The most AFC behaviour I've ever seen

[Bizzle13]

If any of you have read my recent rants you'll know that my housemate can be a little difficult. We've got a bit of an understanding going now and hopefully shït should be sorted soon but apart from all that, his behaviour towards his ex is bordering on the unbelievable.

Less than a year ago his girl (on and off for around three years) broke up with him claiming he had no ambition or drive amongst other things. She started seeing a successful guy around the same age and my friend lost it. Despite my best efforts he blew up her phone, self-harmed for attention and even wrote her a four page letter with nicknames, memories, best wishes and the 'I will always love you' cräp. She got annoyed, called him a freak, he cried.

Then he started to take my advice; no contact predominantly, and lo and behold she starte getting in touch with him. He continued to follow my advice; make yourself unavailable - if she texts ignore it for a few days, if she calls keep it brief or better yet say you're busy and that you'll call her back then don't etc this drove her crazy and she admitted she had to see him. My assumption is the other guy gamed her and she wanted her whipping boy back, then web she realised he wasn't gonna take her shït the challenge was on.

After a short while he thought he had it on lock, stopped asking for my advice and the slowly reverted back to their old ways. Since I moved in with him you wouldn't believe the stupid shït I've heard them arguing about (mainly down to my friend) and his general behaviour was just baffling. He'd go from happy and lovey-dovey, to upset, to angry, to apologetic, to tearful begging in the space of a couple of hours. He'd drive her away with his issues before begging her back, then telling her to drop dead, before again begging her back, offering gifts or food or massages as some kind of reward for spending time with him (WTF right?)

Anyway, again, she has left him and now she's seeing someone else. Although he slept with another girl last week when he found out he got massively upset (beta!). I've tried to help him but he just isn't taking in whatever I'm saying. Basically he sees her as his only source of happiness (not surprising being as he's in no way in any kind of control of his life) and he just seems to have forgotten all the crâp she put him through.

I've just sat and watched him make her a Xmas card, complete with shït drawings, an essay highlighting his undying love, and a photo of her face atop a badly drawn Xmas tree. I've tried every angle I can to talk him out of giving it her but he just won't have it. She came over ye other day to talk - he spent all say cleaning the flat (first time, I weren't complaining) and cooking for her only for her to come over, eat, say 'I want to be with him, not you' and leave.

He seeks to think this foolish behaviour will somehow win her back, I think he's trying to fool her in to thinking that he has changed. I've told him its a losing fight and his only possible minute chance of getting her back is to go no contact, make yourself unavailable, get on with your life and concentrate on you. People want what they can't have and that's the way it is, by making yourself so available to her you're driving her away.

We want that which resists us most

He won't have it, and is continuing down the worst AFC path I've ever seen. He even admitted one day he won't see the point in trying to get her bak and won't want to waste his energy on her, but won't make today that day :s

I was wondering have any of you seen any behaviour similar or worse than this? Or have you personally done anything worse? Worse I did was text an ex of six years annoyed with what she wrote in some old birthday/valentines/Xmas cards (together forever, love you more than imaginable etc), I also once wrote her a letter but never sent it. Actually I used it to aid my recovery. It's good to read back and cringe at etc haha

Anyway get posting, and again I'm sorry for another massive post. Can't seem to keep my word count down. If I ever do finish my novel I imagine it won't be a quick light read.

Bizzle

 

[SmooveMooves]

Most beta thing I've ever done was tell a girl to "promise you wont leave me". Still makes me shudder to this day. Back then I was trapped in the evil clutches of the AFC kingdom

 

[Bizzle13]

Haha we all made mistakes, before we knew any better. We all used to cräp ourselves till we were taught different. Oh yeah also I came close to crying when a girl I was seeing kissed someone else. I thought she was 'the one' after a couple of weeks. Needless to say my beta-ness drive her away. Before long I was being told about some guy she had a huge crush on but he was only using her for sex. I was genuinely like bïtch what?! o.0

That was the one and only time my journey stalled and I use it as a reference now of what not to do once you've got the girl.

 

[PlayHer Man]

The worst thing I ever did was pedestalize a b!tch and act like a weak needy faggot while she treated me like dirt. However, I snapped out of it when she tried to friend zone me. I actually went totally nuts and started abusing her (verbally) and harassing her. She ended up calling the cops. That was in college.

Its sad what modern men have become. Its not totally the fault of men. We all grew up watching media that basically told us women were sent from God and we are worthless without them. So what do you expect? As adults the average modern beta male is no match for the average modern girl-power c*nt. And this girl-power is getting worse among the women who stay single past 25. Shocker.

I see beta fag behavior on a weekly basis. Its pretty bad out there. We come to this site not realizing how RARE we really are. There are only about 100,000 of us on this site. Compare that to the general population.

In real life I don't give other men advice on women unless they are already somewhat red pill. Blue pill men never ask me for advice. A few months ago I was hanging out with two blue pill guys I knew from college. One guy was having issues with his girlfriend. He asked the other guy (who is worse with women than him) and totally ignored me (who actually gets laid)..

Now if you have two men to ask advice on women.. one who you know gets laid and one who you know NEVER gets laid... why would you ask the guy who never lets laid? :crackup: :crackup:

Either he didn't want to stroke my ego or he just wanted to vent without getting any real solutions.

Let betas be betas. They have to crash and burn before they can gain any wisdom. Some have to hit rock bottom before they realize they're doing things the wrong way.

 

[JoeMarron]

Let betas be betas. They have to crash and burn before they can gain any wisdom. Some have to hit rock bottom before they realize they're doing things the wrong way.

This. It takes a special breed of man to be able to learn the right thing to do, implement it immediately, and become successful. Most men lack the willpower to come to a realization without hitting rock bottom, some fail to come to a realization even then. They'd rather stay in their comfortable little bubble, doing things the way they've always done it instead of maturing. Give these type of men advice once and let it be. You can give a man the red pill but you can't make him swallow it.

 

[skinnyguy]

The worst thing I ever did was pedestalize a b!tch and act like a weak needy faggot while she treated me like dirt. However, I snapped out of it when she tried to friend zone me. I actually went totally nuts and started abusing her (verbally) and harassing her. She ended up calling the cops. That was in college.

Its sad what modern men have become. Its not totally the fault of men. We all grew up watching media that basically told us women were sent from God and we are worthless without them. So what do you expect? As adults the average modern beta male is no match for the average modern girl-power c*nt. And this girl-power is getting worse among the women who stay single past 25. Shocker.

I see beta fag behavior on a weekly basis. Its pretty bad out there. We come to this site not realizing how RARE we really are. There are only about 100,000 of us on this site. Compare that to the general population.

In real life I don't give other men advice on women unless they are already somewhat red pill. Blue pill men never ask me for advice. A few months ago I was hanging out with two blue pill guys I knew from college. One guy was having issues with his girlfriend. He asked the other guy (who is worse with women than him) and totally ignored me (who actually gets laid)..

Now if you have two men to ask advice on women.. one who you know gets laid and one who you know NEVER gets laid... why would you ask the guy who never lets laid? :crackup: :crackup:

Either he didn't want to stroke my ego or he just wanted to vent without getting any real solutions.

Let betas be betas. They have to crash and burn before they can gain any wisdom. Some have to hit rock bottom before they realize they're doing things the wrong way.

PHM - I'm going to disagree with you on one thing. I know that you don't like me, and that you will post some kind of rant about how I'm some kind of beta fag, etc…and that's fine. But I just want to point out one thing.

A lot of guys who get laid do so because they have low standards. I'm not really impressed by guys who get laid a lot, because I have noticed that they will fvck anything with a vagina and a lot of those chicks are ones I would never look at twice.

Yes, part of the problem with guys who don't get laid is that their standards are high. But for many of them they can't really help it. A guy who is getting laid cannot give advice to a guy who is not getting laid (most of the time), because their standards are at different levels. Also, think about this. Let's say that Matt Damon was giving advice to the most AFC guy on this board. Do you think that would actually work? Do you think the AFC would start getting laid because Matt Damon gave him advice?

So anyway, I don't think you should ridicule him for not listening to you. Maybe he thought that what works for you won't work for him. I completely agree with you on the pedestalization thing - yes that's bad. But it's highly unlikely you would have been able to get him laid.

 

[GS750]

An Xmas card with drawings, an essay, and a photo? This man is beyond help. The best you can do is learn from his pathetic behavior as an example of what not to do.

 

[Bizzle13]

Thanks for the replies guys, yeah I agree the whole pedestalization is engraved in to us as we grow up. Even as children - don't play so rough, she's a girl/you have to be nice to her etc. Then in school you start to see how the pretty girls are treated better than the less pretty girls, and through fb you now see how much more opportunities these girls are getting just because of looks (modelling, high end retailers hiring them to draw in AFC's, even dating rich guys). I'd love to say I will never pita girl on a pedestal again but the truth is I'd give a hot girl the initial attention I wouldn't give an uggo, surely that's slight pedestalization? But I can categorically state that I will never put her on a higher pedestal than the one I occupy.

Yeah GS it is definitely the worst I've seen, I'd love to help him but as PlayHer said blue pull guys need to see it for themselves and want to see it. I was going to say 'but if no red pill guys help blue pill guys we'll die out' but I suppose I found it on my own. Googling how to get women -> sifting through a load of bull -> reading 'The Game' -> getting in to PUA -> realising women are an aspect to life whereas DJ-ship covers almost all aspects of life -> SS!

I'm starting to look at me helping my hopeless friend as the moth on Lost. Locke tells Charlie that he can help the moth break out it's cacoon but if he does the moth will not have the strength to survive in the outside world. It must struggle to attain the strength to survive and so must my friend.

 

[DarkDetective50]

Back before I truly understood how women worked, I did some very beta and downright amateur things. I shudder when I think about them. It took a VERY bad relationship breakup for me to finally wake up and come to an ultimate realization.

Basically, I had no problem attracting girls. In fact, girls followed me everywhere but the problem was I idolized them. I had the belief that you had to pamper or treat them like goddesses. Once we started dating and they realized this, they would use me for chump change. I would buy them roses and write love notes to try and keep them. Some wouldn't dump me outright. Instead they would keep me because they enjoyed toying with me and having an emotional tissue paper to pour their feelings on.

I got into terrible relationship after terrible relationship. The final straw was when a girl whom I had dated for a while broke up with me. I was quite fed up with her anyway so I said "Okay. I was kind of tired of you anyway". She had this look of surprise on her face. The truth was that she had broken up with me a couple of times but I would cry and moan and beg and do stuff that makes me shudder to this day. Anyway, I didn't do that this time and we went our separate ways. I was actually feeling good about myself and had started to move on until two weeks later, I got an email. It was from her and she asked to meet up. She talked about how she's an emotional wreck without me...blah...blah...blah...if I don't reply, she'll be even more depressed. Like a fool, I bought it hook, line and sinker. We started talking again but she said she just wants to remain friends. I didn't see any harm in this until she started openly flirting with guys in front of me, talking about "I wonder if he's circumcised" and only talking to me when she had emotional issues.

My God, at that moment, it was like someone poured a gallon of cold water on my face. What had I become? Was this really me?? I couldn't believe it. One day, I was surfing the internet when I stumbled across a red pill site. I slowly started reading up on about PUA tactics, AFC behavior, dating women etc. The first thing I researched about was the friend zone. I learned that if after a breakup, a girl still wants to be "friends". She is only keeping you around as a backup, emotional tissue, until she finds her next boyfriend or worse A COMBINATION OF ALL THREE. My AFC self was still in love with the girl and the part about finding her next boyfriend both scared me and woke me up. I learned from reading and researching that the first step is to drop all contact with that woman and move on which is what I did immediately.

I told her the next day that I'm sorry, we can't be friends at all. Never to contact me again. She pulled her typical move of trying to guilt me and getting angry at me. "I thought you were the only person that understood me! How can you do this? NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN! Blah....blah...blah!" I told her "I'm glad you understand" and just walked away.

I slowly realized that my problem all my life was I had incredibly, stupid tunnel vision. I had this mentality of "The One" or oneitis as you guys call it. The retarded vision of "love" I had in my head. I thought every girl I met had to be The One. I thought that if I broke up with the girl I'm with, my life is over. I would never meet another girl like her again. RUBBISH. I came to the realization that there are so many girls out there and I had been cheating myself out of so much fun.

I started dating other girls BUT without an attachment or oneitis mentality. Making sure to date multiple girls or spinning plates as you say. Even if I met the most absolutely awesome girl, I still treated her like every other girl I was dating at the time and made sure never to reveal my hand or confess feelings.

Sometimes, the blue pill guys need to suffer and have bad experiences before they finally take the red pill. It's been many years now and the amount of confidence and personal growth I've gone through makes me very happy.

 

[skinnyguy]

I'm glad some guys on this board are starting to get it.

I was at Wells Fargo today and when I was in line I saw this really attractive woman. You could tell she really put a lot of effort into her looks. But right then I stopped myself and turned away.

First, I've never gotten laid by oogling over a woman, so there is no benefit to me staring at her.


Another thing I learned from this board is that you have to believe that YOU are the prize. This completely changed my outlook, not just with dating but with everything.

You should never have to use game to get women. And you should never have to impress anyone to get them to like you.

 

[Bizzle13]

Great post DD, I'm pretty sure most men on here would have gone through a very similar experience. How are you doing now bud?

Yeah SkinnyGuy noticing the growth in yourself and others is great. Glad you brought that up though, in that situation what did you/should you have done? Always thought that about the girls who try very hard on ther appearance (usually the same ones who complain about guys trying it on with them).

If you don't approach, no chance. If you do approach you're devaluing yourself as 'the prize'. Spose if it was me I'd just make some polite conversation, maybe a little tease and touch, before getting a number/making plans and making myself scarce.

 

[TheGambino]

Worst thing I ever did is fighting the boyfriend of my oneitis, she friend zoned me due my afc behaviour after our romantic little time. I was drunk and tried to fight him, couldn't even remember what I did the day after.

 

[DarkDetective50]

Great post DD, I'm pretty sure most men on here would have gone through a very similar experience. How are you doing now bud?

Thank you. I'm doing very, very, very well. Just next week alone, I have three dates with three different girls. There are even two other girls I couldn't fit in because of work and other commitments. I actually turn down girls now, something I would never do before.

AFC/Nice guys always complain about girls going for a$$holes or jerks. The truth couldn't be further from reality. Girls go for ASSERTIVE guys. My dad always used to tell me "have a set of values" and don't falter on them when it comes to girls. I now truly understand what he meant by that.

 

[Yewki]

I told her the next day that I'm sorry, we can't be friends at all. Never to contact me again. She pulled her typical move of trying to guilt me and getting angry at me. "I thought you were the only person that understood me! How can you do this? NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN! Blah....blah...blah!" I told her "I'm glad you understand" and just walked away.

Epic response