The "Love" word

[Alex DeLarge]

Not too sure what to do here.. Girl I've known for 7 years told me she loved me the other day after we made out. We were both drunk (She was pretty wasted, I was just a little more than buzzed). Anyways, I was gonna stay over her place but my friend was with us and he was b1tching at me for ditching him. So I said fvck it, and just left. Probably a stupid move, but my friend was moving the next day so I really didn't wanna ditch.

Now about a month ago, this girl and I were hooking up and she told me she didn't want anything serious (she just got out of a 3 yr LTR about a month before this). I was cool with it, eventually she said no to hooking up with me one time so I said to her "It's no big deal, you're cool to hangout with anyways.. I don't mind"

A week later, hooked up with a mutual friend of ours and showed up to a party with her, the original girl was there and she had a super jealous WTF look on her face. We still had friendly conversation, but I was with the other girl that night.

A few days later this girl goes to France (original girl) for about 3 weeks.. On the day before she left she told me she really wanted to talk. I said "Well, what's on your mind?"

The conversation went something like this...

Her: Well, I'm sorry I wanted to break things off before
Me: I told you it's not big deal, we've been friends for years.. And I told you this wouldn't change our friendship at all.
Her: I know you did but I just feel like you hate me now.
Me: I don't hate you, you weren't interested past friends so I moved on. You're a great friend to have.
Her: Well Okay, I'm really going to miss you you know.
Me: I'll miss you too, mail me a postcard or something and tell me how your trip goes.
Her: Okay, I have to catch my flight, it's leaving now I'm gonna miss you so much!
Me: I'll miss you too, hope you have a safe flight and a great vacation.

about 3 weeks later this girl gets back, but I had been talking to a new girl just casually. This original girl came out to a gig my band played one night, I wound up going back to her place after and we drank some wine and made out a bit. Nothing more.

Things are getting more serious with the new girl. The original girl and I hang one night in a big group, she comes on to me but I politely tell her I can't.

We were just sitting outside talking about random stuff..

Her: (getting closer and hugging me) Your pupils are really big right now.
Me: Oh weird are they? Wonder why haha
Her: Hmm.. I don't know (starts laughing)

Then she leaned in for the kiss and I just tell her that I can't do it. I told her she made up her own mind about this and that I moved on and started seeing another girl who I liked a lot.

She seemed kinda pissed at this point, but we still hungout. She tried dancing with me at a bar, but I told her I didn't want to.

About 3 weeks after this, I dumped the new girl cause it turned out she was crazy and obsessive over me. Constantly thought I was cheating on her, would have little mood swings over stupid sh1t and go NC on me etc.. So I just told her it wouldn't work out.

The next day I started a new semester at university. The original girl goes to school here too. I figured things would be completely cool between us and we'd just be normal friends again.. But she walks around with me like she's my girlfriend, CB's me left and right when I talk to girls (even ran up to me while I was talking to a girl on campus and hugged me mid conversation lol.. The girl wound up walking away after that. Damn!)

The following weekend we wind up hooking up and got caught about to get a BJ in the bathroom at some college party haha. Pretty embarasing but funny as hell to me.

I just don't know what this girl wants with me. She told me before she wasn't ready for sex, she told me she didn't want a relationship (when I didn't even mention it), and she told me we should stop hooking up when I just know she craves it.

It seems to me like she is trying to run from her own feelings about me (Can't really blame her, I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship of 7 years either.) I told her at the beginning we'd still be friends no matter what and that's my word. She even told me she was super jealous that the girl I was dating wasn't her.. I just joked this off referring back to when she wanted to call it off and she just said "Yeah I didn't realize what I was getting myself into blah blah".

I think maybe she's scared of being a bad girlfriend to me? Maybe she wants me to ask her to be my girlfriend? I would totally date this girl (HB9). She has looks, intelligence, eastern european, and has a bright future ahead of her.

But at the same time, I don't really consider the "relationship" label anymore. To me, if she acts like a girlfriend, she's a girlfriend. Why put a silly label on the whole thing? It's almost like locking yourself in a room without the key then you have to break down the door to get out, why not just leave the door open so exit is possible without ruining what you had?

Lol, maybe she has the same perspective. Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Donnie Darko]

Stop thinking or talking to her about relationships or your feelings and take action and make a move on her.

Spin more plates and date other girls.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Stop thinking or talking to her about relationships or your feelings and take action and make a move on her.

Spin more plates and date other girls.

I haven't said a word to her about my feelings, I told her "I love you too" in response that night.. But I've known this girl for 7 years and she's a great person, of course I love her.

The spinning plates part is tough because she and I have the same breaks at university, so we're always together. I really don't have time to date other girls either between studies and work. One day off a week and on that day I'll usually run errands, clean, food shopping, whatever really needs to be done for the week.

The only time I can ever really get out for casually hanging out is around 7pm on friday nights. Really sick of the bar and club scene though, it's just loaded with a lot of people that I can't relate to. I would rather find much more down to earth venues for the weekend.

 

[sinnerman]

well if she she's really this much into you and you're also attracted then why not be with her..i mean forget the label..just see where it goes..the gal is attracted to you for sure..or maybe she's trying to win you over since you were not affected at all by the initial "breakup"

 

[moneyisking]

i see someone is doing well in life. kudos

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

In the beginning you were the "Plan B" guy, so she put you on hold in the friend zone. At some point she realized that the "Plan A" guy wasn't going to reciprocate for whatever reason and she felt the need to stoke your fire, since in the meantime she came to realize you have at least some Alpha cred.

The question for you now is, do you overlook her strategy (which she has to know is obvious to you now) and hook up with her? Is it even worth it now in light of you being the second choice? Only you can answer that, but I will give you this warning; if you do hook up with her, be prepared for her to latch on to you emotionally. You wont turn her into a pump & dump without a lot of emotional fallout.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

In the beginning you were the "Plan B" guy, so she put you on hold in the friend zone. At some point she realized that the "Plan A" guy wasn't going to reciprocate for whatever reason and she felt the need to stoke your fire, since in the meantime she came to realize you have at least some Alpha cred.

The question for you now is, do you overlook her strategy (which she has to know is obvious to you now) and hook up with her? Is it even worth it now in light of you being the second choice? Only you can answer that, but I will give you this warning; if you do hook up with her, be prepared for her to latch on to you emotionally. You wont turn her into a pump & dump without a lot of emotional fallout.

I feel like I get this "Plan B" guy vibe a lot from girls. Yeah, I'm not the best looking guy ever, but I get a lot of compliments from girls. But the "Plan A" guy was probably a lot better looking than me and just got clingy/AFC on her ass. Thing is, she knew me a while back when I was a typical AFC.. I'd often talk to her about my girl problems for some help, so I think that she thought she would eventually hurt my feelings.

In this whole thread, I think I demonstrated to her that I am a changed person and that I can stay cool and in charge no matter what the situation is. A while back I was hitting on one of her roomates at a party and her roomate was totally into me haha.. I think that was a little eye opener for her.

But looking back on all of this in hindsight along with your advice, I think I will just keep things the way they are. Casually hook up with this girl NSA.. In the process of this, see if she can prove herself capable enough to be a girlfriend. If not, then no loss. It's hard enough to focus on one girl at my school/city with all the other dope girls walking around. She catches me checking them out all the time and yells at me for it haha.