The LTR and the Pursuit of Happiness

[Pneuma]

Gentleman,

I must get something off my chest. I hope this opens some peoples eyes or helps!

1 hour ago, my girlfriend of one year just walked out the door. She was beautiful, fun, ****ed like no other, and crazy. Most men would gladly hand her their sack in exchange for just one night. As she drove away I watched and felt sad but felt a great relief. As I sit here, beer in hand, in my house by myself, her side of the closet empty, I feel fortunate because I dodged a bullet.

How do I know I dodged a bullet? The school of LTR hard knocks. Before all this ****, I lost almost 70% of my net worth and have to pay more child support in a year then most people make. I got my ass handed to me and promised myself it would never happen again. I set some rules after that experience to never let this happen again. Although it sucks, I am now setup to spring into strange tomorrow. This all would of only been possible because I followed these rules.

1. Don't ever neglect your friends. While in a LTR with oneitis it is easy to let everyone you know go...Don't do it. Fight this urge to be with her. I had oneitis in a LTR and literally had to start completely over. Go out a couple times a week. Maintain your friendships!

2. Although you are "commited" maintain orbits. If you think for one second she isn't you are delusional. Add women to your facebook that you meet, tell them to add you. Chat casually with them on a week or two basis. Use facebook to your advantage! Seriously, I cannot stress this enough. Make it your advertising space.

3. Build your social circle while in the relationship. Never feel you are cheating or doing something wrong by meeting new people and making new friends.

4. If you are not already doing it...work out, cut fat, get in shape! Health, Health, Health. I cannot tell you how imporant this is. It is for you! Guess what? She just left me in the best shape of my life....her bad.

5. Practice your DJ skills. Chat everyone up! Not just people you want in your life but everyone. Use this time to become a socialization master. You don't have to close...just say hey, hit me up on facebook...whatever works.

6. Keep your wardrobe up-to-date. Don't become a slob. Buy something for yourself at least once a month. Its also a good time to chat people up.

7. One of the hardest, trust your gut...always. It will never lead you wrong.

Well...that is all I can think of right now. If anyone wants to add anything or comment please do!

If you are on this site in a LTR you better start doing the above ASAP cause **** is already going down.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Hey bud,

We sound like twins!

I would concur wih every word you said - its taken me quite a long while to get to that way of thinking after alot of disasters.

My last one itis sounds like your one to a tee. Best sha g ever, very pretty, a real character but a BPD too..... kinda got fooked over by her, but ive learned this time!!!

Hope that you've got a d8/plate lined up for this week.

What actually happened? And how old are you, and is she??

Tony

 

[Voice]

Good ****. I just recently entered into a LTR. Great girl, but I won't forget this post.

 

[Juan Don]

everything you said i was guilty of doing the opposite in my past ltr. never again.

 

[Pneuma]

Hey bud,

We sound like twins!

I would concur wih every word you said - its taken me quite a long while to get to that way of thinking after alot of disasters.

My last one itis sounds like your one to a tee. Best sha g ever, very pretty, a real character but a BPD too..... kinda got fooked over by her, but ive learned this time!!!

Hope that you've got a d8/plate lined up for this week.

What actually happened? And how old are you, and is she??

Tony

I am 31, she is 25.

Same ol' story. She moved into my place. Attraction started to die. She still stayed around but the sex died off. I have a high sex drive...so that was unacceptable. Without as much sex as I need, I didn't feel close to her anymore even though we were together. Think roommates.

I think the core problem was that we spent to much time together...it started to get bleh. I have found that this is a HUGE problem when living with a GF. Recognized the problem, did various DJ moves. Backed off, became less available, had a great time when we were together, etc. IL would go slightly up and down. Couldn't raise her IL high enough. Still wasn't what I wanted. She rejected my sexual advances a couple times. Hit my confidence. I told her she was no longer pleasing me. Felt like a elephant in the room, the next day she left...as she took her **** we didn't say a thing. It was pretty heavy.

She texted me last night saying she didn't feel she could give me the sex and affection I needed. I didn't respond, So...thats it.

I have hide her from my facebook, took down our pictures. I still will text her back or answer her calls but I am not initiating anything. Basically going NC for myself.

I got allot of things going on in my life right now. I have all my stuff together and am outgoing and social. I could grab some plates/dates pretty easily but I am really not interested at this point. Its weird because this is the first time in my life I feel this way. I don't feel the need nor want to have women in my life. I am in the process of moving and have a ton of personal stuff to work on. I need time to sit back, think, and calibrate. I want to just focus on myself, family, friends, and work.

Once I feel back to myself. I will begin to get out there again. In the meantime, maintain orbits, be social and talk to everyone and just have a good time.

 

[Pneuma]

Good ****. I just recently entered into a LTR. Great girl, but I won't forget this post.

For you own sake...please don't. I know how stong the urge is to spend all your time with a girl you are attracted to. Especially if she is wanting to hang out all the time, has high IL, and wants to bang. You MUST maintain the balance or its going to turn to crap. 9 times out of 10 the dude is holding the **** bag. I have tons of examples.

Good Luck.

I would highly recommend the following resource to give you the best chances of making your LTR last. I feel his advise and book are spot on.

http://marriedmansexlife.com/

 

[Pneuma]

Rules pt 2.

8. Don't introduce your LTR to your orbits. Possible ****block.

9. Don't introduce your LTR to all your friends. Some...yes. All, no way. Guard your castle.

 

[betheman]

Gentleman,

I must get something off my chest. I hope this opens some peoples eyes or helps!

1 hour ago, my girlfriend of one year just walked out the door. She was beautiful, fun, ****ed like no other, and crazy. Most men would gladly hand her their sack in exchange for just one night. As she drove away I watched and felt sad but felt a great relief. As I sit here, beer in hand, in my house by myself, her side of the closet empty, I feel fortunate because I dodged a bullet.

How do I know I dodged a bullet? The school of LTR hard knocks. Before all this ****, I lost almost 70% of my net worth and have to pay more child support in a year then most people make. I got my ass handed to me and promised myself it would never happen again. I set some rules after that experience to never let this happen again. Although it sucks, I am now setup to spring into strange tomorrow. This all would of only been possible because I followed these rules.

1. Don't ever neglect your friends. While in a LTR with oneitis it is easy to let everyone you know go...Don't do it. Fight this urge to be with her. I had oneitis in a LTR and literally had to start completely over. Go out a couple times a week. Maintain your friendships!

2. Although you are "commited" maintain orbits. If you think for one second she isn't you are delusional. Add women to your facebook that you meet, tell them to add you. Chat casually with them on a week or two basis. Use facebook to your advantage! Seriously, I cannot stress this enough. Make it your advertising space.

3. Build your social circle while in the relationship. Never feel you are cheating or doing something wrong by meeting new people and making new friends.

4. If you are not already doing it...work out, cut fat, get in shape! Health, Health, Health. I cannot tell you how imporant this is. It is for you! Guess what? She just left me in the best shape of my life....her bad.

5. Practice your DJ skills. Chat everyone up! Not just people you want in your life but everyone. Use this time to become a socialization master. You don't have to close...just say hey, hit me up on facebook...whatever works.

6. Keep your wardrobe up-to-date. Don't become a slob. Buy something for yourself at least once a month. Its also a good time to chat people up.

7. One of the hardest, trust your gut...always. It will never lead you wrong.

Well...that is all I can think of right now. If anyone wants to add anything or comment please do!

If you are on this site in a LTR you better start doing the above ASAP cause **** is already going down.

as someone who broke each and everyone of those points, I cant do anything other than agree 100% with you and urge anyone going into or about to embark on an ltr, to follow this post to a T

 

[Sofomore]

Dude you are spot on. +rep

I just got out of a relationship and it was because of these reasons...things got stale. I neglected my friends because I spent ALL my time with her.

It's sad to see my roommate do this right now...

 

[Serg897]

This is a good post. I think most of us have been in a spot where we are with a girl that screws around with our emotions, gives us a form of oneitis, fvcks like a pornstar - only to have all of it backfire as we betray ourselves and our dignity to some AFC relapse.

You are doing well Pneuma. Problably because you are 31 and no doubt have more experience than this under your belt. I wont make the same mistakes again. This post is a good reminder.

 

[Desdinova]

Excellent post! Moved to tips...

 

[zekko]

So much of the advice on here is completely overblown, but everything you said was very reasonable, based on experience, and spot on. I think anyone getting into a relationship could benefit from reading this.

Actually, I'm not into the Facebook stuff, but to each his own.

 

[HBK]

Excellant post! Great tips

 

[PlayerUntilDeath]

Good info in #1 OP to always keep in mind. It can be easy while in a LTR to become closed off to interacting with new women, and what you said keeps your vibe open to opportunities to meet new women, thus also keeps the LTR fresh. As was sort-of said in #5, it might be better for some men (like myself) to never have her move in to live together in the same place (even if in a "LTR") for an extended time frame. I have decided to never get married, so the longest I would ever live with a woman (even a LTR plate) would be a few days if we happen to go on a trip. Although, I know most other men will not do this, as they will likely live together, so in those majority of cases the man should at least not always be around a lot during the week except for a few days.

 

[GhengisT]

OP- you hit the nail on the head. I'm guilty of all of those things.. My LTR of 4yrs decided that she had lost attraction towards me. I went NC for 3months. Lost all the excess weight, started reading the DJ Bible, dating multiple women, sold my crappy 4-door wagon, bought a bad a$$ sports coupe, dressing sharp.

Anyway- I ran into her outside my favorite pub. My main plate flaked on our date, and I came back to my hometown early. Within 5min, I'm making out with her.

A couple days later, she texts me. We meet up- decide to give our LTR another run (I'm a fool- I know).

There's something that recently came to mind: Some girls have the ability to make you powerless. I was really embracing the DJ lifestyle & loving it! Now that we're dating & f***ing again, I'm constantly resisting the temptation to turn into a pu$$ywhipped sap. I'm hoping I can keep up what I'm doing until it becomes 2nd nature to me, the attitude, mostly.

Another key factor- Have NO FEAR of LOSING HER.

16 Commandments of Poon is a worthy read too: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/