The key to good conversations?

[gimmeyofonenumba]

I find myself when making approaches, or talking to pretty much anyone in general, I will always ask alot of questions, the person will answer with a little, and sometimes i will branch off of what they replied with, or sometimes i'll give a "thats cool" or something like that.

Im starting to notice that people dont really like this kinda conversation, noticed this with some strangers and co-workers. Even though the person and I manage to get a chuckle or something. It can be boring/shallow at times, except im really good at starting thoose small talks.

What I'd like to get across when im talking to people is the type of conversation i have with friends. That conversation is always so awesome, we know how to make each other laugh, keep each other interested and the conversation can go on for quite some time. I dont think i've ever had a conversation with any female or female friends like i do with my buds. One thing i noticed, when you're in a good conversation you dont need to think about what you will ask next, you think about what you will reply back with or how you really feel after he tells his story or something.

The reason i ask for conversation tips, is becaue i've noticed with alot of chicks you need some really strong rapport before they even consider giving you their # and going out. Also with alot of chicks, I'll be talking to them, asking questions like "what school you go to/major/etc" and they will reply back smiling and seem interested, but they wont ask the same for me, and its like they are waiting for the next question.

 

[Centaurion]

Keep the convo focused on the chicks by asking open ended questions, expecially questions that invoke good feelings.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Centaurion
Keep the convo focused on the chicks by asking open ended questions, expecially questions that invoke good feelings.

I second that.

 

[Andrew]

What is your attitude like??

Don't 4get smile smile smile.

 

[Swoop]

Originally posted by Centaurion
Keep the convo focused on the chicks by asking open ended questions, expecially questions that invoke good feelings.

How about examples?

 

[Qmanchoo]

That's because when you're with your "crowd" you know exactly what you like to talk about and what keeps a conversation interesting. There is no social barrier or stigmas holding you back from opening up.

Personally, I like to feel people out first. Especially at work, you never know how someone is going to take something and I only want to talk with people are are socially aware and cool with talking about anything in general.

Most people are not like this. Therefore I don't get to know most people, only the ones I know I'll like.

Just like women.

I like to talk about sexual topics, funny things about peoples relationships, people in the office with funny quirks, crack sexual jokes, make wisecracks, bust balls...you can't do this with everyone. These are the things that make the people I'm interested in know "care" or in otehr wrods "give a ****" about talking to you again.

Find the people who fit your personality and don't be afraid to toss out a few "on the fence" comments to see if peopel bite. If they dont, so what, find someone who will.

Avoid the "where you from, what school did you go to" kinda crap, it's really boring man. Unless you have a good followup that keeps it going...

 

[LionOne]

I agree with Qmanchoo. I want to set the right dynamic and right frames right away. Sometimes the other person is just incompatible to talking to me. But when it clicks it's really great.

But.. It's a totally wrong dynamic where you do the questioning.

Make a rule for yourself not to ask any questions before the other person does. Even when they do you don't have to. Communicating without any questions is fluent. It takes some effort to learn but it's worth it. So instead of asking questions you make statements. They are much stronger.

If you want to know something about the other person think how you can get that information out without asking a question. Sometimes a question can open the good conversation but I myself as a rule ask only one question and take the answer and go on with that. Conversations are all about vibing anyway. If you are interesting then the girl will ask you questions. Sometimes it takes some time to get there but when she does you know that she is interested.

The mindset is that you already know the other person. Think about what kind of questions you ask from your friends and only use them. Asking questions is trying to get rapport too fast and it's uncomfortable most of the time. You just have to earn the rapport not force it.

Some good readings

"A Complete Guide to Conversational Vibing" by Spirit Fingers
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=81511

"Social Intelligence - vibing" by Tyler Durden
http://www.bristollair.com/outergame/skills/socialvibing/