THE MARGINALIZATION OF MODERN MEN

[Dr. Reed]

EDIT: The passages below are from a larger publication I am working on. In this first chapter I lay out the formidable challenges facing the modern man.

I hope it proves to be fruitful reading for my fellow forumites, Sean Reed, PhD.

Hyper-Achieving Women, Underachieving Men. “Women have moved from naturally complementary, to competitive, to conquering the men in their lives” (Waters, 2011).

This transition has been described as a “New Girl Order” (Hymowitz, 2007).

Men today are facing a crisis. We are portrayed in the media and the intellectual world as under-performing miscreants unfit to assume leadership roles in society.

Men are habitually underachieving and delaying adulthood. The result is an increasing inequality between men and women. "Women are not equal to men; they are superior in many ways, and in most ways that will count in the future.” (Konner, 2015) Being born a male is "a birth defect," he declares.

Science Proves Women Are Superior To Men (Jensen, 2015)
In a 2011 article, Lazerus explains “Why Women Are the Superior Gender.” In a break down of nine critical measures of success, Lazerus concludes that women are superior in nearly every way. In “a true battle of the sexes, the smart move would be to bet on the women.” “Even narrow-minded, conservative misogynists can't ignore the facts all the time.”

Lazerus is indicative of the massive amount of misandry men face in the modern world. Women, children, and the workplace are often considered better off without us. The only thing we are good at is moving heavy objects around, and technology is making that “skill” obsolete. In fact, a growing number of young men, are becoming unwilling to enter into their traditional social roles, like being fathers or career-driven providers. (Johnson, 2016)

 

[Dr. Reed]

It should be no surprise that many men are simply opting out, not pursuing higher education, careers, families, and leadership roles. Becoming a father and or husband is a very demanding task. Why go though the trials and tribulations inherent in these roles if our society considers them to be marginal endeavors?

I posit that this trend is the rational product of men being alienated and marginalized. The modern western male has been severed from a meaningful role in families, as fathers, husbands, and sources of leadership. It should be no surprise, therefore that the suicide rate is four times more prevalent with men than women.

Women have surpassed men academically from elementary school through college. Most D’s and F’s go to men, and most college degrees go to women. The ratio of female college graduates to male college graduates is approaching two to one. There is a severe shortage of college educated men relative to college educated women (Birfer, 2015).

Financially, women are rapidly reducing the earning gap, a positive development. The downside is that it will not be long until women out earn men. Women in their 20’s currently out earn men of the same age. Gender based earning disparities cause problems regardless of which direction they go.

Another alarming development is that young men prefer video games (Snyder, 2012) and pornography over real dates with women. (Haven, 2016) Men are becoming increasingly feminized. (Ibid). Participation in youth athletics has declined, but for both men and women (2015, Hispanic Institute: 1991-2013 https://www.childtrends.org/indicators/participation-in-school-athletics/).

Male unemployment is higher than female unemployment. (Madlin, 2015)

40% of men between the ages of 18 and 31 still live with their parents. One third of these men are unemployed. (Patton, Fry, 2015)

Today, millions of men sit at home in pajamas, “their moms serving breakfast, while spending the day playing computer games, cooking up half-baked business plans, or vegging out with a six-pack in front of the TV.” (Yarrow, 2015)

67% of marriage age Millennial men are not married. “The inability to provide makes family formation less likely.” (Ibid) These men are permanently behind the rest of the work force and never catch up. Their prolonged adolescence marches straight into old age. (Bureau of Labor Statistics’ time-use data as c.f. by Yarrow, 2015).

Young (and not so young) men are “failing to launch” and I am not sure if I can blame them. If we look at older men who do “launch,” who build careers and families, they are arguably worse off than men living in their parents’ basement.

50% of all marriages fail, and 70% of the time the divorce is initiated by the woman

The main reasons women divorce men are not for the reasons expected. Ensuring that women can extricate themselves from men who are abusive, alcoholic, adulterous, or addicted to drugs is the logic behind no fault divorce. However, these reasons constitute a tiny fraction of divorce. The main reason women divorce men is because they fall out of love with them. (Reed 2017).

This fact is exacerbated by the reality of women being perceived as superior to men. It is hard to love a loser, ask me how I know.

Even if men could stop the inevitable education and career disparities, even if we could somehow convince society that men matter, that fathers matter, that husbands matter, our men would still not be prepared to take on these roles.

The blueprint for fathers and husbands has not changed in 70 years, and the world is much, much different today. Men today are not prepared for love and living. No one is teaching our men how to manage relationships with women so that they will love you, and stay in love with you. Getting a woman to love you, and stay in love with you is the only “power” the modern man has. The problem is, most men are not good at it.

Women fall out of love little by little, and the poor guy usually has no idea what happened when one day she files for divorce. In my years of counseling that has almost always been the pattern. There are a thousand signs, a hundred red flags, but he was unaware. Nearly every time I council a man after divorce, I have been able to document exactly where, when, and how this decline started.

Unfortunately, once a women falls out of love there is nothing you can do.

Its over.

 

[Dr. Reed]

I will be back with more later on....thoughtful feedback is appreciated.

I am trying to blend academic style with something that is more accessible.

Your average Joe really needs this information if he is to successfully monitor the modern world.

 

[purple haze]

Sounds good, I would like to know, according to your thesis, exactly why women fall out of love with their husbands.

 

[Desdinova]

A lot of this was covered in the book "Men on Strike".

 

[zekko]

Good article. I like Purple Haze's question, but I don't think it's so simple. Women fall out of love with their husbands, yes, but I think they are also responding to the loss of the "excitement" hormones as the relationship transitions.

When the marriage doesn't live up to their fantasy expectations (real life intrudes), society encourages them to divorce. There is no more divorce stigma, they will get the kids, they will get paid child support, they will get the house (if they want it), they may get alimony. They will get public assistance if there isn't enough money.

There's no downside for them to divorce, it's a new income stream. Meanwhile, the husband is banished from the family with his wages garnished, under threat of imprisonment if he can't make the payments.

 

[speed dawg]

The LAST thing we, as men, should go....is disengage. You want things to change? STAY IN THE GAME. Don't quit. Keep pushing towards your dreams.

I still say a lot of this stuff could be combated by weight-lifting and other things like that. I think that's where a lot of our lack of testosterone comes from, lack of physical work. Masculinity is still an attractive trait, that won't ever change.

 

[zekko]

The LAST thing we, as men, should go....is disengage. You want things to change? STAY IN THE GAME. Don't quit. Keep pushing towards your dreams.

I understand guys dropping out of traditional roles like husband and father.

I don't understand guys hiding from reality, making video games their priority, living in their parents basement, and allowing their female counterparts to become better than they are and accumulate all the resources.

One big problem young guys face is masculinity is discouraged in the modern world, and with so many being raised by single mothers, there is a lack of male role models. Weight lifting isn't going to correct that.

 

[SteR]

I understand guys dropping out of traditional roles like husband and father.

I don't understand guys hiding from reality, making video games their priority, living in their parents basement, and allowing their female counterparts to become better than they are and accumulate all the resources.

One big problem young guys face is masculinity is discouraged in the modern world, and with so many being raised by single mothers, there is a lack of male role models. Weight lifting isn't going to correct that.

I could talk on this subject for hours.

I was reading a book a while ago about this very problem. The thing is: Even if feminists had a point, and there was an oppressive patriarchy that restricted them, what they fail to realise is it's not the modern generation. They don't realise that the boys growing up these days have no knowledge or understanding of what they're complaining about. In fact it's the complete opposite, as has already been said: Women are given every advantage and there's this idea of 'toxic' masculinity, that being a man in of itself is a negative thing.

Combine that with the abundance of porn/video games which can satisfy a man's needs without him having to step into reality, and it's no surprise that teenage kids fall into that trap. They know that they want sexual release, they have no masculine father figures to guide them and they see that the outside world caters to women, so I can only assume they take the path of least resistance and just turn to the world of porn/gaming.

What's funny is the women pushing this agenda don't see that they've actually completely fvcked themselves over. By trying to push this 'women first, men are bad' movement, they've neglected to see that they've crippled any chance of creating the men they truly desire.

Soon, and I think it's happening already, they'll see what a mistake they've made and this whole system will come crumbling down.

It really makes me mad to think it's come to this.

I honestly feel sorry for boys in this generation - they haven't got an easy road.

 

[SteR]

The LAST thing we, as men, should go....is disengage. You want things to change? STAY IN THE GAME. Don't quit. Keep pushing towards your dreams.

I still say a lot of this stuff could be combated by weight-lifting and other things like that. I think that's where a lot of our lack of testosterone comes from, lack of physical work. Masculinity is still an attractive trait, that won't ever change.

I completely agree with you on this. In fact what it requires is for guys to confront the issue by trying to raise their kids with a healthy respect for men/masculinity, while being a good role model.

Marriage is obviously a good environment for this, but only if you can work with a woman that shares the same values. The glaring problem though is that guys can get absolutely hamstrung if the woman chooses to end it for any reason. I'm not sure how to get around that other than just don't get married and try to somehow form a stable family unit..

 

[speed dawg]

One big problem young guys face is masculinity is discouraged in the modern world, and with so many being raised by single mothers, there is a lack of male role models. Weight lifting isn't going to correct that.

Why is it discouraged? Because guys are quitting and not giving a f*ck. Older 'men', in charge, who have already 'made it', aren't doing ANYTHING to help the younger generation. They are even pushing the anti-male agenda. That's why I have so much contempt for baby boomers.

Men in their 30s and 40s have to step up, ie Generation X/Y/whatever.

 

[Dr. Reed]

Sounds good, I would like to know, according to your thesis, exactly why women fall out of love with their husbands.

Excellent question!! I can only give a partial answer here. Selecting the right woman and keeping her in love is a driving thesis of my book. Chapter 2 tackles this question head on and is currently in draft status. Men have lost the battle of the sexes, Chapter one of my book lays out the legal and cultural war men are living in. We literally have no power, legally, "morally", and or socially. The only power we have is the ability to keep our woman in love with us. That's it.

Keeping a woman in love is both an art and science. Here is the Cliff's notes version.

Basically, you must first understand that men and women communicate and keep score differently. Women fall out of love slowly. Men are generally ignorant about what is going on, and even if they were aware they are not capable of reversing the problems once the process gains critical mass and is moving.

From their perspective it is a complete surprise when their wife's/girlfriends brake it off.

Keep in mind that when I was teaching (University down to junior college) I had a lot of men who would come into my office. They were, ostensibly, coming in to talk about their schoolwork and grade. Invariably they would ask me for advice about their personal life's. I have a larger section explaining this phenomena that I may find and cut in past.

For the moment, just assume that I am experienced in this area.

Men would ask me about topics like a pending divorce or a failing relationships. They were generally 100% clueless when she called it off.

In all these failed relationships I found patterns of bad behavior that accumulate over time. I can usually tell someone when their wife started falling out of love and the thousand red flags this guy should have seen. She was falling out of love over a 2 year period. All he knew was that she was arguing more, losing interest in his life and of course denying sex.

So lets look at some examples of gender differences. Keeping score: Women and men keep score differently. Lets say I buy my wife a $100k Porsche for her birthday...."YAAYY!! I just earned and stocked 100 points into our love bank. Wife is really going to love me and treat me well now for sure." I can just stay in cruise mode for the next 6 months.

WRONG!!! You just earned one point. That's it. That's all women give you for generous presents.

Furthermore....women keep score EVERY DAY. It never ends, you cannot cruise. You MUST build your love account daily. For example, my wife comes home from her job managing several medical facilities. That means she is going to want to talk about her day. YAAAAY (sarcasm).

You must listen to her. I hate it, but it is only for 5 minutes. Wife likes to talk about firing people. I HATE that ****. But you know what? I pretend like I give a ****. Just as important, I don't go into problem solving mode. Women HATE that. She already knows what she is going top do. When women communicate they are working through the process in their own minds. Just let them do it. It is 5 minutes, and you get one point for passing the test, the same amount s you get for an expensive gift.

Men, we communicate differently. We first will try and figure out stuff on our own. If we cannot, then we go to a friend asking for advice. "Hey Joe, I put this giant stereo in my car and it killed my electrical system." Joe says "why don't you go to Houston Alternator and they can build you a powerful alternator for $350."

"Thanks Joe," I respond. Communication patterns are totally different for men and women. If a man does what a man does, try and offer advice to fix something, you just failed and lost a point.

The communication pattern of men is designed to do several major thing: Build civilizations, develop technologies create wealth and resources, provide, protect. Our problem solving ability is programmed into our DNA. Problem solving is what got us out of the cave and into the modern western world where life is pretty damn sweet if you know how to navigate it.

Evolutionary biology/psychology programed us to be this way, and we have not evolved away from that quality. That is good because our communication pattern gets things done.

Unfortunately, it is completely at odds with the way women communicate and keep score. The daily talk is programmed into women. Why? It is a test. 30k years ago men got tests from the bear that just tried to kill you, or the invader, etc. Life was full of daily tests to survived. Women did not have to test us because I just hit some guy in the head with a club who was trying to rape her. Unfortunately women have not evolved past this need. When I was younger and working the doors at clubs if I had to throw a guy out suddenly women were all giving me their numbers.

Once you understand these differences in the way we are hardwired a strategy for success is viable. Women are going to test. The 5 minute "talk" is one test. Another is when women nag and or try and start arguments. If you step back and say "Sweetie, I know you are upset, but I am simply not going to allow you to pull me into an argument." You walk away. You just passed that test and earned a point.

So, lets say your wife's interest level is at 78. She comes home and wants to talk about her "Day." You listen, nod, and stay empathetic. DING ding ding. You just earned one point. Now if you went into problem solving mode...you just lost a point

It may only be a point or two per day, but these rapidly add up or subtract. As stated, men are generally clueless about this process until the woman leaves.

 

[Dr. Reed]

Why is it discouraged? Because guys are quitting and not giving a f*ck. Older 'men', in charge, who have already 'made it', aren't doing ANYTHING to help the younger generation. They are even pushing the anti-male agenda. That's why I have so much contempt for baby boomers.

Men in their 30s and 40s have to step up, ie Generation X/Y/whatever.

I am here for you brother. This anti male agenda is ruthless. I am here to teach men how to navigate this world. I have been building my data and argument for more than a decade. I am here to help you. Eventually I want to sell this book and expand my coaching base but it is going to be free for anyone on this forum.

I am on this forum because I want feedback from men on my book. We must reclaim our rights as fathers, husbands, and leaders.

 

[Dr. Reed]

The LAST thing we, as men, should go....is disengage. You want things to change? STAY IN THE GAME. Don't quit. Keep pushing towards your dreams.

I still say a lot of this stuff could be combated by weight-lifting and other things like that. I think that's where a lot of our lack of testosterone comes from, lack of physical work. Masculinity is still an attractive trait, that won't ever change.

Weight training and martial arts are, IMO, essential activities. They are great tools to increase our value as men. I have been bodybuilding for 42 years and training in martial arts for 17 years. I have competed and bodybuilding 13 times (won 2 big titles) and am also a martial arts instructor and NAGA champion. I stated wrestling in High School.

I will have one chapter on bodybuilding and one on martial arts.

 

[Alvafe]

Why is it discouraged? Because guys are quitting and not giving a f*ck. Older 'men', in charge, who have already 'made it', aren't doing ANYTHING to help the younger generation. They are even pushing the anti-male agenda. That's why I have so much contempt for baby boomers.

Men in their 30s and 40s have to step up, ie Generation X/Y/whatever.

then you need to ask your self, for what reason a guy would do that?

we as men are goal driven we do something because there is something we want, today we don't have anything for that, there is no family anymore, there is no quality woman too so you could build one, plus the whole men are disposable, so serious what is the best to do?

in a pragmatic way, go to work, get back home, play games/read/watch tv, want to unload? go tinder/online dating or pay a hooker. that way you don't ahve to deal with sh!t woman, or divorce rape, or even costs you don't want to deal with, men are know to always spend a lot less then they make and woman spend more they gain, hence why woman want marriage.

anything diferent from that is just you wanting something else so you go after it, most men today don't see a reward for walking in hell for others

 

[Dr. Reed]

When a woman falls out of love years and years of hard work and sacrifice by men (to build careers and raise families) can be taken away with an angry decision and the stroke of a pen. Your children, your house, your paycheck. All gone. My Toolbox (pending name of my book) will teach you how to recognize and avoid this slide towards divorce.

A large number of boys grow up in broken homes, without stable relationships with male authority figures. A father, someone who can prepare men for the world is absent. In this manner this legacy of failure will be passed down from generation to generation.

It should be no surprise that many men are choosing to not enter the real world, where their chances of success are extraordinarily low.

Maybe those 30 year old’s who stayed in their parents basement are the smart ones? If we do some rational actor modeling, we will see that for many men getting into the game is simply no longer logical, weighing risk to reward.

The Toolbox is designed to end this legacy of failure. You will understand relationship dynamics. You will make better decisions not only in your love life but in all of your affairs. You will become a man of high value.

As a former college professor and athletic coach, I have been counseling men for more than 25 years

My goal is to improve the quality of your relationships, life, and health. You will become a strong and confident man. You will master relationships with women and other important people in your world. Edit: These calls to action are part of my marketing. Yes, I want to sell this book. As stated, everything is free for forum members

My program for love and living, what I call The Toolbox, will give you continuous self improvement, emotional strength, psychological stability, physical strength/fitness, and confidence. As the name suggests, The Toolbox will give you tools, skills for living successfully in the modern world.

The Toolbox began with my own personal failures. After a lengthy history of making bad choices myself I was divorced and destitute, barely surviving on the outskirts of society. A broken home, alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, incarceration, they are all a part of my story.

Incomprehensible demoralization described my life for a very long time.

Fortunately I found a way up and out. This book is about that process. Today I live a wonderful life, much better than what I deserve. I have a loving family and a beautiful wife who is amazing.

Looking back I can see clearly that there were critical junctures where I was fortunate enough to secure skills for living that turned my life around. At first it was education and athletics, then 12 step programs. These activities enabled me to transform my life.

However I was still a failure when it came to relationships. I was clean, sober, fit and a PhD ABD. You would think women would be beating a path to me. They were not. One time I laid my coat over a puddle so that my date would not get her shoes wet.

Two weeks later, she dumped me.

How could this happen? I did everything I was supposed to do.

I know now that the tools I used to become successful in certain aspects of my life were not the tools I needed for other aspects. The 12 steps of AA will get you sober. They will give you fantastic skills for managing the absurdities of day to day living. They will not get you dates, improve your love life or resolve romantic problems.

So I looked elsewhere. Traditional psychology and gender studies were of no use whatsoever. Later on I will examine these sources and explain why they fail.

However, I had been exposed to cohabitation research and rational actor modeling as part of my academic training. Why do women stay with certain men, and not others? Why do couples divorce? These studies tend to be empirical (hard science driven by data) and utilize rational choice modeling taken from economics.

Fascinatingly, this material DID explain why women leave or stay. Women are making very rational decisions in regards to the choices our society offers them.

I used a great deal of this material as part of my statistical training and when I taught statistics. Charles Murray led me to David Popenoe which led me to Barbara Whitehead and the National Marriage Project. Their work made sense to me immediately, on a visceral level.

I see men blame women for the severe marital problems our society has. They should not. Women are not the problem. The problem is the decisions our society presents them with and the type men our society is producing.

Failure to Launch Syndrome

 

[zekko]

So, lets say your wife's interest level is at 78. She comes home and wants to talk about her "Day." You listen, nod, and stay empathetic. DING ding ding. You just earned one point. Now if you went into problem solving mode...you just lost a point

I'm not saying you're wrong. But I can't help but think that someone like David DeAngelo would see this as "Nice Guy" behavior, listening to her problems as being an "emotional tampon", and would advise you to cut her off with a c0cky/funny remark and be playful instead.

Of course, by that time she might be throwing the dishes at you lol.

 

[speed dawg]

I am here for you brother. This anti male agenda is ruthless. I am here to teach men how to navigate this world. I have been building my data and argument for more than a decade. I am here to help you. Eventually I want to sell this book and expand my coaching base but it is going to be free for anyone on this forum.

I am on this forum because I want feedback from men on my book. We must reclaim our rights as fathers, husbands, and leaders.

I respect that you are up-front about your desire to sell a book and make a profit. That sort of thing has been done here before, though. I think Rollo Tomassi wrote a book. He's got the best information out there in my mind.

 

[Dr. Reed]

I'm not saying you're wrong. But I can't help but think that someone like David DeAngelo would see this as "Nice Guy" behavior, listening to her problems as being an "emotional tampon", and would advise you to cut her off with a c0cky/funny remark and be playful instead.

Of course, by that time she might be throwing the dishes at you lol.

Yesterday 2 people died and my wife had to fire someone. Are you really going to put a ****y funny spin on something like that?

Cut her off is a HUGE mistake. Your marriage would be over in 6 months. If it is your girlfriend you will lose her quickly. I like DeAngelo, I am always ****y and funny myself. But Deangelo is about getting the number, he knows very little about sustaining a 12 year marriage and or keeping a women in love with you for the long game. DeAngelo helps AFC's. Don't get me wrong, I constantly tease and make jokes around all women, but doing it while she is sharing her day (and her 6 figure job) in NOT the place to make jokes. She generally talks about 2 things: Firing people and people dying. Happens every day. Are you really going to come back with a joke? There is no need to be a rude, just listen. In fact I often just pretend to listen.

She will love you for this. In fact, a while back after I was listening to her 5 minute day talk at the end she said "you are such a good listener....I love you."

When women are saying "I love you" they are fishing for you to say it back." NOW you can have some fun.

Her: "I love you!" Me "that is so sweet!! You really are a lucky gal."

Then, silence....finally she says "baby, say it back."
I respond OK. OK, if I have to....are you ready?" She says "yes." Me: I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. There, that should hold you over for at least 6 months.

****y and funny is all about timing. Negs, takeaways....You must really be solid to effectively use these techniques. One skill I use is, I wrap a neg in a compliment.

There is a hot 20 year old I train. I actually opened and number closed her using the Kardashian glow routine (I can go find it) I know it is ridiculous for a 55 year old married man to be doing anything with a girl that age, but she loves being trained by me. It helps my business to train girls like her.

On Sunday as I left the massage place (she works at the front desk). I asked her if she was keeping up on her training? She said "no I only train with you....can you train me tonight? I said I would love to train you....and then we could go lift some weights...but sorry sweetie I have other plans." She then got a bit pissy and said "you look like a Koala Bear." Beautiful 20 year old women don't like to be turned down.

So, I said "you are so pretty, my dear, and I just love your smile. Your teeth are blinding me. However, they are awfully big. How did you get such big teeth"

Then I walked out. Needles to say I got a call 5 minutes later and 3 more calls from her this week.

The neg (big teeth) was wrapped in a compliment (Beautiful face and smile).

 

[SteR]

Yesterday 2 people died and my wife had to fire someone. Are you really going to put a ****y funny spin on something like that?

Cut her off is a HUGE mistake. Your marriage would be over in 6 months. If it is your girlfriend you will lose her quickly. I like DeAngelo, I am always ****y and funny myself. But Deangelo is about getting the number, he knows very little about sustaining a 12 year marriage and or keeping a women in love with you for the long game. DeAngelo helps AFC's. Don't get me wrong, I constantly tease and make jokes around all women, but doing it while she is sharing her day (and her 6 figure job) in NOT the place to make jokes. She generally talks about 2 things: Firing people and people dying. Happens every day. Are you really going to come back with a joke? There is no need to be a rude, just listen. In fact I often just pretend to listen.

She will love you for this. In fact, a while back after I was listening to her 5 minute day talk at the end she said "you are such a good listener....I love you."

When women are saying "I love you" they are fishing for you to say it back." NOW you can have some fun.

Her: "I love you!" Me "that is so sweet!! You really are a lucky gal."

Then, silence....finally she says "baby, say it back."
I respond OK. OK, if I have to....are you ready?" She says "yes." Me: I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. There, that should hold you over for at least 6 months.

****y and funny is all about timing. Negs, takeaways....You must really be solid to effectively use these techniques. One skill I use is, I wrap a neg in a compliment.

There is a hot 20 year old I train. I actually opened and number closed her using the Kardashian glow routine (I can go find it) I know it is ridiculous for a 55 year old married man to be doing anything with a girl that age, but she loves being trained by me. It helps my business to train girls like her.

On Sunday as I left the massage place (she works at the front desk). I asked her if she was keeping up on her training? She said "no I only train with you....can you train me tonight? I said I would love to train you....and then we could go lift some weights...but sorry sweetie I have other plans." She then got a bit pissy and said "you look like a Koala Bear." Beautiful 20 year old women don't like to be turned down.

So, I said "you are so pretty, my dear, and I just love your smile. Your teeth are blinding me. However, they are awfully big. How did you get such big teeth"

Then I walked out. Needles to say I got a call 5 minutes later and 3 more calls from her this week.

The neg (big teeth) was wrapped in a compliment (Beautiful face and smile).

I remember hearing the exact same thing elsewhere actually: About as men we always listen with the idea of solving a problem, when all women want is someone to listen. It's tough because you have to fight your natural inclination to 'fix things'. Takes some getting used to, ha.