extravaganza
Don Juan
First let me tell you what Kind of DJ im talking about.
I don't mean the womanizer who gets ladies but sits on his @ss and watches tv the rest of his time.
I mean the man who's on his way to become a rennaisance man. A man who has well rounded abilities in different kind of areas in his life. The man that has multiple hobbies and interests. Someone who doens't consider ladies the most important thing in their life. the man who considers friends, hobbies, sports etc to be equally (if not more) important as getting the ladies.
Now let me tell you what bump I'm talking about and how I overcame it.
Feeling lonely.
That feeling can sometimes lead to slight depression. Not quite depression but more like feeling down. And this can end up to making you revert to afc again. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning.
At one time you decided to stop being an afc and you decide you DON'T want to live the life you have been living for a long time anymore. You don't want to exist but decide that you want to LIVE!! The reason for this might be different for everyone. Maybe ladies problems, maybe your just sick and tired of living the boring life you have been having for how long and you can already picture you in a wheelchair, senile and basically not further than you are right now.
So after this breaking point you start making changes. Maybe you start working out, getting new interests, making new friends etc. So you start with a renewed enthousiasm and naturally want your friends to be a part of this. So you start asking your friends to come with you to the fitness, museum and whatnot.
At start your friends might react full of enthousiasm. But that enthousiasm will slowly dry up
"OF COURSE I want to work outwith you"
"OF COURSE I want to go with you to that musical.
"maybe I will go with you to the football game"
"Maybe I will go out with you in that other city instead of the place we ALWAYS go out. But I will only go next month"
"I might go with you to the diving course but not now. I don't have the money and time. Maybe in about 2 months I might have a little money"
"I'm sorry I cant do whatever new with you. I don't have the money or whatever"
Of course you might be the lucky person who has friends who aren't like this but for alott of people this will not be the way. Why?? At the time you had your breaking point you had friends who most probably had the same kind of lifestyle as you had. Else they most likely wouldn't be friends because of the big differences. After a few months of self-improving though, it might suddenly seem that your friends are BORING AS HELL!!
Why?? Most likely you have outgrown them. While you went out and got new interests and tried to improve yourself your friends most likely stayed the same. They haven't grown with you. At the same time you have changed. But your friends all of a sudden seem boring and seem to like the tv and couch more then doing new things and seeing interesting things.
So there you are. Improving yourself but losing the friends you might have had since way back when. That's when the loneliness might kick in. You forget about the new friends you might have made and start thinking about the old friendships which suddenly seem boring. Or even worse..... You haven't made all that much new friends yet and only seem to be losing friends.
So the loneliness might kick in hard. Before you went out to improve yourself you had a steady group of friends who hung out with you and all of a sudden they're gone.
Guess what: they're not gone, when you want to sit on the couch and watch tv they will most likely still be there for you but for exciting things you should look somewhere else.
It sounds weird but most likely this situation happens to everyone who improves himself drastically. The measure in which it happens to you might be different though.
There are three paths you can take then.
- Nothing. In this case you try to improve yourself but you still want your friends to grow with you (which probably won't happen). End result most likely: You will revert to the old you since that way your friends will again be interesting (for someone who has no busy and diversified life other's peoples life tend to be interesting very fast compared to theirs)
In this scenario you revert back to afc since it has been the life that was most comfortable for you for the last few years. Your friends all of a sudden hang out with you again (Only thing you have to forget that the hanging out takes place in the same boring setting over and over again most likely)
2- Try and change your friends. In this case, when you try something new and exciting/interesting you will try to involve your friends so that they grow with you.
end result: you'll grow but not nearly as fast as you want. You see, If they don't really want to change and they think their life is interesting and fun they will probably not be so open to new things, experiences etc. Why?? The way they live now is familiar and safe to them so why would they change??
You've already had that point at which you thought: This is not the life I want to live, I want to live my life to the fullest and to do that I need to improve myself (why else would you be here). They most likely haven't gotten to that point yet.
It's like the dj that tells his afc friend about the dj mindset etc. The afc friend won't believe it because he doesn't WANT to believe it.
same goes for personal growth. The problem is that you've probably outgrown your friends (because you say they've gotten boring, NEWSFLASH!!! they probably were already boring but you were too probably before november but because of that you've never noticed their boringness and now that you've changed that you suddenly do notice)
3- Leave the excess luggage behind. In this case you go on with your life and decide not to depend on others. What I mean is this: If you want to do something, don't wait for your friends to come with you but just go alone. Of course you should ask them to come but when they say: " well I can't now but in about 2 months I'll go with you" That's when you should go alone. It also doesn't mean you should break of the friendship. For normal things you can still hang out with them and go out etc.
end result: You might feel lonely when you start this way. You'l notice that you'l have to do lots of things on your own. For example:
-when you want to go to a museum and nobody want to go ---> go by yourself.
-when you want to begin sporting (fitness for example) and a friend of yours says: " I want to go too" but he ends up saying "next week we'll go"every week so that you keep waiting for him to finally begin working out with you. ----> go by yourself.
You see I've had the same problem. The weird thing is: in the beginning your friends will most likely go with you alott. But after a few times they'll start making excuses or start finding reasons not to go. Why?? they're entering a new world. One of lots of activity and new people they're getting to know. It's a drastic change compared to their previous life so they are most likely afraid. Sounds weird but most people are afraid of change. even if it's for the better they'll try to stop change.
I'm going through the same fase now. My friends don't seem to keep up with my pace. The answer is start doing thing by yourself. You'll end up meeting alott of new people so you can even practise you "skills" on every new person you meet. And that is probably the reason to not even ask friends but just go all by yourself in the first place. When you're with friends you wont bother to meet new people, when your walking through a museum on your own (for example) , you will.
So in the end it all ends up to being dependant on no one.
When you lay your hapiness in the relation with your friends you are dependant on your friends when you are trying to become a dj. They must grow with you or else you feel lonely. <-- This is not the way you want to grow.
You must be able to grow on your own. It might be lonely at some part but when you push through that loneliness there will be a whole new world for you. A world that seems much bigger then before. A life with more friends and people you know. A world thats much more interesting.
At the beginning the sacrifice (temporary loneliness) might seem like a high price to pay but I can tell you that the rewards gained out of it are worth it.
I don't mean the womanizer who gets ladies but sits on his @ss and watches tv the rest of his time.
I mean the man who's on his way to become a rennaisance man. A man who has well rounded abilities in different kind of areas in his life. The man that has multiple hobbies and interests. Someone who doens't consider ladies the most important thing in their life. the man who considers friends, hobbies, sports etc to be equally (if not more) important as getting the ladies.
Now let me tell you what bump I'm talking about and how I overcame it.
Feeling lonely.
That feeling can sometimes lead to slight depression. Not quite depression but more like feeling down. And this can end up to making you revert to afc again. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning.
At one time you decided to stop being an afc and you decide you DON'T want to live the life you have been living for a long time anymore. You don't want to exist but decide that you want to LIVE!! The reason for this might be different for everyone. Maybe ladies problems, maybe your just sick and tired of living the boring life you have been having for how long and you can already picture you in a wheelchair, senile and basically not further than you are right now.
So after this breaking point you start making changes. Maybe you start working out, getting new interests, making new friends etc. So you start with a renewed enthousiasm and naturally want your friends to be a part of this. So you start asking your friends to come with you to the fitness, museum and whatnot.
At start your friends might react full of enthousiasm. But that enthousiasm will slowly dry up
"OF COURSE I want to work outwith you"
"OF COURSE I want to go with you to that musical.
"maybe I will go with you to the football game"
"Maybe I will go out with you in that other city instead of the place we ALWAYS go out. But I will only go next month"
"I might go with you to the diving course but not now. I don't have the money and time. Maybe in about 2 months I might have a little money"
"I'm sorry I cant do whatever new with you. I don't have the money or whatever"
Of course you might be the lucky person who has friends who aren't like this but for alott of people this will not be the way. Why?? At the time you had your breaking point you had friends who most probably had the same kind of lifestyle as you had. Else they most likely wouldn't be friends because of the big differences. After a few months of self-improving though, it might suddenly seem that your friends are BORING AS HELL!!
Why?? Most likely you have outgrown them. While you went out and got new interests and tried to improve yourself your friends most likely stayed the same. They haven't grown with you. At the same time you have changed. But your friends all of a sudden seem boring and seem to like the tv and couch more then doing new things and seeing interesting things.
So there you are. Improving yourself but losing the friends you might have had since way back when. That's when the loneliness might kick in. You forget about the new friends you might have made and start thinking about the old friendships which suddenly seem boring. Or even worse..... You haven't made all that much new friends yet and only seem to be losing friends.
So the loneliness might kick in hard. Before you went out to improve yourself you had a steady group of friends who hung out with you and all of a sudden they're gone.
Guess what: they're not gone, when you want to sit on the couch and watch tv they will most likely still be there for you but for exciting things you should look somewhere else.
It sounds weird but most likely this situation happens to everyone who improves himself drastically. The measure in which it happens to you might be different though.
There are three paths you can take then.
- Nothing. In this case you try to improve yourself but you still want your friends to grow with you (which probably won't happen). End result most likely: You will revert to the old you since that way your friends will again be interesting (for someone who has no busy and diversified life other's peoples life tend to be interesting very fast compared to theirs)
In this scenario you revert back to afc since it has been the life that was most comfortable for you for the last few years. Your friends all of a sudden hang out with you again (Only thing you have to forget that the hanging out takes place in the same boring setting over and over again most likely)
2- Try and change your friends. In this case, when you try something new and exciting/interesting you will try to involve your friends so that they grow with you.
end result: you'll grow but not nearly as fast as you want. You see, If they don't really want to change and they think their life is interesting and fun they will probably not be so open to new things, experiences etc. Why?? The way they live now is familiar and safe to them so why would they change??
You've already had that point at which you thought: This is not the life I want to live, I want to live my life to the fullest and to do that I need to improve myself (why else would you be here). They most likely haven't gotten to that point yet.
It's like the dj that tells his afc friend about the dj mindset etc. The afc friend won't believe it because he doesn't WANT to believe it.
same goes for personal growth. The problem is that you've probably outgrown your friends (because you say they've gotten boring, NEWSFLASH!!! they probably were already boring but you were too probably before november but because of that you've never noticed their boringness and now that you've changed that you suddenly do notice)
3- Leave the excess luggage behind. In this case you go on with your life and decide not to depend on others. What I mean is this: If you want to do something, don't wait for your friends to come with you but just go alone. Of course you should ask them to come but when they say: " well I can't now but in about 2 months I'll go with you" That's when you should go alone. It also doesn't mean you should break of the friendship. For normal things you can still hang out with them and go out etc.
end result: You might feel lonely when you start this way. You'l notice that you'l have to do lots of things on your own. For example:
-when you want to go to a museum and nobody want to go ---> go by yourself.
-when you want to begin sporting (fitness for example) and a friend of yours says: " I want to go too" but he ends up saying "next week we'll go"every week so that you keep waiting for him to finally begin working out with you. ----> go by yourself.
You see I've had the same problem. The weird thing is: in the beginning your friends will most likely go with you alott. But after a few times they'll start making excuses or start finding reasons not to go. Why?? they're entering a new world. One of lots of activity and new people they're getting to know. It's a drastic change compared to their previous life so they are most likely afraid. Sounds weird but most people are afraid of change. even if it's for the better they'll try to stop change.
I'm going through the same fase now. My friends don't seem to keep up with my pace. The answer is start doing thing by yourself. You'll end up meeting alott of new people so you can even practise you "skills" on every new person you meet. And that is probably the reason to not even ask friends but just go all by yourself in the first place. When you're with friends you wont bother to meet new people, when your walking through a museum on your own (for example) , you will.
So in the end it all ends up to being dependant on no one.
When you lay your hapiness in the relation with your friends you are dependant on your friends when you are trying to become a dj. They must grow with you or else you feel lonely. <-- This is not the way you want to grow.
You must be able to grow on your own. It might be lonely at some part but when you push through that loneliness there will be a whole new world for you. A world that seems much bigger then before. A life with more friends and people you know. A world thats much more interesting.
At the beginning the sacrifice (temporary loneliness) might seem like a high price to pay but I can tell you that the rewards gained out of it are worth it.
