classy broadside
Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2008
- Messages
- 54
- Reaction score
- 3
A man can appreciate the benefits of marriage - official and exclusive status as a couple, reinforced social expectations for the wife, and a guaranteed framework for raising kids. But there are many dangers in marriage that rosy lenses filter out, especially legal dangers.
First, some background. Women want marriage because it's a legal guarantee, backed by the coercive power of the state, of a man's obligation to her. A man can't pump-and-dump any more. A man can't be found with other mates without serious repercussions. A man must uphold his end of the "bargain".
The responsibilities, and liabilities, of marriage are heightened when kids come into the picture. Once a couple produces children, the ties are enhanced to the point of becoming chains.
In a marriage without kids, a man can't pack up and leave for greener pastures when five years down the road he finds his wife fat, wrinkled, with sagging breasts and a nagging attitude. Not unless he pays up first in divorce.
But when kids are produced, a man incurs an additional lifelong financial and social obligation, enforced by the power of the state, to kids who may sympathize with their mother and hate their father, the man.
We all, as men, more or less understand these principles and risks.
But there's more.
One of the most dangerous concepts that you've never heard of, but MUST CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE, is the legal concept of "parentage by estoppel".
To illustrate what parentage by estoppel is, consider the following realistic hypothetical:
John and Jane Doe are unhappily married and haven't had sex in awhile. John doesn't want to divorce Jane because she'll take a chunk of his assets. John also thinks he still loves her to an extent.
Jane cheats on John with Mike. Jane becomes pregnant with Mike's baby. Jane tells Mike about their child. Mike wants nothing to do with the kid and disappears.
Jane then has sex with John a couple of weeks later after realizing her pregnancy. Jane then lies to John saying that John got her pregnant. John's happy that he is now a proud father.
Fast forward 2 years. Jane has given birth to Mike's healthy baby boy. John, oblivious to the truth, treats the boy as his own. But as the boy grows, he doesn't look anything like John. John and Jane have dark brown hair, but the baby's hair only got lighter and lighter until it's virtually blond. John becomes suspicious, but perhaps of denial or fear, he sits on the issue.
Months pass, until John couldn't take it anymore. He conducts a secret paternity test confirming that he is NOT the father to the boy. He angrily confronts Jane and tells her that he's not going to raise the bastard.
Jane, distraught, goes to court.
HERE IS WHERE YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION.
In court, John exclaims, "It's not my kid. The b!tch lied to me all this time. I've already paid my share of two years with a kid that's not mine! In all that's fair and just, you can't expect me to raise this bastard?!"
The court, following legal principles, rules AGAINST John. John is declared as the legal father by estoppel to the boy. John is now financially, socially, and legally responsible for all 18 years of this bastard's life after having been cheated on and treating the product of Jane's one-night-stand as his own.
The law is sympathetic to the child in this case, and enforces a doctrine known as the "best interests of the child". (Read: Not the best interests of, or what's just for the father). The rationale is that in the best interests of Mike's boy, he must have a father, especially since Mike disappeared and John has bonded with and treated the boy as his own. So the court decides that John is now the legal father to Mike's boy.
In short: If you unknowingly raise someone else's kid as your own, you're stuck with it for the next 18 years.
Lesson to be learned: Be very, very careful about who you date and marry. Trust your gut instinct. Don't lie to yourself. And don't let it get to the level of marriage, and especially pregnancy, unless you honestly have zero doubt about the woman you're with.
And if all else fails, if it's too late and you're in the delivery room right now, reading this, as your wife goes into labor, at least get a paternity test done when the kid comes out and before you start treating it as your own.
First, some background. Women want marriage because it's a legal guarantee, backed by the coercive power of the state, of a man's obligation to her. A man can't pump-and-dump any more. A man can't be found with other mates without serious repercussions. A man must uphold his end of the "bargain".
The responsibilities, and liabilities, of marriage are heightened when kids come into the picture. Once a couple produces children, the ties are enhanced to the point of becoming chains.
In a marriage without kids, a man can't pack up and leave for greener pastures when five years down the road he finds his wife fat, wrinkled, with sagging breasts and a nagging attitude. Not unless he pays up first in divorce.
But when kids are produced, a man incurs an additional lifelong financial and social obligation, enforced by the power of the state, to kids who may sympathize with their mother and hate their father, the man.
We all, as men, more or less understand these principles and risks.
But there's more.
One of the most dangerous concepts that you've never heard of, but MUST CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE, is the legal concept of "parentage by estoppel".
To illustrate what parentage by estoppel is, consider the following realistic hypothetical:
John and Jane Doe are unhappily married and haven't had sex in awhile. John doesn't want to divorce Jane because she'll take a chunk of his assets. John also thinks he still loves her to an extent.
Jane cheats on John with Mike. Jane becomes pregnant with Mike's baby. Jane tells Mike about their child. Mike wants nothing to do with the kid and disappears.
Jane then has sex with John a couple of weeks later after realizing her pregnancy. Jane then lies to John saying that John got her pregnant. John's happy that he is now a proud father.
Fast forward 2 years. Jane has given birth to Mike's healthy baby boy. John, oblivious to the truth, treats the boy as his own. But as the boy grows, he doesn't look anything like John. John and Jane have dark brown hair, but the baby's hair only got lighter and lighter until it's virtually blond. John becomes suspicious, but perhaps of denial or fear, he sits on the issue.
Months pass, until John couldn't take it anymore. He conducts a secret paternity test confirming that he is NOT the father to the boy. He angrily confronts Jane and tells her that he's not going to raise the bastard.
Jane, distraught, goes to court.
HERE IS WHERE YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION.
In court, John exclaims, "It's not my kid. The b!tch lied to me all this time. I've already paid my share of two years with a kid that's not mine! In all that's fair and just, you can't expect me to raise this bastard?!"
The court, following legal principles, rules AGAINST John. John is declared as the legal father by estoppel to the boy. John is now financially, socially, and legally responsible for all 18 years of this bastard's life after having been cheated on and treating the product of Jane's one-night-stand as his own.
The law is sympathetic to the child in this case, and enforces a doctrine known as the "best interests of the child". (Read: Not the best interests of, or what's just for the father). The rationale is that in the best interests of Mike's boy, he must have a father, especially since Mike disappeared and John has bonded with and treated the boy as his own. So the court decides that John is now the legal father to Mike's boy.
In short: If you unknowingly raise someone else's kid as your own, you're stuck with it for the next 18 years.
Lesson to be learned: Be very, very careful about who you date and marry. Trust your gut instinct. Don't lie to yourself. And don't let it get to the level of marriage, and especially pregnancy, unless you honestly have zero doubt about the woman you're with.
And if all else fails, if it's too late and you're in the delivery room right now, reading this, as your wife goes into labor, at least get a paternity test done when the kid comes out and before you start treating it as your own.
