The Long Road Back

[DAardwolf]

* Confidence. Check!
* Approach. Check!
* Flirt. Check!
* Number grab.... not so much.

I promised myself to grab several numbers over the weekend and get at least one date. I did very well until the moment of truth. Five out of six women "had boyfriends." I did get one tentative day date with a 27-year-old. Not exactly what I was looking for but I have to expect some women will insist on a coffee date (I.E. interview) before going out on the town with me.

At least I know I should work getting those numbers.

Moving on, I don't know if I should call this next situation a win or a slide back into AFC-hood.

I got a call last night from Friday girl, the one that encouraged me to come back here to SS. She wanted to meet me for a drink because there was something she wanted to talk about.

I knew there was something wrong in her world but that I should NOT have a drink with her. But I did. Knowing I shouldn't. So, what the hell, DA?

I bought us a round, we chatted a bit, then went to hang out in my car. She then proceeded to unload all her problems on me, some of them pretty damn dark.

Staring miserably out the windshield, I thought, "What would the DJs at SS think about DA back in this situation?"

AFC! they would shout.
Beta! they would exclaim.
Emotional tampon, svcker, dumarse, idiot! they would call me.

I collected myself and thought about the DJ Bible and the forums. Somewhere, I can't remember where, at SS, some one asked how to turn a "friend" into a lover.

And a DJ replied, "Talk to her like a friend but touch her like a lover."

So, what the hell, I gave it a shot. While she talking, I turned and put a hand on her thigh. "You're going through a lot right now," I said in the best AFC way possible. Sliding the hand up, I touched her face with other. "I can see why you're in such a bad place."

She calmed down as I traced her face and neck with my finger tips. She tried to talk more but I turned her face to me and kissed her. We ended up making out for a good fifteen minutes.

When we came up for air, we were both in a better mood, joking, laughing. I was actually enjoying myself then.

"I know I'm good at listening. And I'm glad to help," I told her. "But I'm not giving this away for free anymore. As a man, I have needs. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

She said she did and stated, "It's about time you just came out with it. I respect that. Keep doing this."

"Okay," I replied. "Can we make out some more?"

And we did.

I felt great driving home. I didn't go for broke because my gut told me that it would be too much, too fast. I still don't regret the night but I don't know if there was a better way to go? Should I have just left?

This is an entirely surprising situation.

 

[DAardwolf]

It's About Time

After making the previous post it occurred to me I've heard the phrase, "It's about time," from five women in the last two weeks.

It's about time you made a move.
It's about time you let me know you were interested.
It's about time you grew some balls.

Damn.

Evidently I've missed some opportunities because I wasn't confident enough to act.

 

[DAardwolf]

Tired as Hell

DAardwolf,

be careful that you don't create a process of handling all this through fluffing your Ego.

I wouldn't like that you end up in a similar situation yet again, because all this time you hadn't gone to the root of the problem and worked on satisfying ego cravings.

I just got this, Interceptor. I have no idea what the root problem is but you're right, picking fights with other guys and being a d!ck won't get me anywhere.

_________________________________________________________________

I had a day date flake on me. It shouldn't be a big deal but I'm just freakin' tired now. Feels like I'm spending a lot of energy getting nowhere lately.

I have my fall-back and the idea of her is dangerously appealing. She's ready and willing to take whatever I give her. I just don't want to get married right now. Not to her, specifically, or to anyone in general.

My other plates have fallen. I don't know if I want to bother picking some more up right now.

I'm worn down by working a lot, trying to get my sh!t together, by getting my plans into action.

I think I'm going underground for a bit. I'm just so gdamn exhausted.

 

[DAardwolf]

Return of the AFC

I quite properly fvked up this weekend. My little AFC made a showing and made a mess of things.

To start, I don't believe men and women can have platonic friendships. I haven't thought that since the days way, way in my past when I was a card-carrying member of the LDS church.

Here's the thing: there's actually no use in being in a platonic friendship with a lady for me. Other men might finds something useful in it. In my experience, it just doesn't work out.

That being said, I have dumped all my LJBF women. To the last one. My only female friend is great hang, a drinking buddy, and a highly intelligent woman who can discuss politics, religion, history, and engineering with me. And if I'm in a mood, she'll quite gladly play along.

Sunday, I had two dates planned and got flaked on both. That left me in a bar feeling sorry for myself. So I called a buddy in and we got fvked the hell up.

My lady friend wanted to join but I was in full M-word mode and treated her like sh!t. The next day she called and I apologized. I told her I was lonely, horny, and sad that night. She let me know she could have helped with all of that.

She also pointed out that I let myself become a Beta, but in her own words. She calls them "man-children." Weren't there other women at the bar?

I'm pissed at myself for this.

Also, as far as "going underground" is concerned, that only leaves my ramped up very quickly because it's not in my nature to be quiet and passive. It's better for me to follow my impulses and come off like an a$$ and an idiot then be quiet and still.

 

[DAardwolf]

Hit the Steering Wheel

I hit the steering wheel a couple nights ago. Spent a fun evening with a young lady, got really good vibes from her, we were both totally comfortable. Then it came to the goodnight hug-go-for-a-kiss thing and I just froze.

I mean literally. Froze. We hugged, I pulled back a bit, looked into her eyes, she was smiling, happy, and I fvking just froze. I pulled her in for a quick last hug and went on my way. I felt damn awkward.

For better or worse, we have a tentative date planned for tonight. She's coming to my place.

I have to get out of my head and not psyche myself out.

 

[Stort_Brød]

Tip: Don't wait for the very end to kiss her. Find a moment when it seems natural. You know the signs to look for. You watching a movie on the couch or something?

^^^ AGREED

best move I have found to make with the younger ones ( in regards to your age ) so 24-30 and only i mean ONLY if they aren't high end stuck up prissy girls. is when playing with her hair look her in the eyes and then move in for what she thinks is a kiss then divert to the neck / shoulder and just gently but forcibly kiss it once then grab her hair and pull it bringing her head right back and while kissing just bite her neck * no not a hickey * but literally bite not nibble. and move up to her lips with a smirk on your face.

sends them wild and if you beta'd on her this will now put you into ALPHA by showing a gentle yet recognizable force and will send shivers down her spine with ease.

but that's my wild card to turn a situation around. just got to know who you are dealing with really and they will be surprised and oh so aroused.

 

[DAardwolf]

Response and Followup

Tip: Don't wait for the very end to kiss her. Find a moment when it seems natural. You know the signs to look for.

Agreed and will do.

You watching a movie on the couch or something?

No, we were actually sitting on the patio drinking wine, close enough together that she was playing footsy with me. I'm laughing at myself right now because I can't believe I didn't act. No more waiting for the end-of-night thing.

best move I have found to make with the younger ones ( in regards to your age ) so 24-30 and only i mean ONLY if they aren't high end stuck up prissy girls. is when playing with her hair look her in the eyes and then move in for what she thinks is a kiss then divert to the neck / shoulder and just gently but forcibly kiss it once then grab her hair and pull it bringing her head right back and while kissing just bite her neck * no not a hickey * but literally bite not nibble. and move up to her lips with a smirk on your face.

Good one. I know of this place on the neck that drives them wild so that's what I'll do. She's 24 so that fits right in.

Appreciate the feedback!

Now for the update. She did come over and I got to the kiss after our first sip of brandy. Why brandy? We are both fighting head colds right now and that seemed to help a bit. So, lots and lots of touching and cuddling, lots of kissing, but no passionate make-out session. Because, well, you know, snot and stuff.

 

[DAardwolf]

Betas are Worse than Women

A drinking buddy of mine was talking sh!t about me to my lady friend, the one I wrote about earlier. Normally a smart woman with an excellent bullsh!t detector, she decided to believe him. She texted me her accusations and threats and I responded with the truth and a blatant "I'm going to leave you alone now." Then NC.

This guy is a typical orbiter. He looks for any excuse to be around this woman, looks for any reason to do things for her. Jealous of my friendship with this lady, he has tried before to put a wedge between us. The last time I told him flat out I'd slam his face into the curb and cave his ribs in with my boot if he didn't back off. Now he tried a more subtle- that is, feminine- approach and damn if it didn't work.

Worst part is I took this kid under my wing giving him advice and guidance in business. He became successful in the few ventures that he got off his lazy a$$ to try following my tutorship. He was bothered by the fact that I dated in his age bracket, where I'm supposed to date hags in their 40's.

So, SS, do I take this as a personal attack or do I write it up as a Beta doing what Betas do? Treat him like an irrelevant little girl or step up to him like he's a man?

 

[DAardwolf]

Woman as Wing?

A quick update before my latest adventure: Financially, I'm still broke as hell but I'm recovering, slowly but surely. Took a giant chunk out of my unsecured debt so far this year- $15k. There's a lot more to work on, but I'm moving forward.


I haven't used a wing man for a couple decades. Mostly because my current group of friends are terrible at it. They range from, "Hey, look, she's cute! Go fvk her! Now, go, fvk!" to "Gosh. She's preeeetttty. She won't talk to us." No subtlety, no game, no guts. I'm terrible at PUs but these guys aren't even on the playing field.

I attract interest of other women when I'm with a woman only if I'm attentive. My guess is that they want to be treated the way I'm treating my date. Seriously, I've been hit on during dates with my date right there. It's freakin' crazy.

So using a woman as a wing never really seemed like an option.

Saturday night I was hanging at a bar with a lady friend and a young man who was complaining that he was lonely and horny. He said he didn't know how to pick up women and was giving up. So I told him I'd wing for him, draw them in, and all he had to do was close.

With my girl's help, we did just that. A gorgeous blonde, a petite cutey, a curvy tatted big-racked woman- we drew them in. And my young friend did absolutely nothing about it. I think his self esteem crashed into his sudden success and he froze.

I gave up on him and had fun with the blonde. Blondie flirted with me and my lady friend, feeling us up, dripping with sexuality. Her group of friends kept pulling her away, and she'd just wander right back to us.

Sunday morning, my lady friend and I talked about what had happened. She had never seen me game a woman and was impressed. In her case, if I wanted something I either asked for it or just went for it. I never had to game her.

She said she wanted to do that again. She volunteered to wing for me. Her goal was to get me as much strange as I wanted.

I'm going for it, but extremely guarded. In my experience lady "friends" almost always work against you. They either disqualify every woman on the playing field, "Too crazy, ugly, married, weird, skinny, fat, drunk," or go behind your back to prevent awesome from happening. (One even went as far as to tell every woman in her social group to stay away from me... even though she never would do anything with me.)

But, damn, we made a great team that night. The young man we were trying to help could have had at least three phone numbers and probably a BJ in the parking lot if he hadn't froze up.

And one more thing that intrigues me. When I pointed out to my girl that if we hadn't been trying to get our friend laid we could have taken turns making out with the blonde in the parking lot... and my lady friend said "That would be fun."

And yes, these are the same two I wrote about in the post above.

 

[DAardwolf]

Thank SS and the DJB

Just a quick note: A couple nights ago I had a very young, very attractive lady in my arms. She told me that her attraction to me is that I'm one of those rare men out there that act like a man.

She liked my confidence, my resolve, and that I take care of my sh!t. I'll confess that I don't feel that but made a habit of projecting it.

And it's because of the DJ Bible.

It's Friday night. Let's see what trouble we can get into?

 

[DAardwolf]

Answered My Own Question

I was about to post the following question to the MM forum. But the process of writing it made me realize the answer myself:

I don't usually look for signs of interest before asking a lady out or for her phone number. Last week, however, a couple number grabs came with the lady fully disclosing their work and personal schedule for next weeks. One took out her phone so I could see her calendar for the month. The other texted me her work schedule.

Note that I didn't ask what their schedule was. I never have. They're either available when I am or not.

I hadn't really noticed this before, mostly because I'm still feeling my way through things. I'm thinking I missed it until it happened so many times in such a short span of time.

What I want to know from my fellow DJs is: Is this a fluke? Is it meaningless? Has anyone else seen this?

My confusion comes from the one who showed me her calendar. I texted her Friday night to meet up after she got off work. But she had the day off and was at a party.​

The answer: It's meaningless unless you're already balls-deep.

 

[DAardwolf]

Never Learned a Thing

Well gawdamnit and fck. I just don't learn, do I?

Had an old friend of my show up more and more in my life. I was quite happy with myself that I stopped treating her like my old AFC-orbiting self and things started to get romantic. After couple of fun and exciting dates and making out I decided to push things along. Here's the scene:

My apartment, music playing, candles. After a meal that I prepared we were sitting by the fire. There was light touching, smiling, laughing.

Then she started talking about another guy she was dating. I didn't react, just tried to steer the conversation away from him. Nope, she wanted to talk about him, about how she was being "wined and dined" by him and how she was afraid he only wanted "one thing" and would vanish.

Then she started describing the last date they were on. In detail.

By that point I started blowing out candles, picking up dishes, turning out lights, and generally getting ready to call it a night.

In the end, she left mad, without saying a word, pausing only long enough at the door to glare at me. I wasn't rude, just forward and honest.

I don't want a female friend. I don't want to be a therapist, a pretend boyfriend.

I'm just wondering what kind of vibe I'm putting out there that says that kind of behavior is okay? At no point did I revert to my chumpy self. We made out a few nights before, I had her tits in one hand and the other was down her pants massaging her ass.

That's a pretty damn clear sign of my intentions, right?

I mean, what the hell?

Is it because I didn't close earlier? Did I wait too long to just go for it?

I have a date tonight with another woman. This one has already gotten me off a couple times so I know that I'll be okay.

But that other date... guys, I just don't get it.

 

[The Simple Man]

Well gawdamnit and fck. I just don't learn, do I?

Had an old friend of my show up more and more in my life. I was quite happy with myself that I stopped treating her like my old AFC-orbiting self and things started to get romantic. After couple of fun and exciting dates and making out I decided to push things along. Here's the scene:

My apartment, music playing, candles. After a meal that I prepared we were sitting by the fire. There was light touching, smiling, laughing.

Then she started talking about another guy she was dating. I didn't react, just tried to steer the conversation away from him. Nope, she wanted to talk about him, about how she was being "wined and dined" by him and how she was afraid he only wanted "one thing" and would vanish.

Then she started describing the last date they were on. In detail.

By that point I started blowing out candles, picking up dishes, turning out lights, and generally getting ready to call it a night.

In the end, she left mad, without saying a word, pausing only long enough at the door to glare at me. I wasn't rude, just forward and honest.

I don't want a female friend. I don't want to be a therapist, a pretend boyfriend.

I'm just wondering what kind of vibe I'm putting out there that says that kind of behavior is okay? At no point did I revert to my chumpy self. We made out a few nights before, I had her tits in one hand and the other was down her pants massaging her ass.

That's a pretty damn clear sign of my intentions, right?

I mean, what the hell?

Is it because I didn't close earlier? Did I wait too long to just go for it?

I have a date tonight with another woman. This one has already gotten me off a couple times so I know that I'll be okay.

But that other date... guys, I just don't get it.

If you were trying to fvck her, you did wrong.

If you were trying to turn her into your girlfriend, you did right.

 

[DAardwolf]

If you were trying to fvck her, you did wrong.

If you were trying to turn her into your girlfriend, you did right.

I wanted to fvck... Ah, now I see. Overly romantic. I didn't challenge, tease. Damn. I was courting her.

 

[DAardwolf]

What you should have done is escalated insanely as soon as she started bringing up another guy. You should have been all over her physically while she talked about him, laughing about it.

I knew this. I've done this. Alright, I'm cutting myself a break, chalking it up to needing more practical experience, and moving on ready for the next time.

Thanks for the response.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Wolfie,
"One of the lessons we learn here at SS is that women like sex"...At your age,and thinking about the Women you are likely to meet,sadly this is not my experience...You have to winnow out the wheat from the chaff,and at fourty after the first few months when sex is no longer a sprat to catch their Mackeral,doing better than a couple of times a week is about one in three...this puts People like me who like it daily,and deal with an even older clientel,in an impossible situation...the only way to go is to bring a young Asian in or spin plates!

 

[DAardwolf]

Dear Wolfie,
"One of the lessons we learn here at SS is that women like sex"...At your age,and thinking about the Women you are likely to meet,sadly this is not my experience...You have to winnow out the wheat from the chaff,and at fourty after the first few months when sex is no longer a sprat to catch their Mackeral,doing better than a couple of times a week is about one in three...this puts People like me who like it daily,and deal with an even older clientel,in an impossible situation...the only way to go is to bring a young Asian in or spin plates!

Heyas Scaramouche,

"At your age" isn't really applying to me. I was married for 20 years and have been playing the field for only a couple years. After my divorce my life reset to my early 20's, including the camping equipment for furniture and being broke as hell. So I'm on the same playing field as the youngsters on this site, including that I'm dating women in their age range. These young ladies are up for anything, I just have to re-earn my bones to get the prize.

I am NOT looking for an LTR. I did that. For two decades. So spinning plates is where I want to be. I'm just really, really bad at it right now. Like, laughably bad. But getting better.

Thanks for the response.