The Marriage Hamster

[sodbuster]

The problem with a single mother is they are OUR kids when they need braces, but when you give them hell because they are screwing up? "You have NO RIGHT to discipline MY child"

 

[ubercat]

Yep - lived that one.

 

[Killakittie]

Certainly can understand the thoughts in this thread. Most of the good women are not in the dating market (they are already married) so the market is skewed to those who are less desirable as a general rule. And those women as a group are the ones most desiring marriage, I would say almost always for the satisfaction of their own agendas.

There are exceptions around however.

I agree when you hit middle age stable people have typically been married and typically have kids. I date men around age 50 give or take a few years and almost every man has his own children already. I've had younger men in their 30s & early 40s want to date...but why bother? I have no desire to deal with some guy's babies or toddlers and can't have/don't want more kids of my own so what's the point really.

Give me a sexy 50 year old father with his life together all day long for a LTR thank you very much. Stable companionship, great sex & friendship. That sounds awesome to me.

Monogamy is important too honestly. From a health standpoint as well as an intimacy/human connection standpoint. Do not want STD exposure from whoever else a man is sleeping with.

But none of that requires marriage. It just requires trust.

Marriage becomes scary when you have something to lose. I've said before and I stand by that I seriously doubt I'd do it again. My kids don't want for a father figure (my ex is a good dad), and I am financially fine on my own.

No way would I put my assets at risk to a new man. Those assets are going to pay for college educations, braces & my income stream. Not going to jeopardize that. No way.

Strong defensive overtones here.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

As someone who experienced being in a relationship with a woman who had a small child, I can honestly tell you: never again.

It starts out slow. A single mom understands at a gut level that she needs to slowly introduce and involve you in the child's life. She doesn't want to overwhelm you or scare you away. But then, slowly, over time, you wind up being more involved, emotionally and financially. And the thing is this: you will not be appreciated for what you do. It's a suckers game, plain and simple.

Just don't do it fellas. It's not worth the trouble and bvll****.

Never again.

-Augustus-

 

[BeExcellent]

Strong defensive overtones here.

Not at all. Was just chatting socially last eve about this. With a couple who have been together 23 years, never married, very happy. She is a vet and he is in sales. They are both smart attractive people.

She rolls her eyes at the idea of marriage. But like me, she doesn't "need" it.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

As someone who experienced being in a relationship with a woman who had a small child, I can honestly tell you: never again.

It starts out slow. A single mom understands at a gut level that she needs to slowly introduce and involve you in the child's life. She doesn't want to overwhelm you or scare you away. But then, slowly, over time, you wind up being more involved, emotionally and financially. And the thing is this: you will not be appreciated for what you do. It's a suckers game, plain and simple.

Just don't do it fellas. It's not worth the trouble and bvll****.

Never again.

-Augustus-

Absolute truth!! It's all downside, zero upside.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

As someone who experienced being in a relationship with a woman who had a small child, I can honestly tell you: never again.

It starts out slow. A single mom understands at a gut level that she needs to slowly introduce and involve you in the child's life. She doesn't want to overwhelm you or scare you away. But then, slowly, over time, you wind up being more involved, emotionally and financially. And the thing is this: you will not be appreciated for what you do. It's a suckers game, plain and simple.

Just don't do it fellas. It's not worth the trouble and bvll****.

Never again.

-Augustus-

Not being appreciated is an American woman thing not a single mom thing. This is common. The mindset is one of entitlement and that you should be doing it anyway. So no special kudos or awards. As Steve Harvey preaches in "think like a man", " woman, you are the prize. He is not the prize ". Are there sh2t tests men can run to sniff out entitlement?

 

[The Duke]

Are there sh2t tests men can run to sniff out entitlement?

Ask how the handled their past divorce(s). Did they just walk away and not put up a fight? Were lawyers involved? How long did it take to settle? Do they still have resentment towards how the assets were divided?

If they were in a long term relationship with an exboyfriend did they just walk away and leave behind posessions that were acquired jointly?

Ask her if past men put her name on major assets like houses/cars. Get her thoughts on that.

Are they ok with a prenup?

Ask these questions early on in the relationship before they get hooked on you. They will be more forthcoming and won't realize that you are sizing them up. Be careful how you word these questions in order to get the most honest response. Make them open ended, but steer them in the direction you want so you can figure out who they are.

My last ltr lasted 5yrs. She was the least entitled girl I knew. She never worried about her posessions when past relationships ended. BUT she did ask to get her name on my house when we were still together. She claimed it would make her feel secure if I was to die. She was ok with a prenup but we never discussed what the terms of that prenup would be.

Entitled girls are takers, not givers. Entitled girls won't be willing to invest any significant money into you, but will expect you to invest(spend) money into them. Entitled girls won't be happy splitting everything 50/50, they don't care about being fair. Look for a girl that is very giving with her time, her body, her heart, her resources, etc. Look for girls volunteer and donate to charities.

 

[Masculinity]

Bear in mind that toward the end of the relationship, I was paying all the rent, buying a goodly portion of the food for her and her kids, providing health care for her kids and other miscellaneous expenses.


-Augustus-

If you were doing this ^ without even being married, I can only image how much worse things would have become for you. I say you dodged a bullet, my friend. Pay more than your share, doing more than your share, allowing people to disrespect you, etc. communicates that you are less value. You are not low value. And the way others determine value is by the way you allow others to treat you and the way you treat yourself (exercise, diet, grooming, savings, quality of life, meeting life goals, etc.).

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Most definitely dodged a bullet.

And I paid more than my share because I thought it was the right thing to do and because my nature is to be naturally generous to the people I love.

However, in terms of a relationship with a woman in the future, I'll definitely pay my way, but no more than she contributes.

-Augustus-

 

[Roober]

I've dated 2 single mommies and had issues with their children and/or ex.

#1 Single mommy had a 20yo son that was your typical lazy non-productive going no where millenial. One time we were doing some house painting/remodeling and hired him to help out. He would show up hours late, hung over, or not at all. I got tired of it and let him know that I wasn't interested in his help and I would just hire somebody else. So that upset him and he complained to mommy. And I was 100pct in the right and who do you think she supported? It wasn't me. She felt sorry for her son and stood up for him. Didn't care about me one bit. Fuhk that. It was the first time I understood why single mommies are such a bad idea.

#2 Single mommy had 2 kids and a loser bipolar ex that liked to play games. He was supposed to pick up the kids on Friday nights at 630pm. That never happened, it might be 9pm or 11pm. After two times of waiting on him to pick her kids up, I quit scheduling dates with her on Friday nights. I really don't think it bothered her very much, she didn't care much about my time. It was no different when he returned the kids on Sunday's, except he would always drop them off early and you never knew when. Finally I said, screw this. I don't deserve this treatment. I don't want any part of this situation.

There will be very few single mommies out there that will show you respect and won't be a pain in the arse to date. But thats pretty rare. Most have ex's that play games that will affect you. The only good thing about them is their kids occupy most of their time/mind so you can be free to do other things(women included).

I don't recommend taking one on long term and definitely not if she has young kids.

Sigh, I am beginning to realize that... especially one with emotional baggage...