. I'm probably skinny fat.

Mike, are you fasting? Detoxing? Eating raw foods? Organic?

A pure diet plus push-ups, pull-ups, chin-ups and biking every day is all you really need. I also recommend you get a scale that measures body fat and metabolic age (like the Tanita). At 41, I got my metabolic age all the way down to 18. Perhaps not coincidentally then I started dating a 20 year old.

 

[Mike32ct]

Mike, are you fasting? Detoxing? Eating raw foods? Organic?

A pure diet plus push-ups, pull-ups, chin-ups and biking every day is all you really need. I also recommend you get a scale that measures body fat and metabolic age (like the Tanita). At 41, I got my metabolic age all the way down to 18. Perhaps not coincidentally then I started dating a 20 year old.

Great stuff bigneil. Could you post about the detox and fasting thing? I'm all for younger looking skin.

Runner and others: It's mostly lack of attraction from the get go. I can open but i usually end up with just their polite convo. I'll start posting field reports so you guys can see it more specifically.

I was in much better shape (though never ripped) about two years ago and got pretty good results. I slacked off due to work but am getting back at it.

 

[bigneil]

This author has a lot of good articles on detox.

Then, on Netflix watch "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead".

 

[floydb25]

Mike: Do you have any examples of the interactions you had with these women? Did they show no interest at all?