The love I gave away

[NSUballer]

I gave away the only true love I've ever had about 6 months ago. She was there for me last year when I had barely any money, no car and living at my dads less than ideal house. She always had faith in me and encouraged me and knew I had potential to become everything we both wanted.

At the beginning of this year I got a good job and new car and a huge ego. I had all the power and a beautiful loyal girl. All that came with a huge ego which ultimately was my downfall. I started calling and seeing her less ditching her for the bars with my friends. Finally one nite we got in an argument about where I was going to move and I broke it off.

I had fun and spent all my time and money drinking smoking pot and chasing other women. Once I moved closer to her into my new place we started hanging out and sleeping together again until one day the thrill was gone for her and I was all in..

In the months since I told her a lot of really hateful things to the point where we won't ever even be friends. I apologized if course but the damage is done. As I'm sitting here typing this alone and unemployed once again I can't help but feel I really messed up a good thing for no reason and its killing me..

 

[NSUballer]

"And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass of what was everything.."

 

[DonJuanabe]

"And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass of what was everything.."

Dude, "Black" is one of the most heart-wrenching, painful songs ever written.

 

[muscleman]

There will be others. Worry about fixing yourself first. If you're unemployed by choice, that's one thing. If you can't hold a job down, on the other hand, you have some things you need to work on.

 

[Slickster]

Baller don't get too dramatic.

It sucks losing someone great but everyone goes thru this. It is part of your growth. The next time you meet someone special you will be a different person.

Although it may not seem like it now. You have just moved another step closer in the right direction.

 

[NSUballer]

I've just had a lot of time on my hands the past few weeks and the feeling of regret creeps in easily without a daily occupation. I truly believe I'm at a crossroads in my life. I've spent a lot of money going out drinking and doing stupid sh!t the past 8 months. I literally have nothing to show for it except for some nice clothes, shoes, tv and that's about it.

On the job front, it's not that I can't hold a job. I haven't found a career yet and I spent all of last year bouncing around doing what I could. The job I just got fired from last month I never expected to last when I started but it was a good opportunity to gain experience and I wasn't really into driving 1000 miles a week trying to sell people the most expensive machines on the planet. Cutthroat is an understatement.

As far as women go I've had a few come along and get my mind of the ex but they didn't last. One was a really good girl, owned her own place, good job, constant sex but she just didn't really do it for me.

 

[Boilermaker]

quit the pot and booze. start working on yourself. maybe she wasn't the love of your life because she couldn't give you a break for being a young guy?

we give them an entire fvcking life of commitment, children, security and they can't keep the "thrill" when we are out having some fun?

fvck that. she wasn't the one. Keep working on yourself, bro.

 

[syntheticpredator]

its good that you realised that you made a mistake, sometimes that's the hardest part, you're self aware, thats a good thing

its always hard knowing that you've been responsible for ruining something good, but as the others have mentioned, what you need to concentrate is on getting yourself and your life in order, best of luck, hope this cumulates in a life improving experience

 

[AW1983]

we give them an entire fvcking life of commitment, children, security and they can't keep the "thrill" when we are out having some fun?

Rep. Seems so simple doesn't it? Try explaining this to the "right" one who comes along at the wrong time. Good luck. It would seem there is no arguing with the God of Biomechanics...aka, that ever looming biological clock...

 

[speed dawg]

All that came with a huge ego which ultimately was my downfall.

Ha, yeah right. You're ego is still showing right here, but that's definitely not the reason you lost the girl. You lost the girl because you have no confidence.

Look at the cycle of your life, you're deriving your confidence from your job and such, which goes up and down, ebbing and flowing. You don't have any true self esteem. You can fake it while your luck is up, but when it's down you fade away.

Let's remove the variables here. At one point you were a challenge for her, even when your luck was down. She was into you. Then, you became into her too much, and probably pretty needy (which you conveniently left out of this post). Now her IL has dropped, thus she's dropped you.

THAT'S what you need to work on, and quit trying to blame this alleged ego problem. Your ego is a symptom of your self esteem problem.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Baller don't get too dramatic.

+1. Things would have been much worse if you did everything right and she still dumped you.

 

[HeyPachuco!]

I have a similar situation.

 

[st_99]

its killing me..

Nothing really to worry about here. Its all hindsight.

Its like stressing that you put your chips on red and black came out. How where you to know at the time? Whatever was going on at the time you were partying and getting girls or whatever you were doing, thats what you felt like was the best thing for you to do at the time. You weren't armed with the capability to make the 'right' choice at the time. But maybe it was the right choice, you just don't realize it yet.

You made decisions, maybe they were wrong, maybe they weren't, maybe you'll meet some super awesome girl now, maybe you wont.

Just take something from it, and keep moving.

 

[goundra]

The way to go is Filipinas. They for sure are yours for 5 years, until they get full US citizenship. CherryBlossoms.com is the place to find them, and it's very cheap. US women are nothing but trouble.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Hang in there man -- we make mistakes -- maybe you were not ready to settle in the ways you now, in this moment of retrospect, think that you were.

Keep looking ahead--don't focus backwards--keep looking forwards--forge the future you wish.

 

[JBB84]

It sounds like you are down about your life in general and idealizing the past. Pull yourself up by your boot straps, be healthy, find a job and watch the way you feel improve. She isn't going to come back to you when you are down in the dumps anyway, its like a slap in the face. When things were good you wanted to go have fun. Now that you are feeling crappy you wish you had someone stable and loving around. Next time don't take it for granted. A girl who sticks by you when you don't have a job, etc is someone who really cares about you. When you have a good job and things are going great for you, girls will be lining up around the corner to date you.

You can't change the past, but you can learn from it and make improvements to your life starting today. It will get better, you'll meet someone else is time. Who knows, maybe if you show enough improvement & change, this other girl will be willing to give you another chance. Leave that on HER terms, though, don't try to initiate it.

 

[NSUballer]

I got offered a job this morning. Company truck, full benefits, iphone, ipad and expense account. Its a big relief and i think it is a great opportunity at my age.

Talked with my ex and she got offered a job in houston. Its funny how things turn out sometimes..

 

[GotED?]

To the OP: Man, you need to find some self-esteem and self-confidence!!

All I can say is 'MAN UP' you pu-ssy weak-hearted AFC-in-the-closet kind of guy!!

What dictates you as a MAN or are you still a BOY?? What drives you as a MAN? What makes you stand on firm ground if a woman (a hot one of course) rejects you in your face? Do you cower or do you brush it off?

All I have read about your 'screw up' with the love of your life was that you were too materialistic (need pretty things to replace your ego and confidence) and shallow (need attention from other women to validate your manhood). FIX THOSE THINGS and find your manhood, and perhaps a penis that is down there instead of up in the head.

No offense, but I want you to get my message - free yourself of your own devils. A real MAN is one who is truly secure, not dependent on anything or anyone else for the state and condition of his self-esteem and self-image, and has no pouting about losing 'love' but be grateful to find a better one to come.

With respect,

Exodus